Wednesday, February 28, 2007
~ Blond Chick from Grey's Anatomy to Stay Put? ~ HollyScoop
~ Read Every Second of American Idol , Every Second ~ EvilBeet
~ Diddy Uses His Hands as Weapons of Mass Destruction ~ Yeeeah!
~ Poshtoria Has a New Combover ~ MollyGood
~ Mothers and Daughter Who Party Together Stay Together ~ GabSmash
~ Britney Wears Other Peoples Clothes ~ DListed
Product # 1 - Ring Ring! I'm sorry, I mean Fart Fart! Have you ever thought that the phone was just a little too boring? I guess it is. All my phone does is just "ring." I wish my phone had sound effects. What is this you say? There is a phone out there that has sound effects? Brilliant! Harriet Carter is selling a phone (for $12.99) that has built in sound effects so that if you're talking to someone and are looking for an excuse get off the phone all you need to do is press one of the following sound effects: Screaming, crying, siren, crash, bark, rat-a-tat, burp, or fart. This actually isn't a joke. The phone really makes these noises.
Seriously? So in the middle of the conversation you're supposed to press the "crash" button and say, "I'm sorry I have to hang up. A car just crashed in my kitchen." Or better yet, press "burp" and then say, "I'm sorry I have to call you back, I just burped." Really? And what the hell is "rat-a-tat?" What kind of excuse is that? "Hey Rose? Yeah, I'm gonna need to give you a call back. Yeah, I have an emergency. You didn't just hear the 'rat-a-tat'? Yeah there's a rat-a-tat I need to deal with." Rat-a-tat? I would replace that with a "jihad" button. That way you could easily say, "Yup, lemme call you back. Someone just declared jihad in my living room. Ok, ba-bye." Thanks Harriet for reinventing the phone.
Product # 2 - Next time you're in a major car crash just whip out your trusty Harriet Carter Car Crash Kit. It comes equipped with a flashlight, camera, pen, and little booklet that has a picture of an intersection (no joke). So when the cops are using the jaws of life to cut your car in half and they're pulling you out of the car make sure you use your accident kit to fill out a proper report. Don't leave it up to the cops and the witnesses to fill out the report, you do it. Don't be so freakin' lazy. Oh "boo-hoo" your leg is broken and you have a mix of blood and windshield glass all over your face. Suck it up and take a picture of your own accident, selfish! No wonder why there are so many hit-and-runs out there. If I got into an accident and saw someone pull that out I would just drive away. Thanks Harriet for making car accidents a real hoot again!
Mary-Michelle-Kate-Ashley-Tanner-Gibbler-Olsen (I have no idea which Olsen this is) was spotted in Paris the other day rocking some ripped pantyhose (nylons?) and wearing roadkill, and sporting some hip-happening sunglasses circa 1982. Nice! That's right Olsen #2, let's see some of that hot bony kneecap. Yeah! Celebrity anorexic kneecap. Hot. I love when rich people look crazy. It makes me feel better about myself. Is that a bad thing? Anyway, this bring me to my next Olsen fact. Forbes has named the Olsen Sluts the #1 Hollywood "earners" under 21. The Olsen Skanks (yes, quick name change) raked in $40 million in 2006. I bet you didn't know that I made the list? Yup, I came in at #76,232,267. Yeah, kiss that Olsen whores! Woooo-hoooo I'm rich baby, yeah! Uncle Joey has nothin' on me!
So let me understand this. You made $40 million last year. Your nylons have rips in them. You look homeless. You are the type of rich celebrity that my sister thinks will burn in hell, strictly for just being that rich.
Who Said Rich!?
Tommy Lasorda (Old Dodgers Mgr)
Steve Jones (Sex Pistols guitarest)
Don Simpson (dead film producer)
All of the above have denied the claims, except Steve Jones. Wow, what a waste of a Hollywood madam. Seriously, Tommy Lasorda? Eight years ago he was doing Slim Fast commercials, fatass.
Who Said That!?!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
~ What Random Disease Did Anna Nicole Have? ~ DListed
~ Jennifer Hudson Sasses ~ MollyGood
~ Michelle Pfeiffer Gets Her Airbrush On ~ PopBytes
~ Brandon Davis Loves Paula Abdul ~ Yeeeah!
