Wednesday, April 18, 2007

American Idol: Country Music. Ouch.

Oh crap, it's country music night on American Idol. The bad news is that the first person who sings something by Reba McIntyre will force me to change the station. The good news is that you know, you KNOW Sanjaya is coming out in a cowgirl costume. Martina McBride is the America Idol inspiration for the night. She has big pants to fill after Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx last week. Here are my thoughts on the episode. Walk with me...

  • Phil Stacey is singing some song I don't know. I don't know a lit of country music so I assume I'll be typing this a lot. Does his shirt have little mirrors all over it? Fancy. I'm sure the crew at a country bar like fancy flashy shirts like that from their performers. Dear Phil, please use police escort to get to your car after the show. Best of luck. IBBB.

  • Uh, does Paula smell burnt toast? Is she having a stroke? I think she literally picks random words from the dictionary and puts them all together to form a slurred sentence.

  • Jordin is singing one of Martina's songs, which I don't know either. I did notice, however, that Jordan has man hands. What? Just an observation as the song helped me drift slowly to sleep.

  • I think Paula just had her second stroke of the night.

  • Sanjaya is up next. I think he's trying to look tough with his red bandanna. His perm is too high so he looks more like Carrot Top and Rhea Perlman all in one.

  • Sanajaya sings "Something to Talk About." Fitting. Very fitting...not because people talk about him, but because he talk-sings and he sing-talks. He never just sings.

  • Uh, how about we give 'em something to sing about. Ouch. Sanjaya hurt my ears. No really.

  • Wait, did Paula just call Sanjaya gay? I think she did.

  • Lakisha is singing Carrie Underpant's Jesus Take the Wheel. I say, Jesus take the dessert cuz Lakisha needs a break. Sure that was a low blow, but it's country music week and I'm falling asleep.

  • Why does Paula talk directly into the microphone like she's bidding on the set of golf clubs on "The Price is Right?"

  • Chris is singing a Rascal Flats song. I'm assuming he'll sing it like he's Justin Timberlake. Yup I'm right. He did. One Justin Timberlake is already too much. We don't need a second one. As a side note, how come only parts of his song have a country accent? Just checking.

  • Wow, bonus points for Chris for using the Virginia Tech sympathy vote. Even I wouldn't joke around with that. Enjoy hell, Chris. Ok, see you there.

  • Did Melinda just get breast implants this week? Will they sing too? Let's see.

  • It was nice that Melinda didn't look like the grandmother from "Family Matters" this week, although I do miss that.

  • Blake is up. I can't do this anymore. No comment. Good day.


Missyzola said...

Oh no you dint just diss the country!!!

Anonymous said...

Good news...i'm heading to Boston this July on tour. I think it's on the 9th so I know i will see you there and then at the Black Rose.