Monday, April 30, 2007

Victoria Beckham Attacked By Ghost Boobs (or Booooooobs!)

It's been a while that a celebrity has been attacked by ghost boobs, but it looks like Poshtoria is the latest victim. Poshtoria was just getting in to LA from London when the ghost boobs attacker her right in front of all the paparazzi. What are the odds of that happening? In even less interesting Poshtoria news, the Beckham's are reportedly suing a lookalike couple who got a sports car, jewelry, and a table at a top restaurant after posing as the Beckham's. I guess the real life Beckham's feel that their reputation is being damaged by the lookalikes. Uh, I think her reputation is being damaged by showing her boobs to the paparazzi. Actually scratch that (not literally). I think her reputation is improving by showing her boobs to the paparazzi. Check her out on Fox's new "When Ghost Boobs Attack!"

Who Said That!?! and Who Shot Those Ghost Boobs!?!

Ricki Lake is Alive. No, Really.

Did you know Ricki Lake was still alive? No really, she is. I actually just won a bet too. Last week me and a friend made a bet. I said Ricki Lake was alive and my friend (Jesus) said that Ricki Lake was dead. Now, figuring that Jesus would probably know if she was dead I decided to go "opposites" and say, "alive." Well look who was right!?! Me! Me -1, Jesus - 0.

Ricki Lake was as the premiere of "The Business of Being Born" at the 2007 Tribeca Film Festival in NYC. I'm pretty sure only two of those words were actually real, but I digress. I'm going to assume that that movie must have sucked because the only two stars on the red carpet were Ricki Lake and Myra Radzinki. I'm pretty sure only one of those people are actually real, but I digress. Anyway, seeing Ricki Lake really got me to thinking. She's totally the original Tyra Banks. All that Tyra Banks is, is Ricki Lake 2.0. That will be Tyra's new nickname from now on. I hope you like it, if not please don't read any more of my Tyra, er..I mean Ricki Lake 2.0 posts. Ever.

Who Shot Ricki Lake!?!

Britney is not Dolphin Safe Tuna

Hey, everybody does it. Sometimes it's the summer and you're just going to quickly run to the store. Maybe you go wearing your bathing suit. Maybe you even sport some socks and sandals (I've done that). Maybe you go in your pajama pants. That's ok, right? Sure it is. Oh, you know when it's not ok? Yeah, it's actually not ok if you're a single mother of two, 25, wearing your bathing suit with a net over it, and you're typically followed by the paparazzi 24/7, and you know that there is a 99.9998% chance that these pictures will wind up on the InterWeb and/or on the cover of every magazine in the United States and overseas (Canada). Yeah, that's when it's not ok. You have money. Start looking like it.
Britney Spears was looking for a new house the other day in Malibu (conveniently located in close proximity to Promise of a New Day Rehab) with her cousin Ali when she was photographed looking like she got caught in a fish net. Now does this technically make her dolphin safe tuna or not? It's hard to know. It's really a fine line at this point. Do you think she tans uneven in that?

Am I Wrong?

As you know, every now and then I like to break off from the celebrity news just to clear my head. Typically, I do this in a "rant," but this time I'm doing it with a new little segment I like to call, "Am I Wrong?"

Am I Wrong?
  • If I see an adult on a kids bike dressed in jeans and a jacket peddling up the street, I totally think you are an alcoholic that got their license taken away. Am I wrong?
  • When I'm stopped at a street light and kids come running over to my car in their baseball uniforms with a can filled with cash and want me to donate some money, I still think it's a scam. I totally think it's their old baseball uniform from last year and they're going to take my money to go by weed. Am I wrong?
  • When buying a TV I think that the cheaper TV's don't have the cables screwed in all the way so that the more expensive TV's have the clearer picture and make you want to buy them. Am I wrong?
  • It's totally rude when I send you a Myspace message and you open it, read it, and then don't respond. It's Myspace, I can tell when you read my email. It says that you did. I think it's rude not to respond back. Am I wrong?
  • Are half the stories on Extreme Makeover Home Edition made up? Seriously, each week the stories get worse and worse. It's only a matter of time before one of the members of the family are killed on the application video just to seem "different" from the rest of the video applications. Am I wrong?
  • Speaking of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, why do the families always seem so shocked when they say "move that bus?" It's like season 17 of this show. You know that your new house is going to look insane. For a nice twist, I would have the original house leveled and not have a new house built, so when the bus does move, I'd be like...what? We didn't finish your house....and we're leaving. Good luck to ya. Am I wrong?
  • Why are guys jeans getting so small. I'm not getting bigger. The jeans are getting smaller and tighter. Seriously, they're like trying on spandex. I don't want skin-tight jeans. I don't want baggy jeans. I just want normal jeans. Am I wrong?
  • How is Fergie famous? No really, why? Am I wrong?
  • Why do people still type LOL? I miss the days of "haha" Why can't be go back to those days? I don't need to know you are "laughing out loud." If you type "haha" I certainly don't think you are laughing without making noise. I know it's out loud. Stop the LOL. Am I wrong?
  • If you're driving an old station-wagon with wood paneling really slowly through a neighborhood, you're a molester and/or kidnapper. What, am I wrong?

