Victoria Beckham Attacked By Ghost Boobs (or Booooooobs!)

It's been a while that a celebrity has been attacked by ghost boobs, but it looks like Poshtoria is the latest victim. Poshtoria was just getting in to LA from London when the ghost boobs attacker her right in front of all the paparazzi. What are the odds of that happening? In even less interesting Poshtoria news, the Beckham's are reportedly suing a lookalike couple who got a sports car, jewelry, and a table at a top restaurant after posing as the Beckham's. I guess the real life Beckham's feel that their reputation is being damaged by the lookalikes. Uh, I think her reputation is being damaged by showing her boobs to the paparazzi. Actually scratch that (not literally). I think her reputation is improving by showing her boobs to the paparazzi. Check her out on Fox's new "When Ghost Boobs Attack!"

Who Said That!?! and Who Shot Those Ghost Boobs!?!

Ricki Lake is Alive. No, Really.

Did you know Ricki Lake was still alive? No really, she is. I actually just won a bet too. Last week me and a friend made a bet. I said Ricki Lake was alive and my friend (Jesus) said that Ricki Lake was dead. Now, figuring that Jesus would probably know if she was dead I decided to go "opposites" and say, "alive." Well look who was right!?! Me! Me -1, Jesus - 0.

Ricki Lake was as the premiere of "The Business of Being Born" at the 2007 Tribeca Film Festival in NYC. I'm pretty sure only two of those words were actually real, but I digress. I'm going to assume that that movie must have sucked because the only two stars on the red carpet were Ricki Lake and Myra Radzinki. I'm pretty sure only one of those people are actually real, but I digress. Anyway, seeing Ricki Lake really got me to thinking. She's totally the original Tyra Banks. All that Tyra Banks is, is Ricki Lake 2.0. That will be Tyra's new nickname from now on. I hope you like it, if not please don't read any more of my Tyra, er..I mean Ricki Lake 2.0 posts. Ever.

Who Shot Ricki Lake!?!

Britney is not Dolphin Safe Tuna

Hey, everybody does it. Sometimes it's the summer and you're just going to quickly run to the store. Maybe you go wearing your bathing suit. Maybe you even sport some socks and sandals (I've done that). Maybe you go in your pajama pants. That's ok, right? Sure it is. Oh, you know when it's not ok? Yeah, it's actually not ok if you're a single mother of two, 25, wearing your bathing suit with a net over it, and you're typically followed by the paparazzi 24/7, and you know that there is a 99.9998% chance that these pictures will wind up on the InterWeb and/or on the cover of every magazine in the United States and overseas (Canada). Yeah, that's when it's not ok. You have money. Start looking like it.

Britney Spears was looking for a new house the other day in Malibu (conveniently located in close proximity to Promise of a New Day Rehab) with her cousin Ali when she was photographed looking like she got caught in a fish net. Now does this technically make her dolphin safe tuna or not? It's hard to know. It's really a fine line at this point. Do you think she tans uneven in that?

Who Shot That Dolphin!?!

Am I Wrong?

As you know, every now and then I like to break off from the celebrity news just to clear my head. Typically, I do this in a "rant," but this time I'm doing it with a new little segment I like to call, "Am I Wrong?"

Am I Wrong?

by IBBB

• If I see an adult on a kids bike dressed in jeans and a jacket peddling up the street, I totally think you are an alcoholic that got their license taken away. Am I wrong?
• When I'm stopped at a street light and kids come running over to my car in their baseball uniforms with a can filled with cash and want me to donate some money, I still think it's a scam. I totally think it's their old baseball uniform from last year and they're going to take my money to go by weed. Am I wrong?
• When buying a TV I think that the cheaper TV's don't have the cables screwed in all the way so that the more expensive TV's have the clearer picture and make you want to buy them. Am I wrong?
• It's totally rude when I send you a Myspace message and you open it, read it, and then don't respond. It's Myspace, I can tell when you read my email. It says that you did. I think it's rude not to respond back. Am I wrong?
• Are half the stories on Extreme Makeover Home Edition made up? Seriously, each week the stories get worse and worse. It's only a matter of time before one of the members of the family are killed on the application video just to seem "different" from the rest of the video applications. Am I wrong?
• Speaking of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, why do the families always seem so shocked when they say "move that bus?" It's like season 17 of this show. You know that your new house is going to look insane. For a nice twist, I would have the original house leveled and not have a new house built, so when the bus does move, I'd be like...what? We didn't finish your house....and we're leaving. Good luck to ya. Am I wrong?
• Why are guys jeans getting so small. I'm not getting bigger. The jeans are getting smaller and tighter. Seriously, they're like trying on spandex. I don't want skin-tight jeans. I don't want baggy jeans. I just want normal jeans. Am I wrong?
• How is Fergie famous? No really, why? Am I wrong?
• Why do people still type LOL? I miss the days of "haha" Why can't be go back to those days? I don't need to know you are "laughing out loud." If you type "haha" I certainly don't think you are laughing without making noise. I know it's out loud. Stop the LOL. Am I wrong?
• If you're driving an old station-wagon with wood paneling really slowly through a neighborhood, you're a molester and/or kidnapper. What, am I wrong?

That's all. Thank you.

IBBB Lite

Hey look at Fergie arriving in Australia for the MTV Australia Music Awards! Wow, she doesn't look like a retard at all, even with her IBBB Blue pants, New Kids on the Block hat, shoes attached to her pants, and busted face! Is that what happens when you change time zones? Yowza, stay out of international waters!

Anyway, enough about Fergie. More about me. Over the next week you will be experiencing IBBB Lite (ImBringingBloggingBack Lite). Why IBBB Lite you ask? What is it you ask? Well, let me answer the second question first and then the first question second. IBBB is packing up his blog and heading to NYC to become a resident of the Big Orange! Who knew that moving ones life to another state would entail any work or time. So, until I am all moved and unpacked I will have limited access to post these brilliant blog posts. I will, however, try to give you one or two a day if possible.

So, why am I moving to NYC you ask? I'm looking for an Olsen. In the meantime, check out some of my other blogging friends to keep you happy until I return.

P.S I will not be becoming a Yankees fan. God bless.

~ CelebritySmack

~ EvilBeet

~ DListed

~ GabSmash

~ AgentBedHead

~ NinjaDude

~ FatBack

~ PopBytes

~ Yeeeah

~ PopOnThePop

~ DrunkenStepFather

~ Glunp

~ MollyGood

Britney Loves a Unitard and Boots

Britney really loves to be photographed in her unitard, boots, and cowboy hat. Besides the unitard, how come she always wears the same crap? I mean, I'm poor and I do that, but isn't she worth over $125 million? I bet her boots and hat stink. I'm going to send her a bottle of Febreeze so she can spray those things down...and anywhere else that may stink. Anyway, Britney was caught again leaving Millennium Dance Studio, but this time with her kids. Go figure. I'm not really 100% sure on their names, but I think the kid that's shown in the picture above is Phil and the one in the covered car seat is Tito. Don't quote me though.

In other Britney Spears news, it is rumored that Britney will be playing at the Anaheim House of Blues next Wednesday (Harriet Carter Wednesday) under the band name the M&M's. Britney is also rumored to be playing the House of Blues on the Sunset Strip in LA on Thursday. So, if you are interested in watching Britney lip-sync you should definitely go check that out.

Who Shot That!?!

Tyra Gets to Second with Rosie

It seems that Tyra is on the list of People's Most Beautiful People and I suspect she'll make it onto another list soon as well; The Sex Offenders Registry. Tyra was on The View yesterday talking about herself, her show, and showing clips of herself (go figure) when she suddenly attacked Rosie O'Donnell and grabbed her boobs. Ok, well she didn't attack her, but it did make for a better story. I don't know if getting to second base with Rosie O'Donnell is something to brag about, but Tyra seemed to enjoy it.

...In Other News...

Katie Holmes and Queen Latifah are like the same exact person. It's scary actually. I look to the left and I think, "Wait, is that Queen Latifah or Katie Holmes?" I look to the right and I think, "Wait, is that Katie Holmes or Queen Latifah?" Katie and Queen Latifah are filming scenes for their up coming movie, "Mad Money" in Louisiana. I'm really excited to never see this movie! In other news...

~ Is Britney On or Off the Wagon? ~ Yeeeah

~ Nelly and Fergie Have More Than Spelling in Common ~ PopBytes

~ Amy Winehouse is the New Olsen ~ CelebritySmack

~ A Wax Timberlake That Doesn't Talk or Sing? Brilliant. Can't Wait For it to Melt! ~ DListed

~ Britney Upskirt Again, Again ~ NinjaDude

~ Wait, KFed is White? ~ AgentBedHead

~ Prince Gives Paris the High Heat ~ PONTP

~ Eve Loves to Drive....When Shes Trashed ~ EvilBeet

~ Tara Reid Only Has a Few Dollars Left ~ DSF

~ Alec Baldwin Cries Like a Bitch on The View ~ Glunp

Heidi From "The Hills": New Boobs & Nose!

Hot off the chest! Check out Heidi Montard's new store-bought boobs and nose! Good for her! Heidi is all of a sudden prettier, funnier, a better singer, smarter, and nicer. Is it just me? Anyway, these photos were snapped Heidi while her and she and Steve Sanders were hanging out at the beach in Malibu. Oh and by "hanging out" I actually mean "a staged photo opportunity." I was nice enough to circle Heidi's new boobs just in case you forgot where they go and I even added an arrow that points to her new nose just in case you forgot where her nose is. You're welcome. Oh, and please insert "Heidi's new "hills" joke here ________."

Who Shot Those Hills!?!

America's Next Top Model Recap, Recap

Jenny, the IBBB resident America's Next Top Model recapper may have missed last weeks episode due to a high intensity rehab program, but she's back this week to recap the "recap episode." Let's see what Jenny had to say:

This week marks ANTM's re-cap episode. This annoys me. I already know what has happened up until this point. Why do you have to tell me again? Anyhoo, I digress. While sitting through this boring re-cap, some observations:

• Looking back on the earlier episodes, I realize that Natasha looks better as a blond. Also, I am up in arms that I even cared enough to notice this.
• Jaslene is so thin, I am afraid that Sally Struthers may see ANTM and send her food.
• Jaslene is also a little crazy. I don't even think her own imaginary friends would play with her.
• Natasha has a wisdom tooth extracted without medication. I watch in horror....I find this to be alarming. I mean this is why they have medication...to help you through a painful experience, such as tooth extraction or the ANTM re-cap.
• I am getting really bored, so I flip to American Idol. That is even worse, so I flip back to find Jael displaying her extraordinary hula hoop talent. Riveting.
• It's good to see Benny Ninja again. Not because I like him, but because I couldn't really believe what I was seeing the first time that episode aired. Yep...this guy really does exist. I still don't understand.
• During one of the "never before seen clips", we learn that the girls live like pigs. Really...it is disgusting. I haven't seen filth like that since my college days. And those kids used to pee in jugs and throw them out the third floor windows.
• The girls get to imitate the judging panel. It is not funny at all, but I think it is supposed to be. Pasquale from IBBB is way funnier.Well, at least we got to see Tyra dressed up as a kangaroo again.
• Hopefully I will be out of my boredom coma in time for next week's episode. G'Day!

Idol Gives Back, I Give Up

I guess when Idol gives back that means that all the contestants wear white clothes. Hey Idol, it's not 1945 when white is "good." All that was missing was the pointy hat. I guess they are mini KKK members in training. Anyway let's get on with what went down or as I like to call it, "I'll never get these two hours back of my life. Ever."

