Friday, September 29, 2006

Friday's Crazy: Sharon Stone!


Well it is Friday, so what better day to name a crazy quite like today. Congratulations Sharon Stone! Similar to my previous post of Liz Taylor and Brooke Shield, Sharon Stone was at the same event and took it upon herself to grab a guitar and start singing and "playing." It must be a real hoot to be absolutely nuts!

Brooke Shields Laughs at Liz Taylor


Oh come on Brooke! She's an old lady for God sakes! Brooke and Liz Taylor are at "Macy's Passport 2006 Cocktail Party and Show." Brooke has that look on her face like you typically get when your elderly parents say something so awkward in front of company that you have to do that kinda fake smile/laugh and pretend it never happened. You're almost saying with that smile, "I know, she's old. She doesn't really get it. Bare with me, it will all be over soon." Or something like that.

Others celebrities at attendance for this party, besides wheelchair bound Liz, include Diddy, Jimmy Smitts, and Sharon Stone....you know, you're complete cluster f*ck list of random celebrities.

Who Shot Liz!?!

Link a Little Link of Me


Happy Friday! Besides my brilliant banter, stop by some of these other sites for some additional celebrity gossip, although never as good as mine.

~ Kate Beckingsale Wears a Trash Bag ~ Yeeeah!

~ Anna Nicole Richie ~ CelebritySmack

~ Owen Wilson Serenades Kate Hudson ~ CityRag

~ Beyonce Has a Filthy Mouth ~ PopBytes

~ Paris, a Black Wig, and Travis Barker All a Couple? ~ HollyScoop

~ Orlando and Penelope Cruz on the Tizown ~ TheSuperficial

Paris Gets on the Banana---Seat


While enjoying her time in Amsterdam yesterday (with reported new boyfriend Travis Barker...really?) Paris Hilton decided to not tempt fate by hoping into a car and instead opted for a bike to buzz around town. Personally, I figured she would have used her broom stick, but maybe that is just too old school for Paris. Can you get an additional DUI for riding a bike while drunk?

Who Shot That Bike!?!

Victoria Beckham Has Two More Kids


With all the rumors that were circulating that claimed Poshtoria was pregnant, who knew she actually had two more kids that no one really knew about? And by "kids" I'm clearly talking about her knockers, which I've lovingly named, "Scary" and "Sporty."

I actually wish that her boobs were even bigger and would eventually migrate north, up towards her face, so they would cover her miserable mug. She always looked so pissed. Maybe I'll change her name to Pisstoria...not sure yet.

Beside her "kids on parade," my favorite part of this is the wannabe chick behind Pisstoria (see I decided to change it for now) who is just busy walking and grabbing her crotch. Classy.

An Olsen: Like School On Sunday, No Class


I'm not going to lie, I don't know which Olsen this is. I mean, is it the skinny one or the skinny one? Who can tell? Let me tell ya, there's nothing sexier than a troll doll with red lipstick and Miss Piggy sunglasses walking up the street with a cigarette hanging out of its mouth...Especially when that cigarette isn't even lit.

I wish "fill in the blank" Olsen remembered when Papooli died on that very special episode of Full House. You see, Papooli had a heart attack and never made it to Michelle Tanner's school to show her a special Greek dance. Michelle looks right at Uncle Jesse and asks him if it's ok to cry.

You know what Michelle? No, it isn't ok to cry, you little bitch. Toughen up and do the dance yourself. You wanna smoke cigarettes? Good, smoke 'em. You'll end up just like your dear old Papooli and I'll ship your ass back to Greece too!

Yeah, sometimes I can't distinguish between reality and TV characters. Oh well, it's more fun this way.

Horrible American Idol Reunion




Ever wonder what happened to some of your old favorite American Idol contestants from yesteryear? Well, wonder no longer my friends! All of those wild and zany American Idol cats were huddling up at the "American Idol Rewind cocktail Party" at the Spyder Club in LA. In my opinion the Spyder Club is a bit of a dump, but people still really seem to like it.

Anyway, all the regulars were there like Kimberly, Carmen, Vonzelle, Justin, Brian, RJ, Nikki, Elisha, and more. No, I don't think they're cool enough to just call them by their first names, but I'm too tired to hunt down what their last names are. Just trying to match up their first name with the above pictures is a real hoot to do anyway!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Matty Mc: Male Pattern Cameltoe


I'm not 100% positive, but I think, I think, it is never acceptable for a man to wear spandex in public. It may also be in bible too. I'll have to double check. Yep, it was in there.