~ Bobby Brown Mug Shot ~ NinjaDude
~ Nicole Kidman to Guest on Nip/Tuck. Hmmm, Fitting. ~ HollyScoop
~ Who Wants a Bald Britney Doll? ~ EvilBeet
~ Pitt Kids, Get Your Pitt Kids! ~ GabSmash
~ Why Athletes Hate the Media ~ ThatGuy
~ Ewan McGregor Freak Traffic Accident ~ GossipOrTruth
Seriously, you gotta love that you can come to ImBringingBloggingBack and read about Victoria Beckham's boobs, get a healthy recap of The Hills, and then read about Dick Cheney. This site has really come full circle.
All kidding aside, no one wants an assassination attempt. However, now that Dick Cheney was actually in danger in Afghanistan I wonder if he now realizes how crazy some of those people are over there. Can we blame global warming for this? Jeeze, that Al Gore won't stop at anything to push his global warming agenda! As a side note, how many people are in the Taliban? Those people seem to be coming out of the woodwork. Their worse than the Girl Scouts.
Poshtoria's manger, Simon Fuller, has been contacted and has said, "The Americans were falling over to sign Victoria for TV. They have taken a shine to Vic's humor."
Uh, yeah - no. We haven't as much "taken a shine" as we have drank "moonshine" and then laughed at her. There's a difference. Also, can "Vic" have a sense of humor if she doesn't show her teeth, ever? Oh wait, is that supposed to be that dry British humor? I get it now. And, "yuck."
No word yet if Poshtoria's teeth will be making a guest cameo on the reality program, but rumors are already flying that her robot boobs will be getting their own spin-off. Only in America, my friends, only in America. I'm glad that I live in a country that would give a Spice Girl a second chance. You hear that "Kris Kross?" You're next!
Who Said Robots Can Smile!?! and Who Shot Spice!?!
- Audrina actually thinks Steve Sanders put a spell on Heidi. Yup. She actually said that. Audrina, do you know you're not in a Mighty Mouse cartoon?
- With all the money that Jenn's family has you'd think she would have gotten a nose job. No one is that comfortable with themselves. Yeah, I went there.
- Is Whitney retarded? No, like I don't mean dumb, I actually mean physically challenged.
- Is MTV forgetting to hit the "sensor" button? At one point Steve Sanders actually says to Brody "Chucks" Jenner that he needs to get in Jenn's back door. No really, he said that. Can you say that on TV? Jim Walsh would not stand for this, Steve.
- Uh-oh "girls night out" at The Geisha house means "and cue the stereotypical "sake" shots and girls screaming."
- Oh, by the way Jenn and Heidi are evil whores.
- Who actually says the words, "he'll mack you ASAP"?? No really, who? Give me their names and addresses.
- Um, does anyone know that Brody and Lauren were "fake dating?" Why do they all keep trying to hook him up with Jenn?
- What's a "Jenn Bunny?"
- Does Myspace pay MTV to have them reference Myspace in every episode?
- Why do Lauren and Whitney always have to set up the flowers in a straight line at work? Is that work?
- Jenn hooked up with Brody. Lauren seems surprised. Does she not know she's on a semi-scripted reality show?
- Best line of the show, "He's a sucky person, he's a sucky person" ~ Lauren about Steve Sanders.
Will Lauren and Heidi be able to fix their friendship after the fight at the end of this episode? Will Jenn ever appear on another MTV California reality show? Tune in next week. Oh, P.S if you haven't read this entire post with a sarcastic overtone you have done yourself a disservice.
When James Blunt's rep was contacted for comment he stated, "He was overwhelmed by the swarm of paparazzi and was truly not aware of what happened. We're very sorry for what happened, and we're looking into the matter."
Yeah sure blame the paparazzi. These guys get blamed for everything, including the war in Iraq. It would have been WAY more believe able if they just said that James was in such awe that a supermodel would actually date him that he became dizzy and never saw the guy near his car. Seriously, I need to become famous so that I can date a supermodel. And, when I do I'm totally going to full-on admit that she's only dating me because I'm famous. I mean, every famous dude can get any hot and rich model. Well....that's not always true. Example: Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman.
Who Hit Stumpy McDragAlong!?!