That's all. Thank you.

Friday, April 27, 2007


Hey look at Fergie arriving in Australia for the MTV Australia Music Awards! Wow, she doesn't look like a retard at all, even with her IBBB Blue pants, New Kids on the Block hat, shoes attached to her pants, and busted face! Is that what happens when you change time zones? Yowza, stay out of international waters!
Anyway, enough about Fergie. More about me. Over the next week you will be experiencing IBBB Lite (ImBringingBloggingBack Lite). Why IBBB Lite you ask? What is it you ask? Well, let me answer the second question first and then the first question second. IBBB is packing up his blog and heading to NYC to become a resident of the Big Orange! Who knew that moving ones life to another state would entail any work or time. So, until I am all moved and unpacked I will have limited access to post these brilliant blog posts. I will, however, try to give you one or two a day if possible.

So, why am I moving to NYC you ask? I'm looking for an Olsen. In the meantime, check out some of my other blogging friends to keep you happy until I return.
P.S I will not be becoming a Yankees fan. God bless.

Britney Loves a Unitard and Boots

Britney really loves to be photographed in her unitard, boots, and cowboy hat. Besides the unitard, how come she always wears the same crap? I mean, I'm poor and I do that, but isn't she worth over $125 million? I bet her boots and hat stink. I'm going to send her a bottle of Febreeze so she can spray those things down...and anywhere else that may stink. Anyway, Britney was caught again leaving Millennium Dance Studio, but this time with her kids. Go figure. I'm not really 100% sure on their names, but I think the kid that's shown in the picture above is Phil and the one in the covered car seat is Tito. Don't quote me though.
In other Britney Spears news, it is rumored that Britney will be playing at the Anaheim House of Blues next Wednesday (Harriet Carter Wednesday) under the band name the M&M's. Britney is also rumored to be playing the House of Blues on the Sunset Strip in LA on Thursday. So, if you are interested in watching Britney lip-sync you should definitely go check that out.

Tyra Gets to Second with Rosie

It seems that Tyra is on the list of People's Most Beautiful People and I suspect she'll make it onto another list soon as well; The Sex Offenders Registry. Tyra was on The View yesterday talking about herself, her show, and showing clips of herself (go figure) when she suddenly attacked Rosie O'Donnell and grabbed her boobs. Ok, well she didn't attack her, but it did make for a better story. I don't know if getting to second base with Rosie O'Donnell is something to brag about, but Tyra seemed to enjoy it.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

...In Other News...

Katie Holmes and Queen Latifah are like the same exact person. It's scary actually. I look to the left and I think, "Wait, is that Queen Latifah or Katie Holmes?" I look to the right and I think, "Wait, is that Katie Holmes or Queen Latifah?" Katie and Queen Latifah are filming scenes for their up coming movie, "Mad Money" in Louisiana. I'm really excited to never see this movie! In other news...

Heidi From "The Hills": New Boobs & Nose!

Hot off the chest! Check out Heidi Montard's new store-bought boobs and nose! Good for her! Heidi is all of a sudden prettier, funnier, a better singer, smarter, and nicer. Is it just me? Anyway, these photos were snapped Heidi while her and she and Steve Sanders were hanging out at the beach in Malibu. Oh and by "hanging out" I actually mean "a staged photo opportunity." I was nice enough to circle Heidi's new boobs just in case you forgot where they go and I even added an arrow that points to her new nose just in case you forgot where her nose is. You're welcome. Oh, and please insert "Heidi's new "hills" joke here ________."

Who Shot Those Hills!?!