First I want to say what an honor it was to have been able to report on cameltoe twice in one week! Moving on, "Exhibit A" shows Matty Mc with what I am now calling "Male Pattern Cameltoe." By IBBB definition that would be: Middle aged men who cram all their business into spandex shorts only to finally suffer from cameltoe. You should check Webster's dictionary, as my definition is sure to make it in there one day.

Exhibit B shows your very typical "junk in the trunk," which I guess it better than having "junk in the hood" (i.e. Britney Spears). Look, if you want to go biking and feel the need to wear spandex because your competing professionally (??), that's one thing, but do it in the privacy of your own home. Yeah, that's right. Ride your bike around your kitchen table 3,000 times in order to equal one mile. I've done it. It's not that bad.

To all my male readers, please don't let "Male Pattern Cameltoe" claim you too. Let's all work together to try to get a cure.

Who Shot That Camel!?!

Britney and Christina Make Up Not Out


How to you stop years of useless feuding? Well, large sums of money of course! Christina Aguoereaksdlamdasa allegedly bought Britney's new baby, SPF2, a $570 gift bag. Inside this pot of gold gift included a hooded towel, overalls, slippers, and a crockery set.

Wow, that's a nice gift, but definitely not worth $570. What a great friend! The most my friends ever give is a beer...maybe a Vodka Tonic if it's my birthday or the holidays. I'm glad that these two have finally made up. I mean it doesn't matter about past feuds or name calling because when it really comes down to it Christina and Britney have one common ground: Skanky White Trash. Yeah, that's right. Sluts of the world unite!

No word yet if Christina's husband plans to get Parliament Lights and a 40 of Schlitz for Kevin Bottom Feederline.

Who Claims This!?!

Anna Nicole Marries Howard Stern?


Less than accurate Star Magazine is reporting that Anna Nicole and Howard K. Stern got married today in Nassau, Bahamas. Allegedly, an "eye-witness" saw them get married while sailing on a white catamaran that was surrounded by tight security and visited by suppliers who delivered champagne to Anna, who was wearing a pink bathing suit.

Hmmm, who knows if this is true. I mean everyone deals with things differently, but I'm not quite sure I would be able to get married so shortly have a devastating death.

I'll keep you posted on this one.

Jessica Biel's Public Toilet?


Hot damn I love my photoshop skills! I mean they are totally at the level of a middle-schooler and I am quite proud of that! See how I added the toilet, toilet paper, and women's room sign? Oh yes. Pure brilliance! I don't care what they say, it totally looks like Jessica Biel is about to do either #1 or #2 right there on the street. Ok, so she is with her personal trainer from the other day and is working out, but still. I think my scenario is much better than the her just boringly working out. By the way, do you think that dude can feel the wedgie?

Hey Julia, Good to See You


Julia is just buzzing around town and heading to a meeting. Well, that's what People Magazine seems to think. I've never gone to a meeting dress that informal, but hey I'm not Julia Roberts. It is good to see her though. I feel like I haven't seen her since she was food shopping in like July. I am glad that we do get to see her bra right through that tanktop. Real nice Julia. You're a mother for God sakes! Ok so it's not that bad. There just isn't really anything else to say about her at this point. Do a movie damn it!

Laguna Beach Gossip and Less!


Back by popular demand is my "two cents" on last night's Laguna Beach. Buckle up kids. So, it was "formal night" for the wacky youngsters on Laguna Beach and it was time for everyone's favorite tradition: The Girls Find Ways to Ask the Guys to the Formal. And you know what that means? The girls go to complete ridiculous extremes to surprise their guys. However, these schemes are lacking this year as compared to the last two years desperate attempts. For example, Kyndra literally just wrote on the inside of a pizza box, "Will you go with me?" for her date. Ghetto. Then we have Lexi and her friends who put pink confetti paper all over her dates truck and wrote over his windows with a pink bingo dobber (yeah good idea jackass). Her friend rang the doorbell and ran away while Lexi stood behind the pink ribbon. When her date came outside, Lexi VERY awkwardly tore away the pink ribbon like she was at a ribbon cutting ceremony and asked her date to go with her. Finally, you have white trash Rocky. Yeah that's right I said it. I went there. She is. She totally seems like the fake blonde Lindsay Lohan. Rocky had a picnic waiting on the beach for her boyfriend and had a ghetto speech prepared. Tool.


