Thursday, May 31, 2007

Am I Wrong? Part III

Back by popular demand is a little segment I like to call, "Am I Wrong?" No seriously, am I wrong? This segment will have a bit of a New York vibe to it, as I am living in the city now.
  • Why the hell are there so many people on the street? And why is everyone holding a blackberry? They're not that small. You kinda look like your holding a laptop. Keep it in your bag. I don't think you're important. Am I wrong?
  • Why do most restaurants automatically add a 20% tip to your bill when there are 6 of you at the table? Really? Is the 6th person really that much more work than the 5th person? Do you think that all of a sudden when there are 6 people at the table we would NEVER be able to figure out the tip? I always tip 20%, but don't force me to. It kinda makes me think that you think that I'm dumb. Am I wrong?
  • How many charities are there in NYC and why are they all begging for money on the street? Look, I know that they're trying to raise money, but why are you yelling to me that all you need is a penny? Really? A penny? Aren't pennies almost out of circulation? How will a penny help? I actually don't believe it. Sure, maybe like 76 million pennies might help, but just one? I doubt it. If you're going to be standing on the street yelling for money, at least think big. Go for a nickle or something. Am I wrong?
  • Am I good luck for the Red Sox in New York? The Yankees are down 13 games to the Red Sox. What? I had to throw it in there. Am I wrong?
  • How come homeless people are obsessed with shopping carriages? You know what? Just stay in one place. Why do you need so much stuff? I mean, you're living on the street. Are you just showing off to your other homeless friends? You're all like, "Hey Bert, sorry I gotta go. I'm moving up the street. Let me just take alllll my stuff and toss it in my shopping carriage and push it up the street." You know what? Nobody like a bragger. Just stick to being homeless. What? Am I wrong?
  • Hot enough for ya? Why do people always ask me this? It's either "hot enough for ya" or "cold enough for ya?" You know what? Yeah. It is hot enough for me. It's like 100 degrees and with the humidity it's like 150 degrees. Stop asking me that. And what the hell is "hot enough?" Enough for what? Enough for who? I don't even know how to respond to you. I feel awkward. Does anyone answer "no" to this question? Does someone say, "hot enough for ya" and you're like "no it isn't. I need it about 10 degrees hotter." Kill yourself. Oh, and stop asking me that on the elevator. What? Am I wrong?
  • Any big plans for the weekend? That's another question I get all the time. What do you mean "big plans?" Yeah, I'm curing cancer this weekend, why? I can never live up to your "big plans" question. My "big plans" consist of drinking beers and by you calling it "big plans" makes me feel like I'm not doing something good enough. Thanks for making me feel like a loser. Am I wrong?


EnuhCorK said...

I usually answer people with "My plans this weekend are to ruin your plans. Tell me what they are so I can get a head start....I'd like to sleep in on Saturday."

*..Jeru..* said...

I almost never have "plans for the weekend" and I get that question a loooooooot, my answer is: same thing I do every weekend, try to save the world Pinky :-]


PD. Blogger as usually givin me a hard time with the comments :S

lucky said...

Shoot - I was going to wait until next weekend to cure cancer, but looks like you're gonna beat me to it. That's what I get for not having big plans THIS weekend.

Waterlilly said...

I am cracking up! you're good.