Thursday, August 31, 2006

Jason Wahler's Rebound After LC

Poor Jason isn't doing too well after the breakup with LC. Jason showed up at the music awards with Andy Milonakis. I think they make a great couple. Good for them. It is 2006 afterall!

Ciara Channels Wanda Sykes

I said it from day one and I'll say it again, Ciara totally looks like Wanda Sykes. Both are different ways. Ciara is also at the MTV Music Awards, and I'm stuck here. Booooo to that!

Saint Jennifer Lopez With Swim Cap

Saint Jennifer Lopez arrived with her husband, Marc Anthony, at the MTV Music Awards wearing, what looks to me like, a fitted swim-cap. Her boots could definitely kick my ass and are probably worn just to protect her husband. As much as I pretend to hate, she is hot. I like her best when she's not singing or acting.
Who Shot That Cap!?

Aretha, Busty McChesty Boobs

From the moment I wake up, before I get my blog up, I say a little prayer for boob.

However I NEVER say a little prayer for Aretha boob. Damn! So, here's the scenario. Aretha had to get ready for the Radio One's 25th Anniversary Party and when she did she had to have looked in the mirror...a mirror...anything with some type of reflection. Then, at that point she had to have thought, "ok, great, I look great." At no point did she happen to notice that there were enormous breasts, literally, hanging out of her dress? Seriously, I think she had Ashlee and Jessica Simpson stuffed in there. She should have tucked them under her belt just like every other 75 yr old woman.

Thanks D-Listed for the photo...well not thanks, but thanks

Carolyn, You Bitch!

The right-hand "man" of Sir Donald Trump has been dumped by Sir Donald himself. Poor bland Carolyn has been tossed out on her ass, allegedly, since she is turning into a bigger diva than Mariah Carey. So guess who is going to be filling Carolyn's size 13 shoes? Well, none other than Sir Donald's daughter Ivanka. It is reported that Ivanka is busting out of her shirt in excitement!

I plan on eventually seeing Carolyn on some type of sing with celebrities or dance with celebrities reality show. Tune in!
Who Fired That Biatch!?!

Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin Do the Wave

Similar to when Mr Miagi took Danielson to the beach to teach him endurance and other karate tricks, Lisa Rinna took Harry Hamlin to the beach in Malibu to get him ready for the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars. The biggest tip to Harry? Lookey eye, Harryson, always lookey eye!

What else can we learn from this photo? Lisa and Harry love "ImBringingBloggingBack" Blue! I think it should be a new Crayola Crayon color.

Eva Longoria: Can You Hear Me Now?

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are hanging out and having a little lunch at Cafe Midi in Beverly Hills 90210. Tony dressed like a typical basketball player and Eva took down her shower curtain, wrapped it around her, and tossed on some sandals.

Both being on the cell phone, sitting nearly inches from each other look very important. By the way, do cell phones still have antennas?

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Jenn Aniston's Boobs Are Looking At Me!

...and you know what? I'm looking at them!

Jennifer Aniston hasn't been seen too much lately, but here she is leaving a Santa Monica recording studio. What in the hell could she be recording? She always looks good. Her boobs always look good. It's a perfect match!

Laguna Beach Gossipy Christmas Recap

Oh that's right, it's Christmas in Laguna Beach. As if the show isn't a gift in itself! The "good girls" are having a nice little x-mas party and the "bad girls" are crashing it. Clearly, Cami can crash any party since she is similar to the Kool-Aid guy. Moving on, Rocky (really?) has a new boyfriend that all the girls screamed over like they were 17 yr old girls. Oh yeah, they are.

Next up, the "bad girls" have a party and the "good girls" toss around the idea of crashing it. In the meantime Rocky heads out on a date with her new boyfriend, who looks a little like Alfred E. Neuman.