Here's the best part of the entire episode for me. They TOTALLY 100% made the scenes from the dance just like the 90210 Prom, where they used like personal video camera footage and people yelled into the camera, etc. It was very reminiscent of 90210 from like 10 years ago, which brings me to my next point. I'm getting old. You know how I know? So all season they are all talking about "who hooked up with who" and "I hooked up with so and so." I was totally thinking, wow what sluts for being like 16. Well, I think I cracked the code. I think "hooked up" means just kissing somebody. One of the skanks mentioned hooking up with someone on the dance floor. Back in my day "hooking up" meant a little more than kissing if you know what I mean. Say it only if you mean it girls. Don't be little teases!

In closing, I was very disappointed that Cami didn't take this dance opportunity to have her knockers hanging out of her dress as she usually does in each episode. I was also disappointed that Jessica wasn't there to crash the formal and throw pigs blood on Cameron's date. Uggggh, I miss season 1 and 2. The good old days.

Oh well, keep slutting it up girls. You're halfway through the season. God bless.

The Stuff Style Awards




So when Stuff Magazine decides to throw an awards party you'd think that they would get some decent celebrities to stop on by. Nope. However, you know that Mena Suvari wouldn't miss a chance to show off her bowl-cut-mullet and horrible taste in clothes to any camera that would capture her. Again, I hate to be repetitive, but her haircut is literally the haircut of choice for every single girl who was in my 2nd grade class.

Who Shot That Stuff!?!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Sanchez, Screech Sanchez


For the love of all that is good and holy in this world! Well it looks like Dustin Diamond, more commonly known as Screech Powers from Saved By the Bell, may be in his very own sex tape! Now, all together....GROOOOOSSSSSSS!

So, if you're "Screech" you're clearly no Colin Farrell, or dare I say it, Tommy Lee. So how do you really seperate yourself in your own sex tape from these other dudes? Well that's simple. Two words: Dirty Sanchez. Yeah! Everyone's favorite Sanchez; Dirty.

Dustin Diamond allegedly is with two other girls in this tape. You think it's Jesse and Lisa? Dustin was on MJ morning radio show and while he didn't say it was him in the video, he also said it could be him as he has had some fun with video in the past.

Dude. Mr. Belding is going to be so pissed he missed it! If you want to check out a preview of this horrific video, check out from my friends at TMZ.com

Victoria Beckham Has Teeth, No Really!


I know. I know. Yes, Poshtoria is actually showing her teeth. Yes. Teeth. As she was shopping in Rome just the other day you almost get the feeling that she wants to smile. You definitely see teeth, so I assumed she was attempting to smile, but alas, she could not go through with it.

As a sidenote, she is also dressed like a complete horses-ass. I feel like she kinda looks like a "news-boy" circa 1927 when everyone was named "Mugsy" and stole large pieces of ice off the icetruck as it traveled down cobblestone Knickerbocker Lane. Still with me? Ok, well to sum up she looks like an idiot. While it is lesbian-sporty-spice-chic, it doesn't suit her well. Ellen, yes. Poshtoria. No.

Who's The NewsBoy!?!

Oh JoJo, You Little Minx!


As sad as this is, one of my most popular posts since I started this crazy little blog was my "Open Letter to JoJo." I got more emails on that one than any other post I've created. Now don't get me wrong, I also get a lot of emails any time I seem to post about anything relating to "cameltoe." There are a lot of crazy-ass people out there and I'm glad you all share my excitement on the topic. As a random factoid, I also get a lot of people to IBBB when they search on the word "boobs" on blogsearch. Therefore, I've decided that I am very well-rounded.

Ok, so back to JoJo. She is out and about promoting her new CD and stopped my good old TRL today so sing a little song. You may have heard of it? It's called, "Too Little, Too Late." Currently it's # 3 on the Billboard Top 200. Seriously, this song is on the radio all the live long day! Ok, ok, so it's catchy. Little JoJo is only like 14 and is making more money than I'll probably make in a lifetime of turning tricks on Comm Ave in Boston.

If you would like to relive the glory of "My Open Letter to JoJo" just give a little click right...HERE

Who Shot JoJo!?!

Tarrell Owens to Take Dirt Nap?