In a recent interview with Britain's Top of the Pops magazine, Lindsay spoke about her concern for her sister trying to mimic her partying ways. Lindsay has said:
- 'I want to look like you, you're so pretty!" - yeah Linds (I call her "Linds"), you know you just made that part up. I doubt Ali is up at night praying that she gets a case of the "freckleitis."
- If she really wants to do what you do than Dina must be psyched she's saving money on underpants.
- You're like her second mother? Second? Yeah, no no you're like her first mother. That's right Dina I said it. Deal with it.
Lindsay continued by discussing her bother, Cody.
"My brother Cody is 19. He wants to stay out of the limelight and become a lawyer. I want him to be an entertainment lawyer, so he can help me out!"
Awesome. Here's what I think:
- DUDE! What is it like to be 19, Lindsay's brother, and seeing pictures of your sister's "lady business" getting in and out of cars and on and off of boats? The money that Dina is saving on underpants should go towards buying gallons of bleach so you can pour it in your eyes.
- He may become an entertainment lawyer, but Lindsay you're going to have to wait for him to bust your dad out of the slammer before he even starts to work on your messy legal issues.
As a side note, somewhere in the world right now Kimmy Gibbler is digging in a dumpster for her lunch.
If I was chosen to write an article for the New York Times, my article would go a little something like this:
Now, I'm still waiting to complete my investigation before I charge Britney with "theft." There is a chance that my Nana just gave Britney a kiss and all her lipstick just smeared onto her. I haven't seen my Nana in a little while, so she could've been at the Vanity Fair Oscar party, you never know. However if I ever run into Britney at a Bingo Hall and I hear her yelling out "B-5?, B-5?" I'm going to know that she is stalking my Nana.
As a side note, Britney is hot. She definitely kinda has that "I'm a hot version of Tori Spelling with less buggy eyes" kind of look. Is that just me? Anybody? Anybody?
Who Stole My Nana's Crap!?!
Monday, February 26, 2007
~ The Most Complete Oscar Coverage Out There! ~ PopBytes
Sierra - I was in there because I supposedly ran way, which NEVER happened. The attendance office looked at the wrong name and the officer never went back to look at my records like he was supposed to. He probably went to Dunkin Donuts instead...lol! But my parents didn't like my boyfriend at the time and thought I would run away with him.. So, when I was walking home from school, I got arrested. When I arrived at L.C.J.C., the MTV lady asked me if I would be on the show, so I said sure. It made my stay a bit easier though, like I was allowed to leave my room more for interviews.
IBBB - Yeah, I like Dunkin Donuts too. Er...awkward.
IBBB - Why do all the girls seem to braid each others' hair right before they go to court? Is it like getting ready for the Prom?
Sierra - Haha, yeah I had my hair "did" when I went to court. I guess it's just because we're bored. It's either braid hair or play Spades. It's a girl thing, playing with hair, so we usually have our hair braided before court. And yeah I guess we do want to look nice... lol.
IBBB - Oh, I'm funny to the Juvies! You use the "lol" a lot. I'm old.
IBBB - I get nervous that by having your image displayed on a show like that it may be difficult to find work. (1) Who do you think would win in a chicken fight – Nicole Richie or Mischa Barton and (2) What are your career inspirations?
Sierra - I don't know who would win. They would probably both break if they touched each other. They are as skinny as tooth picks for crying out loud. So, it would be a lose-lose situation. My career inspirations are probably animals. I feel bad for really sick animals, and I want to make them better. I plan on becoming a vet.
IBBB - I think Mischa would win because she's taller. I guess since spending time in "Juvies" you are most qualified to work with animals. Oh! Stop me if you heard this one!
IBBB - In your episode your parents seemed to realize that you didn't call yourself out of school and they were just trying to look out for your best interest. Do you no look back and see that they were correct for doing so?
Sierra - I personally don't think so. I understand them looking out for me, but they don't seem to understand that I've been around these kind of people my whole life, and I'm well aware of the risks I'm taking. But, maybe later on down the road I'll agree with their decision. But right now, no.
IBBB - Honey, honey that is not the right answer. Even if it is how you feel, your parents will toss you back in the slammer before your 18th birthday and you’ll be braiding hair until your next trial. Just be grateful that Sally Jesse Raphael isn't still on the air. She'd toss your ass right into boot camp!
