Monday, November 12, 2007

So It's Happened. Thanks Sirius Radio


So, my friends, it's happened. Damn you Sirius Satellite radio, damn you straight to hell! After having Sirius Satellite radio on in the background it's finally happened. Gimme more. Gimme more..gimme gimme more. I was cleaning the absolute piss out of my apartment and as I was elbow deep in the toilet when I noticed myself humming "gimme gimme gimme more...gimme more gimme gimme more." Oh for the love of all that is holy and pure in this world. I was thinking, "well the lyrics are kinda catchy." I almost don't even care that it's barely Britney singing. Sure it sounds more like Rosie, the robot maid, from The Jetson's. Hell, it could sound like Pigs in Space or even Weezie from the Jefferson's, but that song is catchy. It's catchy in the same way that syphilis off of a $2.00 prostitute is catchy.

So, I'm angry. I'm angry at the radio. I'm angry at iTunes. I'm angry at me. I'm even a little angry at Rosie from The Jetson's. You know what? It is Britney, bitch. It's like she's singing to me and calling me a bitch for listening to this god-for-saken, yet catchy song. This is like the first time Britney has ever made 100% sense to me. It is Britney and I'm the bitch. Gimme gimme more, gimme gimme more...gimme gimme gimme gimme more. MORE!

Let's face it America (and parts of Canada and one section of South America), we are brainwashed. There comes a time when filthy skanks who are nuts start to really make sense. I'm awaiting world implosion.

So It's Happened. Thanks Sirius Radio

1 comment:

3 Words: Diddling Destroys Drems...AND Dreams. said...

Wait, how did you know that all of us $2.00 prostitutes have syphilis?! News sure travels fast around these parts! For future reference, however, I suggest going with the $5.00 prostitutes because they're the "fancy" ones....you know....the ones with herpes. Screw those "jam-of-the-month" clubs...herpes is the ORIGINAL gift that keeps on giving! Anything else is just a cheap(er) imitation. So, this Holiday season, when you're playing the "oh golly gee, what should I get Clark/Grandpa/my boss for Christmas?," game, look no further than your local "Prostitute Pavilion." (People still say "golly gee" when talking to themselves, right?) Some of these Pavilions even offer "Ho-as-you-go" plans so that you will be able to avoid those pesky overages from "additional services"...those extra charges definitely put the kabosh on reminiscing about your fun night and/or day of bad decisions...those charges can really add up too, believe me! What started as a nice, albeit slightly worn, $5.00 prostitute ended in a $22.00 bill instead! Amy Sue wasn't too happy when I came home with ketchup sandwiches for dinner the rest of the week, but I made it up to her by picking her a nice bouquet of dandelions from out front. Yes, kids, you just witnessed something quite miraculous...who can tell me what it was??? Nobody? Really? Not very observant kids then, are you? Losers. Well, what you just witnessed was me, a $2 female prostitute with syphilis (as mentioned earlier) transforming into a 34 year old, white trash, prostitute-visiting, married man from Trailerville, USA. Top that transformation, Discovery Channel!!! Anywho...I suggest you go order your $5.00 prostitute right away so that your friends and family can experience the life-long joys of the gift that keeps on giving! Oh, and don't forget about little Sparky, too! Human, animal or inanimate object - those $5.00 prostitutes don't discriminate! No, really. They don't. I checked. FINE PRINT: Quantities NOT limited. Gift Cards from "Prostitute Palace" are no longer valid at any Prostitute Pavilion locations. Payment can only be accepted in the form of food stamps, welfare checks, or unemployment bonuses. (They get bonuses for the Holiday's, right?) Pawning your children (and/or Britney's children) is currently accepted; however please do not ask us for a receipt to "remember the kids by." Honestly, people, that's just inhumane! What kind of establishment do you take us for?! A klassless whore-house? Well, okay. That wasn't really a fair question, Mr. Trebek, so I'm going to have to take "Famous Ho's and their Pimps" for six hundred....and then I'll take Whoopi for the block...with rainbow sprinkles...done and done.
P.S. Thanks. Now I've had this masterpiece of a song in my head all night too! Stupid I-Triple-B! I'm soooooo never reading your sight again...well...at least not until tomorrow....so there...you've just been sassed!