Wednesday, October 31, 2007

...In Other News...

Ellen DeGeneres dressed like a woman today and not just any woman, Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx. I thought Ellen didn't make fun of people. Anyway, this is what Ellen looks like as a woman. Enjoy. In other news...

Harriet Carter Wednesday Spooktacular!

Trick-or-Crap! It's Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday Halloween Spooktacular edition! While photos of Harriet Carter topless would be sure to frighten a child of any age, unfortunately I couldn't find any. I'm still holding out for the Harriet Carter sex tape. Anyway, luckily Harriet Carter Wednesday just happened to fall on Halloween, which can only mean one we'll be reviewing some of Harriet's Halloween products in her crapalog. Yee-Haw! Let's go!

Product # 1 - Trick or stink! I bet one wreath has never stunk like cheap plastic more than this gem. In typical Harriet Carter fashion, they seem go overboard with a concept. How about a pumpkin wreath with a few pumpkins on it? Nope. How about a pumpkin wreath with about 243 pumpkins smashed into it. Save the time having to tell your neighbors that you're complete white-trash. Now you can just display your very own white-trash flag with this wreath. Seriously that looks gross. What the hell is a pumpkin wreath anyway? They don't even look like pumpkins. They look like tomato's. Enjoy your tomato wreath. Wakka wakka!

Product # 2 - Trick or dumb! Have you finished decorating the absolute piss out of your house? Well don't just stop there. Bring the rest of your Halloween crap outside and start decorating the piss out of anything and everything on your property line. Trees not scary enough? Simply add some faces (??) to your boring tree and make it spooktastic! Choose from the green eyes, green nose, and purple bow-tie face...because, you know, that makes sense. Or go for the more traditional scarecrow tree face because little kids walking by your house need to think that trees have faces because, lets face it, that's what this holiday is all about. No wonder why other countries hate us. Sidenote, how in the hell tall are those trees? They must be pretty tall because they're in the sky according to the picture. Are those Jesus' trees? And why are there colored leaves on the base of the first tree? Do tree stumps grow colored leaves? Oh wait, I think it's supposed to look like those leaves just fell there. Yeah, that looks natural. I think I can almost see the glue from the glue-gun on the leaves. Thanks Harriet, thanks for making trees fun again.

Product # 3- Trick or Child Skank! Feel that your little daughter isn't quite slutty enough for trick-or-treating? Well worry no more because now you can quickly skank her up with this low-cut cheerleader costume. Ra! Ra! Sis-Boom-Kiddy Porn! Give me a D. Give me an I. Give me a D. Give me another D. Give me an L. Give me an E. Give me an R. Give me and S. Give me another D. Give me another R. Give me another E. Give me an A. Give me an M. What does that spell? I said what does that spell? Diddlers Dream! Diddlers Dream! Diddlers Dream! Ok, seriously, there should be a rule. If your daughter is so young that she's still missing teeth (i.e picture above) then she may me a little too young to be wearing a short skirt, makeup, and showing her stomach. I have 6 words for you: Jon Benet Ramsey. And we all know how that crap turned out. So before you send your skank-bag of a daughter out with her friends trick-or-treating door to door you may not want to make it so easy for the kidnappers and diddlers. Put her in a mask and a coat. You know, make them work for it. Because remember, diddling and kidnapping isn't just a pastime, it's like Christmas on Halloween for these perverts. Ho-ho-boo!

Product # 4 - Trick or Awkward Pose/Costume! How adorable. A couple's costume. Apparently being a human set of handcuffs is something that actually...exists? And to really top of this costume, one must wear all black and even some black leather pants's what handcuffs do? The dude is giving the typical, "I'm a douche-bag and am so pussy whipped that I had to go to this costume party with my pain in the ass wife" look. And the chick is giving the typical, "This was the best idea I've ever had for a costume and can't wait to show our friends just how creative I am. Wow it's going to be really tricky when it's time to go to the bathroom. I bet my friends will comment on that and we'll all laugh" look. What a real hoot! Now I'm not fully sure why she is posing that way. Do handcuffs typically make you look like you're taking a spooktacular dump AND that your hand is broken? I guess so.

Audrina's Halloween Party, From Hell

Note to self, blond wig makes your teeth pop even more in a photograph. Audrina was hosting "Hpnotiq's Halloween Party" and you'll never guess where it was...Les Deux. I know, crazy right? There was almost a conflict with the hosts as they could get Audrina to host, but at the time Audrina's teeth were set to host a different party. Luckily, Audrina's teeth freed up their other commitment and both Audrina and her teeth could make it to the Hpnotiq party.

Related:  Super Cute Homemade Costumes for the Last Minute Halloween Goer

Audrina went as Shirley Temple? Olivia Newton John during the last scene of Grease? Maybe it's Madonna? I'll go with Madonna. Original. Without question she should have dressed up as Justin Bobby. Duh. Regardless this was a star studded event with such celebrities in attendance like Christina Milian and Justin Guarini and...well...that's kind of it. Apparently Justin Guarini went as himself?

Is it just me or is anyone else over Halloween already!?! Bring on All Saints Day. Woo-hoo!

Audrina's Halloween Party, From Hell

Catholic Church So Pissed at Britney, They Can Barely Focus On Molesting Their Alter-Boys

This may be hard to believe, but Britney is in the news again. This time it's because of her new album, which I believe is called "Baby One More Time." Britney is dressed like a widowed streetwalker and is sitting on the lap of a "priest" in the confessional booth. The Catholic church, of course, is outraged at this as it really cuts back on the amount of time they can focus on trying to molest their alter boys and raise enough money to pay their legal bills due to the thousands of molestation cases against them. Geesh, I'd be mad too.

One spokesperson for the Catholic league has said, "She should be trying to be an entertainer without mocking a Catholic sacrament." True. Oh, yeah, you know what else is kinda true? A spokesperson for IBBB has issued the following statement to the spokesperson of the Catholic league. "Priests should be trying to be holy-like without molesting children." While I know that's not a sacrament it should just go without saying.

Look, I'm not saying all priests are diddle-monsters, but probably the majority of them. While Britney is "train-wreck-hot-sex-on-a-plate," there is nothing wrong with these pictures. I mean, maybe if her "gentlemen greeter" was showing that could be an issue, but I think the Catholic's who are obsessed out there should just be pleased that photographs are out there with a girl of legal age on the lap of a priest....with key focus on "girl of legal age." This is actually some good press for them, no?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

...In Other News...