• Uh, did Ellen and Ryan have the same haircut? I mean, I know they're wearing the same suit, but just needed some clarification on the haircut.
• Earth, Wind, and Fire just took the stage. This dude is singing so high only dogs can hear him. Well, dogs and J Lo fans.
• Oh crap, they're trying to create another "We Are the World" song. This never works. They do this after every national disaster. I think they usually sell like 15 copies of the new songs. Next.
• Yowza now they're singing the new "We Are the World" song. I think this song is actually hurting donations.
• Was Ben Stiller funny? This is like a really bad telethon. Actually, this is just like the telethon they did on Full House when they ler DJ, Stephanie, and Michele sing and dance. I will be pleasantly surprised if Kimmie Gibler comes out on the Idol stage on a unicycle. Fingers crossed.
• Uh-oh, Paula is out talking to kids at the Boys and Girls club. She's kinda pulling a "Tyra" because just as the kids start talking about their problems, Paula cuts in to talk about her issues. Brilliant. Speaking of which, I hope Tyra somehow makes it on the Idol stage. Again, fingers crossed.
• Ouch. Il Divo is on stage. Ouch. I believe "Il Divo" is translated to "Kermit the Frog Impressions." Now don't quote me. I'm not 100% sure. I mean, I don't speak Chinese.
• Carrie Underwood was out in Africa singing, "I'll Stand By You" to the poor little kids. That's sweet. Although, you know what may have been more helpful? Yeah, if Carrie had some food or money or something. I mean, these kids are starving. The last thing they need is a sing-a-long. I don't think they even know this song. Ok, well bonus points for wearing hot-pants in the jungle.
• Hey even Tom from Myspace was there! I would have asked him if his tech team fixed my "sorry an error has occurred" message.
• Hmmm while Paula was on stage I think she was "giving back" her boobs to the American public. Good for her at 64!
• Why? Why must they continue to have the "Idol Kids" create these stupid car commercials? I'm embarrassed. No more please. Thank you.
• Watching famous people lip-sync to "Staying Alive" is more entertaining than I thought. Sure the clips were real quick, but at one point I saw Kirstie Alley dressed as a priest, Terry Hatcher dressed like a 16 year old, "Ross from Friends" acting like "Ross from Friends," and Golide Hawn looking like Nana. This segment alone was enough for me to give up these 2-hours of my life.
• 1-hour and 13 minutes into this telethon and still no sign of Oprah. Cheap whore.
• In the worlds worst surprise, Celine Dion is singing a duet with Elvis. Hmmm Elvis is actually on stage. Clearly, he's dead so bonus points for Celine using her "acting skills" ti look at him like he's standing there with her. I say donate an extra $4.00 for those acting skills.
• Update: I just contacted Elvis via my Ouija Board and he is, in fact, dead. Sadly, Celine is not. Ouch.
• Great, Madonna is in Africa. I hope her British accent doesn't rub off on them. They've already suffered enough.
• No one got the boot this week since this was a "charity week." Great thanks. I watched for nothing.

Halle Berry Dresses Like Barney, I'm Totally Fine With It

I think it's fine that Halle Berry dressed up like Barney for the premiere of "Perfect Stranger" in Mexico. I think her boobs peaking out of the top of the dress is the same as Barney's tail peaking out of his costume too. And, I also think that it's good for the kids to see. I don't care what Halle wears or does for that matter. She's hot. She can do no wrong in my book. I've practically forgotten that she was involved in a hit and run years back. Whatever. She could have killed the person she hit. She's still on fire. You know what? Even though she was at the premiere of "Perfect Stranger" in Mexico, I wouldn't care if she was remaking the hit late 80's TV show, "Perfect Strangers." She could have been Cousin Larry's girlfriend. Makes no difference to me. Good for her. More Halle please. Thank you.

Sanjaya's Mom Grows Pot. I Needed It!

It appears that Sanjayjay's mom was busted in 2005 for growing and selling pot, or "marijuana cigarettes" as the kids like to call it. I don't see what the big deal was. I mean, she was only busted for having 310 marijuana plants at her house. Also, Sanjayjay's sister, Shyamali, was also arrested, but her mug shots couldn't be made public because she was only 17 yrs old. I guess we'll have to settle for her naked with a guitar covering her "Sanjaya's."

You know what I would have said! If there are 310 marijuana plants, where are the receipts? I think it was selfish that his pot growing mom didn't share some of those plants with the American public who were forced to listen to her son "talk-sing" week after week. However, bonus points for Paula having the ability to smoke 304 of the 310 plants prior to going "on-air."


Who Claims This!?!

Paris Hilton's Boyfriend is a Lesbian

Paris Hilton's boyfriend, Josh Henderson, is a lesbian circa 1987 complete with cutoff flannel shirt and spikey hairdo. What? It's not a stereotype. It's a fact. I joyfully await your hate mail. Moving on, Paris and John were out and about the other night doing something with someone, I guess. I'm not sure actually because X17 Online didn't say. Oh well, enjoy the pictures and who doesn't like a lesbian and/or lesbian joke every once in a while?

...In Other News...

Rosie O'Donnell sees her shadow, quits The View, and declares six more weeks of Spring. In other news...

~ Donald Trump Has a Thought On Rosie's News ~ CelebritySmack
~ Why Vanessa Minnillo is Leaving MTV - I'd Be a VJ Forever ~ EvilBeet
~ Joe Simpson Tired of Hitting on Daughters, Moves onto Britney ~ FatBack
~ Don't Try to Kill Hillary Duff ~ NinjaDude
~ Britney Forgot Her Bra Again! ~ PopOnThePop
~ What Technically is a Kirsten Dunst? ~ AgentBedHead
~ There's a New Pussycat Doll ~ PopBytes

A Summer Fling With Harriet Carter

What an awesome Harriet Carter Wednesday this is! Are you wondering why? Well that would be because Harriet has just officially released her summer crap! Thank God! As you'll be able to see, Harriet is still into death, bad t-shirts, dangerous products, and little kids. I also wanted to take this opportunity to thank Kelley from Palm Coast, Florida who emailed me last week to let me know that her brother is over in Afghanistan fighting the war on terror and him and his buddies are reading my Harriet Carter crapalog posts each week. Thanks guys for fighting over there so that jackasses like me can continue to write this junk. Does this mean that I'm helping with the war too? I think I am. Stay safe and hurry home. There are many new products in the crapalog that you should be testing out! Let's go....

Product # 1 - This spring/summer Harriet has found more comforting words to share with you as you mourn the loss of your loved one. Let's see what this one says. "God Saw Her Getting Tired, a Cure Not Meant to Be, so He Put His Arms Around Her and Whispered, 'Come With Me.'" Uhhhh, yeah that is horrific. Look, God is busy, really busy. I'm not sure He has the time to spend in the science lab discovering cures for diseases, but I am positive that He would never say that. Oh, and I doubt God speaks in rhymes. Why is Harriet so morbid? I'm waiting for the "accident ornament." I suspect it will say something like, "Ouch I Bet That Tree Really Hurt Especially When Your Body Flew into the Dirt. I Know, I Know You May Beg and Beg, But I Am Your Doctor and Must Cut Off Your Leg." See? I totally need to be in the Harriet Carter crapalog. Thanks Harriet for making death so hot this summer!

Product # 2 - Woo-hoo! Look who's back! It's "failure model chick!" You may remember her from older Harriet Carter products such as, "trapped in the car and need to break free," and also, "ouch I have back pain and need lightning bolts to straighten me out." Oh, and who could forget my personal favorite, "wearing a pig hat on my head." Yup, "failure model chick" is back and this time she is the life of the party with a little drinking problem. Now you too can sport the good old fashioned "Is it 5:00 Yet?" t-shirt. Lucky you. Look how hysterical that shirt is. Do you get the joke? Let me explain it to you. You see, this t-shirt is supposed to let people know that you've had such a hectic day that you are ready to get your drink on. Funny, right? Yeah, didn't think so. Not only is "failure model chick" wearing the shirt with the martini glass on it, but look....she's also holding a martini. "Failure model chick" is so funny. I suspect she is about 3 more martini's away from taking a permanent dirt nap. Good luck "failure model chick." We'll miss you. Now go into the light.

Product # 3 - Is yard work just a little too difficult for you? Are you tired of trying to spray weed killer on your weeds? Is that not really getting rid of them? Well, you're in luck because Harriet Carter has assembled this handy dandy fire torch. Yes, fire torch. Now you can literally burn the weeds right off your property. Hmmm, that's safe right? But don't stop just there because the actual description says it's good for getting rid of tree stumps too! Alright!! Yeah, I guess Harriet Carter finally cracked the scientific code and discovered that "fire" destroys things. Wow, she's wicked smaaaaht. I say don't just stop with the tree stump either. Bring it to the next level. Are you looking to "get rid" of your car? Don't sell it, just burn it! Looking to remodel your house? Don't be "stupid" and hire a construction team, just use this fire torch and burn it to the ground. This innovative tool is perfect for almost any insurance scam. Hell, even let the kids get creative with it! Thanks Harriet for this science breakthrough!

Product # 4 - Uh-oh look out little girl! You may get run over by that truck backing up. But don't worry, it's not the ball that got you distracted, it's the person that's taking your picture AS the truck is backing up! I'm not quite sure how this "tool" works because the picture is showing that it can alert you by releasing "dotted lines" into the air. Hmm, maybe you notice the dotted lines and then understand that you should run? As a side note, is this little girl trying out for the Harlem Globe Trotters? I think that's their basketball. Good luck to her. Oh, and why is she playing in a parking lot? Oh, and where are her parents? You know they're home smoking Misty 120's and drinking Zima's and told the kids to go play in the Home Depot parking lot. Yeah, good thinking. Luckily this photographer was in the parking lot too and probably told this little girl to get out of the way. Oh, and then he probably tried to kidnap her. Nice work Harriet! I bet you didn't know you are personally helping diddlers.

Well that concludes this weeks Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday Spring into Summer Fling 2007 Palooza 2007, of 2007.

American Idol Gives Back

After American Idol has raped the American public of gazillions of dollars and time lost in our lives, they have decided to give back. Whatever it takes I guess.

I'd assume the children of Africa are psyched to see someone else famous besides Sally Struthers. I know I'd be happy for the change of pace. Do you think the kids are confused why Ryan Seacrest is wearing probably $2,500 worth of clothes? Interesting, yet not so. Here's what went down on American Idol as perceived by the brilliance of IBBB.

• Chris Richardson sang "Change the World" and to no surprise sounded like Justin Timberlake. If this wasn't for charity, I'd say, "don't vote." Oh hell. Don't vote.
• Apparently all you need to do to get the audience to scream and clap is simply stand up. Good thinking Chris. I'd stand up more often. You'd probably get a few more votes.
• Dear Randy, please stop talking like you're 16 yrs old. Thanks for your cooperation.
• Melinda literally shook her head left to right the entire song. We get it. You have a twitch. I think shaking your head left to right symbolizes "seriousness" while shaking your hips left to right signals a secret message to Shakira. But, I digress.
• I love when Paula calls contestants "magical." No, you're magical Paula, you're magical. You ride on a magical unicorn into the heavens and hi-five Amelia Earhart. Thanks Paula.
• "Imagine" Blake Lewis didn't beat-box?
• Sweet, Paula continues to talk directly into the microphone. $1.00 Bob, $1.00!
• Lakisha sings Fantasia. Hopefully, Lakisha doesn't plan on taking any dirty pictures with her cell phone like Fantasia did. Yowza!
• This time Paula grabs the microphone in order to talk even louder and ever more direct into the mic. Halfway through I feel Paula has a stroke. Perhaps she was electrocuted from touching the mic.
• Phil Stacey...I'm sorry, I fell asleep. There's a chance I lapsed into a coma. The doctors are still trying to decide.
• Jordin Sparks sings something depressing. This whole show depressed me. Half the songs made me feel like I was in a Disney Cartoon and not in a good way.