America's Next Top Model Recap, Recap

Jenny, the IBBB resident America's Next Top Model recapper may have missed last weeks episode due to a high intensity rehab program, but she's back this week to recap the "recap episode." Let's see what Jenny had to say:

This week marks ANTM's re-cap episode. This annoys me. I already know what has happened up until this point. Why do you have to tell me again? Anyhoo, I digress. While sitting through this boring re-cap, some observations:

  • Looking back on the earlier episodes, I realize that Natasha looks better as a blond. Also, I am up in arms that I even cared enough to notice this.
  • Jaslene is so thin, I am afraid that Sally Struthers may see ANTM and send her food.
  • Jaslene is also a little crazy. I don't even think her own imaginary friends would play with her.
  • Natasha has a wisdom tooth extracted without medication. I watch in horror....I find this to be alarming. I mean this is why they have help you through a painful experience, such as tooth extraction or the ANTM re-cap.
  • I am getting really bored, so I flip to American Idol. That is even worse, so I flip back to find Jael displaying her extraordinary hula hoop talent. Riveting.
  • It's good to see Benny Ninja again. Not because I like him, but because I couldn't really believe what I was seeing the first time that episode aired. Yep...this guy really does exist. I still don't understand.
  • During one of the "never before seen clips", we learn that the girls live like pigs. is disgusting. I haven't seen filth like that since my college days. And those kids used to pee in jugs and throw them out the third floor windows.
  • The girls get to imitate the judging panel. It is not funny at all, but I think it is supposed to be. Pasquale from IBBB is way funnier.Well, at least we got to see Tyra dressed up as a kangaroo again.
  • Hopefully I will be out of my boredom coma in time for next week's episode. G'Day!

Idol Gives Back, I Give Up

I guess when Idol gives back that means that all the contestants wear white clothes. Hey Idol, it's not 1945 when white is "good." All that was missing was the pointy hat. I guess they are mini KKK members in training. Anyway let's get on with what went down or as I like to call it, "I'll never get these two hours back of my life. Ever."
  • Uh, did Ellen and Ryan have the same haircut? I mean, I know they're wearing the same suit, but just needed some clarification on the haircut.
  • Earth, Wind, and Fire just took the stage. This dude is singing so high only dogs can hear him. Well, dogs and J Lo fans.
  • Oh crap, they're trying to create another "We Are the World" song. This never works. They do this after every national disaster. I think they usually sell like 15 copies of the new songs. Next.
  • Yowza now they're singing the new "We Are the World" song. I think this song is actually hurting donations.
  • Was Ben Stiller funny? This is like a really bad telethon. Actually, this is just like the telethon they did on Full House when they ler DJ, Stephanie, and Michele sing and dance. I will be pleasantly surprised if Kimmie Gibler comes out on the Idol stage on a unicycle. Fingers crossed.
  • Uh-oh, Paula is out talking to kids at the Boys and Girls club. She's kinda pulling a "Tyra" because just as the kids start talking about their problems, Paula cuts in to talk about her issues. Brilliant. Speaking of which, I hope Tyra somehow makes it on the Idol stage. Again, fingers crossed.
  • Ouch. Il Divo is on stage. Ouch. I believe "Il Divo" is translated to "Kermit the Frog Impressions." Now don't quote me. I'm not 100% sure. I mean, I don't speak Chinese.
  • Carrie Underwood was out in Africa singing, "I'll Stand By You" to the poor little kids. That's sweet. Although, you know what may have been more helpful? Yeah, if Carrie had some food or money or something. I mean, these kids are starving. The last thing they need is a sing-a-long. I don't think they even know this song. Ok, well bonus points for wearing hot-pants in the jungle.
  • Hey even Tom from Myspace was there! I would have asked him if his tech team fixed my "sorry an error has occurred" message.
  • Hmmm while Paula was on stage I think she was "giving back" her boobs to the American public. Good for her at 64!
  • Why? Why must they continue to have the "Idol Kids" create these stupid car commercials? I'm embarrassed. No more please. Thank you.
  • Watching famous people lip-sync to "Staying Alive" is more entertaining than I thought. Sure the clips were real quick, but at one point I saw Kirstie Alley dressed as a priest, Terry Hatcher dressed like a 16 year old, "Ross from Friends" acting like "Ross from Friends," and Golide Hawn looking like Nana. This segment alone was enough for me to give up these 2-hours of my life.
  • 1-hour and 13 minutes into this telethon and still no sign of Oprah. Cheap whore.
  • In the worlds worst surprise, Celine Dion is singing a duet with Elvis. Hmmm Elvis is actually on stage. Clearly, he's dead so bonus points for Celine using her "acting skills" ti look at him like he's standing there with her. I say donate an extra $4.00 for those acting skills.
  • Update: I just contacted Elvis via my Ouija Board and he is, in fact, dead. Sadly, Celine is not. Ouch.
  • Great, Madonna is in Africa. I hope her British accent doesn't rub off on them. They've already suffered enough.
  • No one got the boot this week since this was a "charity week." Great thanks. I watched for nothing.