Did Tarrell Owens try to take a dirt nap or not? Earlier today a police report stated that paramedics had asked Owens if he finished if he had taken a bottle of 35 pills, to which Owens confirmed and even confirmed that he tried to harm himself.

This story was definitely the talk of the day, but as the hours passed, Tarrell Owens held a press conference to which he denied the suicide attempt and also claimed that the "35 pills" were absurd. Tarrell also said that "no" he isn't depressed.

So what in the hell happened? Is T.O the Mariah Carey of the NFL? What ever happened to the simpler days of pills and booze? Now people are just going overboard. It's people like T.O who make the rest of us just focus on pills OR booze. Thanks for ruining it for everyone Tarrell!

Click Links or The Hoff Gets It!


Many other sites have been nice enough to link to my sorry little celebrity blog and it has really opened up my audience, which is great. Please check out their sites as well, but don't you think for one minute that you're going to forget about me! Oh no you don't!

~ The Hoff Calls the Cops ~ Yeeeah

~ Star Jones to Sue, Scares Children...and Some Adults ~ HollyScoop

~ ClayMates Are Freakin Insane! ~ PopBytes

~ Kirsten Dunst Looks Like a Friggin Idiot ~ MollyGood

~ Celebrity Nipple Slip Palooza ~ CityRag

~ Meg Ryan....Ouch! ~ CelebrityMoms

~ Jessica Simpson What Happened? ~ CelebritySmack

Nelly Furtado's Oral Cameltoe??


Hmmm, promiscuous girl indeed! Not only is Nelly Furtado practically rocking the denim cameltoe (a first for cameltoe I think), but it also looks like she is about to go to town on that microphone. Good for her. While I was always a fan of Nelly, I respect her even more so as an "artist" after checking out her "skills." She really brings new meaning to the song "Maneater" and she clearly demonstrates just how she does it.

Yes, my friends, I am 10 years old today. But you know what? Every now and then I need to hit rock bottom of immature. It's more fun that way. Moving on....here Nelly is "singing" it up in NYC at the premiere of new MTV channel; MTV Tres, which is marketed towards the Latino audience. Ole!

Donna Martin Knocked Up?


Yes, as always, there are reports that Tori Spelling is pregnant. This photo kinda makes her look like she may be pregnant and that may explain why she was at KFC just a week or two ago. I highly doubt Tori typically eats there!?

Tori will also be appearing in the TV series, which I didn't know was even still on, "Smallville." Apparently Tori will be the "villain of the week."

I say if they really wanted to get the ratings up they would have Tori play "Donna" on Smallville and reenact the episode of 90210 where the kids chanted, "Donna Martin graduates, Donna Martin Graduates!" I'd totally watch it then!

Who Shot Tori!?!

Howard Stern is Anna Nicole's Baby's Dad?


Ok, well not that Howard Stern you are thinking of, but the other Howard Stern...Anna Nicole's lawyer. Howard K. Stern appeared on Larry King and announced that he was, in fact, the father of Anna Nicole's new baby girl named Dannie Lynn Hope.

On Larry King, Howard K. Stern did tell some specifics about that night that Anna Nicole's son died at the hospital:

"And then at one point Daniel said to me, 'How come I'm so tired?' And in hindsight I wish that I had seen that as some sort of a signal and seen that something wasn't right," he said.
Soon afterward, Anna Nicole Smith noticed Daniel wasn't breathing, Stern said. Medical personnel could not revive him, and he and Anna Nicole continued resuscitation efforts even after they were asked to stop.

"She stayed there and we were at the foot of the bed and she was hugging Daniel's legs," he said. "And she was praying to Jesus and she was telling Jesus to take her and not take Daniel."
Stern also mentioned that he and Anna had been living in the Bahamas and planned to continue living there and eventually get married.

Presenting: Paris "DUI" Hilton


Now THIS is a reality show of Paris Hilton that I would totally watch. My friend (she doesn't know me) Paris Hilton is, in fact, being charged with a DUI. Now, it was originally thought that maybe this wouldn't happen as reports came out that the police were just arresting Paris a few weeks ago to go through the motions as camera's were rolling.

However, the 5-0 have decided to charge Paris with the DUI. While she doesn't have to appear at court on Sept 28th, if convicted Paris could face up to 6-months in prison and a $1000 fine. This will NEVER happen (the jail time at least), but imagine if she ever actually ended up in jail? Holy crap! Those wonderful women in the slammer would have a field day on poor little Paris. I just hope the cameras will continue to roll. Not such a simple life anymore, is it Paris? Use a driver to cart your drunk ass around town next time. You may be able to afford the cost of that.