IBBB - Your myspace seems to have a lot of skull and cross bones all over it. That's danger. If you could provide any words of wisdom to Britney Spears what would they be?
Sierra - Don't EVER shave your head again. And go get help like the rest of us abnormal people have to. Don't leave after a day; you'll get nowhere by doing that.
IBBB - You didn't mention anything about the skull and crossbones on your myspace page. Ok, I'll let it slide for now, but I'm telling Tom.
IBBB - What was the best thing that came out of your experience on MTV?
Sierra - The best thing would have to be the fact that I was on TV, nothing else because it was for the wrong reason. Even though I did agree to do it I could care less about the popularity.
IBBB - Well you never know what can happen. That blond chick from the first episode wants to try out for American Idol. Really shoot for the stars Sierra!
IBBB - Speaking of train wrecks, do you think that J. Lo traded up with Marc Anthony or did she trade down?
Sierra - Sh*t, I still think that no one can ever replace Ben Affleck. Those two were one of the hottest couples I've ever seen. Marc really isn't all that great looking to me...but what ever floats her boat. It's not based on looks, I know.
IBBB - Um Sierra, if it's not based on looks how do you know you like someone? I only base things on looks. P.S If Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx reads this, you're dead! P.S Watch your mouth. This is a PG-13 rated site!
IBBB - What are some misconceptions that you would like to set the record straight on about you and your experience on Juvies?
Sierra - I did NOT actually run away, I was in school. I'm not as big of a cry baby as I looked. I actually laughed and had fun more than I did cry. Sounds bad to say that, but it's the truth. And I'm not really that obsessed with "that guy." We had a thing, I loved him, but he wasn't all that I freakin talked about. And I did think he was cute. They just asked me NOT to say ANYthing good about him. Hint - why I laughed a little bit when I answered that question.
IBBB - Interesting. So you were basically "coached." I'm not saying a word because I want to work at MTV one day.
IBBB - It seems like you've learned a lot through this process. You have one guess…who is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter?
Sierra - Who f*ckin knows? She's a whore, man. I know it's not that old guys though, all he shoots out is dust probably.
IBBB - Yowza! Don't speak ill of the dead unless you end it with, "TrimSpa, baby!"
Sierra - Naw, you don't look old at all....just about the right age actually.
IBBB - You are very wise Sierra and you speak the truth. You hear that MTV?
Thanks Sierra you were great and besides your filthy mouth you seem like a normal teen who just happens to like skulls and crossbones. Best of luck with all that you do! If you ever need a reference for a job well you can just ask....er...good luck with that.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
~ Britney "Fight Dances" With Her Umbrella
~ Britney is Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady in Rehab
~ Britney Check Out of Rehab, Wears Scooby Doo Disguise
~ Wanna See Britney Naked? Be Her Nanny!
~ Britney Just "Daddy Warbucks'd" Herself!
~ A Jewish Guy is Pissed at Britney, Writes Letter
~ Britney Thinks She's Fatty Fat Fat. Fat
~ Britney Forgets Bra at Target, Remembers White-Trash Cigarettes
~ Britney Shaves Elmo in Vegas
~ Britney Brings Value of a Yacht Down
~ Mmm Purdy! Britney Channels Kathy Griffin
~ Britney Looks Good, World Implodes
~ Britney's Ghost Boobs Go X-Mas Shopping
I may not be the best with math (or spelling, or grammar, or politics, or science, or religion, or cats) but I'm almost positive that Christmas ended over two-months ago. How do I know this? Well, I checked my calendar and counted the days. You see, Christmas ended at midnight on December 25th. "Little Christmas" ended on January 6th. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that Christmas is over because it seems that wherever I drive around some houses are still decorated for Christmas. How so? Well, some people still have their wreaths hanging on their front door and over their front windows. Some still have lights on their bushes AND they're still turned on at night. Many still have their electric candles in their windows and they, too, are still turned on. It's one thing to "forget" to take these down, but you are intentionally turning them on....in February...your lights....your Christmas lights....in February...on. Why would one do this? Every time I see this it makes me crazy. Sometimes I am tempted to get out of my car and knock on their door and ask them what they are thinking. Sometimes I want to just take their lights and wreaths down myself and just leave a note on their front door that says, "You're welcome."