At the "bad girls" party Cami loses about 40 calories running her mouth about everyone and their mother. Good for her, she'll be in great shape before you know it! Cameron ends up leaving the part in a huff after Kyndra made a big deal out of Jessica calling Cameron. Did I mention how much I love that Jessica is still kicking around this season? Well, I do.

Fast-forward to Cameron having lunch, at an outdoor 50's diner (mad tacky), with crazy-pants Jessica. Isn't Jessica like 40 by now? Then, here is the BEST LINE EVER.....Jessica says to Cameron, "Would you be sad if I died?" AWESOME. Just when you think that Jessica, again, hit the tilt on the crazy meter she busts right through with more ragtime bullshit spewing out of her mouth. Personally, I hope Jessica stays on the show for 15 more seasons and becomes their "den mothers." By the way, after Jessica made that sentence the episode ended. I hope she's alive for the next episode!

As always, here is what I learned from this episode:

  • How many times can they talk about Chase and say the phrase, "the band"
  • Cami and Kyndra trying to "count" friends is comical. It was definitely a task for them
  • The guys are still wearing jeans while they are playing catch with a football on the basketball court. Seriously?
  • Cami seems to "jingle her bells" in every scene she is in
  • Cami gets pissed when people she doesn't know call her "dirty." Do you really need to know her to call her that or think that she's dirty?
  • Kyndra's house is sick!
  • Jessica show more signs of crazy
  • I wish I was in Laguna Beach for Christmas. Ho's-ho's-ho's!

Link You, Link Me, Link it For Always

Before I set up my link-a-palooza, I wanted to thank everyone for all their great support. Even the hate mail makes my day! Everyone that has been commenting has been awesome and I encourage you do to even more, so we can make this into one giant dysfunctional community!

But do me a favor, leave me your name. Anonymous is so impersonal and I would love to get to know all of you better. For example, "Mattisfaction" is hysterical and I can always look forward to his comments. But some of the others filed under "anonymous" I have no clue who you guys are and would love to know. Even feel free to send me your pictures and I can start adding them to this kick-ass blog. Add a little shout out in your picture about ImBringingBloggingBack and you can almost bet that it will make it on here.

Finally, what other type of things would you like to see on here? Let me beat those of you to the punch who will request that I get of the Internet. It ain't (ai-not) gonna happen.


Now that I'm off my soapbox, check out these other siggity-sites:

~Trent is having a blast at the VMA's and I am sick with jealousy....I'll be there next year! ~ PinkistheNewBlog

~Do Denise and Heather want to make up? ~ PopBytes

~Paula Abdul is sluuuuuring her way onto television ~ MollyGood

~Did Suri Cruise already win the shit award? ~ SpankCheeks

~Beyonce shows a little bit of the nippy-nipperson ~ Yeeeah!

~Owen all pasty in a bathing suit ~ PopSugar

John Travolta Kisses Men on the Lips

I don't make this stuff up, I just report it. Johnny-Pants Travolta has been spotted giving a pecker on the lips of some male companion getting on a plane. What's the big deal? Doesn't everyone kiss the flight attendant goodbye when you get off the plane? Hell, I've felt a few up!

Everyone is going to start freaking out over this photo. But, do you really think that if Johnny-
Pants was trying to hide his sexuality he would do something like that out in the open?
On a runway?

If this rumor that has been going on for years is actually true, I don't think that dude is ready for that jelly.

Who Shot that Peck!?!

Yahoo! Plus Jessica Equals Brilliance

So by now everyone knows that Jessica Simpson has laryngitis and was ordered by her doctor not to sing and speak. Well, with the everyone in town for the music awards, what's Jessica to do?

So, the plan is for her to hold up witty signs. Jessica aside, I think this is a brilliant brand promotion from Yahoo!. I mean, give her some signs strategically placed with Yahoo! logos and you have yourself a win-win situation. Now, if only I could get Jessica to hold up a "ImBringingBloggingBack" sign. I would be set! That's it...I'm making signs and heading to NYC.