~ Poshtoria Shows Teeth ~ CelebritySmack
~ Sienna Miller is a 60 Year Old Man ~ AgentBedHead
~ Jonathan Rhys Meyers Looks Like a Diddler ~ Popbytes
~ Paris to Swing By Rwanda Next Year ~ EvilBeet
~ Nicole Richie Already a Good Mom ~ NinjaDude
~ Lindsay Lohan. Still Sober. Still Boring. ~ Yeeeah
~ Hollywood Halloween Won't Stop ~ FatBack
~Does LC have Mom-Face? ~ POTP
~ Sarah Jessica is Pretty ~ Ayyyy

The Hills Goes to New York

Time for another special episode of The Hills. Will Whitney find a way to whore up her "business presentation?" Will Brody and Steve Sanders rekindle their friendship? Will Lisa Loveless go skinny dipping with Heidi's mom and horse? All these and more shall be answered. Here's how this crapisode, "Stress and the City" went down:
  • Whitney has chosen a church as the location for this god-for-saken Young Hollywood fashion show. Lisa Loveless' combover is looking especially hot tonight. Plus, Lisa is wearing her sunglasses in the church as if Jesus spots her he will naturally strike her dead.
  • When Lisa Loveless smiles I wait for bugs to crawl out from her teeth. Me gusta Lisa Loveless.
  • Uh, what in the Christ is Whitney wearing to the meeting with Lisa Loveless and Lauren? It's the cross between a bed sheet and a skirt. Is this really what people wear to work?
  • It's great that Lisa still looks at Lauren like she's a complete idiot. Point taken.
  • Yeah, can Whitney stop interrupting Lisa by tossing in buzzwords? Rude.
  • Whitney and Lauren are carting their asses to NYC (see you soon) and Lisa's advice to them, "Come back successfully and quickly." Uh, ok. Wait, huh? They're not running an errand to the corner store for you, they're flying across the country. Not quite sure how "quickly" they can make it back. Regardless, bonus points for Lisa showing some arm in her outfit. Loveless arm. Priceless.
  • Does Whitney have abnormally small hands?
  • Alright alright! Steve Sanders is heading back to, AGAIN, Bolthouse to stalk Heidi. Wait, what is this I see? Well will ya look at that! Frankie just happens to be walking out of Bolthouse as Steve Sanders is walking in. What are the odds of that? Well, since it's scripted, the odds are very good.
  • What the hell happens at Bolthouse anyway? It seems like people just walk in and out of that place and somehow get paid. Where do I sign up? I would like to recap The Hills right from Brent Bolthouse's office, assuming his computer is a real computer and not one of those cardboard ones that they have in furniture stores.
  • Does Steve Sanders have a crush on Brody? He tells Frankie that he was Brody's loyal friend for years. He defended him. He fought for him. Really? Did he just say that? I immediately think of the song from Robin Hood. "I would fight for you, I'd lie for you, walk the wire for you, ya I'd die for you. You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you."
  • Ok thanks Frankie. Now go and "spend your money." Your character this season is extremely useless and not needed. Hope to see next episode.
  • Lauren and Whitney have arrived in NYC for their big business meeting and I believe that Whitney's boobs are falling out of her dress. Yup, they are.
  • Best quote of the episode, perhaps, is when they're waiting to meet their Teen Vogue person and Lauren asks Whitney if she practiced her presentation and Whitney replies, "Um, no not really." Award winning. Way to be a real go-getter Whitney!
  • Amy Astley looks like she's wearing a wig.
  • Lauren is looking hot as hell in her dress and looks like someone grew herself a little bit of an ass. It's fitting that they play J Lo's "Doin' It Well" as Lauren walks out of the office.
  • Ha, so Lauren is racing off to Marc Jacobs and actually runs into the taxi and says, "72 Spring Street and I'm in a hurry." Really? Who says that unless you're in a 1950's black-and-white movie!? 72 Spring Street and step on it! Follow that taxi!
  • So Lauren's job for the day is to help dress the models and put bow-ties on them or something. Do you think it's kind of ridiculous that she has to do this when she's kinda making $25,000 an episode filming "The Hills?"
  • Oh God. Whitney blew the meeting. Whitney is kind of giving her presentation in a prom dress.
  • Although, Whitney is a bit of a trooper when they nix all of her plans, basically. When Amy asks Whitney exactly where those flowers are going I would have simply replied, "I don't know Amy, up your ass?"
  • Second best quote of the episode from Lauren after getting to meet Marc Jacobs, "I'm going to give Lisa Love a hug and then run away because I'm afraid what she'll do to me." Awesome. She'll hug you back Lauren. She'll run her hands down your back and get very inappropriate. Basically, she'll make you a woman. Good luck with that.
  • Are you kidding me with this? Steve Sanders calls Brody and leaves him a message. That's all that happens. Yeah, we saw that in the commercial 3,000 times during the week. We were looking for a little more than that.
  • Brody goes over to the set of Lauren's apartment and they talk up Steve Sanders. Boring.

Next week we get to see more of Lisa Loveless and Heidi's 21st birthday. Strange how Heidi has been on camera drinking for about 3 years now.

Wanna Be MYSPACE Friends With the Mastermind Behind The Hills Recaps? You Know You Kinda Do. Click Here and be IBBBs MYSPACE Friend

The Hills Goes to New York

What's My Name, What's My Name

Seeing pictures of Kelly Rowland got me to thinking about a bunch of different things. First off, I thought about how much I missed Destiny's Child singing about their fat asses, breaking their lease so they can't move, it's 11:30 and the party's jumpin' jumpin', and singing no no no no no when it's really yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. I realized that other members of Destiny's Child on their own really bore me. To me, they're kinda like a sober Lindsay Lohan. Pointless. Then I got to thinking how Kelly Rowland masters the spandex unitard, yes "unitard" without showing a glimpse of the cameltoe. That really disappoints me. Now if that was Beyonce in the unitard it would have been so tight I would have been able to tell what day of her period she was on. What?

Anyway, Kelly Rowland was "in concert" in London singing her greatest hits such as.....uh...and her other huge then she closed with...umm. I would have been fine with her singing "Say My Name" on repeat. I miss Destiny's Child. They better get their asses back in that recording studio. My iPod is missing them.

What's My Name, What's My Name

Happy Skankerween!

Happy Skankerween! A walking STD never looked so spookstacular! Paris Hilton has the most creative Halloween costume. Ahoy, whories! The SS Hilton is sure to go down at every house she stops by this Halloween season. Being on her knees bobbing for apples as never come in handy more than for this time of year. I mean, how she stuffed her little boy boobs into that anchor bra is a treat in itself. It's the great whore-bag, Charlie Brown! Ok, I am 100% out of bad Halloween jokes.

