Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Hills: Whitney's Date is Kinda Whitney

It's about time Whitney got some real airtime. Will Whitney spout out greeting card sayings during her date? Will Heidi and Steve Sanders end their fauxgagement? Will Audrina's teeth implode? How drunk will Lauren be? Justin Bobby anyone? Let's see what goes down on this episode, With This Ring...

  • Yes! The girls are all at the gym working out with 2 pound weights. For me, this is very reminiscent of the Saved By the Bell episode when the girls made a music video and were at the gym singing, "Put your mind to it, go for it, you got to break a sweat; rock and roll you ain't seen nothing yet." Brilliant. This is like an 80's montage.
  • Now I'm not 100% sure when it comes to what personal trainers are supposed to do, but should Jarrett be drinking a tall Starbucks Espresso in a can while the girls work out? Also, why is Audrina starting to remind me of Kelly Kapowski? Many questions, many questions.
  • Yeah, so when the workout is over the girls go outside for stereotypical protein shakes. They're outstide still wearing their gym clothes which consists of tank-tops. Suddenly, when it's over Whitney puts on a coat....a coat that has fur around the collar and the sleeves and has a hood. Brrrrr that 80 degree weather must feel brisk when you get out of the gym.
  • I bet my bank account that the church would burst into flames once Heidi and Steve Sanders entered. Looks like I'm out $10.00.
  • The church won't be available for 6-months. I'm hoping this means there will be a season 4 of The Hills. And by "hoping" I mean "I am sitting here with my rosary beads praying to my sweet Jesus."
  • Seriously is it 20 degrees out because now Whitney is getting ready at Lauren's "apartment" with a blanket around her shoulders. Why is Whitney my Nana?
  • Lauren is such a good friend that when Whitney leaves the room Lauren goes through her bag looking for make-up. Hopefully she'll find something for the wrinkles under her eyes. No dice.
  • The girls are heading to Big Wang's to meet up with their trainer Jarrett (because that makes sense) and Whitney is apparently wearing Peg Bundy's lingerie to this sports bar. She has a scarf on too. Of course.
  • Hmmm, Lauren drinking a beer has somehow made her even hotter.
  • Whitney and Jarrett play pool and Jarrett basically asks Whitney out. Where are they going, you ask? Oh, on a "workout" date. No really. He is going to train her for their date. Why not just say, "Hey fatass wanna go out this Saturday? The movies? No way. You're working out and I'm going to watch you to make sure you do it." I'm totally trying that sometime, but I refuse to workout too.
  • Whitney doesn't seem desperate at all when she says she wants to go as soon as possible. Ahhh young love. Young scripted love.
  • Watching Whitney do jumping jacks and "wind punches" makes me content as a human. I could watch this all the live long day.
  • Bonus points for Whitney sporting a little cameltoe during her workout. That's right I saw it.
  • Heidi wants to wear a crown at her wedding. Fitting. Steve Sanders should wear one too. They can be the King and Queen of Douchebagland.
  • I've decided no more side profiles of Lauren. Only straight on shots from now on.
  • Sweet! It's time for Whitney and Jarrett's date. The second they sit down they are brought their drinks. Efficient. Jarrett looks like he's drinking a kamikaze and he's drinking it out of a little tiny straw. Manly.
  • Oh my God. It's hit me. Jarrett is Whitney. Whitney is Jarrett. They are the same person. The SAME person. This is a match made in heaven. There is no way this relationship won't work out. I'd love to have a conversation with both of them together. I can only imagine the crap that they would spew out. Oh and I want to have "game night" with them. I wonder how they'd do playing Scategories?
  • Cheers to that? Really? Why not just clink glasses and yell "Woo-hoo Spring Break!!!"
  • What the hell is this line of questioning? Jarrett asks Whitney what her sign is and then Whitney asks Jarrett what his dreams are. Really? You felt that was the next logical question? Good transition. That's like someone asking how your food is and then you ask them about their thoughts on abortion. Smooth.
  • Heidi and Steve Sanders are in a fight because he plans a surprise trip to get married in Vegas that night. Heidi is pissed because she wants a wedding as big as her chin. Steve Sanders doesn't want the pressure of family and friends there as he wants it to be just him and her.....and the MTV camera crew....and then America and the world watching it 2 weeks later.
  • Heidi follows close to the script and takes her ring off and Steve Sanders looks at it without blinking and with his mouth ajar, of course. Bonus points for my use of the word "ajar." Thank you. Steve Sanders grabs his suitcase and peaces out. Hopefully he's leaving to go and take a dirt nap.
  • Heidi is busy at work and talks to Kimberly, the new Elodie, about her fight with Steve Sanders. Kimberly is all into the conversation. Elodie would have been better in this situation. Damn her for leaving us.
  • Later on Heidi and Steve Sanders made up. Steve stayed at his parents house for the night, just like an old episode of The Flintstones.
  • The folks at MTV really stuck it to us, the viewers, by playing Alicia Keys new song "No One" while Heidi and Steve Sanders hugged and they faded to black.