Rehab is the New Anorexia and the Old "Child Out of Wedlock"

Jonathan Rhys Meyers (I only know what one of those words mean) has checked himself into rehab for a little too much of the drinky-drink. I think that's the technical term for it. Actually he's in a super fancy AA facility. Jonathan Rhys Meyers was working so much, according to People Magazine that he needed to enter rehab to maintain his recovery. I can relate to that. One time I worked past 5:00 and felt so burnt out that I drove myself right to rehab. I mean, I don't have a drinking problem, I just figured that's what you're supposed to do. That's what you're supposed to do, right? All these movie stars make rehab seem so fun. I'm getting curious.

P.S - My photoshopping skills have been brought to a new level.

...In Other News...

Mandy McStump isn't so happy when she's dragging her dead-leg throughout the streets of NYC while she's shopping. Who knew the sidewalks were so clean. In other news...

~ The Apprentice is Still On and Somebody Won ~ CelebritySmack
~ Chevy Chases's Mom Ain't So Nice ~ FatBack
~ Joe Francis to Become a Mother in Prison ~ AgentBedHead
~ A Drunken Carrie Underwood is a Better Carrie Underwood ~ NinjaDude
~ Meet Murphy Brown ~ EvilBeet
~ Rosie O'Donnell. That's All. ~ Yeeeah
~ Poshtoria is Bosstoria. Get It? ~ GabSmash
~ Kelly and Brandon Still Together ~ DListed
~ Jessica Biel Walks Her Dog or Goes to the Oscars ~ DrunkenStepFather

Britney Spears: Mother, Stripper, Street-Walker, Mother, Dancer, Mother, and Mother. Mother.

Stripper by day and then stripper by night (with skirt). Hey did you guys know that Britney Spears had kids? Yeah, she's a mom. She's given birth to two children. I know, crazy right? Ahhh, I remember the days when my mom would put on her fishnet stockings, half shirt, brown wig, and Freddie Kruger hat and walk me an my sister to school. Those were proud moments, proud.

Britney Spears was caught going and coming from Millennium Dance Studio in North Hollywood, CA and actually looked pretty good. I mean sure she is all skanked out, but that's a good thing. I hope every ex-hot celebrity who shaves their head and enters rehab comes out of rehab a little crazier and much skankier. Crazier. Skankier. Oh, and with fright-wig. Good day.

Sanjaya's Smile Makes Me Nervous

(Please sing the next 3 sentences to the tune of "How Much is that Doggy in the Window")

How much is that pedophile in the window, the one with the stringy perm. How much is that diddler in the window. I do hope that diddler is registered.

Seriously? What the hell is up with Sanjaya's spooky smile? In every picture it either looks like he's legit doing "Sanjaya's" in his pants or he is planning to start diddling. It's really a toss up at this point. Sanjaya is literally where Michael Jackson is in his life right now, but at the age of like 17. I'm waiting to see pictures of Sanjaya holding his sister, Shyamali, over the balcony. At the same time I can actually see Sanjaya moon-walking on top of a limo with a black umbrella at his very own child molestation trial. Relax, relax. I'm just kidding. I don't think he'll use an umbrella.

These spooky photos were taken of Sanjayjay while he was getting ready to frighten Regis and Kelly (minus Regis).

Party with Saint Jennifer for $2 Million

Have you ever wanted to share a beer with Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx? Well it's your lucky day because now you can! Oh, you just happen to need $2 million (that's US Dollars, not Yen) and you too can get your very own personalized J. Glow. It's been reported by drunken sources that "the simple girl from the Bronx" is getting paid $2 million to sing at a 30th birthday party that a Russian rich dude is throwing for his wife. See, you can buy love.

This Russian retard, Andrei Melnichenko, is reported to be worth $5 billion and wants to give his wife, model Aleksandra and her 60 guests a night to remember. What better way to do that than watch J. Glow lipsync to her own songs right in your own living room. Oh, and I called him a "retard" because I'm jealous that he's rich. Yup, I admit it. How you like me now?

Let's face it, I want to party with Saint Bronx. Lo too. However I don't have $2 million. What I do have is $15.00 in my wallet PLUS a Dunkin Donuts gift card that still has about $4.00 on it. If I give that to J. Glow, do you think I could at least afford to have her read me some lines from Gigli? I hope so. At the last maybe she can ship out her mom, Lupe Lopez, and Lupe can show me some dance moves or something. We'll see.

These photos were taken while Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx was with her petite husband, Marc Anthony, at Top Shop, shopping a storm? Yeah, I have no idea what Top Shop is. And you know what, I don't want to know.

Who Said That!?! and Who Shot J. Glow!?!

Jason Wahler Hearts Guns

Even though "The Hills" is on a break until Season 3 starts up at some point in the summer, it's like every week there is a new "The Hills" story to choose from. This one is great. Apparently, Jason Wahler and some buddies were drinking vodka and playing a friendly little game of Russian Roulette. In regards to regular roulette I typically put my money on Red 9, but I guess this game is a little different and involves a gun. According to US Weekly who received these photos, Jason and some buddies were trashed in Hollywood one night last summer and everyone ended up playing around with a gun. Yeah, that's safe. I'd assume that Jason wanted to take a dirt nap after realizing that he dated Jessica from Laguna Beach, but maybe he has deeper troubles than that....even though that would be enough to make anyone play "kiss the gun." It's good to see Jason's been doing well. He's about two drinks away from "Trimspa, baby!"

Dear Taquita and Kaui: No.

Dear Taquita and Kaui - please stop immediately.

Thanks,
IBBB

P.S - Whomever created this show, please email me at once.

...In Other News...

~ Melanie Griffith Looks Like Grandma ~ CelebritySmack
~ Sanjayjay Goes To Washington ~ DListed
~ Poshtoria in France ~ AgentBedHead
~ Paris Can Drive Again ~ FatBack
~ Rock's Supposed Baby Momma a Liar ~ NinjaDude
~ Does Heather Mills Have to Check Her Leg at Security? ~ Yeeeah
~ Sienna Miller Wants Kids...STAT ~ HollyScoop
~ Young Hollywood Awards ~ EvilBeet
~ Gwen in Vegas ~ PopBytes
~ Artie Lange Wants to Leave You a Message
~ Renee Zellweger Loves the Office ~ GabSmash

Jennifer Love Hewitt Sells Underwear

Is Jennifer Love Hewitt still on TV? I think she is. I think she's still cranking out "I Know What You Did Last Summer" sequels too. At the same time, I feel like her career really went down the crapper. I tried to pinpoint where it all went wrong for Jennifer Love Hewitt. It was either when she came out with an album or when she literally was going on talk shows and telling people that most people call her "Love." Yup, that's it. That's the moment where things started to really go downhill for her. Prior to her announcing to the world that people call her "Love" she was pretty popular. Sure it was because she was 18 and had a rack and a half, but now even that can't seem to revive her career. "Love" is now out selling underpants. Hanes underpants to be exact. See now if she were smart like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan she would stay as far away from underpants as humanly possible. Also, as a sidenote, Hanes? Really? Are you sure? If you're going to sell underwear are you sure you want it to be Hanes? Sure, maybe if your demographic is nana and papa, but that's it. I would get rid of the Hanes, "Love."

Britney Still Kinda Looks Nuts

People thought that when Britney left rehab that she would do a complete 180 and all of a sudden get "sane." I, too, was concerned that if she gave up the booze she would be far less entertaining. I mean, let's face it, sober people just aren't as fun as drunk people. It's a fact. There's been studies. Anyway, even though Britney appears to be sober, she still kinda seems nuts. It doesn't help her cause that she she looks like she's constantly in a disguise with multiple cheap wigs and blinding blue contact lenses. Mix that up with one of her many Freddie Krueger hats and animal carcass wrapped around her and you certainly have all the ingredients to make a "crazy pie."

Britney was caught heading to the tanning salon and then to a sushi restaurant with her cousin and constant sidekick, Allie, and according to X17 Online was in great spirits.

Dear Myspace

It's been a little while since I went on a rant. Now's the time.

Dear Myspace,

How are things with you? I'm guessing "not so good" because you never really seem to work right. It seems like every day as soon as I've finished typing up a 14,000 word Myspace message and hit "send" I always seem to get the "sorry! an unexpected error has occurred. This error has been forwarded to Myspace's technical group" message. Yeah, thanks Myspace, that's helpful. Is it really that unexpected? This happens 6 times a day. Who are these tech people and what are they doing with my message? Can they just resend it for me or must I retype the same message 15 more times? And what type of information does this one particular error message contain that is so different then the other 18,000 error messages their "tech group" receives? What is this tech group like? And why can't they fix this error by now?

Also, do the Myspace spammers think I'm stupid? NO, I DON'T want to hear about your latest ringtones. And not for one second will I be tricked by this message even though it came from one of my friends. My friends don't care about ringtones and certainly wouldn't send me a message about one. At the same time, I'm not getting tricked by the Myspace email or comment message that talks about "girls say that size does matter." Who are the people who are falling for these scams? I say the people who are tricked by these messages and actually click on those links should be kicked off of Myspace. I'd give them the electric chair if possible.

So in conclusion, Myspace, get your stuff together. For a website that is worth like $100 million, you run worse than my Apple IIc and that includes the time that Oregon Trail got stuck inside the disk drive and wouldn't work anymore.

Luke-Warm Regards,
IBBB

Victoria Beckham Has Combover Cameltoe

It's time for another installment of "The ImBringingBloggingBack Celebrity Cameltoe Rating System...to the Stars!" Now not all of these celebrity contestants can be winners each time. In this case, Poshtoria is entering in this cameltoe rating system even though she doesn't have some full-on cameltoe. However, she does suffer from some slight cameltoe AND even sports a combover at the same time! Brilliant. Therefore I am giving Poshtoria one camel, BUT with two humps and even a combover. Yes, clip art does have everything.

Anyway, these photos of Poshtoria were snapped while she was shopping in London over the weekend. Bonus points for the "bullets belt." Rambo rules.

...In Other News...

Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx is showing off her new "fashion line" that also consists of the old lime green plastic hat that every kid had when they were little, yet had no clue what it really was. Sometimes this visor even had lights on it and would light up different colors. Why? Anyway, I'm pissed that J. Glow's hat says, "A La J Lo" when I've given her a very fitting nickname for months now, "Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx." She could have at least called it "de las bronx." Rude. Anyway, I'm having some technical computer issues so I must leave you today with some other sites to check out until I can fix this issues. Anyone have a wrench? In other news...