Happy Skankerween!
Who Shot That Whore!?

Heidi: The Fugly Mermaid

I wanna be where the chins are. I wanna see, wanna see Heidi dancing. Walking around with those -what do you call 'em? Oh - fake boobs! Flippin your nose, you don't get too far. Talent is required for singing, dancing. Up where she walks, up where she runs. Up where she sells-out all day in the sun. Talent free. Wish I could be, part of her world!

Bonus points if you got any of that. Heidi and Steve Sanders got their Halloween costumes off the rack in the Halloween aisle at Walgreens. I can almost smell the plastic and felt from here and I'm not even talking about Heidi's nose and boobs. Oh! Stop me if you heard this!

Heidi looks simply beautiful with her little mermaid outfit and Steve Sanders looks like the real spider man! It really is a special day. I mean, Steve Sanders clearly permed his hair for his costume and Heidi clearly washed up on shore for her Halloween costume. The saddest part? At some point these two both looked in the mirror and said, "Perfect. Let's go."

Monday, October 29, 2007

Red Sox Win the World Series!!!!!

Red Sox winning the World Series = IBBB's day off! See you tomorrow for The Hills recap. Go Sox!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Gavin Talks "The Hills"

I kind of feel like "outing" The Hills is like ratting out the mafia, no? It's all fun and games to play "hey, is The Hills fake" but when you have someone who was actually on the show tell you it ain't so hurts. It just hurts. I mean, at least Elodie had the decency do lie to me and tell me it wasn't scripted and that it was, in fact, reality and I respect her for that. Are you going to do and tell 6 yrs olds about the truth about Santa Claus? I don't think so. Well, thanks for ruining Christmas for us, Gavin.

Gavin sat down with someone over at VH1 to discuss his horrific experience. Here's some of what went down:
Interviewer: Alright, man. I'm just gonna come right out and ask: how the hell did you get involved with this televised Crazy Carnival?

Gavin Beasley: Last year I was booked on an editorial modeling gig, posing with Lauren for this interview she did in People Magazine. We got along, and she kept trying to set me up with Heidi, because she was on a break from Spencer or something back then, and Lauren was trying to get her to move on. But nothing ever happened with that and Lauren was dating Jason (Wahler) at the time, so we didn't keep in touch at all. Then in August I got a call from my agency to go to a casting call for Teen Vogue, and Lauren and the camera crews just so happened to be there. She remembered me from our shoot, and the next thing I know, a producer's asking me to ask Lauren for her number, and I'm signing release forms and being shot for The Hills. They wanted me to ask her about the runway show, how long she had worked that day, when would she get off, stuff like that.
Interviewer: So was your whole experience on the show like that?

Gavin Beasley: Absolutely, from the very beginning. Like, they totally set up the BBQ scene for Brody and I to meet each other and talk because, as they said, "the audience would get a kick out of seeing 'the ex' talking to 'the new guy'." So they rent this house in Malibu for a set, bought a bunch of food and drinks, and just filmed us hanging out. Brody would talk all this sh*t, then be like, "Sorry about that, we're just trying to make good television." Like at one point, some other dude walked up to us while we were talking, and Brody goes, "We're trying to film a scene here. Do you mind?", like he's interrupting our lines. Haha, it was some of the best acting I've ever done.
Interviewer: So the big date with Lauren. What did you two actually talk about for the hours and hours you spent together that we didn’t see on the show?

Gavin Beasley: I honestly had a really hard time talking to her - she's kind of a conversation killer, and when the cameras are rolling, all conversation is kept firmly on the surface. She talked about how mean Perez Hilton was, and how you have to be nice to the Paparazzi so they don't release the uglier pictures of you. I don't know - pop culture, Red Bull, stuff like that. In fact, the most interesting thing I got out of her was that she isn't allowed to eat ice cream because her trainer told her she can't.
Interviewer: So how did this big adventure finally end?

Gavin Beasley: Well we shot all this back in August, and I didn't film anything else, nor did I talk to Lauren again after our date night. Someone from MTV called two weeks later to see about me asking Lauren and Whitney out on a double date, but nothing happened with that. In fact, I actually feel like I had more of a relationship with my MTV contact than I ever did with Lauren.
You can check out the rest of the interview HERE

Ok so good interview. No offense, though, but where were the questions about who Lauren would have a lesbian love affair with? Where are the questions about Heidi's new nose and/or boobs? Where are the questions about the true story behind Lisa Loveless? I blame the interviewer for not asking these hard-hitting questions. I also blame Gavin for not asking Lauren about this on the show. If I was on the show, I would have drilled Lauren (yes, that way too) with all sorts of questions until the producers actually would make me leave the "date" and then never air the scene. Way to "not" sell out Gavin. Disappointing.

Gavin Talks "The Hills"

Am I Wrong: The Repeat

Thanks to the popularity of "The Hills" more and more people have been reading this wonderful little blog. So I figured what better way to welcome some new readers then with the original "Am I Wrong" segment. Once "The Hills" is over, clearly I'm screwed, so maybe this will help to have the people stick around. Also, since The Red Sox were playing again last night, I'm a bit too tired to blog. Enjoy!

As you know, every now and then I like to break off from the celebrity news just to clear my head. Typically, I do this in a "rant," but this time I'm doing it with a new little segment I like to call, "Am I Wrong?"

Am I Wrong?

  • No, I don't want to pet your dog. Just because you're walking a dog doesn't mean I want it liking my hand or leg. I may not know your dog, but I am certain that he drinks out of the toilet and licks himself. Yeah, I'm all set with that toilet tongue on me, thanks. Am I wrong?

  • If you're a guy and wearing capri pants, why? I don't care if you're gay, straight, etc, but why capri pants? Is it hot out? Will those keep you cool? Is it cool out? Will those keep you warm? Why are you showing off your ankle area? Please stop it, at once. Am I wrong?

  • If it's hot out and sunny and my face is red, don't ask me if I have a sun-burn. What do you think? And don't ask me if it hurts? My face is red and about 200 degrees. Yes it hurts. Does that bottle I just broke over your head tickle? Am I wrong?

  • Don't look at me weird and say, "Is that a grey hair?" What do you think? Next time you ask that I'm going to look behind you and say, "Is that a fat ass?" Am I wrong?