Seriously? These people that own these homes better be dead inside and that's why their stuff is still up. No joke. Whenever I still see their lights on I always think that they must be on a timer and that the owners are passed out on the kitchen floor. That has to be the only explanation. Look, I'm not trying be the Grinch, but Christmas is clearly over. How would you like it if I kept my house decorated for Halloween all year round? Same thing. Better yet, for every additional day that I see your Christmas stuff up I am going to go to your house and sing Christmas carols in front of it until you either shut your stuff off or give me money. Oh, and I'll ring your doorbell every day and ask if you want me to shovel your driveway. I can do this well into the summer.
In closing, please take down your Christmas crap. Christmas ended months ago and you're confusing the kids in the neighborhood. Thanks, in advance, for your cooperation.
Friday, February 23, 2007
~ A Good Old Fashion Hockey Fight! ~ ThatGuy
~ Jennifer Aniston Doesn't Heart Perez ~ CelebritySmack
~ Penelope Cruz's Sister is Hotter Than Her ~ DListed
~ Nick Cannon Gets Married. Hopefully His Horrible Show is Over. ~ HollyScoop
~ Is Mischa Barton Smoking Weed Drug Cigarettes? ~ EvilBeet
~ Nobody Wants to Smell Like Britney's Wig ~ Yeeeah!
~ How 'Bout a Little Mischa Toe ~ NinjaDude
Oh one hand I say good for them. On the other hand I say we have plenty of kids here in the US that need adopting. On the other other hand I say why do I care what they do. It's not like they asked me for permission. The point being, I have 3 hands. Why don't they just do it the old-fashioned way? Wait, are they trying to form their very own United Nations? Hmmm, interesting. I'll have to look into that.
In other Angelina Jolie news, it is rumored that she has dropped to 109 pounds (26 kilograms - I have no idea what it is in kilograms, but I'm trying to appeal to my international audience) as she has been grieving for her mom who passed away a few weeks ago. Another random source told US Weekly that, "She isn't eating. She is very lonely and desperate to make new friends." Jeeze, just buy stuff. Doesn't money make you feel better? It would make me feel better. Give me some of that money and I'll let you know.
It's funny because there never really seems to be any news about Halle. She is train-wreck free, yet I still choose to write about her. Wait, is this what it's like to have a heart? Ouch. Love hurts. Anyway, there are rumors flying that Halle really wants to star in the next James Bond film. She is so obsessed with this that she has, allegedly, said that she would do it for free.
Who Said That!?!
While the majority of Juvies is real (ish) there are many moments of a bit of scripting and a bit of coaching by the producers. I'll call this "scroaching." I was contacted by one of the guards who was on Juvies and was" scroached." He wanted to let me know that when they were talking to the Juvies they were told to make things more dramatic or even say things again so the cameras could capture it. If it wasn't dramatic enough they would have to do it again. I know what you're thinking..."who doesn't know that!?!" Well, I didn't. I really thought that this was a real reality show. I guess I should have known. It's kinda like when you find out about Santa. Like, you kinda know he isn't real and then you find out and you're bummed, but then you still believe a little, but then you remember that he isn't real. Yeah, it's kinda like that for me. I guess technically I've just been "Juvie Claused."
All of this got me to thinking. These kids are under 18 so how were they filmed? They had to get their parents consent, of course. What parent would sign a waiver that would show their kids acting like animals? Do they think this will be a stepping stone for their careers? Kids, kids, kids. This isn't American Idol. You're basically in prison and on TV. You'll always be known as the bratty kid in prison. That type of behavior may get you on The Surreal Life one day, but that's it. You just literally shot yourself in the foot.
While I still am a firm believer that Myspace is the "devil" sometimes it really helps you out. That's where I found Jenna von Oy. So what's she been up to? Good question. Well, Six lives in Nashville Tennessee and is a country music singer. Yeee-haw! Six is afraid of flying and is obsessed with serial killers. I guess that's what happens when you have to look at Blossom's nose every day. Also, Jenna feels that she could never go into law enforcement because people wouldn't take her seriously and always feel that "Six from Blossom" was arresting them. Oh, did I mention I've been using "Jenna" and "Six" interchangeably. I have.