Who's In The Slammer!?!

Rev Run and Wife Lose Baby


Some really sad news to announce this morning. Rev Run, of MTV's reality show "Run's House" and his wife Justine had given birth to a daughter on Thursday and then the newborn was pronounced dead. Supposedly when the doctors delivered the baby via c-section, the baby was born with organs outside of her body. So sad.

MTV was filming at the time for the 3rd season, as Justine's pregnancy was part of last season's show. How horrible. My thoughts and prayers are with the family.

Source

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Teri Hatcher Needs Food, STAT!


Teri Hatcher was enjoying some quality time with her daughter, Emerson, at DisneyLand's Thunder Mountain just prior to Desperate Housewives' 3rd Season.

Does Teri's shirt say, "Yucky?" If it does it's fitting since she appears to be such a boney mess. Between the bones in her arms, fingers, hands, and neck she should be taking that ride to Castle GreySkull and not Thunder Mountain. Skeletor is in full effect.

Jason Wahler Loves Prison!


Whatever happened to the simpler days of Jason mumbling, "I think you're cute" to Alex on Laguna Beach? Those were better days. Now, Jason Wahler has been arrested...AGAIN! According to TMZ Jason and a female friend, Kristin Deluca, were involved in some type altercation with a tow truck driver. The 5-0 were called and Jason and Kristen were arrested for battery.

Jason's bail was set at $20,000. Someone go bust him out.....Jessica?

Oprah Being Stalked By Drag Queen?


Ok no, Oprah isn't being stalked by a drag queen. That's just her BFF, Gayle, in the background. Oprah is karate chopping her way out of XM Studios, as she debuts her very own XM satellite radio station. As if Oprah needed to make more money and control more pieces of the media, she now has her own station. I hope she starts giving away crap-loads of stuff. If there is one thing I’ve learned over the years it's this: Don't Sass Oprah's Ass. One day she will own you too.

Hep C for Steven Tyler?


Move over Pamela Anderson Lee Rock, Steven Tyler has been battling Hepatitis C for many years too. After dealing with 11-months of treatment, that nearly killed him, Steven Tyler says that his Hep C is basically gone. Presto Chango!

Who Said That!?!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Aaron Carter Calls Off Engagement


In the "Who Gives a Shit News," Aaron Carter has called off his engagement. I reported just a few days ago that he got engaged to his Playboy girlfriend and now....nothing. He is totally the J. Lo of engagements. Maybe Aaron realized that he is only like 14 years old and is too young to marry? Or, perhaps he read my post that told him that life expectancy is now at an all time high and he has like 15 years before he should even worry about getting married. More than likely he didn't read it, but I like to pretend I helped.

Aaron told US Weekly that he got caught up in the moment and that he wasn't quite ready for marriage yet. Oh and his reality show debuts in about a week on E! Perfect timing!

Who Said That!?!

Janet Jackson Fattens Up Other People


After Janet Jackson packed on all those pounds 6 months ago and recently lost all the weight, she is vowing to make others fat so that she continues to look skinny. Ok, I made that part up. However, Janet is feeding boyfriend, Jermaine Dupri, some cake at "Hennesey Paradis Birthday Bash" at Quincy Jones's Bel-Air home last week.

While Janet does look good in this picture, she has way too many articles of clothes on. I mean, recently she has been on almost every magazine cover in nothing but a swimsuit or even less than that. Come on Janet! Don't get conservative now! Oh yeah, and don't forget about Janet's new CD. It sucks.

Who Shot That Cake!?!

Mammaries, Like the Corners of My Mind


There is a good chance that I will mistype many words in this post, as I've poured bleach directly into my eyes. Nothing quite says "Hello Monday" like Barbara Streisand showing off her cans. Again, people seem not to know about what camera flashes will do to some black shirts. Who knew Babs was packing guns like these? I wonder if she has to check them at the airport?

Please note, do not pour bleach into your eyes like I have. If continued burning continues please immediately contact a medical professional. Babs will be receiving my lawsuit momentarily.

Tara Reid: Smaller Boobs, Bigger Hair


Our dear Tara has reportedly gone under the knife in order to make her breast implants a bit smaller. Perhaps she is trying to be taken a bit more seriously in Hollywood. While her boob size has appeared to have gone down, her hair size has dramatically increased. Poor Tara. See you on Celebrity Fit Club in approximately 10...9....8...7...6...5...4...