  • If all you have to say to me on an elevator is "Is it Friday yet?" don't even bother talking to me. No it isn't Friday yet. You know when it is Friday? When it actually is Friday. P.S if you say "Hot enough for ya?" please just immediately exit the elevator. Am I wrong?

  • Why is it that when someone honks their horn everyone seems to look? Do you think you're that important that the horn is for you? How important could you be? You're walking. Am I wrong?

  • Yeah, if you're sneezing all over the place and then tell me "oh don't worry I'm not sick, it's just allergies" I don't care. There is still snot flying out of your nose at 100 miles per hour and landing all over the place. I don't care if it's "cold snot" or "allergy snot." It's still snot and I still don't want it on me. Am I wrong?

That's all. Thank you.

This Time Last Year: Kirsten Dunst

It's time for another look into the past year of IBBB and experience "This Time Last Year." This time, we're taking a look at Kirsten Dunst and what that crazy little skank was up to "This Time Last Year." Here's what me and Kirsten were up to:

Kirsten Dunst is my grandma. No, she really is. I'm going onto Maury Povich for a DNA test to prove that Kirsten Dunst is my grandma. I mean, she dresses like my grandma. She has my grandma's open-toed orthopedic sandals on. She has my grandma's shawl/coat that keeps her nice and toasty warm on cool autumn afternoons. She even has my grandma's pocketbook from the mid 1980's. It's the same one that my grandma had that contained mints, juicy fruit, band aids, diabetic candies, her medical alert bracelet, photos of her grand kids, mase, telephone book used for driving, her cataract glasses, bingo dobber, scratch tickets, and half of a peanut butter sandwich. Yup, she's definitely my grandma.

This Time Last Year: Kirsten Dunst

Thursday, October 25, 2007

...In Other News...

~ Pam Anderson, Coke Whore? ~ CelebritySmack
~ Zac Efron Enjoys Lingerie ~ AgentBedHead
~ Ronald McDonald: Paparazi Whore ~ Popbytes
~ Cheri Oteri Strikes Again! ~ EvilBeet
~ Beyonce in a Unitard ~ FatBack
~ Halle's Berry's Grew ~ Yeeeah
~ Paula Isn't a Mess Because She Says So ~ POTP
~ Jessica Biel Hates the 'Razzi ~ NinjaDude
~ Ashlee Olsen Has "The Joker's" Smile ~ INO

ANTM: Ebony and Goodbyery

Even though it was Game 1 of the World Series for the Red Sox, America's Next Top Model recapper, Jenny, was good enough to multi-task and really recap the piss outta ANTM and still watch the Red Sox. That's dedication. Here's how Jenny felt about last night's episode of America's...Next....Top......Model:

  • Ok, the Red Sox are in the World Series. So I've Tivo'd (God Bless Tivo) ANTM so I can watch this episode in speedy-like manner in between innings.

  • Tyson Beckford shows up to train the girls as spokes models. The girls react as though it is the second coming of Christ. Jesus is my savior!

  • During this week's challenge, the girls must do a 30 second public service announcement regarding AIDS in Africa. No jokes here, as this is not funny. They put the girls in groups of three and give them a few minutes to get their presentation together.

  • Heather, Jenah and Ambreal win the challenge. Jenah and Ambreal win gift bags, and Heather wins a photo shoot with Mary J. Blige. If I was Jenah and Ambreal, I would be totally pissed. I wouldn't even WANT my gift bag. I would just give it to Benny Ninja.

  • The girls have a pretend sleepover in the closet (what?) and Ebony reveals that she doesn't want to be there, modeling isn't for her. I think the other girls should pack all her shit up, and kick her out the door right then and there.

  • The photo shoot has the girls posing as recycling materials. This includes trash bags, car parts, bubble wrap and oil. Oil?? Where does Tyra come up with this stuff? Does she flip through the dictionary with her eyes closed and point?

  • It's judging time and Nigel is sporting a fake afro wig. I am waiting for him to introduce himself as "The New Jan Brady!" But he doesn't and I feel let down.

  • Tyra's elimination joke of the week: "Which of you is going back to the recycling bin?" Stupid.

  • Miss Jay's hair is growing at the speed of light. Also stupid. Maybe he could give some of his hair to Bianca. Like a hair donor.

  • Ambreal and Ebony are in the bottom two this week. Tyra tells us that Ambreal is no longer in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model. However, in a shocking twist (and by shocking twist I mean probably scripted) Ebony tells Tyra that she wants to go home. Tyra dismisses her and Ambreal dodges a bullet until next week. So what is the lesson of the week boys and girls? The Red Sox won 13-1.

ANTM: Ebony and Goodbyery

Celine Dion's Thoughts on Britney Spears

Yeah so Celine is clearly a whole steaming pile of crazy, which is great. With everyone checking into rehab it's great to have a celebrity on the front lines of "crazy" and can still be all 6's and 7's even though they're sober. Celine was interviewed by Access Hollywood about her new album, which I assume is titled "The Titanic Soundtrack." However, that crazy little minx, Nancy O'Dell threw a monkey wrench at Celine when she specifically asked her this question and I mean specifically she asked, "If you could have her [Britney] ear right now and shed a little advice what would you say to her." To which Celine responded:

"I would definitely would love to, you know, open my heart, give her my ear, my arms, my comfort zone. For sure. I wish for her to be as fortunate to have people in her surrounding to help her to achieve what how she sees herself and what she wants to do. She'll be ok. She'll be ok."

Wait, what? Please note I did not mistype or misspell. That is word for word what Celine said. Celine, kiddo, did you arrive to America on a boat? Does she smell burnt toast? Is she having a stroke? What in the hell are you talking about? What does that even mean? Nancy O'Dell asked you what you would say to Britney. If that's what you would say to Britney I think Britney would think you were high on something and then would try to buy drugs off you. Just kidding, she wouldn't try to buy drugs off you. She'd mug you for those drugs and then stuff them in her son's pocket and then make him walk home. Then she would crash her own car and flash her "gentlemen greeter" while exiting her vehicle. She'd toss out a few "y'alls" to the paparazzi and then she'd go home and use those drugs...assuming her son, "What's His Face" made it home.

I love that Celine has a new album out, but only because it means we'll be hearing more unintelligible things like that!
Source: Me Watching TV

Remember Kristin from Laguna Beach?

Hey, remember Kristin from Laguna Beach (sign of the cross)? Yeah, well she's alive. Yeah, no she really is. Here are the photos to prove it! Kristin Cavallari played "Kristin Cavallari" on Laguna Beach (sign of the cross) and is now attending a fashion show because, I assume, that's what you do when you exit a hit reality show. Kristin was hosting this random fashion show and brought two guests of honor for the night...her rack.