Britney Finally Looks Like a Normal Mom

Ok guys brace yourself. Yes, I actually think that Britney Spears looks good in this picture. I mean, she doesn't look insanely good, but she looks like a normal pregnant mom.

It's rumored that Britney may actually be going to the MTV Music Awards tomorrow. If she does, I'm sure there will be some insanity following her. I predict she shows up in a "moon-man" outfit with platform sandals. Go with it.

Danity Kane Hits Numero Uno

While I have yet to hear one song on the radio by Danity Kane (MTV's Making the Band 3) there seems to be a large enough audience out there who has. This week, Danity Kane has the Number 1 Album in the country selling 234,000 units.

Now, let's talk numbers. When dividing that by the members of the group they must be just pushing right above minimum wage. I hope these girls work out some side promotions, endorsements, and tricks (if needed). My advice, not like they asked, would be to bank and save every last dime they make from this. There is a good chance that the money will peace out sooner, rather than later. I definitely wish them the best, but don't want to see them on The Surreal Life next season.

My personal favorite is Aubrie. I don't even care that she was portrayed as the worst singer of the group, she's the hottest....just keep that makeup on please.

Colin Farrell Plays "Restraining Order"

My pal Colin Farrell (he doesn't know me) finally got that restraining order he was looking for against Dessarae Bradford, who has been showing up all over the place and claims that Colin was stalking her.

Dessarae confronted Colin during a taping of The Tonight Show and actually walked right up on stage to do so, a la Jerry Springer. Obviously, they never aired that portion, but it freaked out it should!

The restraining order is valid for 3-years and orders Dessarae to stay at least 150 away from Colin, his 2-yr old son, and the mother of his son.

Run Colin, run!!!!
Who Restrained What!?!

Bono is the (old) Man!

Bono was recently vacationing in Saint Tropez, France for some sun, fun, and locals. I'm glad he is dressed to be hanging out at the beach! You can never be too safe when it comes to the sun.
While Bono totally kicks ass and is such a rock icon, I can't help but to think that he really is starting to look a bit old to me. Maybe because I'm getting older too? He kinda looks like that crazy old guy at the beach that has the metal detector and a six pack of Grape Crush and feeds the seagulls and yells at little kids because their Frisbee landed on his blanket.

Is it just me that thinks this?

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Jessica May Be Showing John Mayer This

Looks like these boots will be made for knocking again for Jessica Simpson. People Magazine is reporting that Jessica Simpson is now dating John Mayer.

A secret squirrel source for People has said, "She's never been happier."

Good for her. Bad for me. Dude, John Mayer...really? I think I would have totally had a chance with her. I'm sure I'll get some shiznit for this, but isn't going from Nick Lachey to John Mayer kinda like going from Brad Pitt to Matthew Lillard?

Oh No, Little Richard, U Get UR Own Post!

Seriously, I was blogging while watching Celebrity Duets and needed to create a new post just about Little Richard. I am addicted to train-wreck television. While I thought this show was going to be horrible, I was......right. BUT, Little Richard is totally the "Paula Abdul" of this show. He seems absolutely crazy, like for real.

First, I don't know if he knows that all of his clothes are 100 sparkled, but they are. Also, he completely has a wet perm. Really.

Everytime Little Richard had to comment, again, I thought he was having a massive stroke. I'm not sure, but I also think that he had no clue that he was on television. He looks creeeeeepy and I love every single minute of it. He needs his very own show.

So, my plan of attack for this season of Celebrity Duets is to Tivo all the episodes and just fast-forward to see what in the hell Little Richard is up to. You have to do this.

Any of you guys see it too? Talk it up pals!

Celebrity Duets Makes Me Nervous!

Celebrity "everything" seems to be taking over. You can watch celebrities lose weight, dance, ice-skate, live on an island, live in a surreal house, etc. Now we get to watch them them sing.

The good news is that we have some actual famous singers in this world who can't sing, so if these celebs can't cut it either we will certainly be prepared.