Sadly this is all that I can find about Six. I believe she is trying to "re-kickstart" her career. I'll provide Six with some unsolicited advice.
- Party at Hyde
- Forget to wear your 'underpants' and get in and out of as many cars as you can
- Start to dabble into the wonderful world of "Ecstasy"
- Crash your car on the highway
- Check into rehab
- Check out of rehab
- Check back into rehab
- Check out of rehab
- Create a sex tape
- Check into rehab
- Sell your sex tape
- Check out of rehab
- Repeat as necessary
If you follow these instructions you will be back on magazine covers and "The UPN" will just be a distant memory. Oh, you're welcome.
Become Jenna's Myspace Friend
Thursday, February 22, 2007
She's once, twice, three times a lady in rehab. TMZ has just reported that Britney Spears had checked herself in to rehab for the 3rd time. My theory is that she has one of the "coffee punch cards" where each time you go they stamp your card and after 10 rehab visits you get your 11th for free. This could just be a stunt though as the child custody hearing scheduled by KFed today now had to be canceled due to Britney going back to rehab. My guess is that she'll be checked out by 4:42 PM EST. Who's with me. I hate to say it again, but the main problem is that she needs to go to Wonderland rehab. Wonderland. It worked "wonders" for Lindsay. I mean, look at her now! Lindsay only goes to the clubs 4 nights a week as opposed to 6. She's cured!
~ Marcia Cross Gives Birth to Twins, Can Finally Tan Again ~ Yeeeah!
I say 'good for her' in using the umbrella as a weapon. I mean, no one has been able to successfully pull that off since "The Penguin" did it in various Batman episodes. Nice work on bringing Batman back. Seriously, she looks completely insane. She is like a caricature of herself right now.
I'm sure this won't be the last we hear of Britney today. My money is on her losing custody of her kids either today or tomorrow. I think it's sad, actually. However, the thought of her swinging an umbrella at a car takes the sadness away for me.
Mischa has had some tough breaks lately. First, her younger sister Britney'd herself into rehab and then shortly later Mischa crashed Nicole Richie's car into another car. Ok, well not so much a crash as it was a bump, but "crash" just seems better. Mischa had just dropped off Nicole at the tanning salon when she bumped the other car and seemed pissed as she had to pull into a gas station to exchange papers with the other driver. Seriously if I was the other driver and Mischa Barton hit me in my car I would have either fallen out of my car or thrown myself through the windshield. That would have been my 15 minutes of fame. That's it, the next time I'm in LA I'm just going to drive around all day and wait to be hit.
Who Said That!?! and Who Shot Those Biotches!?!
In other Britney news, the LA County Department of Children has received numerous calls to their hotline from people who are concerned about her kids safety. I mean, half of those calls were probably from me, 1/4 were probably from Sean Preston thinking he was calling Ernie and Bert, and 3/4 were from the judge from the Anna Nicole Smith trial. My math is correct, right?
Who Shot Beach Blanket Bingo!?!
Who J. Glow'd!?!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
...In Other News...
~ Tina Turner is 154 Yrs Old ~ DListed
~ Rock N' Rolls Worst Drivers ~ CelebritySmack
~ Why Britney Has Done What She Has Done ~ PopBytes
~ NBA Allstar Game Bitch-Fights ~ ThatGuy
~ Carmen Electra is Officially Single Again ~ HollyScoop
~ Eminem vs. Kim ~ GabSmash
~ Anna Nicole Palooza Part 438 ~ Yeeeah!
~ Jessica Simpson and...Someone...Er... ~ GossipOrTruth
~ Finally! The Answer to Why Poshtoria Beckham Never Smiles ~ POTP
~ Hottest Top 5 American Idol Females ~ NinjaDude
~ American Idol Recap. I Mean a Literal Play-by-Play ~ EvilBeet
Awesome! These are all things I can do. I've never been more qualified for a job in my entire life. Here's the rest of the details from US Weekly and what some nannies had to say:
When Spears is alone with her kids, "she gets over-whelmed," says a source. "She gets so frustrated when they cry, asking, 'How do I make it stop?' But she loves her kids."
Personal Over Professional
"Britney didn't ask me one thing about my child-care experience. She only wanted to know about my personal life."