This all got me to thinking. (1) I still sweat Kristin (2) Nice boobs (3) Where has she been (4) and most importantly, what if the producers of "The Hills" replaced Heidi with Kristin? No joke, that would be brilliant. Then, they could replace Steve Sanders (aka Spencer) with Steven. Then, they could replace Audrina with Alex H. Then they could replace Audrina's teeth with Dieter. Then, they could replace Whitney with Alex M. And then finally they could slightly tweak the name of the show "The Hills" to something catchy like....oh I don't know...."Laguna Beach." Brilliant, right? I would still keep Lisa Loveless though, as she is (similar to me) a national treasure.

Remember Kristin from Laguna Beach?

IBBB and Omarosa: Together At Last

Gather around boys and girls (and cats and sheep), it's time for IBBB to tell you a story about how he wandered on the set of Celebrity Apprentice. Walking up the street in quiet Times Square in NYC I wondered what all the commotion was about. I saw some camera crews, which isn't abnormal for Times Square. However I then saw what I can only assume was a cartoon ticket booth and thought, "The jig is up!" And there she was, looking as beautiful as ever. Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth-BloggingBack. I immediately knew that I stumbled upon the set of Celebrity Apprentice and by "set" I really mean "free street." Clearly I had to stop and watch this circus in action. I was pleased when I saw "Mona" from "Who's the Boss" as I was glad that she is working again. I was, however, disappointed when someone pointed out that it wasn't "Mona" but Marilu Henner instead. I guess it wasn't a total letdown as I had classified them both as "red heads who had passed away." Clearly, Marilu is alive and ain't looking too hot anymore (insert sad music here).

Putting 2 and 2 together (7) I realized that the task of this "episode" will be selling tickets to Broadway shows. Omorosa was barely doing anything. No joke. She just basically stood there and barely even said "Hairspray tickets." She seemed pissed. I figured the puppet she had on her hand would cheer her up, but sadly it did not. I was also disappointed that I didn't hear the dramatic music playing, but then realized I wasn't in the boardroom. At one point some lady with a big mouth (who I would bet my life was the lady who was one of the judges on "The Swan") was screaming into the camera. I was embarrassed for her. I was embarrassed for me. I decided to walk back to work.

I will never get those 2 minutes back, NEVER. But I did it for all of you IBBB readers out there. I did it for you. I almost got married to Omarosa for you. I know that many of you will wonder why I didn't take a picture with her. My answer is simple: I wasn't drunk. In order for me to go up to anyone famous (either celebrity or fauxlebrity) I need to at least have a buzz on. Sorry kids, it was like 12:30pm. I typically don't drink before 12:45.

IBBB and Omarosa: Together At Last

Bon Jovi in Bed With LeAnn Rimes

#1 Bon Jovi fan, avid IBBB reader, and close personal friend Janine from Boston is in a bit of a slump lately, so what better way for me to cheer that dirty whore up then by showing her favorite person on this earth (Bon Jovi) in bed with another woman, LeAnn Rimes. Yee-Haw! Bon Jovi and LeAnn Rimes were getting into bed in the middle of the street in NYC late last week. I'm not really sure what the hell they're doing, nor do I care. Point being, my friend needs to be cheered up so hopefully this will do it. Oh, and hopefully this will move me back into her top spot in Myspace because, let's face, that's what it's really all about. You're welcome, Janine!

Bon Jovi in Bed With LeAnn Rimes

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

...In Other News...

~ Debbie Gibson and the Face-Maker? ~ EvilBeet
~ Oprah Has Surgery? ~ Popbytes
~ Ryan Gosling is Pregnant? ~ AgentBedHead
~ John Travolta's Niece Gets a New Rack ~ CelebritySmack
~ Expensive Trash! ~ POTP
~ A Very Special Hilton Movie ~ Yeeeah
~ Sober Lindsay in Vegas = Yawn ~ DListed

Britney Having "Fun" With Her Kids

Woo-hoo! It's a party at the Spears compound! The kids looks like they're having a blast, but no one looks like they're having more fun than Britney. She's dragging that wagon the same way that you drag your Christmas Tree out to the sidewalk on January 2nd. You know, you're sad that Christmas is over and you're kinda pissed that you had to take all the ornaments off because there were way to many in the first place and now you're the one who's stuck having to get this half-dead tree out to the sidewalk for trash day. Anyway, that's how Britney looks to me.

Do you think with Britney's constant hair color change and eye color change her kids can even recognize her? Doesn't matter. I doubt they care. When they see her they're probably like, "Ugh! This lady again."

In additional Britney Spears news of the minute:
  • Her parenting coach has given her a bad review for ignoring her
  • Her friends and family are asking people to boycott her new album until she gets some help
  • Her new album, Blackout, isn't getting the best reviews
  • Britney, allegedly, still hasn't paid her VMA backup dancers. Haven't they paid enough?

Britney Having "Fun" With Her Kids

Harriet Carter: Sexual Innuendos. Ow!!!

Bom-chica-bom-bom! Ow! Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday AND game 1 of the World Series (Go Sox!). I've always said that Harriet Carter was like hot sex on a plate, clearly, so what better way to get to know Harriet Carter than biblically. I present to you, "Harriet Carter: Sexual Innuendos." Feel free to read this late at night with your plastic waterproof underpants on...or off. Let's go....

Product # 1 - Are you looking for your own personal cameltoe maker? I knew you were. Well, while it looks like a cameltoe party in the front it is a complete mess in the back. Now you can wrap yourself up like a Christmas present, but do me a everyone a favor, don't ask your husband unwrap that present because if/when he does it's going to look like Santa left him two lumps of coal in your pants. This could possibly the most dramatic before and after photo ever. Before, this lady has a piping hot fresh dump in her pants. After she puts on the "miracle body suit" her ass is smaller, her arms are technically shorter, her hair is a little lighter, and I think, I think, her pants are on backwards or her lower body is on backwards. Way to be sexy Harriet. Ho-ho-ho.

Product # 2 - At first glance I pondered why this "lady" had a blue bra covering her eyes...with the boobs still in the bra. Then I pondered why this "lady" was smiling whilst taking a slumber. Then I realized, hey wait a minute this ain't no "lady!" This is "failure model chick!" What a treat/surprise. Scratch that. What a surprise/treat. Poor "failure model chick." Can it get any worse for her? This time she is modeling a "bra sleeper" that covers the majority of her face. Poor thing. Why can't I model this crap? They can cover my face, I'm fine with it! Anyway, have sexy rest "failure model chick." Wait a minute, if your bra is on your face...what's covering your...Oh "failure model chick" you feisty little minx, you!