Halle Berry Dresses Like Barney, I'm Totally Fine With It

I think it's fine that Halle Berry dressed up like Barney for the premiere of "Perfect Stranger" in Mexico. I think her boobs peaking out of the top of the dress is the same as Barney's tail peaking out of his costume too. And, I also think that it's good for the kids to see. I don't care what Halle wears or does for that matter. She's hot. She can do no wrong in my book. I've practically forgotten that she was involved in a hit and run years back. Whatever. She could have killed the person she hit. She's still on fire. You know what? Even though she was at the premiere of "Perfect Stranger" in Mexico, I wouldn't care if she was remaking the hit late 80's TV show, "Perfect Strangers." She could have been Cousin Larry's girlfriend. Makes no difference to me. Good for her. More Halle please. Thank you.

Sanjaya's Mom Grows Pot. I Needed It!

It appears that Sanjayjay's mom was busted in 2005 for growing and selling pot, or "marijuana cigarettes" as the kids like to call it. I don't see what the big deal was. I mean, she was only busted for having 310 marijuana plants at her house. Also, Sanjayjay's sister, Shyamali, was also arrested, but her mug shots couldn't be made public because she was only 17 yrs old. I guess we'll have to settle for her naked with a guitar covering her "Sanjaya's."

You know what I would have said! If there are 310 marijuana plants, where are the receipts? I think it was selfish that his pot growing mom didn't share some of those plants with the American public who were forced to listen to her son "talk-sing" week after week. However, bonus points for Paula having the ability to smoke 304 of the 310 plants prior to going "on-air."

Who Claims This!?!

Paris Hilton's Boyfriend is a Lesbian

Paris Hilton's boyfriend, Josh Henderson, is a lesbian circa 1987 complete with cutoff flannel shirt and spikey hairdo. What? It's not a stereotype. It's a fact. I joyfully await your hate mail. Moving on, Paris and John were out and about the other night doing something with someone, I guess. I'm not sure actually because X17 Online didn't say. Oh well, enjoy the pictures and who doesn't like a lesbian and/or lesbian joke every once in a while?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

...In Other News...

A Summer Fling With Harriet Carter

What an awesome Harriet Carter Wednesday this is! Are you wondering why? Well that would be because Harriet has just officially released her summer crap! Thank God! As you'll be able to see, Harriet is still into death, bad t-shirts, dangerous products, and little kids. I also wanted to take this opportunity to thank Kelley from Palm Coast, Florida who emailed me last week to let me know that her brother is over in Afghanistan fighting the war on terror and him and his buddies are reading my Harriet Carter crapalog posts each week. Thanks guys for fighting over there so that jackasses like me can continue to write this junk. Does this mean that I'm helping with the war too? I think I am. Stay safe and hurry home. There are many new products in the crapalog that you should be testing out! Let's go....

Product # 1 - This spring/summer Harriet has found more comforting words to share with you as you mourn the loss of your loved one. Let's see what this one says. "God Saw Her Getting Tired, a Cure Not Meant to Be, so He Put His Arms Around Her and Whispered, 'Come With Me.'" Uhhhh, yeah that is horrific. Look, God is busy, really busy. I'm not sure He has the time to spend in the science lab discovering cures for diseases, but I am positive that He would never say that. Oh, and I doubt God speaks in rhymes. Why is Harriet so morbid? I'm waiting for the "accident ornament." I suspect it will say something like, "Ouch I Bet That Tree Really Hurt Especially When Your Body Flew into the Dirt. I Know, I Know You May Beg and Beg, But I Am Your Doctor and Must Cut Off Your Leg." See? I totally need to be in the Harriet Carter crapalog. Thanks Harriet for making death so hot this summer!

Product # 2 - Woo-hoo! Look who's back! It's "failure model chick!" You may remember her from older Harriet Carter products such as, "trapped in the car and need to break free," and also, "ouch I have back pain and need lightning bolts to straighten me out." Oh, and who could forget my personal favorite, "wearing a pig hat on my head." Yup, "failure model chick" is back and this time she is the life of the party with a little drinking problem. Now you too can sport the good old fashioned "Is it 5:00 Yet?" t-shirt. Lucky you. Look how hysterical that shirt is. Do you get the joke? Let me explain it to you. You see, this t-shirt is supposed to let people know that you've had such a hectic day that you are ready to get your drink on. Funny, right? Yeah, didn't think so. Not only is "failure model chick" wearing the shirt with the martini glass on it, but look....she's also holding a martini. "Failure model chick" is so funny. I suspect she is about 3 more martini's away from taking a permanent dirt nap. Good luck "failure model chick." We'll miss you. Now go into the light.