Tara's latest blockbuster movie, "Incubus" won't be seen at the movies after all. Perhaps it is going direct to DVD? Nope! This movie is not even making it there. Instead, "Incubus" will go direct to AOL so that you can download it and then watch it for $7.99. Good luck with the "dial up" everybody. You'll be able to watch the 1.5 hour movie in 7.5 hours!

Who Taped That!?!

Will Ross Ever Get Rachel?


We haven't played, "Where in the Hell Is..." in a while, so it's definitely time to play. Where in the hell is David Schwimmer? I haven't seen him in anything in a while. Looks like he was bumming around London with his buddy just over this past weekend. Maybe he is looking for Emily? I hope that Friends never goes off the air. Will Ross and Rachel ever be together? Oh...wait...what?

David Schwimmer recently was raising money for a good cause at his annual "Madhatter's Ball." This event raises money for the Lookingglass Theatre in Chicago that he helped found in 1987. Don't worry, I'm sure David Schwimmer raises money for actual important charities as well.

That's It, The Gap Is Off My List



While some commercials are created to want to make you buy the product, this Gap commercial has done the complete opposite for me. I will not be returning to the Gap until this commercial is taken off the air. God! They play it over and over and over and over again. No more thank you! I mean, even my Tivo is pissed at it! And you may not believe me, but I haven't returned to Old Navy due to the "Old Navy, Old Navy, Old Navy Performance Fleece!" commercial of 1998.

It's stuck in my head allllll day long and I can't get it out. Please help. No really. Help.

Constantine Makes a Career Out of This?


Seriously? Old American Idol contestant, Constantine Maroulis, seems to be making quite a career out of "facial expressions" and "hand gestures." Yup, you know what that means? Constantine is the new and improved Charo! Charo clearly made an entire life/career out of one phrase, and one phrase only: "Coochie Coochie." If "The Love Boat" was still on the air, he would be making a guest appearance and would only make that face and collect his paycheck.

Constantine was appearing on TRL. Why? Who cares. I lost interest in this story halfway through me writing about it. I think he's in a new Broadway play. I'm sure he's making that face.

Who Shot That Face!?!

People Just Look Better With a Tan


Here's a new little segment I like to call, "People Just Look Better With a Tan." Leonardo DiCaprio is on the cover of horrific magazine "Details" and is surprisingly not a pasty-white. See? This just proves my theory that everyone looks better with a tan. Leo can soon be seen in "The Departed," directed by Martin Scorsese. Now, I couldn't care less about seeing this movie, but it is supposed to take place in Boston. I actually saw a bunch of these guys filming scenes for this movie like a year ago. Now why would I want to see this movie? One word: Accents. I LOVE people who try to "do" the Boston accent. Not many people can master it, except the two women on SNL, who were originally from Boston.

Thanks to HollyScoop for the scan!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Lindsay Followed By Broken Hearts


Looks like Lindsay Lohan and Harry Mortan may be calling it quits. Didn't everyone think they were engaged at one point? Random unnamed sources are telling People Magazine that the two split after having dinner at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont. Hmmmm, maybe Harry dumped her because of the stirrup pants she is wearing? Now that Lindsay is back on the market maybe I should be nice so that I can have a chance? Nahhh, I'll take the stanky putanky jokes any day.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Paris Hilton Expected to Explode



Ok, so we're all really impressed that Paris pumps her own gas, or at least did on this occasion. However, did she never receive all those emails warning people not to use their cell phones while pumping gas because it could cause a spark that would lead to fire and then your car exploding!? Jeeze Paris, be careful! If you were to ever leave us who would I write about? Don't be so selfish. Think of me once in a while. Oh, by the way, if you were to ever leave us you know you are totally going to hell right? Well, for being that disgustingly rich I think it's almost guaranteed that you go straight to hell. I don't know, I think I read that in the Bible somewhere. I'll go and verify.

Read About How Dumb Paris Is

Victoria Beckham Seems Like a Douche Bag


There I said it! I don't care. Poshtoria totally appears to be a complete douche bag in every sense of the word. Yes, I am completely making that assumption strictly on looks alone. Superficial? Absolutely. She's a complete robot, who is so overly tanned that she should be the wife of George Hamilton, not David Beckham. And, it looks like her little son cut her hair for her. Maybe he did.
You may totally disagree with me on this, but for the time being I am sticking to my guns that I think that Poshtoria is a complete douche bag. Happy Friday!