Product # 3 - You're probably thinking, "what kind of sexual innuendo could there be about this beloved blanket?" Well that's what I thought. Then I read the name of the product. It's called, "Kissing Kitty." Oh yeah? Really? Kissing Kitty? I'm almost positive that's also the name of a porno. Just because you toss some angel wings on it, doesn't make this little skank sweet. Even check out the facial expression of that beast of a women holding up this blanket? Even she's thinking something is a bit fishy about the name of this blanket. Kissing Kitty? Harriet Carter? Try, Harriet Dice Clay. Oh!

Product # 4 - Gone Ridin? Oh I bet you have Harriet. Men, women, dogs, horses, cats, cardboard cutouts of the Pope. Harriet doesn't discriminate. She rides until the horse passes out (if you know what I mean and I think you do cuz I'm 10). Gone are the days of having to place a wire hanger on the door of your bedroom when you're having "company" over for the night (I saw that once on Family Ties, so I just assumed). Now you can just simply place this pillow right in front of your door. Gone Ridin! Yeee-Haw! This also makes a delightful gift for a prostitute in almost any neighborhood. I know this is a little off topic, but who the hell loves horse THAT much that you need a pillow to show your love of horses. I'm getting a pillow that says "Busy Eating Chicken Parm Subs." I like Chicken Parm Subs, I like to sleep on pillows. Clearly, I need a pillow that shows that I like Chicken Parm subs. No? Anyway, happy riding Harriet. That horse will make you a woman before you know it!

In closing, I wanted to say hello to the Harriet Carter readers over at SweetConfusion. I'm not really sure what SweetConfusion is, but I know it's some type of message board and they created a little Harriet Carter section. I like anyone who will help me sell out, so thanks SweetConfusion, thank you!

Harriet Carter: Sexual Innuendos. Ow!!!
Harriet Carter Recaps

Operation Sellout I'm a Background Person

I'd like to provide an update on "Operation Sellout." It's going very well. I have achieved a major goal of mine: Being a Background Person. Check that right off the list. About a month ago I was walking around Bryant Park in NYC during Fashion Week and was hot on Carrie Underwood's trail. The paparazzi started to swarm and I knew that this was my chance to become "a background person." Well there I am! A background person. These photos were actually posted over at ImNotObsessed just the other day. The girl I was with that day was reading another site (sacrilegious) and she spotted me! Brilliant!

I'm hoping that US Weekly starts a new segment called, "Background People, They're Just Like Us!" I'll start. I'm a background person, I'm just like you! I stalk celebrities with my camera phone in one hand and my coffee in the other. I'm just like you, I clearly dress like a lumberjack. I'm just like you, I'm an idiot. See? That was easy. See you in the pages of Us Weekly!

Special Note to the following people: The Olsen Sluts, Dina Lohan, Tyra Banks, Jennifer Aniston. If you see that face (in the photo above) coming towards you while walking the streets of NYC, do me a favor, just let me put you in a headlock and let's call it a day. Don't make me have to chase you. Thanks, in advance, for your cooperation.

Halle Berry Thinks the Holocaust Didn't Really Happen

It's all fun and games until someone tosses out a racist or stereotypical remark. Halle Berry was on Jay Leno and was looking through some pictures of herself with distorted faces. When a picture showed up of Halle having a big nose, Halle replied, "Here's where I look like my Jewish cousin!" Awesome! Gotta love that crap. This clip ended up being edited out of the taped show after Halle called Jay and asked him to remove it. Halle stated that she has 3 Jewish girls that work for her and when they saw an old picture of Halle one of the Jewish girls made the joke about it being her Jewish cousin. Yeah, Halle, those 3 Jewish girls that work for you? Yeah, they're called slaves. And then, to make things worse you blame it on one of your slave workers. Real nice way to run the plantation, Halle.

So when Michael Richards and Mel Gibson say it, they have a problem. When Halle says it, it's cute. Ok fine, it is. Probably because Halle is hot. Stereotypes are hot. By the way, Halle does not the Holocaust didn't happen. I just figured by the time I got around to this story you've already read it 15 times so I thought I'd put a unique spin around it. Good day. Pip Pip!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

...In Other News...

Like I said before, a sober Lindsay Lohan is a boring Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay was off to the sober dance studio to sober rehearse for her sober movie that will suck. In more fun Lohan news, I was "Lohan'd" yesterday. I saw Michael Lohan standing in front of my building. Literally, he was just standing there up against the wall. I was like, "Holy craptastic events that's Michael Lohan!" I wasn't 100% sure at first but after I saw his trademark stone-washed jeans and skinny brown leather belt with shirt tucked in I knew immediately. I almost could care less, but then I got excited of the possibility of seeing Dina Lohan one day. Oh God. I would absolutely get her in a headlock. Dreams my friends, dreams. In other news...

~ Yeah! It's Time for "Guess the Rack" Again! ~ CelebritySmack
~ Courtney Love to Ruin History ~ AgentBedHead
~ Why Marie Osmond Dry-Humped the Ground ~ EvilBeet
~ Katie Holmes Almost Ghost Boobs ~ NinjaDude
~ Pink in Trouble? ~ FatBack
~ Britney's Friends Jump Ship ~ Yeeeah!
~ Carmen Electra Stole Tyra Banks' Hair ~ PopBytes

Today is "The Hills Day" at IBBB

Today is officially "The Hills Day" at ImBringingBloggingBack. All the blog posts today will be "The Hills" related. If you like The Hills, this is a treat for you. If you don't...see you tomorrow.

