Friday, November 03, 2006

Beyonce Sing-Dumps Your Ass



Beyonce is so "sing dumping" your ass! Beyonce has a new song out, "Irreplaceable" which actually sounds nothing like a normal Beyonce song. I mean first, there are no sirens going off in the background, like in "Ring the Alarm" which always made me feel like we were under a major nuclear terrorist attack. I've been on code red since Ring the Alarm made it's way onto the air. Her new song may sound different, but one thing remains the same; Beyonce is angry! I don't know who is the angriest singer, Beyonce or Kelly Clarkson? What is there to be so angry at? You're rich! Doesn't money make everything better? Wait, it does doesn't it?

Beyonce has an art for what I like to call "Conversation Singing." What "conversation singing" basically is is literally having a conversation with someone, but adding a beat to it. You're going to have to get a little more creative than that Beyonce, besides just singing about your grocery list and breaking up with someone. Anyway, let's look at a few sample lyrics from her new song:

To the left, to the left
To the left, to the left,
Everything you own in a box to the left.
In the closet that's my stuff,
Yes if I bought it, baby, please don't touch.
And keep talking that mess, that's fine,
But could you walk and talk at the same time,
And yes that's my name that's on that Jag,
So remove your bags, let me call you a cab.


Seriously, the next time some girl dumps me I totally want her to do it by singing. Sure it will hurt a bit and I'll be sad, but I think the beat of the song will really lift my spirits. And with the whole, "to the left, to the left" I would totally end up walking in circles around the apartment. And with the whole, "yes if I bought it, please don't touch," yeah thanks "mom." My parents pulled that line on me when I was little and threatened to run away. I started to pack my things and they told me that they bought all that so I had to leave it behind. My parents were years beyond Beyonce! And "no" I can't walk and talk at the same time because not only are you dumping my ass, but you're singing and I can't concentrate. I mean, do I go to the left or do I call a cab. It's confusing!

Anyway, the song is actually pretty good and will probably end up winning a Grammy and I'll still be sitting here blogging. The rich keep getting richer and the assholes keep getting assholier (??).

2 comments:

hanbak said...

lol...i just wanted to let u kno that this post alone just got u added to my favourites

Anonymous said...

wait, first she wont let me leave because she can't stand losing her "chinchilla coats and VVS stones" and now she's dumping my ass? girlfriend's confused!