Product # 3 - Is yard work just a little too difficult for you? Are you tired of trying to spray weed killer on your weeds? Is that not really getting rid of them? Well, you're in luck because Harriet Carter has assembled this handy dandy fire torch. Yes, fire torch. Now you can literally burn the weeds right off your property. Hmmm, that's safe right? But don't stop just there because the actual description says it's good for getting rid of tree stumps too! Alright!! Yeah, I guess Harriet Carter finally cracked the scientific code and discovered that "fire" destroys things. Wow, she's wicked smaaaaht. I say don't just stop with the tree stump either. Bring it to the next level. Are you looking to "get rid" of your car? Don't sell it, just burn it! Looking to remodel your house? Don't be "stupid" and hire a construction team, just use this fire torch and burn it to the ground. This innovative tool is perfect for almost any insurance scam. Hell, even let the kids get creative with it! Thanks Harriet for this science breakthrough!
Product # 4 - Uh-oh look out little girl! You may get run over by that truck backing up. But don't worry, it's not the ball that got you distracted, it's the person that's taking your picture AS the truck is backing up! I'm not quite sure how this "tool" works because the picture is showing that it can alert you by releasing "dotted lines" into the air. Hmm, maybe you notice the dotted lines and then understand that you should run? As a side note, is this little girl trying out for the Harlem Globe Trotters? I think that's their basketball. Good luck to her. Oh, and why is she playing in a parking lot? Oh, and where are her parents? You know they're home smoking Misty 120's and drinking Zima's and told the kids to go play in the Home Depot parking lot. Yeah, good thinking. Luckily this photographer was in the parking lot too and probably told this little girl to get out of the way. Oh, and then he probably tried to kidnap her. Nice work Harriet! I bet you didn't know you are personally helping diddlers.
Well that concludes this weeks Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday Spring into Summer Fling 2007 Palooza 2007, of 2007.

American Idol Gives Back

After American Idol has raped the American public of gazillions of dollars and time lost in our lives, they have decided to give back. Whatever it takes I guess.

I'd assume the children of Africa are psyched to see someone else famous besides Sally Struthers. I know I'd be happy for the change of pace. Do you think the kids are confused why Ryan Seacrest is wearing probably $2,500 worth of clothes? Interesting, yet not so. Here's what went down on American Idol as perceived by the brilliance of IBBB.
  • Chris Richardson sang "Change the World" and to no surprise sounded like Justin Timberlake. If this wasn't for charity, I'd say, "don't vote." Oh hell. Don't vote.
  • Apparently all you need to do to get the audience to scream and clap is simply stand up. Good thinking Chris. I'd stand up more often. You'd probably get a few more votes.
  • Dear Randy, please stop talking like you're 16 yrs old. Thanks for your cooperation.
  • Melinda literally shook her head left to right the entire song. We get it. You have a twitch. I think shaking your head left to right symbolizes "seriousness" while shaking your hips left to right signals a secret message to Shakira. But, I digress.
  • I love when Paula calls contestants "magical." No, you're magical Paula, you're magical. You ride on a magical unicorn into the heavens and hi-five Amelia Earhart. Thanks Paula.
  • "Imagine" Blake Lewis didn't beat-box?
  • Sweet, Paula continues to talk directly into the microphone. $1.00 Bob, $1.00!
  • Lakisha sings Fantasia. Hopefully, Lakisha doesn't plan on taking any dirty pictures with her cell phone like Fantasia did. Yowza!
  • This time Paula grabs the microphone in order to talk even louder and ever more direct into the mic. Halfway through I feel Paula has a stroke. Perhaps she was electrocuted from touching the mic.
  • Phil Stacey...I'm sorry, I fell asleep. There's a chance I lapsed into a coma. The doctors are still trying to decide.
  • Jordin Sparks sings something depressing. This whole show depressed me. Half the songs made me feel like I was in a Disney Cartoon and not in a good way.

Rehab is the New Anorexia and the Old "Child Out of Wedlock"

Jonathan Rhys Meyers (I only know what one of those words mean) has checked himself into rehab for a little too much of the drinky-drink. I think that's the technical term for it. Actually he's in a super fancy AA facility. Jonathan Rhys Meyers was working so much, according to People Magazine that he needed to enter rehab to maintain his recovery. I can relate to that. One time I worked past 5:00 and felt so burnt out that I drove myself right to rehab. I mean, I don't have a drinking problem, I just figured that's what you're supposed to do. That's what you're supposed to do, right? All these movie stars make rehab seem so fun. I'm getting curious.
P.S - My photoshopping skills have been brought to a new level.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

...In Other News...