The Hills: Lauren, Gavin, & Bob the Builder

Lauren finally goes on a "real date" and by "real date" I really mean "a random dude planted by producers." Will Audrina's teeth burst into flames? Will Steve Sanders continue to sit on the couch? Will Brody still be in his "brody cast?" Will Heidi continue to say buzzwords like, "it's just business" and "it's part of my new job." Will The Hills only show white people in this episode? Let's see how it went down.
  • Alert! Alert! Lauren and Brody are out drinking. Where's Brody's claw? And he has a haircut. No claw and his old haircut? Was this filmed in season 2?
  • Stop the press. Kimberly? The new "Event Coordinator? The new Elodie? Oh I don't think so. No one can EVER replace Elodie. Ever. You hear me! In fact they should be raising Elodie's shirt up to the rafters of Bolthouse.
  • Sidenote, how do I get a job at Bolthouse? Kim talks about being a New Yorker so she likes things fast paced. Do you also like douche, Kimmy? Because you're working with douche. Enjoy.
  • Lauren and Whitney have a busy day at work, which consists of taking pictures. Luckily there is Red Bull all over the place to keep them awake as they snap picture after picture.
  • And enter Gavin. Lauren is all smitten by Gavin and then they realize that they both worked on some random photoshoot back in the day. Wow what a stupid small douchey world.
  • Look, I don't want to get in the habit of nicknaming everyone, but as I stated last week during the "next weeks scenes" Gavin is what I picture Bob the Builder to look like when he grows up. Please note, moving forward Gavin will only be referenced as "Bob the Builder." If Bob the Builder makes it into multiples episodes he may be referenced, at times, as "BTB."
  • I love Whitney. How she's climbed up the corporate ladder and become Intern Mgr (of one intern...Lauren) is beyond me. That's all. Me gusta Whitney.
  • As Bob the Builder is asking Lauren for her phone number so that they can go out on, potentially what I see as the most boring date ever, I notice something. I rewind my Tivo just to be sure. What is this I see? Ah yes, it's a non-white person in the background. Is this the first black person featured on The Hills? Even though this girl who is not white is sitting up against the wall. I saw her. I applaud The Hills for really breaking down barriers and allowing other races to get air-time. Even if it was unintentional and for literally 2 seconds.
  • There she is again! She's sitting behind Whitney while Whitney eats her hair. Uh, what the girl can't get a chair because she's black? AND they make her sit behind Whitney. Wait a minute...Whitney...."W-h-i-t-e-n-e-y?" WhitEney? Oh my God, Whitney is a racist. Subliminal messages! Subliminal messages! I won't be fooled!
  • Watching Heidi put on makeup is like watching the sunset for me. The faces she makes in the mirror are brilliant. It really makes her chin pop!
  • Why is Heidi yelling while she talks with Steve Sanders from the bathroom? Their apartment is not that big. Maybe they should just get intercoms.
  • Steve Sanders is all pissed that Heidi has to "work" a NASCAR event and will miss another anniversary dinner. Heidi tells Steve Sanders that he should "try working." I would have suggested that he try blinking first. Blink first, work second.
  • Alright! It's another Brody BBQ.
  • Wait a minute. Wait a god-damn minute. How is Brody's hair long again? And how is his claw back? In the first scene of the episode he has short hair and had no claw. Now? Longer hair. Claw. I've received emails from people telling me I'm losing my attention to The Hills detail. How's that for detail? I spotted "the girl of another race" in the background similar to a game of "Where's Waldo" and I noticed a different Brody. I'm back baby and more pathetic than ever!
  • Bob the Builder goes to Brody's BBQ because....that's stupid.
  • Bob the Builder talks about camping for what seems like hours. Lauren says she hates camping, so nice job dude on giving her the play by the play on camping.
  • Where's Justin Bobby?
  • Bob the Builder and Brody (and the claw) are grilling. Brody plays "big brother" to Bob the Builder by asking him a million questions. Uh, is Body on a date with BTB?
  • Heidi and Kim are working the event and it's very official as Heidi has a clipboard.
  • Of course Steve Sanders calls Heidi while she's at work and she tells him she has to work late. Steve Sanders gets all pissy and hangs up. Heidi starts telling Kim that Steve Sanders just called and is mad. First off, stop airing your dirty laundry. Second, I don't think Kim could care less. Elodie would NEVER just blow off Heidi's bitching. I miss Elodie. I miss "See Ya!." I'm sad. Sad and pathetic.
  • And cue my favorite scene of the night. Steve Sanders goes to Heidi's work (with the camera crew) and the receptionist asks him for his name. She actually says, "And you are?" Brilliant. Who is this receptionist. Get her her own show. Although the fact that she didn't know who he is is BS.
  • Steve wants to take Heidi for lunch but she can't go because of her...wait for it...wait for it...wait for job that she's been working so hard on.
  • Heidi walks away and again I think Steve Sanders is going to punch Heidi in her new boobs. This time I think he'll hit her with an open fist.
  • Lauren and Bob the Builder go on their date. I lapse into a coma because it couldn't be any more boring.
  • So, like the true whore-bag she is, Lauren calls Brody after her date and Brody suggests he come over to watch a movie. He asks Lauren what movie she's going to watch and she says "does it matter?" Most people think of sexual innuendos. Not me. I think she says, "does it really matter" because she really means there's really not a movie to watch because they're doing this just for the cameras and it's part of the script. Brody won't be going over. Lauren will be going to bed because the cameras will be gone.

Next week Lauren and Whitney come to NYC. I'll be looking for them! Steve Sanders calls Brody to "talk." Should be interesting.

Become a MYSPACE Friend of IBBB, the Mastermind Behind These Craptastic Hills Recaps. Click Here!

The Hills: Lauren, Gavin, & Bob the Builder

Heidi Washes Up On the Beach

I can't even. Words cannot describe the pure joy I've experienced while watching "The Making of Heidi Montard's Music Video." I can imagine this will be the same feeling I'll experience when I one day meet Jesus in Heaven. Pure joy.

Remember when your parents got their first video camera and you and your sister or brother would make movies, do interviews, music videos, etc? I can almost hear the screams of "Let's make a movie!" from my youth. Yeah, this is the same thing. Under no circumstances do I think that the way that Heidi and Steve Sanders are filming this video is anything close to how you make a music video. No way.

Watching Heidi try to dance all sexy (I can't even say it without giggling like a 7 year old school girl) on the beach WHILE Steve Sanders films it AND plays the song via a 1987 boombox's just magic. This, folks, is one of the happiest days of my life. However, it gets better. Similar to Heidi's "performance" at her 21st birthday when she just started singing, she has brought back the "flailing arms dance." Bravo! Bravo! And then, when all else failed, she just got down on all fours and stuck her ass out in the air as the water tossed her around like the hideous sea-creature she is. Again, brilliant! There are too many great moments for me to choose just one, but I am also in awe of the guy fishing on the rock while Heidi "freak dances" next to him and he doesn't look at her once. Not even for a nano-second.

Today is truly a special day for me. It's a special day for all of us. Rejoice!

Heidi Washes Up On the Beach

Heidi and Spencer Stop ALL the Fires

Heidi and Steve Sanders (aka Spencer) are more than a triple threat. They can act, clearly. Sing, of course. Dance, did you see their moves? And now we can add "fire stoppers" to their long and credible resume. Superheros, one would ask? Sure!