~ Britney Shops with a Bird Hat ~ CelebritySmack
~ Lauren Conrad Sex Tape Pulled After Being "Too Boring." ~ FatBack
~ Pete Doherty Uses Props to Assault ~ AgentBedHead
~ Alec Baldwin Uses His Angry Voice ~ NinjaDude
~ Donald Trump Send Barbara and Rosie a Gift ~ Yeeeah
~ Check Out Gwen Stefani's New Video ~ PopBytes
~ Selma Blair Went to Rehab? ~ HollyScoop
~ Lindsay Lohan Cancels Movie ~ GabSmash
~ Tom Cruise is Elf Like ~ EvilBeet
~ Fergie in Ruffles ~ DSF

Jessica Simpson Cameltoe Palooza

Everyone now and then my job is easy. Other times it's tough. This one? Easy. Special thanks go out to avid IBBB readers Terra and Erica who brought this picture to my attention and requested that I add it to the site. No problem, skanks! Not only was this a home run for me, but it also allows us to play the "The ImBringingBloggingBack Celebrity Cameltoe Rating System...to the Stars!" game. At this point, you know how this works. Each celebrity can receive up to 5 camels awarded to them (just think a ghetto version of Star Search). Jessica Simpson, who was showing off her latest elderly "I just had a stroke" outfit while she was at Winston's in LA the other night, rocked the powder blue cameltoe, but she kind of half-ass'd it. This was quite disappointing. However, IBBB still has awarded Jessica with 2 out of 5 camels. To be frank, I'm a bit disappointed in Jessica's cameltoe. We've seen much better from her in the past. Hopefully she will read this and will try to impress us a little more next time. Thanks for trying kid. Enjoy your camel trophy. It's in the mail.

Special thanks to IBBB readers Erica and Terra for alerting me on this. I encourage all of you to send me photos so I can be ever lazier then I already am. Good day.

Fantasia Cracks Me Up: Puke Now Please

For the love of all that is holy and good in this world! Celebrity Babylon is claiming that this is the one and only American Idol winner, Fantasia Barrino. Oh and in case you're wondering, "yes" she is taking a cell phone pic of her ass and "no" those aren't pants she's wearing. The next picture shows, what I can only assume is, Fantasia falling in the bathroom and accidentally taking a picture of her big old Color Purple. That's very motherly of her. Oh, and by the way feel free to pour bleach directly into your eyes and then into your keyword...in that particular order.

Personally, I don't think it's Fantasia. Without a doubt it's Dudley from Different Strokes (Arnold's buddy that got "diddled" in season 3). Seriously look again. It's Dudley. I hope this becomes the cover of her next album. I mean, it will have to be one of the album covers that you have to unfold three times in order to see the whole picture, but you still get to see it. Is it possible that her ass needs braces too? What? Just asking.

Angelina Jolie: Skank Whore at 4!

While most 4 and 5 year olds are cracking up at Ernie and Bert and learning how to tie their shoes, Angelina Jolie was skanking up her kindergarten classroom. According to a recent article by OK Magazine, when Angelina was around the age of 4 or 5 she was taking her clothes off and making out with boys. Angelina said, "I was a member of a group called the Kissy Girls. I was very sexual in kindergarten."

Oh that's sweet. Where the hell were the teachers in this school? At 4 years old I think, I think, I was still messing my pants. Skid marks for sure. Sexually active at 4? Nope. Later Angelina disclosed how she lost her virginity at 14 years old (I don't think my voice even changed at 14) and then the interview took a turn for the worse. Angelina continued:

"I had started having sex with my boyfriend and the sex and the emotions didn't feel enough.
I was no longer a little girl. In a moment of wanting to feel closer to my boyfriend I grabbed a knife and cut him. He cut me back. We had an exchange of something and we were covered in blood, my heart was racing. Then whenever I felt trapped, I'd cut myself. I have a lot of scars.
It was an age when I felt adventurous and after a few beers things happened."

Uh, yeah....sure....awkward. Yes, cutting each other up after sex and being covered in blood is romantic. Oh and "after a few beers things happened?" After a few beers I could possibly have a small buzz, but at no point to I feel the need to grab a knife and start slicing.

I hope Angelina is still giggling about this when one of her 17 kids is "sexually active" in about 3 more months. Best wishes.

Beyonce & Kimora & Tyra

Three dudes walk into a bar...

...In Other News...

Kristin from Laguna Beach (and nothing else) was hosting the opening of Aura Nightclub in the Bahamas the other night when someone snapped up this natural looking picture. Now do you think the camera guy instructed all those girls to look up at Kristen in amazement or do you think that was performed on their own. They legit look beside themselves to be standing at Kristin's feet. I'm sure they'll look back at this picture with complete pride one day. In other news..

~ Cameron Diaz Forget Her Bra ~ DSF
~ Is Joel Madden Relevant Anymore? ~ CelebritySmack
~ Hayden Panetierre Gets Dirrrrty ~ FatBack
~ Will Farrell Landlord Video ~ NinjaDude
~ When Did Courtney Love Turn 72? ~ AgentBedHead
~ The Charles in Charge Chick Looking Rough ~ DListed
~ Avril is a Retard ~ HollyScoop
~ Brad and Angelina on a Break? ~ PopBytes
~ Heather Mills Lays Down on the Ground ~ Yeeeah
~ J Lo is Mad and Suing! ~ EvilBeet
~ Jessica Biel Looks Like a Newscaster ~ GabSmash

American Idol: Country Music. Ouch.

Oh crap, it's country music night on American Idol. The bad news is that the first person who sings something by Reba McIntyre will force me to change the station. The good news is that you know, you KNOW Sanjaya is coming out in a cowgirl costume. Martina McBride is the America Idol inspiration for the night. She has big pants to fill after Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx last week. Here are my thoughts on the episode. Walk with me...

• Phil Stacey is singing some song I don't know. I don't know a lit of country music so I assume I'll be typing this a lot. Does his shirt have little mirrors all over it? Fancy. I'm sure the crew at a country bar like fancy flashy shirts like that from their performers. Dear Phil, please use police escort to get to your car after the show. Best of luck. IBBB.


• Uh, does Paula smell burnt toast? Is she having a stroke? I think she literally picks random words from the dictionary and puts them all together to form a slurred sentence.


• Jordin is singing one of Martina's songs, which I don't know either. I did notice, however, that Jordan has man hands. What? Just an observation as the song helped me drift slowly to sleep.


• I think Paula just had her second stroke of the night.


• Sanjaya is up next. I think he's trying to look tough with his red bandanna. His perm is too high so he looks more like Carrot Top and Rhea Perlman all in one.


• Sanajaya sings "Something to Talk About." Fitting. Very fitting...not because people talk about him, but because he talk-sings and he sing-talks. He never just sings.


• Uh, how about we give 'em something to sing about. Ouch. Sanjaya hurt my ears. No really.


• Wait, did Paula just call Sanjaya gay? I think she did.


• Lakisha is singing Carrie Underpant's Jesus Take the Wheel. I say, Jesus take the dessert cuz Lakisha needs a break. Sure that was a low blow, but it's country music week and I'm falling asleep.


• Why does Paula talk directly into the microphone like she's bidding on the set of golf clubs on "The Price is Right?"


• Chris is singing a Rascal Flats song. I'm assuming he'll sing it like he's Justin Timberlake. Yup I'm right. He did. One Justin Timberlake is already too much. We don't need a second one. As a side note, how come only parts of his song have a country accent? Just checking.


• Wow, bonus points for Chris for using the Virginia Tech sympathy vote. Even I wouldn't joke around with that. Enjoy hell, Chris. Ok, see you there.


• Did Melinda just get breast implants this week? Will they sing too? Let's see.


• It was nice that Melinda didn't look like the grandmother from "Family Matters" this week, although I do miss that.


• Blake is up. I can't do this anymore. No comment. Good day.

Poshtoria Beckham Wears Bra, Becomes Less Interesting

Poshtoria celebrated her 33rd birthday by wearing a bra and shopping for a video camera. Interesting, yet not so. Looks like Poshtoria took the advice of US Weekly by putting on some type of bra contraption. I think this makes her less interesting. Let's face it, she's pretty uninteresting as it is, but at least we could always count on figuring out if we would have 6-more weeks of winter if Poshtoria wasn't wearing a bra...if ya know what I mean....and I think ya do. What's by favorite picture, you ask? That would be the one where they're trying to buy a video camera from the sales guy who's wearing a Ghost Buster's t-shirt that says, "No Crackheads." Yeah, I'd definitely buy something from someone who wore that. I mean, I did buy my car from a guy who sported a Members Only jacket, so I just assume that's the same thing, but I digress.

Jessica Simpson's Friend Says "Hi"

Now this is the Jessica Simpson that we've all come to know and love. It seems like just a few days ago I was saying how boring and "homeless" looking Jessica has come. Fast-forward 48 hours and you have Jessica bouncing up the street, after partying at Parc and Element in LA, and all of a sudden one of her friends pops out and says "hi" to the camera. Good for her. Now I'm sure this wasn't someone from the paparazzi snapping these pictures as much as it was her father, Joe Simpson, but I digress.

In other Jessica Simpson non nipple slip related news (sadly), Jessica will be hosting the Pussycat Dolls in Vegas on May 4th. What does this actually mean, you ask? No idea. I guess if you're in Vegas on May 4th and like Jessica Simpson you should go and find out where exactly she'll be. Best of luck.

Who Shot Those!?!

Tricky Little Harriet Carter Wednesday

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday everybody! Harriet really came though again this week by covering the church, stupid criminals, and your common pervert peeping-Tom. It's almost like the Harriet Carter crapalog catches fire as soon as you open it. Let's go!

Product # 1 - I mean let's face it, who doesn't want a whole book of Church recipes? With the financial crisis that the church is in due to all the sexual molestation cases it has against it, I really hope that some of this recipe book's profits goes to paying that debt off. I think a "Church Supper" sounds kind of gross. It's this for poor people? Poor people typically don't have the best food choices. I have a feeling this recipe book consists of "Water Popsicles," vanilla pudding and a "Communion gingerbread house." Truth be told I'm sure the "Church" whipped up some really good dishes like:

• Pedophile Parmigiana
• Diddler Diavlo
• "Don't Tell Your Parents" Pesto
• "Father Sticky Fingers" Flan
• Class Action Lawsuit Lasagna

Thanks Harriet for spreading your filthy treats to the public.

Product # 2 - Do you feel like you're only an amateur stalker? Do you want to go pro? Well now you can with Harriet Carter's "Night Scope." While this product's description states, "Ideal for bird and wildlife watching....keep one in your car to help locate street signs and house numbers!"
Uh, yeah. Not so much. Who has that hard of a time locating street signs that you need this night vision tool? It should say, "keep one in your car so that when you're hiding in a tree and peeping through your neighbors window you can easily see inside even at night!" Harriet Carter, you're a filthy pervert and should be ashamed of yourself. I'll take two.

Product # 3 - Live in a dangerous neighborhood? Want to stay protected fro burglars? Are you stupid and cheap? Well does Harriet have a product for you! Now you can purchase this fake deadbolt. Yes, fake. It's actually a self-stick fake deadbolt. Yes, self-stick. The description literally says, "Imitation deadbolt fools intruders into thinking they have no shot at breaking into your home." Uh, really? Are these blind cartoon burglars? Burglars usually have guns with them, no? Yeah, they're probably going to be able to shoot that "imitation deadbolt" off the door. Oh, and it they don't have a gun they could easily tear that deadbolt off the door. If they don't have hands, they could wait for a light breeze to blow that deadbolt off the door. Do they really have "no shot" at breaking into your home? Do burglars usually go up to a house and say, "Oh crap it's locked. Oh well, off to the next house!" I hope Harriet has this on her house. If only I had her address...