Britney Spears: Mother, Stripper, Street-Walker, Mother, Dancer, Mother, and Mother. Mother.

Stripper by day and then stripper by night (with skirt). Hey did you guys know that Britney Spears had kids? Yeah, she's a mom. She's given birth to two children. I know, crazy right? Ahhh, I remember the days when my mom would put on her fishnet stockings, half shirt, brown wig, and Freddie Kruger hat and walk me an my sister to school. Those were proud moments, proud.

Britney Spears was caught going and coming from Millennium Dance Studio in North Hollywood, CA and actually looked pretty good. I mean sure she is all skanked out, but that's a good thing. I hope every ex-hot celebrity who shaves their head and enters rehab comes out of rehab a little crazier and much skankier. Crazier. Skankier. Oh, and with fright-wig. Good day.

Sanjaya's Smile Makes Me Nervous

(Please sing the next 3 sentences to the tune of "How Much is that Doggy in the Window")

How much is that pedophile in the window, the one with the stringy perm. How much is that diddler in the window. I do hope that diddler is registered.
Seriously? What the hell is up with Sanjaya's spooky smile? In every picture it either looks like he's legit doing "Sanjaya's" in his pants or he is planning to start diddling. It's really a toss up at this point. Sanjaya is literally where Michael Jackson is in his life right now, but at the age of like 17. I'm waiting to see pictures of Sanjaya holding his sister, Shyamali, over the balcony. At the same time I can actually see Sanjaya moon-walking on top of a limo with a black umbrella at his very own child molestation trial. Relax, relax. I'm just kidding. I don't think he'll use an umbrella.

These spooky photos were taken of Sanjayjay while he was getting ready to frighten Regis and Kelly (minus Regis).

Party with Saint Jennifer for $2 Million

Have you ever wanted to share a beer with Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx? Well it's your lucky day because now you can! Oh, you just happen to need $2 million (that's US Dollars, not Yen) and you too can get your very own personalized J. Glow. It's been reported by drunken sources that "the simple girl from the Bronx" is getting paid $2 million to sing at a 30th birthday party that a Russian rich dude is throwing for his wife. See, you can buy love.

This Russian retard, Andrei Melnichenko, is reported to be worth $5 billion and wants to give his wife, model Aleksandra and her 60 guests a night to remember. What better way to do that than watch J. Glow lipsync to her own songs right in your own living room. Oh, and I called him a "retard" because I'm jealous that he's rich. Yup, I admit it. How you like me now?

Let's face it, I want to party with Saint Bronx. Lo too. However I don't have $2 million. What I do have is $15.00 in my wallet PLUS a Dunkin Donuts gift card that still has about $4.00 on it. If I give that to J. Glow, do you think I could at least afford to have her read me some lines from Gigli? I hope so. At the last maybe she can ship out her mom, Lupe Lopez, and Lupe can show me some dance moves or something. We'll see.

These photos were taken while Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx was with her petite husband, Marc Anthony, at Top Shop, shopping a storm? Yeah, I have no idea what Top Shop is. And you know what, I don't want to know.

Jason Wahler Hearts Guns

Even though "The Hills" is on a break until Season 3 starts up at some point in the summer, it's like every week there is a new "The Hills" story to choose from. This one is great. Apparently, Jason Wahler and some buddies were drinking vodka and playing a friendly little game of Russian Roulette. In regards to regular roulette I typically put my money on Red 9, but I guess this game is a little different and involves a gun. According to US Weekly who received these photos, Jason and some buddies were trashed in Hollywood one night last summer and everyone ended up playing around with a gun. Yeah, that's safe. I'd assume that Jason wanted to take a dirt nap after realizing that he dated Jessica from Laguna Beach, but maybe he has deeper troubles than that....even though that would be enough to make anyone play "kiss the gun." It's good to see Jason's been doing well. He's about two drinks away from "Trimspa, baby!"

Dear Taquita and Kaui: No.

Dear Taquita and Kaui - please stop immediately.


P.S - Whomever created this show, please email me at once.

Monday, April 23, 2007

...In Other News...