With all the fires that are going on in California, Heidi and Steve Sanders apartment was in the path or destruction. Ugh, we were SO close. Anyway, when the fire came too close Steve Sanders then used a garden hose and sprayed the fire away (the hose was probably on "gentle stream") until the fire-fighters came to their rescue. Clearly, God is on Team Lauren.

Heidi was talking with Ryan Seacrest about this terrifying experience and she said, "Spencer was literally down there putting out the fire and I was screaming at him 'Come back here, the firemen are coming!!'"

Ok, first. Why won't she call him Steve Sanders? Annoying. Second, I would have told him to keep spraying and then I would have tied the hose in a knot. Third, I would have specifically yelled to Heidi, "Sing Heidi! Sing those flames away! Dance Heidi! Flail your arms and dance that fire right out!"

You see, this way they could have also used the devastating fires to plug Heidi's new album. Duh! Rookies.

Heidi and Spencer Stop ALL the Fires

Monday, October 22, 2007

...In Other News...

The Red Sox Heading to the World Series!

Britney, Lindsay, Paris, and crew may be total train-wrecks but you know who has their crap together? The Boston Red Sox. After being down 3 games to 1, the Sox were basically counted out, as they had to win the next 3-games in a row in order to make it to the World Series. If you're a Boston fan, you knew that this was completely possible as we've done it before (against the Yankees in 2004. Biggest choke in sports history...ring a bell?). Last nights game against the Indians was a do or die situation in game 7 and the Sox pulled out the win (11-2 ouch) and will be starting game 1 against the Colorado Rockies on Wednesday. This is big for me for a variety of reasons with the top two reasons being: (1) We're in the World Series, baby! (2) Game 1 starts on Harriet Carter Wednesday. That has to be a good sign.
Anyway I'm sure the Indian's fans are drying their tears with their white towels that they had been swinging around their heads like they were all at a bad Italian wedding. Indian's? Might be time to update the name. Native Americans? Cleavland Native Americans. That has a nice ring to it. Perhaps it will bring some good karma to them.

Don't ever count out the Red Sox. See you at the World Series!!!

The Red Sox Heading to the World Series!

Roseanne is Pissed at Britney's Mom

Wow and I thought the way to get a message across to Britney Spears was to write an open letter to her crotch one day and then to her new lips the next day. Hmmm. I never thought of writing an open letter to her mom. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I'll never learn. Well leave it to Roseanne (and Beaver) to write a little ditty to Britney's mom blaming her for everything. I think the letter is award winning, but she could have been a little more effective if she tossed some "y'all" in there. Oh well. Here's what Roseanne had to say:


The judge is trying to teach you a lesson, shut your mouth and learn it! You are a bad mother, and so is your mother! Get your shit together and take care of your kids!! Your mom needs to lock your spoiled ass in the basement or wherever it is that you cannot get anymore drugs. Stop drinking immediately too! If you are too weak to do that, then you are no better than a crack whore on the street, and your mom should stop pimping your ass and do what mom's do...lock up your kid, and sit there with her for as long as it takes to get her right!!! Get guards around her to sober her up! SIT WITH YOUR KID, MOM! AFTER YOU AND HER DAD PIMPED HER OUT LIKE JON BENET, SIT THERE WITH HER AND STRAIGHTEN HER OUT...THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!! (not even hers, but yours, put pimping out your other daughter on hold til you make your grown one better).

Awesome! Bonus points for tossing in my favorite "Jon Benet."

Source it Up!!

Tom Cruise Holds Suri Like He Holds a Football...Not Right.

Senor Tom Cruise was out and about in the streets of NYC with his daughter, Suri. Tom is basically holding Suri the same way that he holds a football...not right. It's like he's trying to hide something. Maybe he's pregnant? I have no clue what Scientology can do to you. Anyway, I'm sure it's hard work trying to carry your kid (who is too useless to start working and contributing to the family's financial empire), dodge the paparazzi, all while sporting your wife's haircut. Bangs is the new mullet.

As a sidenote, what in the hell is Suri starring at? Rude. Don't Scientologists teach their kids specifically not to stare? They do, right? Maybe Suri wouldn't be so nosey about everything if her mother was allowed to scream during the birthing process. Anyway, Suri is the new Bindi Irwin. Sorry Bindi, hit the bricks you tramp.

Who Shot This!?!

Sex and the City Spoiler Alert!!

SPOILER ALERT!!! They're all douche-bags.

Dear Britney's Lips

Dear Britney's Lips,

Hey you! Please let me be the first to say welcome to the crazy world of Britney! You're not even 1-week old yet, but have already received so much attention. I applaud you, Britney's new lips. I applaud you. Many people are already knocking you as they think it's just Britney being all crazy again. Crazy as a fox, I say! I mean, if your owner wants to get her kids back, she sure as hell is going to have to kiss some major ass and her old lips just wouldn't cut it. Therefore, in order to better kiss the judge's ass, she has purchased you. Brilliant! Please note, however, that your owner doesn't always seem so clean. And, God only knows what Britney has had her lips on. That's where things can get a little tricky for you. It's not your fault, you were born into this crazy Britney world. If you're ever lonely you can always make make friends with Britney's crotch. I mean, if just kinda makes sense I think. Mathematically and scientifically it makes sense. Best wishes with getting the kids back and don't forget to apply plenty of Chapstick. You'll need it.
Luke Warm Regards,

Friday, October 19, 2007

Britney Runs Over Paparazzi Dude

As soon as you post one Britney story another one pops up. I don't even have the time to post the story about Britney possibly getting her lips done last night (you guess which lips). Anyway, Britney was just simply trying to drive y'all in Beverly Hills when she ran over the foot/leg of a paparazzi dude who works for Look, I'm not going to say that it's actually her fault as the paparazzi are like invisible ninjas, but maybe all the crap that she has in her car is a bit distracting. She has shoes hanging from her rear-view mirror, a pumpkin hanging from the same mirror, 5 additional plastic pumpkins lined up on her dashboard, and flyers and probably parking tickets still attached to her windshield underneath her wipers. Plus, with all the farting that she probably does while driving, who could concentrate on the actual task at hand...driving.
At this time, calls to good old Brit were not returned and this paparazzi dude has yet to file a police report. In related news, Britney apparently cut a deal with the lady in her original hit-and-run case just the other day. She should use whatever deal she worked out from that one on her new possible hit-and-run case. It's all about learning.

Britney Runs Over Paparazzi Dude