Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Saint Jennifer Lopez Does the Bitchslap

***My open commentary and thoughts on the life of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony***

You dare to try and outsing/outperform/outdance/outbreathe one Saint Jennifer Lopez? Well then you better get ready to take the beating of your life. Poor little elf-like Marc Anthony just wanted to do a little song with Saint Jennifer Lopez and BAMMM! He gets bitchslapped right across the face. Marc should have known he would get the bitchslap because the same thing happens when dinner is late or even when he didn't have the laundry done on time. Oh yeah, then he has to go to work with slap marks all over his face and when his coworkers ask him what happened, he's all, "Uhhhhhh, I slipped and fell and hit the door knob by accident." Yeah Marc, we know the drill. How many doors have you walked into in the past 2 years. Keep trying to outperform J. Lo and your next "accident" will involve you accidentally "answering the iron."

And where the hell are these two performing anyway? I can only guess they must be either at the half time show on "Sabado Gigante" or they're in a skit on one of the "tela novellas." What could they possibly be singing? Is "My Love Don't Cost a Thing" or "You Sang to Me" still on the charts? Have they finally bumped "I Will Always Love You" out of the top 10? Doubtful.

What do you do if you're Ben Affleck? I mean one minute you're ontop of the world (and J. Lo's ass, which clearly is the same thing) and then next minute you're being replaced by Marc Anthony. Really? No wonder Ben turned to drinking. Well it's either from that or his string of bad movies. But, I'll cut him some slack being from Boston and all.

In closing, please be careful Marc Anthony. Saint Jennifer Lopez has fists of fury and you have a big bulls-eye right on your face...just below your big nose and right above your spaced out teeth...just to left of your wet permed mullet. Yeah, right there. You found it. DUCK!


Anonymous said...

Better Marc anthony than Ben affleck.That little chihuahua needs to get bitch slapped.

Lori said...

Gross! Look at his fugly hands. He must have a great personality and/or be good in bed, because :::gag:::...