~ Melanie Griffith Looks Like Grandma ~ CelebritySmack
~ Sanjayjay Goes To Washington ~ DListed
~ Poshtoria in France ~ AgentBedHead
~ Paris Can Drive Again ~ FatBack
~ Rock's Supposed Baby Momma a Liar ~ NinjaDude
~ Does Heather Mills Have to Check Her Leg at Security? ~ Yeeeah
~ Sienna Miller Wants Kids...STAT ~ HollyScoop
~ Young Hollywood Awards ~ EvilBeet
~ Gwen in Vegas ~ PopBytes
~ Artie Lange Wants to Leave You a Message
~ Renee Zellweger Loves the Office ~ GabSmash

Jennifer Love Hewitt Sells Underwear

Is Jennifer Love Hewitt still on TV? I think she is. I think she's still cranking out "I Know What You Did Last Summer" sequels too. At the same time, I feel like her career really went down the crapper. I tried to pinpoint where it all went wrong for Jennifer Love Hewitt. It was either when she came out with an album or when she literally was going on talk shows and telling people that most people call her "Love." Yup, that's it. That's the moment where things started to really go downhill for her. Prior to her announcing to the world that people call her "Love" she was pretty popular. Sure it was because she was 18 and had a rack and a half, but now even that can't seem to revive her career. "Love" is now out selling underpants. Hanes underpants to be exact. See now if she were smart like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan she would stay as far away from underpants as humanly possible. Also, as a sidenote, Hanes? Really? Are you sure? If you're going to sell underwear are you sure you want it to be Hanes? Sure, maybe if your demographic is nana and papa, but that's it. I would get rid of the Hanes, "Love."

Britney Still Kinda Looks Nuts

People thought that when Britney left rehab that she would do a complete 180 and all of a sudden get "sane." I, too, was concerned that if she gave up the booze she would be far less entertaining. I mean, let's face it, sober people just aren't as fun as drunk people. It's a fact. There's been studies. Anyway, even though Britney appears to be sober, she still kinda seems nuts. It doesn't help her cause that she she looks like she's constantly in a disguise with multiple cheap wigs and blinding blue contact lenses. Mix that up with one of her many Freddie Krueger hats and animal carcass wrapped around her and you certainly have all the ingredients to make a "crazy pie."

Britney was caught heading to the tanning salon and then to a sushi restaurant with her cousin and constant sidekick, Allie, and according to X17 Online was in great spirits.

Dear Myspace

It's been a little while since I went on a rant. Now's the time.

Dear Myspace,
How are things with you? I'm guessing "not so good" because you never really seem to work right. It seems like every day as soon as I've finished typing up a 14,000 word Myspace message and hit "send" I always seem to get the "sorry! an unexpected error has occurred. This error has been forwarded to Myspace's technical group" message. Yeah, thanks Myspace, that's helpful. Is it really that unexpected? This happens 6 times a day. Who are these tech people and what are they doing with my message? Can they just resend it for me or must I retype the same message 15 more times? And what type of information does this one particular error message contain that is so different then the other 18,000 error messages their "tech group" receives? What is this tech group like? And why can't they fix this error by now?

Also, do the Myspace spammers think I'm stupid? NO, I DON'T want to hear about your latest ringtones. And not for one second will I be tricked by this message even though it came from one of my friends. My friends don't care about ringtones and certainly wouldn't send me a message about one. At the same time, I'm not getting tricked by the Myspace email or comment message that talks about "girls say that size does matter." Who are the people who are falling for these scams? I say the people who are tricked by these messages and actually click on those links should be kicked off of Myspace. I'd give them the electric chair if possible.

So in conclusion, Myspace, get your stuff together. For a website that is worth like $100 million, you run worse than my Apple IIc and that includes the time that Oregon Trail got stuck inside the disk drive and wouldn't work anymore.

Luke-Warm Regards,

Victoria Beckham Has Combover Cameltoe

It's time for another installment of "The ImBringingBloggingBack Celebrity Cameltoe Rating the Stars!" Now not all of these celebrity contestants can be winners each time. In this case, Poshtoria is entering in this cameltoe rating system even though she doesn't have some full-on cameltoe. However, she does suffer from some slight cameltoe AND even sports a combover at the same time! Brilliant. Therefore I am giving Poshtoria one camel, BUT with two humps and even a combover. Yes, clip art does have everything.
Anyway, these photos of Poshtoria were snapped while she was shopping in London over the weekend. Bonus points for the "bullets belt." Rambo rules.

Friday, April 20, 2007

...In Other News...

Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx is showing off her new "fashion line" that also consists of the old lime green plastic hat that every kid had when they were little, yet had no clue what it really was. Sometimes this visor even had lights on it and would light up different colors. Why? Anyway, I'm pissed that J. Glow's hat says, "A La J Lo" when I've given her a very fitting nickname for months now, "Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx." She could have at least called it "de las bronx." Rude. Anyway, I'm having some technical computer issues so I must leave you today with some other sites to check out until I can fix this issues. Anyone have a wrench? In other news...

~ Britney Shops with a Bird Hat ~ CelebritySmack
~ Lauren Conrad Sex Tape Pulled After Being "Too Boring." ~ FatBack
~ Pete Doherty Uses Props to Assault ~ AgentBedHead
~ Alec Baldwin Uses His Angry Voice ~ NinjaDude
~ Donald Trump Send Barbara and Rosie a Gift ~ Yeeeah
~ Check Out Gwen Stefani's New Video ~ PopBytes
~ Selma Blair Went to Rehab? ~ HollyScoop
~ Lindsay Lohan Cancels Movie ~ GabSmash
~ Tom Cruise is Elf Like ~ EvilBeet
~ Fergie in Ruffles ~ DSF

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Jessica Simpson Cameltoe Palooza

Everyone now and then my job is easy. Other times it's tough. This one? Easy. Special thanks go out to avid IBBB readers Terra and Erica who brought this picture to my attention and requested that I add it to the site. No problem, skanks! Not only was this a home run for me, but it also allows us to play the "The ImBringingBloggingBack Celebrity Cameltoe Rating the Stars!" game. At this point, you know how this works. Each celebrity can receive up to 5 camels awarded to them (just think a ghetto version of Star Search). Jessica Simpson, who was showing off her latest elderly "I just had a stroke" outfit while she was at Winston's in LA the other night, rocked the powder blue cameltoe, but she kind of half-ass'd it. This was quite disappointing. However, IBBB still has awarded Jessica with 2 out of 5 camels. To be frank, I'm a bit disappointed in Jessica's cameltoe. We've seen much better from her in the past. Hopefully she will read this and will try to impress us a little more next time. Thanks for trying kid. Enjoy your camel trophy. It's in the mail.

Special thanks to IBBB readers Erica and Terra for alerting me on this. I encourage all of you to send me photos so I can be ever lazier then I already am. Good day.

Fantasia Cracks Me Up: Puke Now Please

For the love of all that is holy and good in this world! Celebrity Babylon is claiming that this is the one and only American Idol winner, Fantasia Barrino. Oh and in case you're wondering, "yes" she is taking a cell phone pic of her ass and "no" those aren't pants she's wearing. The next picture shows, what I can only assume is, Fantasia falling in the bathroom and accidentally taking a picture of her big old Color Purple. That's very motherly of her. Oh, and by the way feel free to pour bleach directly into your eyes and then into your that particular order.
Personally, I don't think it's Fantasia. Without a doubt it's Dudley from Different Strokes (Arnold's buddy that got "diddled" in season 3). Seriously look again. It's Dudley. I hope this becomes the cover of her next album. I mean, it will have to be one of the album covers that you have to unfold three times in order to see the whole picture, but you still get to see it. Is it possible that her ass needs braces too? What? Just asking.

Angelina Jolie: Skank Whore at 4!

While most 4 and 5 year olds are cracking up at Ernie and Bert and learning how to tie their shoes, Angelina Jolie was skanking up her kindergarten classroom. According to a recent article by OK Magazine, when Angelina was around the age of 4 or 5 she was taking her clothes off and making out with boys. Angelina said, "I was a member of a group called the Kissy Girls. I was very sexual in kindergarten."

Oh that's sweet. Where the hell were the teachers in this school? At 4 years old I think, I think, I was still messing my pants. Skid marks for sure. Sexually active at 4? Nope. Later Angelina disclosed how she lost her virginity at 14 years old (I don't think my voice even changed at 14) and then the interview took a turn for the worse. Angelina continued:

"I had started having sex with my boyfriend and the sex and the emotions didn't feel enough.
I was no longer a little girl. In a moment of wanting to feel closer to my boyfriend I grabbed a knife and cut him. He cut me back. We had an exchange of something and we were covered in blood, my heart was racing. Then whenever I felt trapped, I'd cut myself. I have a lot of scars.
It was an age when I felt adventurous and after a few beers things happened."

Uh, yeah....sure....awkward. Yes, cutting each other up after sex and being covered in blood is romantic. Oh and "after a few beers things happened?" After a few beers I could possibly have a small buzz, but at no point to I feel the need to grab a knife and start slicing.
I hope Angelina is still giggling about this when one of her 17 kids is "sexually active" in about 3 more months. Best wishes.