Simon Cowell is at it again with his terrible British accent and pairing up celebrities to belt out some tunes. So, who's in the Fox train-wreck you ask? Let's list it out baby:
  • Chris Jericho ~ WWE Champion
  • Lucy Lawless ~ Xena Warrior Princess
  • Cheech Marin ~ Cheech and Chong
  • Alfonso Ribiero ~ Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
  • Carly Patterson ~ Olympic Gold Medalist Gymnast
  • Jai Rodriguez ~ Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
  • Hal Sparks ~ Talk Soup/Queer as Folk
  • Lea Thompson ~ Back to the Future

This makes me nervous. What also makes me nervous is who they'll be paired with. Some are Michael Bolton, Taylor Dayne, Macy Gray, Richard Marx, etc. Oh yeah, all A-List, all the time!

However, CLEARLY, the best part of this entire sh!tshow is that one of the judges is Little Richard. Oh yeah, completely him. So far, each time he's opened his mouth I truly thought he was having a massive stroke. God Bless Little Richard and God Bless the USA!

Ivanka Trump Turns Into Chesty McGee

Yowza! When did Ivanka Trump get so top heavy? Chesty Trump was with her brother "Robot Trump" at the MTV Video Music Awards VMA Style Villa picking up their free swag. Clearly, they need the freebies since they don't have enough cash-money to get by. And the rich keep getting richer!

Now, back to Chesty's headlights. I was one of the only people, I think, watching the latest season of The Apprentice, and she was on a few episodes and I definitely don't remember her looking so.....endowed. Good for her!

Since no one else seems to ever talk about them, I'm Bringing Chesty and Robot Trump Back!

P.S I make money jokes out of pure jealously and envy. Two outstanding qualities.

Lindsay Lohan Keeps it Low-Key at The Ivy

When Lindsay really is sick of the paparazzi, she really likes to duck away for a nice quiet dinner. Where does she go, you ask? Well, she heads over to The Ivy on Robertson Blvd in LA!

What better place to "not be seen" than The Ivy! I mean, the paparazzi are only camped out in front of The Ivy day and night waiting for the endless number of celebrities that go in and out of that place.

Now, before I get the tons of hate mail about how she is a person and deserves her privacy...I agree! Just don't go to the place where everyone knows it as a celebrity zoo.

As a side note, the darker hair looks better than then red, in my humble opinion. The only thing that is crazy in this one, is that her dress kinda looks like the tapestry that you would hang on your wall in your college dorm. What? Ok.

Foxy Brown Bitch Slaps a Manicurist

Rapper and Lil Kim spinoff, Foxy Brown, has plead guilty to assaulting two manicurists in NYC back in 2004. Nice diva move! Actually, she plead guilty and then found out she would have to serve 3-years of probation, check in with her probation officer, follow drug testings, and go to anger management classes.

Once that set in, about 20 minutes later Foxy Brown returned back to court and asked the judge if she could change her plea to "innocent."

Awesome! Nothing makes you look more guilty than that! The judge is requiring Foxy to now submit her formal plea in writing. If she is found guilty, sentencing will begin on Oct 23rd.

Good luck! Free Foxy!

Who Objects!?!

Christina Channels the Mad Hatter

Christina Aguietrkadsdopddska shows up at a Hollywood costume party with her husband, Jordan Bratman. No word if the whip she is carrying is part of the costume or came from home.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Charlize Theron Gives a Dog a Bone and Me

Ok, so that was an easy title. Come on, after my brain being fried after the Emmy Awards, it's nice to have an easy layup once in a while.

Anyway, Charlize is playing fetch with a bunch of dogs and looks great with a stick in her hand. Ok, one more. There are a bunch of hot bitches in these photos. Ok and...DONE! How many points did I get for all those pathetic puns and play on words?

Who Shot That Ass!?