MTV The Hills: Jason Wahler Plays YouTube

It's tough when The Hills isn't on. IBBB readers are still emailing me about my thoughts on everything "The Hills" related. It's tough when the show is on a break. Luckily I found this gem of a video. It's been around for a couple of months, but you know me, I'm famous for day-old news. While this isn't "news" it is train-wreck video at it's finest. Jason Wahler and "the other dude from The Hills Season One" taped themselves watching an episode of The Hills and trying to be funny. It's awkward and embarrassing to watch. No joke, I stopped watching after 64 seconds. I have no idea what the rest of the video is like and refuse to feel this awkwardness again. It's kinda like watching your home videos from your 2nd grade school play or talent show. You thought it was kick-ass at the time, but watching it years later makes you want to turn in your US Citizenship. Yeah, this video is kinda like that. Let's head to Canada (not that there's anything wrong with that)!

They titled this video "Duh Hills" instead of "The Hills." Get it? They changed the word "the" to the word "duh." Yeah, creative. It's time for J Wahl to get ready for his dirt nap. It's his only option at this point. Dude, you were on 2 top rated reality shows and now you're on YouTube. I've never been on any show and I'm on YouTube. See where I'm going with this? Yeah. Dirt nap.

A Little Respect

Similar to the end of the Grinch cartoon, I do end up growing a heart. With all that is going on with the shootings at Virginia Tech, it just doesn't seem right to be making fun of Paris Hilton's stanky putanky, or Lindsay No Pants, or even Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx. I know, the horror. So out of respect for all those who have lost their lives during this completely insane shooting and for those who were injured I've decided to take today off from the celebrity hijinks. I will be back tomorrow, just in time for Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday because, let's face it, you know you were concerned about that one.

...In Other News...

Britney was on her way to Millenium Dance Studio over the weekend and was nice enough to pick up some road-kill and try to nurse it back to health. In other news...

~ More Pics of Pam Anderson Hitting the Wall ~ DSF
~ Nicole Richie Helps People ~ CelebritySmack
~ Britney in Yet Another Freddie Krueger Hat ~ DListed
~ Pete Doherty is Still Alive ~ FatBack
~ Jennifer Aniston Become a Woman at an Award Show ~ AgentBedHead
~ Jael from ANTM Kisses Girls ~ NinjaDude
~ Ex-American Idol Kid is Pissed ~ EvilBeet
~ Does Carson Daly Have an Eating Disorder? ~ MollyGood
~ What's on "the TV" Tonight? ~ MeeVee
~ Brittany Snow Becomes a Woman ~ Glunp

"Boy's Father" on 16th Minute of Fame

Just when you think there is no more for "Boy's Father" to say, "Boy's Father" says more. Here at the award winning IBBB, we've been following "Boy's Father" since he first started talking to the press after Madonna adopted his son in Malawi. Now, "Boy's Father" is at it again claiming that he has not heard from Madonna and does not know if she currently is in Malawi to adopt another child. Here's what "Boy's Father" had to say, "Officially I have not heard anything. There has been no communication whatsoever but I have heard the rumors and I get the feeling that she might be coming. I am excited. I hope that there will be an opportunity for me to see my son."

Yeah, that sounds credible. He hasn't heard anything, but has a "feeling" she might be coming. Why not just whip out the Ouija Board and see what that has to say?

"Boy's Father" is also a little pissed that he hasn't heard from Madonna on how is son is doing. While he has no regrets about the adoption he claims he is disappointed that Madonna has not kept in touch even after he asked for her address and phone number so that he could contact her.

Uh, yeah. Not so much. I, personally, am shocked that Madonna would not give out her phone number and address to "Boy's Father." I mean he seems completely normal. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Stop asking how your son is doing. I can tell you how he's doing. He's fine. He's better than fine. He's great! He's rich, and not hungry anymore, and has 15 butlers, and his own personal train that he can ride around the mansion. Oh, and he's starting to develop his own "fake British accent" too just like his new mom. He probably doesn't miss Malawi where you live. Sorry, he just doesn't. You live in a mud hut and wear tissue boxes for shoes. He lives in a mansion and wears actual alligators as shoes. Madonna trumped you, "Boy's Father." Madonna trumped you. Good day.

Who Said That!?!

The TV Land Awards is Like an Acid Trip

Did you ever wonder what the signs would be to indicate the end of the world? Some people say it's major flooding, others say it's major earthquakes. Personally, I think it's the "arrivals at the TV Land Awards." I do, however, think it is brilliant how they've assembled these cast of characters in one place at one time. Some make sense to me since they were on TV shows back in the day like Greg and Marcia, Cindy, MacKenzie Phillips, etc. Some of the other guests make no sense to me such as Heather Mills, Heather Mills' wooden leg, Anne Coulter (??), and Chyna Doll. Random, yet brilliant. If they could only give one award out the entire night it should have gone to Charo. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Charo has made an entire career out of one two-word saying, "Coochie-Coochie." Charo never breaks character. Ever. Under no circumstance does Charo do anything else but "crazy movements," "crazy poses," and make "crazy sounds." Seriously, look at how she's posing. You know, you KNOW she's saying "Coochie-Coochie" we just can't hear her.....because it's a picture. Duh!

Who Shot The End of the World!?!

Jessica Simpson: What Happened?

Hmmm, what happened to Jessica Simpson? The first picture is of Jessica at a recent photo shoot in Malibu, CA. Is that her new house? Is she homeless? That sucks if she is. The second photo is of Jessica in 2004. I miss 2004. I miss it bad.

Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves: The Case of the Random Plans

While many are writing about Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves because they are now dating, I couldn't care less. What I want to know is, where in the hell are these two going dressed like that? Clearly he is going to a yard sale and Camila (Brazilian model) is heading off to the Grammy Awards? Although, I must give bonus point to Matty Mc Skat Kat for bringing his keg-cup with him. Walking up the street any other way than drunk is just plain old stupid and boring. Good for him. Truth be told, these two spent some time together at a friends party and then walked home. At least she wasn't overdressed for the party.

Who Shot These Two!?!

Pam Anderson Hit the Wall & Then Fell Thru

Pamela Anderson Lee Rock Hep C has been spending a lot of time lately on the beach. Oh man, what in the hell happened to Pam? Is "time" really this mean? Can the sun really do this much damage? Pam hit the wall, folks. She hit it hard. Pam hit the wall and then she went through the wall. Then, she went through the floor. Pam hit the wall, went through it, went through the floor and then rolled out onto the street. Then a car hit her. Then it backed over her. Then the sun burned her while she was laying on the street. Then a raccoon scratched at her. Then she got struck by lightning. And then she dyed her hair. Wow. She's getting old. I'm getting old. We're all getting old. I miss the good old days of Pammy on Baywatch. It was a happier time, a simpler time, a good time. I need a moment.

...In Other News...

I've never seen chlamydia tan itself at the beach before. Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson Rock Hep Lee spent some time at the beach in Hawaii hoping the sun would wash away their filth. In other news...

~ Hulk Hogan to Divorce? ~ CelebritySmack
~ David Cassidy Doesn't Heart Paris Hilton ~ EvilBeet
~ Sara Evans Gets Sued By the Nanny ~ FatBack
~ Sanjaya's Sister is Bascially Sanjaya...Sorta ~ NinjaDude
~ Fergie Sends a Gift to Alanis ~ AgentBedHead
~ Why Does Lindsay Pretend She's a DJ? ~ DListed
~ We Get it Britney, You Like Hats ~ HollyScoop
~ Tattooed Granny Scares Me ~ PopBytes
~ Jessica Biel is a Man Baby, Yeah! ~ Yeeeah
~ Joss Stone Bar Tending ~ DSF

Olivia Mojica Sex Tape is the New Black

Trends in Hollywood come in waves, or "trends" if you will. First people get married, later they become alcoholics, next they enter rehab, sometimes they become raging racists, and somewhere in between they "accidentally" have a homemade sex tape released. This is the case with Olivia Mojica from American Idol: Season Two. You may be wondering who Olivia is. Yeah, me too, but thanks to the "Google" I got to learn about her all over again. I mean, if she has a filthy, raunchy, sex tape being released I think it's really important to know who she is as a person so that we can all really connect to this film and her performance. Feel free to check out her smut filled video here. According to TMZ reps from Vivid (porn studio) are trying to get in touch with Olivia to have her help promote this video and share in the revenue. What do they mean they're trying to get in touch with her? Why don't they just call her using the number that she left them when she sent them this video? Strange.

So what else about Skanky McDroopy Britches? Here's some interview questions that she answered while on Idol:

Q. What other talents do you have?

A. Piano, golf, acting, modeling, fashion design, shopping.

My Thoughts: Really? Are you sure there aren't any other talents you have? Don't hold back.

Q. If you don't make it on AMERICAN IDOL, what will you do?

A. Go to college. Study music performance and music technology.

My Thoughts: Uh, sure. If all else fails though you can totally do homemade porn.

Q. Most embarrassing moment?

A. When I stick my foot in my mouth.

My Thoughts: No comment

Q. If you couldn't sing, which talent would you most like to have?
A. To be able to dance or figure skate or be a really awesome artist, and I wish I could cook better.

My Thoughts: I'm sure you could update your answer now.

Q. What has been your proudest moment in life so far?
A. Being here and getting this far in the competition.

My Thoughts: Really? What about your video? Be proud of that. You know you're parents are!

IMus Say Goodbye. Get It?

See what I did with the title there? IMus Say Goodbye? I-Must-Say-Goodbye. Trust me, it's hysterical. Moving on, walking-dead Don Imus has officially been shit-canned by CBS after he spouted out some racial slurs on his radio show. Let's face it, at this point everyone already knows what he did and what's been going on, so I figured why type? You're basically just here to read something witty or laugh at a picture. That's why I'm here! After seeing Don Imus all over the news I really started to think about where I've seen this guy before. That's when it instantly hit me. He's the older version of 1980's MTV VJ, Adam Curry and, clearly, he's the Grinch. If you don't know either of those references you are dead to me and please don't ever come back to this site again. What? I said please.

Paris Wears Underpants, World Implodes

Paris Hilton was caught wearing underpants as she carried her dog up and down Robertson Blvd in LA the other day. What kind of a world do we live in when Paris wears underpants? A sick world, that's what kind of world! And who carries a dog anyway? Either that dog is that small or her hands are that big. Yeah, her hands are that big. She has man-hands baby, yeah!

Britney Spears Still Off Booze, Still on Red Bull. Trading One Addiction For Another Has Never Been So Easy!

While Britney may be a little boring these days, it's good to see she's still off the booze and it's even better to see that she's still all hopped up on the Red Bull. Red Bull is like the marijuana before the "crack." You know it's only a matter of time for the Red Bull turns into Vodka. Well, here's to hoping. Anyway, Britney was spotted with her sweat-stained boobs leaving Millennium Dance Studio in North Hollywood after rehearsing for 2-hours. Rehearsing for what? No clue. I'm just glad she's wearing a pimp hat and chugging down Red Bull. All is right with the world.

Who Shot That Bull!?!

How to Make Mandy Moore Look Better

So by now everyone knows how I feel about Mandy Moore. I'm not exactly sure what she does, but I know she's famous and after she dated DJ AM, I know that I totally had a chance with her (similar to Ashlee Simpson). I always get emails from people asking me why I like Mandy Moore and that she doesn't look that great, etc. I think she's hot, but through the brilliance of "the camera" I found a sure fire way to make Mandy Moore even hotter. All you need to do is simply place Susan Sarandon next to her and presto-chango you have yourself a hotter Mandy Moore. Now please do not get me wrong, this trick also works with other celebrities as well. Kirsten Dunst? Just drop Susan Sarandon next to her and even Kirsten gets hotter. It's a brilliant plan, frankly.

Anyway, Mandy and Susan were at the "Do Something" Brick Awards. I have no idea what those are and am too tired to figure it out. It doesn't matter really. I'm sure it helps kids in Tajikistan or something.