Who Douched That Bag!?!

Leo Wears the Worst Suit Ever!


Oh no! I've said it before and I'll say it again. You have money, dude, start dressing like it. Leonardo DiCaprio actually wore this suit, which I can only assume is made of plastic, at the Emporio Armani One Night Only Fashion Show in London yesterday. Seriously, should a suit be that shiny if you're not Elton John? The last time I've seen an entire outfit that shiny was when I was 5 years old and use to wear those plastic Halloween costumes that they would sell at the local convenience store. Also, a "note to self" for Leo: Never wear pants and a jacket that shine more than your shoes.

Gwen, Kingston, Ernie, and Bert


Baby Kingston and Gwen are just strolling around the city. That really is a cute kid and very photogenic! Moving along, what's up with Gwen dressing like a Muppet lately? Every picture I see her in looks like a knock-off from something that Ernie and Bert wear. I hope that isn't L.A.M.B clothes she is wearing because Jim Henson will be rolling over in his grave.

Who Shot That!?!

Matty Mc Still Doesn't Work



How do I get this life? Matty Mc is still not at work...again! Seriously, with the beard he totally looks like the guy who stands on the corner or my block with the sign that says, "Will Work for Food." Why would you work for food? I totally only work for money...or beer. Matty Mc should hold a sign that says, "Can't Surf for Shit."
Hey, as long as he's having fun frolicking in the ocean then all is right with the world. I don't know if he needs all of those bracelets though. It kinda looks like he just got back from a pub-crawl. Actually, he might have.

Who Hangs 10!?!

The Office: Ross and Rachel 2.0


I love "The Office." Love it. I've loved it from day one and I still do. However, why are they making Jim and Pam like Ross and Rachel from "Friends?" I'm fine without the love storyline and, not for nothing, Pam and Jim totally are not Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer. Ok, well Jim is totally David Schwimmer, but Pam ain't no (ai-not no) Jennifer Aniston. She doesn't even have the permanent "high-beams" under her shirt.

I hope The Office just sticks with the laughs and not so much with the "will they, won't they" hoopla. What is hoopla anyway?

Who Shot Jim and Pam!?!

Seth Myers Has My Career!


Seth Myers will be replacing Tina Fey as the new "news" anchor on SNL this coming season. This is so the job that I want. No fair! Seth will be teaming up with Amy Poehler, who has been anchoring it for the past 2 years. Who won't be returning this season you ask? Rachel Dratch will not be returning since she will be working on Tina Fey's show, "30 Rock." Who got shit-canned? Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell, and Finesse Mitchell. They had to strip down the size of the cast due to financial problems. Really? But why give up Horatio? Who's going to play "Carol" now!?!

Who Said That!?!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Greetings from MIAville

Sorry I never got a chance to post some new stories tonight. I am away traveling for work on a top secret mission. I'll be back on Friday. I know, I know but it will be ok. In the meantime, check out some of these good old sites. I'll talk to you all when I land back on the mainland!

~ Shakira Does Other Things Besides Shake Her Hips ~ CelebritySmack

~ God Bless Willie Nelson ~ PopBytes

~ Madonna Gets a New Haircut, Still Keeps the Fake British Accent ~ CelebrityMoms

~ Janet Jackson Used Cocaine? ~ Yeeeah

Ashley Olsen Still Can't Match Blacks


Even billionaire's can't seem to find black clothes that match. Ashley Olsen takes a little time out to do some shopping in SoHo over the weekend. When she can't find what she is looking for, which I'm assuming is sleeves (??) she buys a skeleton head and goes home. All in a day for Ashley O.

Here Comes the Bride, Sugartits


Mel "from hell" Gibson has wormed his way out of hiding it seems, or at least didn't know this guy was hiding with his camera at the top of a 55 foot tree snapping pictures. Mel was there to walk his daughter, Hannah, down the aisle for her wedding day.

The ceremony took place at Holy Family Catholic Church in CA. No word if the church burst into flames as Mel walked through the door. I tried to reach Mel for comment on how he's been feeling, but was unsuccessful. Well, only because I don't have his phone number and he doesn't know me. So I just had to hang up the phone. I took a nap instead. It was nice.

Who Shot That Wedding!?!