This Weeks Crazy Pants: John Mark Karr

Like you even had to guess who would win this one? This week's crazy-pants goes to John Mark Karr. JMK will not be going to jail for the death of JonBenet Ramsey since late-breaking news shows that his DNA did not match what was found on JonBenet.

Now, either way he would have won the award this week, but considering now we know he made this all up, his "crazy factor" really pushes right through the roof.

As a sidenote, JMK will still be held on child porn charges in CA. Good luck buddy. Gross.

Mario Lopez's Ass Gets a Nip Tuck

Holy hell, what will Jesse Spano think? Let alone Mr. Belding! Here's what its come to for Mario Lopez (aka AC Slater). Looks like Mario will have a role on this season's Nip/Tuck on FX. With that said, they waste no time and toss him in the shower for the obligatory "NYPD Blue Shower Ass Scene."

Mario will be playing a plastic surgeon that has some homoerotic experience with Julian McMahon's character. No word yet on what happens or how long Mario will be part of the cast. I'm thinking he won't be on it for that long, as he will also be on Dancing With the Stars.

While a majority of my blog fans are female I think you'll get a kick out of this....and some of my male readers too. Hope you enjoyed, as me cutting and pasting these pictures are more than me being committed to this job, haha!

Who Shot That Ass?!?!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

The IBBB "Almost Emmy" Awards

In ceremonies that were not held earlier tonight, I held the first and last annual "ImBringingBloggingBack Almost Emmy Awards." Here are some new categories they should consider for next year:

And the "Huh?" award goes to... Cheryl Hines!

And the "Hello Knockers!" award goes to...Virginia Madsen:

And the "Why the Hell is She Here" award goes to....Tracey Gold!

And the "Best Use of a Trash Bag" award goes to....Tyra Banks!

And the "Best Clown Face" award goes to.....Portia De Rossi

And the "So Hot I Need to Touch Myself" award goes to....Heidi Klum!

Special thanks go to all the winners and GettyImages for the photos.

Emmy Award Winners Without Losers

(continued from part one...b/c who really cares about some of the other categories...)

Lead Actor in a Comedy: Tony Shalhoub - Monk
My Thought: Steve Carell - The Office

Really? Is Monk even on anymore?

Best Reality Show: The Amazing Race
My Thought: American Idol

I mean come on, it's a rating juggernaut! I would have voted for Paradise Hotel if it were still on the air!

Lead Actress in a Drama: Mariska Hargitay

Lead Actress in a Comedy: Julia Louis Dreyfus - The Old Adventures of New Christine
My Thought: Lisa Kudrow - The Comeback

Say peace out to the Seinfeld Curse!

Lead Actor in a Drama: Kiefer Sutherland - 24
My Thought: Kiefer Sutherland

Best Comedy Series: The Office
My Thought: The Office

Best Drama - 24
My Thought: The Sopranos

Source it up!

Emmy Awards Recap 1

Well, another year of Emmy Awards has come and gone. I know, dry your eyes. Hosted for the second time by Conan O'Brien, he kicked it off with a "Lost" spoof that even included the famous "hatch" and dropped right into "The Office." From there he ended up in an episode of "24", "House", "South Park", (that included a "come out of the closet" joke featuring Tom Cruise), and "DateLine: To Catch a Predator" with Chris Hanson. Not too shabby, not too great. The best part of the opening, was Conan's song about how NBC was in 4th place in the network race and how they were screwed. I'm surprised NBC allowed this since the Emmy's were on NBC.

Buckle up people, here is the wrap up:

Supporting Actress in a Comedy: Megan Mullally - Will and Grace
My Thought: Megan Mullally

Supporting Actor in a Drama: Alan Alda - The West Wing
My Thought: Michael Imperioli - The Sopranos

Supporting Actress in a Drama: Blythe Danner - Huff
My Thought: Candace Bergin

Blythe sounded a bit crazy during her speech and even forgave Showtime for canceling the show that she just won for. Nice move Showtime!

