Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Aretha? Have You Called Jenny Yet? Oh You Did? Good!

I'm sure you could tell by today's random blog posts I need a little break from the Lindsay's, Britney's, Paris', and Nicole Richie's of the world and see what else is going on. When this happens it usually entails me thinking of random celebrities that are the opposite of who I usually write about and seeing what they're up to. Therefore I present to you, Aretha Franklin. Did you know/care that Aretha is getting married next month? Yup, she is. And like any bride she's looking to drop about 250 pounds before she walks (slowly) down the aisle. Well if it worked for Kirstie Alley and Valerie Bertonelli it can certainly work for Aretha and so Aretha has called Jenny (Craig) to help her lose the weight. However, don't look for Aretha to be the next spokesperson for Jenny Craig because she seems to be bitching about the program even though she knows it works. The Aretha Monster has told "Sister 2 Sister" magazine (yes, that actually does exist),

"I'm at 1,750 calories a day and I'm just have to get used to the portions and changing your lifestyle. I lost 23 or 24 pounds to begin with, but it's kind of a strain when you get to 23 or 24 pounds. That's why I got off of it. It's a strain because you're eating the Jenny Craig type meals, which are very good. But you can only eat them for so long before you want some barbecue ribs or some pigs feet. Once you get off that Jenny Craig thing you start eating what you've been eating, it's all over."

Yeah, uh Aretha? Yeah, I don't ever want pigs feet. I don't want to think about eating pigs feet. I don't want to think about you binging on pigs feet. See? Great. Now I'm picturing Aretha Franklin wearing cut-off jean shorts, sitting on the floor in front of her refrigerator, and eating pigs feet and crying. Gross. I gotta go now.

Who Said That!?!


Anonymous said...

Man, if you're craving pig's feet, Jenny Craig better up the taste of their meals...can't imagine. Loved the pics of Aretha/cookie monster! Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Give me back my cookie BITCH!

Cookie Monster