Monday, October 02, 2006

Scarlett J, Biggest Sexpot Alive


What? Oh she didn't win that title? Ohhhhh. Well runner up isn't bad either. However, according to Esquire Magazine, Scarlett Johansson is the sexiest woman alive. I'm in the process of checking the figures, but I believe Diane Keaton came in 334th place, just after the late and great Ethel Mertz.

Did you know that Scarlett is only 21? Girls totally didn't look like that when I was 21, maybe because they were all busy smoking and drinking in bars across Boston singing along to Bon Jovi's, "Living on a Prayer"...and then puking in those same bars. Yup. That will really take a toll on you.

Inside Esquire Magazine Scarlett asked the question to end all questions to show her gratitude for such an honor. And I quote, "What about my brain? What about my heart? What about my kidneys and my gallbladder?"

Let me take a moment to answer her question. Honey, I can't see your brain or your heart (at least not without an MRI or Xray machine) therefore I do not want to have sex with those things. In regards to your kidneys and gallbladder, you are really doing your best to try and turn off your male readers. However, if National Geographic magazine ever runs a "Sexiest Intestines Alive" contest, I will be sure to enter your name and Xray photos.

Congratulations on such an honor. If you listen carefully right now I believe you can actually hear the world imploding. Nice job.

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