Heidi Started the LC Sex Tape Rumor?

I don't know when this became the official "The Hills" blog, but somehow it has. According to a random drunken source via US Weekly, Lauren believes that it was Heidi Montard and Steve Sanders (yes I still refuse to use his real name) who started this rumor. Apparently Heidi Montard was the only cast member who didn't reach out to Lauren after the sex tape rumor started. Lauren has said, "This has literally been, like, the worst week ever, and someone who's supposedly my friend didn't even call or text me." Yup, she actually said that. I envision some head bobbing and "z-snaps" incorporated into that quote.

Steve Sanders then reached out to US Weekly to say, "It's sad someone would make up something like that, and even sadder people think we had anything to do with it." Yeah, that is sad. It's also sad that you perm your hair and have 343 teeth in your mouth. That makes me sad too.

I say, if there's a sex tape where are the receipts? Oh, and bonus points if you know where that is from. Seriously, let's see the sex tape. With our luck it's probably of Lauren's sister, Breanna, or "Mask" as I like to call her.

America's Next Top Model: Someone Put a Tent Over This Circus Please!

Resident America's Next Top Model reviewer, Jenny, is back again to recap all the hijinks and ridiculousness that took place on last night's America's Next Top Model.

• Finally, Brittany gets her fight wig/weave professionally removed. I wonder if this is covered under her insurance?
• Tia Mowry makes another cameo. This is two weeks in a row. Still no sign of Jackee from 227 or Tim Reid from WKRP in Cincinnati...
• For this week's competition, the girls get an acting lesson from Tia and have to memorize a script using 3 different types of emotion.
• Sweet! It's Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite! This is the highlight of the season. Although, I am sad that he is not wearing his wig.
• Renee wins the challenge and chooses Dionne as her friend. They win a T-Shirt. Nice. Is it me, or have the prizes really taken a turn for the worse since the $40,000 bracelet?
• Tricksters! The real prize is a surprise visit from their families. Seeing Renee and Dionne with their babies throws Russian Chick into a downward spiral. She says she really misses her baby. Well, at least I think that's what she said. She could have been saying she was hungry or tired or what-not.
• For the photo shoot, the girls have to impersonate previous contestants from ANTM while modeling accessories and shoes from Payless. As ludicrous as this is, it's nice to see flashbacks of flesh eating bacteria, a chick passing out at judging and a girl's teeth being ripped out of her head.
• As the judges review the photos from the modeling session, we see that they have added bubble quotes to all of the pictures. No, I'm not kidding. One of the quotes says "I didn't steal your granola bar bee-yotch!" Someone put a tent over this circus please.
• Tyra does yet another imitation of a Russian accent.
• Blah, blah, blah Whitney is told to kick rocks. But not before Tyra can shamelessly plug her talk show by telling Jael that she needs to speak more eloquently in case she is ever interviewed by Tyra. Until next week....

American Idol Results Show: An Hour? Really?

When it's a slow news day I'm forced to report on bad reality shows. It's times like these that I really hope that the Britney's and Lindsay's of the world fall off the wagon and go nuts. In the meantime, here's what went down on American Idol: The Results Show, or as I now like to call it, "Sabadao Gigante Idol."

• Sweet! Let's really hit the most obvious stereotype and have the "Idol Kids' sing "Bailamos."
• Again, all the stars align for this episode. I always get so embarrassed when the Idol Kids sing together. It's very "Brady Bunch: Silver Platters" for me.
• The audience screams and cheers like it's the best thing they've ever seen and heard. I instantly feel sorry for each member of the audience.
• I'm just flipping between Idol and the Red Sox. At least I get to escape the Idol. The poor audience is stuck there with nowhere to go.
• Why is Ryan doing a "skit" at Farmer's Market in LA? Is he Jay Leno?
• Why is Akon singing? I was banking on a brilliant "live" performance from Saint Jennifer Lopez. What a rip off. I have nothing funny to say about Akon. Boooo.
• Oh God, please stop with these horrific American Idol "car" commercials. It's the worst thing ever. I hope these companies lose business because of it.
• Uh-oh they tried to pull the old Sanjaya trick again. He's safe for another week.
• Here's the moment I've been waiting for. J. Glow singing "live."
• Oh crap it's in Spanish. I'm assuming she's just singing "Waiting for Tonight" in Espanol.
• She looks angry when she sings. Why is she yelling? And, why do I see Paula's heading bobbing up and down. Oh crap, now Paula is dancing. Maybe Paula thinks it's MC Skat Cat up there singing.
• Why does Saint Jennifer have a wind machine? She's indoors. Are we supposed to think she's outside. Oh God, now it just sounds like she's whining. Shhhhh.
• Haley gets the kick in the pants. Oh well. See you in porn.
• Red Sox lost 3 - 0.

...In Other News...

~ Real World Vegas Again, Again ~ EvilBeet
~ Wait, Kylie Minogue is a Real Person? ~ CelebritySmack
~ Paris Has Extra Wonky Eye ~ DListed
~ A Random is Playing Anna Nicole ~ FatBack
~ Wait, Isn't Charlotte Church Still Church? ~ AgentBedHead
~ Dina Lohan Hearts the Booze ~ Yeeeah!
~ Is Katie Couric a Drunken Skank? ~ PopBytes
~ An American Idol Sex Tape Scandal? ~ NinjaDude
~ Pam Anderson in a Bikini with Hep C ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Snoop Dogg Arrested Again, Again, Again, Again ~ Glunp

MTV The Hills: The Hills Season 3 Is a Go

MTV has decided to add a third season of "The Hills" to its line up next season, but fans of Lauren, Heidi, Steve Sanders, Audrina, and Whitney won't have to wait a full year for this masterpiece to be put together. The Hills, season 3, is scheduled to air at some point this summer.
The second season of The Hills was the most watch program in it's time slot and it's audience grew by 25%. I mean, I don't want to say "you're welcome" because of my brilliant weekly recaps, but "you're welcome."
So what will happen with Heidi and Steve Sanders? Will Whitney take that job in NYC? How many more teeth will Audrina add to her mouth? Is Jenn Bunney still lurking around Lauren's apartment complex? Will Heidi's new boobs get their own show? Hopefully as they are working on the script for season three they'll add all of these things into it. Yeah that's right, I said it. Script.

Who Said That!?!

Jennifer Lopez Teaches American Idol Kids To Sing. No One Feels the Irony. World Still Implodes.

Ok, so once in a while the stars really do align. One time all of the world's elements combined to create the "perfect storm." Well, it's happened again. Saint Jennifer Lopez de la Bronx has appeared on American Idol in order to help "teach the kids" how to sing. Really? Dance. Sure. Sing? No thank you. I mean I'm not going to ask the devil on pointers on how to be a good Catholic, so why would someone ask J. Glow pointers on how to be a good singer? Wait a minute, is Sanjaya behind this? So here's what went down. Please note that I am "dumber" for watching this...if that's possible.

• J. Glow greets all of the kids while she is "rehearsing" for her concert. My favorite part is that she makes them all sit on the floor and she sits up high on a chair and looks down upon them.


• Scratch that, my favorite part is where Saint Jennifer says, "Yeah, we watch American Idol at "my" house." She makes sure that Marc Anthony knows that it's her house. Brilliant.


• Saint J now has to give advice to Melinda Doolittle. Really? I bet Melinda was like, yeah whatever. That's like me giving spelling lessons. It just makes no sense.


• Speaking of Melinda, is she intentionally trying to look like Condoleeza Rice? Seriously, she's 50. It's like watching the grandmother from "Family Matters" trying to perform.


• Next up, Lakisha. J. Glow teaches her how to dance. Ok, at least that I believe. Yowza, then cue Lakisha singing and "moving" on stage. I think her boobs were technically doing the conga, but the rest of her was having a stroke. I'm very embarrassed at this point because she keeps grabbing her head. I instantly change the channel.


• I'm back, Chris Richardson is up. He's wearing a scarf. Saint Jenny from the Block/Bronx takes another opportunity to remind us that she can speak Spanish by correcting everyone. Thank God she's doing this because I forgot she was a Latina and I also forgot she is just a simple girl from the Bronx.


• Does Chris have tourettes? Just asking.


• Ok, now this makes sense. Jennifer Lopez is providing advice to Haley. I say both are equally bad singers. What? Just saying.


• Haley sings possibly the worst song ever, "Turn the Beat Around." Luckily her shorts are shorter than normal and I instantly think she is a brilliant performer. I don't even mind the blood pouring out of my ears.


• Phil Stacey is up. Next.


• Jordan was born in Dec of 1989. I'm officially 75 years old.


• Jordan performs "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You." Yeah, the rhythm actually tried to get Jordan, but it missed her. She kinda just walked in circles on the stage and moved her head to the left (to the left). Actually I like to call her style of dance, "Old White Man Wedding Dancing." However, bonus points for the few cameltoe shots thanks to her tight black pants.


• Blake decides to sing "I Need to Know" by Marc Anthony. Let me guess, he's going to "beat box" to this song too. Yeah, we get it. Looks like I was wrong. He left the beat box at home. Why did I think his performance was retarded, yet the judges loved it? I say bring back the beat box.


• Ok, let's face it. The only reason why anyone is even watching is "Sanjaya."


• It's nice to see that Sanjaya is rocking the "soaking wet perm."


• I really was hoping that J. Glow and S. Fro would have done a duet...a good old fashioned "sing-off!"


• Sanjaya is singing something in Spanish. Scratch that. He's "sing-talking" again. Why can't he just sing? Why sing-talk? And why does he have a French moustache? I'm confused.

Jessica Simpson Has Bad Bathroom Habits

While some blogs out there have real hard hitting stories, I like to keep mine as completely ridiculous as possible. Some blogs have secret sources, well now I do too. That's right folks, IBBB has his own west-coast secret spy. Apparently Jessica Simpson was at The Killers concert at Staples Center the other night in LA and one witness ran into her in the bathroom to which Jessica did not wash her hands before leaving. That's right folks, breaking news. She probably then went and hi-fived someone at the concert and that's how syphilis is spread. No joke, I think that's how you catch it. Is it bad that while not washing your hands after using the bathroom is a disgusting habit, it surprisingly does not make Jessica any less hot to me? Do I have low morals? Yes, yes I do.

Thanks secret agent for this breaking story. Next time a picture would be nice.

Harriet Carter Wednesday Surprises

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! It seems like every Harriet Carter Wednesday I can an endless amount of email from people loving the "Harriet Carter" but having no idea what this is or why I started it. So nosy! Click Here to learn about how all of this crap got started.

Harriet, clearly, has award winning product lines. She likes to make things easy for you, surprise you, and scare you all at the same time. Let's see how Harriet did this time around!

Product #1 - Hey sexy! Have you ever blown air up an elephants trunk? Do you want to know what it feels like? Well now you can! For women, every day must be super boring to do the same hairstyle each and every morning. Why not give yourself a surprise hairdo every single day? All you need to do is place this (what I can only assume is highly flammable) "bag" on your head and insert your hair dryer in the other end. Turn on the hair dryer and in just minutes you will have your very own "surprise hairdo," that is if your head hasn't caught on fire or the bag hasn't melted to your hair. Seriously? Imagine the train-wreck of a hairdo that is the "end product" of this contraption. Now you know what Helen Keller must have had to deal with every morning before she practiced her braille for the day. Not laughing now are you? Selfish. The biggest mistake of this product is that there is no before and after. My challenge to the IBBB readers? Someone buy this "contraption" and video yourself using it and show all the readers out there how it works. Do it, do it, do it!

