Thursday, August 23, 2007

Newport Harbor: Pretty in Pink Sucks

Yeah so it's only episode 2 of the very original Newport Harbor and I'm already bored. I'm not sure I can commit to recapping the whole season, so unless these retards get a little more retarded this may be my last Newport Harbor recap. We'll see. Here's how this one went down:

  • I bet Chrissy's dad has child pornography on his computer. Someone call Chris Hanson from Dateline and have him look into this. Thanks.

  • When Steve Sanders Jr. and his buddy (whose name I don't need to know) are at the beach and the beach ball lands on them, why is it that a Puerto Rican guy in a plaid button down shirt with black jeans on and sneakers shows up to retrieve it? Anyone else find this to be odd attire to wear ON the beach?

  • Sweet 16! Samantha and Allie are planning a "Pretty in Pink" party. That's awesome. Wait, what does that even mean. It should have been called, "Wicked in White" in honor of their white "fright-wig" hair. By the way, who still has markers at this age? Tools.

  • Is Samantha the ghetto version of Cami from Laguna Beach? I mean the "ghettoer" version of Cami from Laguna Beach.

  • Chrissy and the girl go for ice cream and I can honestly say I have no idea what their conversation was about. At one point they mention a pigeon. That was the most interesting part, I think.

  • Allie and Chase go mini-golfing and this is when the light bulb goes off that this whole love triangle is the first major scripted moment of the season. I get it now. Nice try MTV. Tricky tricky. I thought it looked familiar. Steven-LC-Kristen. Yeah, thought so. Tricky tricky.

  • Samantha and Allie have a legitimate conversation in the car about "bootylicious" being a word that was added to the dictionary. There's a war going on in Iraq.

  • So how old is Chrissy's mom? 20? 22?

  • So is Chase's mom actually in porn?

  • Yup, the "Pretty in Pink" party is really pink. Not only is everything there pink, everyone there is pink. The lighting is pink, people are pink, and their teeth have a tint of pink. Also is this party at the VFW? Isn't Newport Beach supposed to be nice?

  • Woooo! Awesome dancing everyone! It's very reminiscent of the 90210 junior prom when Brenda really got down to that Cathy Dennis song. Google it.

  • So are they going to play the entire Hillary Duff song during this scene? "The Duff" gets the opening credits and the main song during the episode? Good for her.

  • Samantha and Chase kissed. Allie calls him a pig. I think the real pig is Samantha...only because she has pig-like qualities.

I officially miss the old Laguna Beach. The jokers suck. Who found these people? Are there not any better people in Newport Harbor/Beach? I miss Cami.


Anonymous said...

Ick that show looks terrible ,even for mtv standards.I might watch it though just to see the hilarious-ness that you described

that's what she said...

I think a good drinking game would be that everyone has to drink whenever one of these retards says "like"

If you don't pass out during the first five minutes, you win!

Anonymous said...

The ball retriever isn't puerto rican - he's mexican. Yes, they wear jeans to the beach. Yes, they even swim in jeans. Yes, some of them even drown, in jeans. It's a cultural phenomenon even locals can't explain.

Excellent recap, I am never watching this show.

Anonymous said...

yeah, I llive in nepwort, my son even goes to newport harbor, we know these kids, but thank god only from 6 degrees of seperation. I am sad to admit that yes, this is the kids of newport, but not all, just the few remaining spoiled ones that aren't using drugs everyday....yet. Yes mexicans wear jeans to the beach and button down shirts, no it's not freezing cold, I have to agree with anonymous, it's a weird phenomenon, we don't understand, the lifeguards stay busy.

Anonymous said...

i actually love this show no joke

Anonymous said...

i actually love this show. no joke

Anonymous said...

i love this show soo much it makes me want to live there! the guys are sooo hott