Monday, May 14, 2007

Am I Wrong: Part 2


Who would have known that my new segment "Am I Wrong" would be such a "hit with the kids"?? I got a ton of emails about it, so I figured I'd give it another shot. So, my friendly readers, I give you the latest installment of "Am I Wrong?"
  • No, I don't want to pet your dog. Just because you're walking a dog doesn't mean I want it liking my hand or leg. I may not know your dog, but I am certain that he drinks out of the toilet and licks himself. Yeah, I'm all set with that toilet tongue on me, thanks. Am I wrong?
  • If you're a guy and wearing capri pants, why? I don't care if you're gay, straight, etc, but why capri pants? Is it hot out? Will those keep you cool? Is it cool out? Will those keep you warm? Why are you showing off your ankle area? Please stop it, at once. Am I wrong?
  • If it's hot out and sunny and my face is red, don't ask me if I have a sun-burn. What do you think? And don't ask me if it hurts? My face is red and about 200 degrees. Yes it hurts. Does that bottle I just broke over your head tickle? Am I wrong?
  • Don't look at me weird and say, "Is that a grey hair?" What do you think? Next time you ask that I'm going to look behind you and say, "Is that a fat ass?" Am I wrong?
  • If all you have to say to me on an elevator is "Is it Friday yet?" don't even bother talking to me. No it isn't Friday yet. You know when it is Friday? When it actually is Friday. P.S if you say "Hot enough for ya?" please just immediately exit the elevator. Am I wrong?
  • Why is it that when someone honks their horn everyone seems to look? Do you think you're that important that the horn is for you? How important could you be? You're walking. Am I wrong?
  • Yeah, if you're sneezing all over the place and then tell me "oh don't worry I'm not sick, it's just allergies" I don't care. There is still snot flying out of your nose at 100 miles per hour and landing all over the place. I don't care if it's "cold snot" or "allergy snot." It's still snot and I still don't want it on me. Am I wrong?

Well that concludes another segment of "Am I Wrong?" You're welcome. All rights reserved.

4 comments:

DebilDog said...

No...you are not wrong...there is something wrong about the whole picture! Brown shoes with black socks? Don't you know when you wear short with shoes..you ALWAYS wear white socks...even before Easter...duh!

that's what she said...

are those your "molester" socks?

Chris said...

If my noisy upstairs neighbor pisses me off and I complain to the coop board enough to get him in trouble, am I wrong?

(Hmmm, maybe I should try my hand at this...)

Just kidding. Hopefully this will become a regular feature, like Harriet Carter Wednesdays. Yay! Tomorrow is Wednesday!

Anonymous said...

Dammit, dude, did you break into my grandpa's wardrobe again? You just made an 85-year-old man cry, asshole.