Product # 2 - I mean who doesn't want the crap scared out of them prior to actually using the toilet? Well now you can keep your guests laughing for literally 1 second when they go to use your bathroom and this ghetto red devil pops out of the toilet. Hysterical, right? Yeah, I didn't think so. According to the description it says, "Great for parties - latex rubber rascal is toilet humor at its best!" Really? Great for parties? This stuff may fly at the trailer park parties, but not in real society. By the way, how small is that toilet? It looks tiny. And where the hell is the rest of the toilet? Why is it just a floating seat? Is that part of the "trick?" And, does Harriet think we are retarded? Why do they need to state on the toilet seat that "Monster Pops Out of the Toilet?" Thanks Harriet for getting e-coli all over the place. Trash.

Product # 3 - Harriet really likes to hit below the belt. This hat isn't funny, it's hurtful. Harriet Carter hurts people. Harriet thinks this is a big joke. Let's give a balding guy a hat that says, "Wish You Were Hair." Get it? "Hair?" Yeah, kill yourself Harriet. If someone ever gave me that I'd be pissed. I'd give Harriet sweatpants that said "Fat Ass" on the back. Still laughing, Harriet? How do you like it? That's like giving a newly paralyzed person a t-shirt that says, "Get Wheels Soon." No?

...In Other News...

~ Melissa Gilbert Has Ghost Boobs ~ CelebritySmack
~ Brandy Will Still Be Sitting Up in Her Room ~ EvilBeet
~ Elizabeth Hurley is Disowned ~ DListed
~ Paris and Kim Are Dunzo? ~ Yeeeah
~ Scar Jo Off the Market Again. I'll Wait it Out. ~ FatBack
~ How Celebrities Tan Themselves to Whoreville ~ AgentBedHead
~ Joe Francis Arrested. Not Wild. ~ NinjaDude

Larry Birkhead is the Father

Breaking News: The DNA results are in an Larry Birkhead is the father of Anna Nicole's daughter, Dannielynn. Larry actually said, "I told you so!" Seriously, 10 year-olds say that. Brilliant!

We're sorry to have to say this, Howard K. Stern, but you are no longer in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Anna Nicole Baby Daddy. You must immediately return to the house and pack your belongings and leave.

According to recent statements, Howard K. Stern has claimed that he will not challenge custody of Dannielynn. No word yet if Virgie Arthur will be bringing her camera crew with her to IHOP.

Who Claimed This!?!

It's Opening Day For the Red Sox, Baby!

It's opening day at Fenway for the Red Sox today so you know what that means....time to water the mound. That actually isn't supposed to sound as perverted as it did. So if you're in Boston and have $312 to spend (face value) on box seats, $60 for parking, $7 for a beer (plus $1.00 for a tip), $7 for a hot dog, and $32 for a hat then come on down and enjoy the game! Oh, and that's if you're by yourself. If you're bringing your family, please be sure to bring at least $500 with you for the day. Sure you'll have to pull your kids out of private school in order to afford to take the family to a Red Sox game, but in the end it's worth it. And just think, one day you'll get to watch Dice-K throw 12,000 pitches! So best of luck Red Sox and don't F it up right after the All-Star game. No pressure.

Diana Degarmo Pulls an Olsen

74 seasons ago on American Idol there was Diana Degarmo, a pudgy little finalist the loved to wear pink hats. That was her thing. Diana came in second place (lost to Fantasia) and like many of the other contestants (Kelly Clarkson, Kimberly Locke, etc) vowed not to lose any weight because "they loved the way they looked." Yeah, well fast forward a few years and low record sales and guess what? Diana Degarmo lost 3 dress sizes and is down to a size 4. Way to cave Diana! It seems like Diana is very happy with her size 4 and pointy shoulder bones. So how did Diana lose the weight? Well, she "changed her diet and works out 4-times a week." Let me translate for you. She's discovered new ways to vomit after every meal and she's dabbled in Trimspa, baby! Ok, so I made that part up, but you have to assume. Anyway, I didn't like Diana Degarmo before. I mean, I didn't really have an opinion of her, but now that she is thin I think she is prettier, funnier, more talented, a better singer, a better actress, and just a better person overall. Wait, that's not shallow is it?

In other American Idol news, Fantasia Barrino has just declared that she can "read again." Looks like she was never totally illiterate, but just needed a refresher course on "words."

Who Shot That!?!

It's DNA Baby Daddy Day!

So folks today is the day we find out who is still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Anna Nicole Baby Daddy. The DNA results are in today so we should be finding out if Howard K Stern or Larry Birkhead or Virgie Arthur is the father of Anna Nicole's daughter. So you know what that means? By the time I get around to finding out the results of the DNA test and actually report on it, it will be 2 day old news. That's right, my friends, award winning journalism over here at IBBB. Award winning journalism.

Jason Wahler Arrested Again, Again

Woo-hoo! Just because MTV's The Hill's is over for the season doesn't mean that we won't be hearing about what is going on with the extended cast. Jason Wahler decided to trump Jessica's recent arrest with getting arrested, again. Jason was arrested over the weekend (4th time in 9-months) for criminal trespassing and assault. I guess it doesn't help when you call the arresting officer a "n*ger, fa**ot, and a poor f*ck. I hear that is "frowned upon." Apparently Jason punched one of the security guards at a hotel right in the mouth. After he ran, Jason was found intoxicated and passed out in the hotel. Good times. I can't wait to see what Jessica is going to do to top this. I bet she'll kill someone. Cami would never pull this crap.

Who Said That!?!

...In Other News...

Tyra was psyched she was being photographed before entering Mr. Chow's in LA recently. But, let's face it, Trya is just psyched being Tyra and talking about Tyra and experiencing things like Tyra and existing as Tyra. Tyra. In other news not about Tyra...

~ Want to Be in a Will Ferrell Movie? ~ CelebritySmack
~ What is It That Kim Karadashian Does? ~ EvilBeet
~ Paris in Her Favorite Disguise ~ HollyScoop
~ Anna Nicole's Diaries Are a Bust...Ironic ~ AgentBedHead
~ Britney "Steak Stains" Spears ~ FatBack
~ Lindsay Matches the Craziest Things ~ NinjaDude
~ Entourage Recap ~ GMMR

Dina Lohan Doesn't Skank Up South Beach?

I don't like this trend one bit! First, Whitney gets sober and leaves Bobby. Second, Lindsay gives up the booze. Third, Britney checks her crazy bald head into rehab. And Fourth, Dina Lohan dresses like a woman actually her age. What's going on in the celebrity world? I don't like it one bit! Dina Lohan and her "mini-Lindsay" daughter, Ali, spent the weekend trying to tan their freckled skin in South Beach, Miami. To my surprise Dina actually wore a one-piece bathing suit while on the beach. As soon as I started seeing these photos I would have bet my life savings ($14.55) that Dina would have been in a two-piece thong that would display a tattoo on her ass that said something like, "F the Law!" However, nope, she was conservative. Ali looked like she was getting a little pissed at the paparazzi. The picture I included is the one that I like to call, "This is the exact moment when Ali is so sick of the paparazzi that she tries and gets hooked on drugs her first time experimenting." Catchy title, right? Well, at least Ali made it 14 years without an addiction. Now is the time.

Who Shot Half the Lohan's!?!

Britney is a Bad Bank Robber

Britney Spears was blending into the crowd at the Lakers/Suns game over the weekend at the Staples Center in LA. Ok, so I know nothing about wigs or even style for that matter, but I refuse to believe that someone who is valued at over $125 million cannot find a more real looking wig. No joke, she looks like she's about to rob the bank. Maybe she did? Who knows, I don't know where she was prior to the game. And why the sunglasses and hat while she's indoors? If she really wanted to disguise herself she should have brought her kids to the game. No one would have ever known it was her. I guess I just don't think that it's fair that Jan Brady got teased for her wig, but no one seems to be teeing off on Britney. Jan should not be the only one ridiculed.

*Thanks Gina for the sending in the Britney photo!

Paris Celebrates Easter With Her Ass

Paris Hilton celebrated Easter (the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ) by "accidentally" showing her tanned ass to the paparazzi that I assume is allowed to live in her driveway. I think that was actually the way it happened in the Bible as well. Now don't quote me, but I believe the Easter passage from the Bible (Mark 15:1) said something in regards to:

"Ye shall rise from the dead on the 3rd day as Ye old skanky fauxlebrity flashes her ass to thy Gods of paparazzi. Mary Magdalen was not as trashy as ye old Paris Hilton. Now go in peace and spread the word, not thy legs."

Yeah, it went something like that. Can I go to hell for that? Probably huh?

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz Are Dating. I Officially Had a Shot.

It has been rumored officially 4,562 times that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are dating. Since I am an award winning (award to be determined) journalist I waited for one more instance of these two together before I "reported" on it. Ashlee and Pete were hand and hand (that's how you catch chlamydia I think) while they were leaving Parc just the other night. People were surprised that they were holding hands in front of all the paparazzi. Do I care about any of this? Nope. I'm pissed actually. If this is true, I think I really would have a shot with Ashlee. Oh, and I'm not talking about the old Ashlee that looked like a Fraggle had dry-humped her head. I'm talking about the new nose and chin Ashlee or as I like to call her "the better Ashlee." I've really learned my lesson about being superficial. Oh, and I don't mean that I learned "not to be superficial." I have learned that even if the chick isn't that hot, but is rich you should totally date her because there's always a chance you can talk her into some sort of plastic surgery. Sometime life teaches you some really tough lessons. However, my friends, you are never to old to learn. You may be too ugly to learn, but never too old. Words of wisdom from IBBB, words of wisdom.

Who Shot These Two!?!

Howard K Stern Chickens Out

If (in the voice of Maury Povich) Howard K. Stern finds out he is not the father of Anna Nicole's baby he will not fight whomever the real father is. As a side note, did you guys know that Anna Nicole was no longer alive? I just heard that the other day, but haven't been able to confirm the story. I'll let you know as soon as I hear.

According to some random drunken sources and my friends over at TMZ (they don't know me), "If Larry Birkhead is confirmed to be Dannielynn's biological father, Howard will not challenge custody. His love for her will not change, irrespective of the results. Howard will act in Dannielynn's best interest, because he loves her and would want a smooth transition to protect her as she is deeply bonded to those who have been with her since birth."

Yeah, I'm not so much if she is deeply bonded to those who have been with her or if she is deeply addicted to methadone. What? I'm just saying.

The results from the paternity test will be ready on Tuesday. Both Howard K Stern, Larry Birkhead, and Virgie "the Virgin" Arthur are all expected to be in attendance. Who is not expected to be in attendance? Anna Nicole Smith. Go figure.

What I really want to know is what happens when this is over? This won't be the "end end" will it? Can't they toss any other random situations at us? I'm hoping that none of these dudes are the baby daddies. I'd like to see the second string of possibilities. Let's toss Bob Barker's name in the ring.

...In Other News...

Mary-Ashley-Kate-Michelle-Tanner-Olsen was enjoying (scaring) the New York Rangers at Madison Square Garden recently and it looks like she invited Uncle Joey to watch the game too! I think Aunt Becky should have been asked to go. I mean she was always stuck in the attic with bratty Nikki and Alex. She deserved some time out too. What? Fine. In other news...