Supporting Actor in a Comedy: Jeremy Piven - Entourage
My Thought: Jeremy Piven

Jeremy got a little teary eyed when thanking his father. Seems like a nice enough guy.

Best Variety, Music, or Comedy: The Daily Show
My Thought: The Daily Show

Hmmm, not a funny speech like I thought.

Guest Actor/Actress in a Comedy: Leslie Jordan/Cloris Leachman
My Thought: Alec Baldwin/Blythe Danner

Now, it's time to honor Dick Clark, which is a little scary because he's still alive. I'm never really comfortable with the tributes when the person is alive. Don't jinks it! Nevertheless (bonus points for that big word), Dick Clark got a well deserved standing ovation. He did look a little thin and his speech was a little slurred, but it was great to see him. He still looks young and still has a full head of hair (the important things)! Then...Barry Manilow performed a little ditty. Barry will be getting hip surgery tomorrow. This concludes our nursing home portion of the recap. This segment was sponsored by Metamusil and Oscal.

Thanks to Getty Images for the photos!

Tina Barta from MTV's RoadRules and Me

Without tooting my own horn, I've been receiving a ton of emails from ImBringingBloggingBack fans telling me I'm the perfect mix between Trent and Perez...and straight!

Another difference between us is that they hang with real celebrities and I mix it up with "fauxlebrities." Which brings me to my story. Last night I hung out with Tina from MTV's Road Rules and recently, "Fresh Meat" Road Rules/Real World Challenge. Well, "hung out" may be kinda strong. We sat next to each other in the VIP section of a bar in Boston.

Before I start this story, I must warn you, there's a chance I will tell this story like a 14 year old girl.

Surprisingly she was actually pretty cool, although she was drinking champagne. I decided that it was my place to tell her that this wasn't the type of place to drink champagne, but she said that she only drinks champagne now and that real guys shouldn't be cheap and buy it by the glass, but by the bottle. Thanks for the tip Tina!

Later in the night, after she told me I was very cute and would find a nice girl one day, Tina kept on asking this girl I was with if she had a boyfriend and that she knows that she makes more money than any boyfriend this girl would have. Classy. Moments later she told this girl that if she was in her house she could only wear thongs and other sexy lingerie. Clearly, this was my favorite part of the conversation.

We ended the night by taking some pictures, but I was not in any of them, as Tina seemed more interested in the girl I was with than me.

That's right people! This is hard-hitting journalism at its finest. I also had about 3,000 beers last night, so my "hard-hitting" questions were limited. Oh well, next time.

Finally, there will be many of you who say "who cares" and "I suck", as well as "I was stupid to not ask her anything about her show." My answer to all of these and more is "I agree with you." I am big into " " now.

Dear Tina - if you ever end up reading this, drop me a line and send those pictures!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Britney: Just Like Every Pregnant Lady

Look, even I think that Britney deserves a break every once in a while, but when she walks around in getups like that I have a hard time looking the other way, for a variety of reasons.

First, what pregnant mother wears maternity clothes like that? Are those even maternity clothes? Actually, I think that's the same outfit Britney wore when she technically became pregnant....if you know what I mean.

Britney is all boobs and legs (horse legs) in this outfit. Now, this would be a good thing if she wasn't pregnant, but I don't want to see it when she's "with child." Head over to the Baby Gap and pick yourself up some sweatpants and t-shirt maternity clothes like every other pregnant chick in the world. Wear the outfit you have on now exactly 6 months after you give birth. Thanks for your cooperation.

Heather Locklear Has "Mom Face"

Well folks, it was only a matter of time before the mask came off and I was shown the real up-to-date Heather Locklear. It's a sad day for me really. Now I know that Heather is getting up there in age, but still looks great. However, she totally has "mom face" now. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it's really hitting me that she's getting older and no longer can be viewed the same way that I did when she was on Melrose Place.

I'm going to need a moment.

Friday, August 25, 2006