Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Harriet Carter and Her Surprise Box!

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday everyone! This weeks look into, my favorite, Harriet Carter catalog will provide an overview of "things you can wear" or "use to wear." Yes, both of those needed to be in quotes. Let's dive right in.

Photo # 1 - To you like to eat? A lot? Do you like to eat a lot and not exercise? Me too! Are you also cheap? Lazy? Me too! Well, Harriet Carter was thinking of fat, cheap, lazy me when she added this product to her catalog. Now you don't have to waste time worrying about dumb diets or buying bigger clothes, just stretch out your pants with this pants stretcher, fat-ass! I mean nothing will look better once you're done using this product like the stretched out waste around your $10.00 pants. Throw away the belts while you're at it and go back up to the "all you can eat" buffet and grab yourself 2 slices of cake. Thanks for making America fat, Harriet!

Photo # 2 - Feel like spending some time outdoors and scaring the piss out of the neighborhood children? Are you also terrified of Triple E? Now you add this attractive mesh net that covers not only your shirt, but also your entire head too! Lucky for you, Harriet is also letting us know that pants are available too. If you're not into the outdoors this is also practical for kidnappers too. All you need to do is slowly drive by a kid and toss this "net pants-suit" over your victim and PRESTO, you have yourself a new member to your family. It's not too early for someone to buy this entire outfit for me for Christmas.

Photo # 3 - Druken sluts holler at me! Harriet Carter loves to make stupid and pointless statements all the time. Did you make a total ass out of yourself at the company holiday party? Spend a little too much time with your gentleman friend in the bar bathroom last night? Well, now as you sleep off your hangover you can let everyone know one thing: "Do Not Disturb - Last Night's Cocktail Queen!" Wow you are soooo crazy and by wearing this sleep mask makes you AWESOME! I say they should really have two of these, one that's for the town drunk and the other that's for the town slut. All you would need to do for the town slut is take the word "tail" out of the word "cocktail" and there you have it. Let everyone know what you were really up to last night. Thanks Harriet, skank.

Photo # 4 - And last but certainly not least is Harriet Carter's Surprise Box! I literally had to look at this one about 15 times before I realized that it wasn't a joke. You can actually buy 3 boxes of "something" and have no clue what's actually inside. Isn't that fun? No. It sounds horrific. However, I raise a challenge to all of you IBBB readers out there. Buy these surprise boxes and give them to important people in your life. Imagine the look on everyones faces when your boss opens up his "chocolate thong" by Harriet Carter or your great-grandmother opens up her "I'm Spending Christmas With Jesus This Year" ornament! The memories will be endless! Perhaps my favorite part of this gift is the description that's next to it. It actually says, and I quote, "Ever wonder what becomes of our discontinued products? We pack them in surprise boxes!" I CAN'T even imagine what would be considered "discontinued" considering everything else that's in the catalog is "not discontinued." Oh the crap that must be filled in those surprise boxes! I'm totally getting one now.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Here's my plan. The suprise box contains lots of liquor....you know the real cheap shit that gets you messed up before you know it. Get your fat bloated ass into your best pair of 501's and put the mesh top on (no undershirt necessary). Act like a complete drunken whore, but still cling to your innocence by waking up with a cute little mask to hide the fact that you should actually kill yourself.