On the next episode of The Hills....OH MY HOLY GOD! Steve Sanders has a SISTER! This, perhaps, could be the BEST day of my life. I'm not kidding. I already have a name picked out for her, as my friend Maria text messaged me her thoughts on her name last night. This name will be revealed next week. Steve Sanders sister looks like a complete cracked out trainwreck. Thank you MTV! Thank you! Justin Bobby kisses some random chick at the bar and Audrina sees it and then pushes the girl....she smiles while she pushes her, but she pushes her nonetheless. Next week will rule.

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The Hills: Whitney's Date is Kinda Whitney


Anonymous said...

You should know that half my department was patiently awaiting your recap of the Hills...


Melissa said...

Im glad you touched on Jarrett's "Line of questioning"...he was so cute and yet so agressive, I found my self watching and flinching, but with a smile, like someone was throwing Koosh balls at me...and yeah, good call on Jarrett's "workouts"..."um...do some jumping jacks....and...five, four, three, two one"....WHAT??? I am SOOO applying to be a trainer. Great call on the 2lb weights...Now if we could only find that Jessie Spanno to your Kelly Kapowski to cry out, "Im so excited...Im so excited....Im so, SOOO, SCARED!!!" blahhh...

kiki12 said...

that was the BEST epi of SBTB when Jessie took thos sleeping pills! great recap

that's what she said...

I think Whitney and Jarrett said "cheers" almost as much as Lauren and Heidi say "rumors" but not as often as Jen Bunney says "best friends"

Why did Jessie Spano act like those caffeine pills were heroin? Does she know they were the equivelent of 2 cups of coffee?

Melissa said...

If this doesnt get you pumped up for Thanksgiving, I dont know WHAT WILL -



Andy said...

I'm so excited! I'M SO EXCITED! I'm so...so...scared! *SOB*

They just don't make 'em like that anymore. Did you ever notice how whatever problem they had that Zach could always help solve it with a story from when they "were kids" and YET Miss Bliss NEVER gets a mention?!? What's that about??

Anyhoo, Whitney is the either the hottest not-hot girl ever or the not-hottest hot girl ever. Either way, my penis is confused by her.

GammaGirl said...

God save us all from the evil that will surely be spewed from the mouth of the female Steve Sanders!

Whitney can do so much better than Jared (GUIDO!)

Jared- The Trainer: "Awesome huh?"
Whitney: "What is?"
Jared- The Trainer: "The fact that among all the millions of people that live in the greater Los Angeles area, no ones lives are more dull and repetitive than ours, yet we get paid to have it filmed."
Whitney: "Oh, totally. Wanna make out? lol."

Except they didn't.

I LOVE that The Hills segued into a discussion aboutthe infamous "Saved by the Bell" freak out episode.

Anonymous said...

So great that you noticed Whitney's cameltoe! LMAO Only guys look for this stuff!

Can't wait for next week! Audrina probably blinded that girl with her white teeth...giving her the ability to slide that push in. SMOOOOTH

Taylor said...

OMG OMG OMG. I can't wait to see the next episode. It looked SO FRICKEN GOOD !!!!!!

Spencer having a sister is just really insane, and the Audrina thing, and it looks like she is all over Justin Bobby at the end.

Don't forget, he did dump her in Vegas. Once or twice.

blahblahblog said...

Was glad to see more of Whitney and her crazy Gallagher style striped bell-bottomed work-out pants. Although c'mon, her spaghetti arms couldn't knock a ladybug off of a twig. But this episode annoyed me for 2 reasons:
1) That whole Spencer packing up for Vegas and Heidi handing back her ring was such B.S. that they couldn't even play it off. I mean, Heidi had the conversation with Elodie 2.0 about what a douche Spencer is the next day at work. Were they jetting off to elope in the middle of the week?
2)Does MTV pimp for American Apparel much? First there was the street shot with the American Apparel billboard front and center, then there was the street shot with the American Apparel store front and center, then there was the recap of Whitney's date w/ whatshisface where she described his clothes to Lauren and said he was wearing "an American Apparel" shirt". It's annoying enough that Steve Sanders has to be using his Macbook or his iPhone in every scene, but now there's full on dialog dedicated to advertising. Ick!

Anonymous said...

thanks, now i've had that saved by the bell song in my head all morning! A good catch though, cause they totally looked like that.

you gotta go for it!