Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Hills: Lauren's Random Date, Audrina's Teeth, Justin Bobby Returns, and Heidi Gets a Promotion

Fine, so this recap is late. Sue me. The Hills episode "Second Chances" really delivered this week and by "delivered" I mean "made me lapse into a pleasant and restful coma." Here's how I lost more braincells:
  • I love seeing Audrina and Lauren working out at Equinox gym. What the hell are they doing? Why are they lifting one 3 pound weight in the air?

  • Is Lauren's personal trainer retarded? Just checking.

  • Jason called Lauren.....only because the script told him to.

  • I have a question. Why does Heidi want to get a promotion at "work" when she makes $25,000 an episode on The Hills? I mean, at that point do you really need the promotion? As a side note, why does Heidi dress like a newscaster at work? This still puzzles me.

  • How much time does Steve Sanders spend on his "Apple" laptop and his "Apple iPhone" and his "Apple iPod?" Yeah we get it. Apple has given you a crap load of money to use their products.

  • Yeah! It's date night! Lauren's date "Derek" and the other dude are both equally mentally challenged. They are talking about mullets before Lauren and Audrina show up. Ok fine, that was cool.

  • "Derek" spends 20 minutes talking about his 40 cent t-shirts. This kid can't get worse.

  • Ok, he can. "Derek" then tells Lauren at Le Deaux that he likes her more than any girl he's known and then he said he murdered some people. Hey MTV, can we grab a quick background check? Thanks.

  • What are Whitney's actual responsibilities. I want to see her job description. Wait, what is Lauren's job responsibilities? She is just taking clothes off of a rack and placing them elsewhere on the rack. Where can I get a job like this?

  • Again, why does Heidi want this job? It must pay minimum wage and she makes $25,000 an episode. She's getting close to "Friends" money.

  • Lo's new nose has arrived. Why is Lo the only one who brings up Justin Bobby?

  • Congrats. Heidi got the promotion. Elodie is going to have to move out of her apartment and live in a dumpster. She can share the space with Steve Sanders. It's great the Heidi can elevate her "douche bag" status on an episode by episode basis.

  • Lauren meets up with Jason for "scripted coffee" and it makes me miss Cami from Laguna Beach. Is that a normal reaction?
The Hills
Justin Bobby


Anonymous said...

I hope Elodie kicks Heidis Ass!! That was totally fake. I am sure she didn't get any promotion but now that she has I guess we won't be seeing her or those teeth anymore on TV, since she is going to be working a lot more!! YIPPEEE

Anonymous said...

Hmm Heidi discovers there is a promotion available, weasels her way into a 34 second discussion with bad actor boss man who basically says hmm thats an interesting idea (as in we only hired you for the publicity in the first place and you suck at your job as it is)then out of no where she is sitting in the new office...oooo scandalous...how much did MTV have to pay bothhouse to give her that job?

also, can you keep reposting on JustinBobby.com as well??

Anonymous said...

I LOVE reading your Hills biz...one question though and something I think I might have missed-- why do you call Spencer Steve Sanders?

Anonymous said...

I can't stop laughing. I found your blog last week at work, accidentally looking for uh.... stuff about the Hills. And its gut busting. Seriously. And today, I just found your gem ' justinbobby.com '. It doesn't get any better. I tivo The Hills, and I haven't seen the new episode, but I like reading this, then watching it, the same for Newport Harbor. LOVE !! I miss Cami too !! Filmed live before a studio audience, you slay me !!

Melissa said...

Thanks Heidi. For those of us college educated and frustrated with our professional lives, let me be the first to say your promotion made me want to cram a knife into my eye.

Hmmm...Bolthouse executive, who just two years ago skipped a class at fashion school because she couldnt find it. Drops out one week later. Brilliant move, Brent.

(IBBB, please post some scrolling message across the top of your page that says, "Steve Sanders: If you dont get it, dont ask." - I think we're forgetting that a hefty majority of Hills fans arent sad 30-ish year olds, but high schoolers who were were in Pre-school during 90210...its not their fault!)

IBBeckyB said...

Wow, you've got yourself quite the following this week!!! It's time to turn skank. I'm sorry, it was only a matter of time. I expect to see your gentleman greeter on TMZ by the end of the week, or just post it on youtube with your other recaps.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

I believe w-w-whitney has a very important job..it is called 'being a sidekick'...she is too tall and awkward to be left alone by herself just yet, she needs a ruler, a leader, someone to say 'no whitney put the shirt on that hanger..' stuff like that is crucial...in fact, I would like to have my own sidekick one day

Anonymous said...

First of all that was very Shady of Heidi to go behind Elodie's back. She should have told her she wanted the job too. Not a good friend at all. 2nd why the hell is Jason callin Lauren? WTF? I hope she seriously kicks him to the curb! He is a sleazy player! 3rd of all why is Audrina still seeing Justin Bobby after her totally dogged her out! DRAMA!

Anonymous said...

why are people actually falling for this crap?

Anonymous said...

Check it out: Heidi's new song:


whats everybody think??

Irishstayc said...

OMG Heidi is such a C*NT and i never use that word...did you see the previews for next week??? Oh it's gonna rock!

As for missing Cami... don't be REDONKULOUS we all miss witty ways!

as always love the recap! and I swear Steve Sanders Jr from the Harbor is Steve sanders brother... he just doesn't want anyone to know he has such a skank for a bro.

YAY 30 something 90210 watchers LOL ~Stacey

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice Audrina's asscrack as she rode away into the sunset with Justin"Bobby"? Brilliant.

blahblahblog said...

i like how heidi thinks that because she starting "working" at bolthouse a whole year after elodie that elodie started "just before" her.
"oh, so you started just before I got here?"
"yeah, uh, a year!"
"yeah, so like, the same time"
what a horsefaced dirtbag!
also, what's up with audrina's mouth? she's got that mary murphy from so you think you can dance thing going on. it hurts to look at.

Anonymous said...

Audrina's teeth is so big! I have never seen such big teeth before. Elodie is going to quit her job because of that Heidi. I think Lauren still got feelings for Jason. I also think she is falling for Brody.