Wednesday, April 25, 2007

American Idol Gives Back


After American Idol has raped the American public of gazillions of dollars and time lost in our lives, they have decided to give back. Whatever it takes I guess.

I'd assume the children of Africa are psyched to see someone else famous besides Sally Struthers. I know I'd be happy for the change of pace. Do you think the kids are confused why Ryan Seacrest is wearing probably $2,500 worth of clothes? Interesting, yet not so. Here's what went down on American Idol as perceived by the brilliance of IBBB.
  • Chris Richardson sang "Change the World" and to no surprise sounded like Justin Timberlake. If this wasn't for charity, I'd say, "don't vote." Oh hell. Don't vote.
  • Apparently all you need to do to get the audience to scream and clap is simply stand up. Good thinking Chris. I'd stand up more often. You'd probably get a few more votes.
  • Dear Randy, please stop talking like you're 16 yrs old. Thanks for your cooperation.
  • Melinda literally shook her head left to right the entire song. We get it. You have a twitch. I think shaking your head left to right symbolizes "seriousness" while shaking your hips left to right signals a secret message to Shakira. But, I digress.
  • I love when Paula calls contestants "magical." No, you're magical Paula, you're magical. You ride on a magical unicorn into the heavens and hi-five Amelia Earhart. Thanks Paula.
  • "Imagine" Blake Lewis didn't beat-box?
  • Sweet, Paula continues to talk directly into the microphone. $1.00 Bob, $1.00!
  • Lakisha sings Fantasia. Hopefully, Lakisha doesn't plan on taking any dirty pictures with her cell phone like Fantasia did. Yowza!
  • This time Paula grabs the microphone in order to talk even louder and ever more direct into the mic. Halfway through I feel Paula has a stroke. Perhaps she was electrocuted from touching the mic.
  • Phil Stacey...I'm sorry, I fell asleep. There's a chance I lapsed into a coma. The doctors are still trying to decide.
  • Jordin Sparks sings something depressing. This whole show depressed me. Half the songs made me feel like I was in a Disney Cartoon and not in a good way.

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