~ You Like Anna Nicole's Sexy Diary? ~ EvilBeet
~ Gina Glocksen Was Surprised. Really? ~ CelebritySmack
~ Tom Cruise Takes On NYC ~ HollyScoop
~ The Last Hot Idol Chick Left ~ FatBack
~ Joe Francis Romes If He Wants To ~ AgentBedHead
~ A Yellow Street Walker ~ NinjaDude
~ Year of the Dog Premiere ~ PopBytes
~ Katie Holmes Has Street Cred ~ Yeeeah!
~ Jenna Jameson is a Fat Ass ~ DListed
~ Jessica and John Planted at the Beach ~ GabSmash
~ Uma's Thurman's Fell Down ~ Glunp

Britney's New Eyes Frighten Me

Britney Spears was a braless, stain-filled, mess while she quickly went in and out of Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in Beverly Hills the other night with her cousin nearby. According to X17 Online, Britney went into the restaurant at 9:30 and left at 10:15. I figure either she just went in for some shots or she made it halfway through her meal and then freaked out, screamed she was the anti-Christ, and "shat" herself. Sometimes it's tough to have you use a public restroom during an "emergency situation." What? I'm just saying. As a side note, what's up with her eyes? Are we supposed to think those are her real blues eyes? It does take focus off of her "new Jan Brady" wig, but the eyes freak me out a bit. Nothing is that blue, not even the sky. And how come these colored contacts have made her cock-eyed? I'd stay away from colored contacts if that was the side effect.

J. Glow Won't Be Slim Goodbody

Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx has stated that she won't ever be a size "zero" to Elle Magazine. To quote J. Glow, "I couldn't ever be a size zero. I just don't see how I could get down to that size and still be healthy." Uh, Saint Jennifer Lopez? Yeah, I don't think you could get down to a size zero. You leave crash dieting up to your husband, Marc Anthony.

J. Glow continued ranting, "It wouldn't work. I have a butt, I have boobs and I have a woman's curves; there is no way I'd see them go to zero. I hate to look in a magazine and see a picture of a girl who looks so thin she looks unhappy and as if she just needs someone to give her a good meal."

You are so wise. Although, until you mentioned that you had a "butt" I didn't know that. I never noticed I guess. I just assumed you were dragging a pool float around your waist. Who was to know? Oh, and I don't think those girls who are skinny are unhappy. I mean, I think they're the walking dead, but not unhappy.

Saint Jennifer finalized her interview why really going out on a Holy note. "For me, looking good is all about looking healthy, and the ultimate beauty secret is about being happy in yourself."

Really? I assumed the "ultimate beauty secret" was being rich and famous and paying to look good, no? Was I wrong? I also thought it was making horrible movies and horrific movies on a regular basis. Come on, you know that's the real secret. God bless.

Who Said That!?!

Hey Shakira Shakira, I Have a Question

Shakira Shakira was "singing" and "playing the guitar" in "concert" while she was in Portugal recently. This got me to thinking. What actually is a "Shakira?" I don't think I completely get it. My take on it is that Shakira Shakira is the new Charo. She's made an entire career out of shaking her hips, similarly to the way that Charo made her entire career out of saying "coochie-coochie!" I've always said that Shakira was really more of a group than an individual singer considering the fact she sounds different in every song. I mean, don't get me wrong, more times than not she is an exact match to the sound of Kermit the Frog, but at other times she sounds like a difference person. Also, what in the hell is she usually singing about anyway? Her hips don't lie and now she sings about a "Beautiful Liar." I don't even know what that means. Is that a sentence? A question? An image? No idea. Does Shakira even play the guitar? It's not the same thing as playing the air guitar, yet she's holding it the same way I play the air guitar. Anyway, good for her. I guess someone needs to honor Kermit on a regular basis. It might as well be her.

...In Other News...

Jessica Simpson pull a Kelly Clarkson and wears her dress in the ocean while vacationing in Australia. I'm almost positive that's a cartoon pelican behind her, but I digress. Bonus points for Jessica going ankle-high. There's gotta be a dirty joke in there somewhere. In other news...

~ The Duff's Being All Duff-Like ~ CelebritySmack
~ MTV's Real Worlder in a Little Porn? ~ EvilBeet
~ Ugly Betty Loves the "Air-brush" ~ HollyScoop
~ What Does Britney Have to Pay KFed? ~ AgentBedHead
~ Don't Call Hayden Panettiere "Lindsay" Ever Again ~ NinjaDude
~ Is the X-Files Back On? ~ FatBack
~ Did 30 Rock Get the Ax? ~ GMMR
~ What's On The "TV" Tonight? ~ MeeVee
~ Another Tattoo For Britney ~ IntoGossip

America's Next Top Model: New Nicknames

Resident ImBringingBloggingBack America's Next Top Model reviewer, Jenny, provides us with another great synopsis of this weeks episode. Let's see what Jenny thought of this episode:

For this week's competition, the girls have to give themselves a memorable nickname, (does that mean they are now members of Christian Science?) and get schooled on how to attend a party. Also...Bonus points to Tyra for using "Funky Cold Medina" in her Tyra Mail.

• The girls attend a party, and have to introduce themselves to everyone using their new nickname.
• They get to meet all kinds of hot celebs...like Tia and Tamera Mowry...Where is Jackee? Paris and Nicole are also in attendance. However, I have a new found respect for Jael when she tells Jason from Laguna Beach he is "lame" Nice...Stick that up your nose and snort it J-Wahl.
• Benny Medina (hence the cryptic Funky Cold Medina reference), Tyra's manager is at the party. But where is Benny Ninja!?
• Is every male in the modeling world named Jay or Benny?
• Ex-Nana/Brittany's hair is officially a fright wig.
• At the party, Jael is all up in Fiddy's grill, so he pushes her into the pool. Russian Chick jumps in after her for no reason whatsoever.
• Wholihay (yes, Wholihay) wins the competition, proving to be the most memorable at the party. She wins a Keds add for Seventeen Magazine. Really? Keds? Cool, maybe next week the prize will be a photo shoot for Skidz or Sergio Valente Jeans.
• The girls have a therapy session with Tyra, where they talk about any revelations they've had within themselves during this competition. In other words, the girls all sit around in a circle and cry, while Tyra acts as though she is saving the world.
• Blah, blah, blah Sara is no longer in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model.
• Good news for Ex-Nana/Brittany though. Her fright-wig/weave is legally so bad, that the judges all vow to fix it immediately. Phew.

Heidi's Boobs Make News: The Hills

Uh-oh! Heidi's old boobs are "dunzo" as the kids on MTV like to say. US Weekly has learned (some how) that Heidi Montag or "Montard" as I like to call her underwent breast augmentation surgery this week in Beverly Hills. Even more shocking is that Heidi Montard is an inspiring singer. Do you think Steve Sanders put her up to this? Was this part of their "moving in together" agreement?

Personally, I think she's really trying to give Cami from Laguna Beach a run for her money. Is it bad that I have a new respect for Heidi? She just got smarter and prettier too. I contacted Heidi in regards to this news, but was unable to reach her.....as I don't know her or have her number. So I just hung up the phone.

Harriet Carter Called Death For You!

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! Just when you think the Harriet Carter Crapalog starts to run out of items, I discover more crap that can be sold. Good for Harriet. From exercise, to death, to the phone, Harriet Carter has you covered and if you have $10.00 to spare, you can afford all four of these items. Let's go!

Product # 1 - As we all know by now, Harriet Carter loves death. She loves it. Now you can buy your very own death stone for a loved one and let them know that there was a chance you could have saved them from dying, but you didn't. The stone literally says, "If Love Could Have Saved You, You Would Have Lived Forever." Huh? I don't even know what that means. So could loved have saved the person or not? Yeah, tell that to your poor Nana that died. Nana didn't need "love" to save her, she actually needed medial attention. She probably needed an ambulance, but you just let her stay on the ground as you tried to bring her back to life by "loving" her. Nice move. Nana's dead because of you Harriet Carter. Oh, and Harriet? I love you.

Product # 2 - If Harriet isn't selling "death" she's selling white-trash pillows with dumb sayings on them. This highly flammable pillow says, "Today I Said a Special Prayer For You." Really? Why? If someone ever gave that to me I would be pissed. Actually, scratch that. I wouldn't be pissed, I'd be suspicious. Why are you saying a special prayer for me? Am I dying? Did someone I know die? Am I sick? Did Harriet put you up to this? Why are you saying a "special" prayer for me? Is that code-word for "you'll be sleeping with the fishes tonight?" And what the hell are those designs on the pillow? Is it worms, leaves, and the sun? Why? Why would I want to rest my head on that thing? Are you going to smother me with that pillow? Is that the special prayer? I'm scared Harriet, I'm scared!

Product # 3 - Hey lazy! Are you too tired to go to the gym? Are you still looking for a high-impact workout? Well worry no more because now you can buy these "peddles" from Harriet Carter. Yes. Peddles. And thank God they have straps on them because clearly you'd going flying off that thing once you get going! Is the person in that pictures actually sitting on a directors chair as they peddle? And why is everything there blue? Wait, did this person peddle to the sky? I think that's it. Seriously, what kind of workout are you doing with that thing? I think you'd get a better workout by hitting yourself in the face with this contraption. That's actually what it is. A contraption. P.S - Nice Keds. Did you peddle all the way back to 1991? Thanks Harriet for keeping America fat.

Product # 4 - Hi is ridiculous there? Oh really? Can I leave a message? Is this a joke? Why in the hell would you ever need to plug in your actual phone into your cell phone? That looks absolutely ridiculous. I'm totally getting one. I'd pay to see someone walking up the street with an actual phone receiver attached to their cell phone as they talk. Brilliant. It looks like it's real convenient to store in your pocket when you're not using it too. I mean, sure the phone receiver will stick out of your pocket a bit, but "crazy" has no boundaries.

Well that concludes another weekly segment of "Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday." Go with God.

Halle Berry Licks the Filthy Ground. Hot

It seems like just yesterday Halle Berry was telling the world she tried to take a "dirt nap" and now she's getting her very own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Halle was awarded the 2,333rd star (that must make her feel special). Halle's mom was there to witness this fiasco as well as Samuel L. Jackson. No really, he was there. Seriously? Samuel L. Jackson is not only in every movie, but now he's also in everyones business too. Halle Berry's business.
Have you ever been to the Hollywood Walk of Fame? Yeah, it's a dump. Oh, and it's filthy too. It's a tourist trap and kinda like a time warp into 1973. I'm not too sure if Halle should be kissing/licking the ground, but hey if that's what she's into I'm not going to judge her. I mean, I can honestly say for the first time in my life I wish I was "a sidewalk."

And who is that old man? I wish I was the old man too. Sad. What a waste of a dry-hump. I wish I was the old man and the sidewalk. I've hit a new low.
As a side note, can Halle Berry get Hep C from licking the sidewalk? I mean, I know you can get it from high-fiving Pam Anderson, I just wasn't sure if the same rules applied for kissing the sidewalk.

Who Shot That!?!

Mariah Carey to Be Your Mother

Choo-choo! Let's take a ride on the "Random Celebrity Adoption" train! Mariah Carey is rumored to adopt a Mexican orphan. Seriously, the kid is better off an orphan. Mariah reportedly visited a Mexican orphanage with her lawyer recently and there are thoughts that she is going to adopt her ass off!

When asked, Mariah said she would not comment on her personal life. That's nice. She won't comment on her personal life, but she will walk around with her boobs hanging out of her shirt and she'll even sport some good old fashioned cameltoe on occasion. Good for her. I love me some crazies.

I wish these celebrities would stop adopting outside of the United States. Adopt here. Adopt me. I'll take a Mariah Carey adoption. I'm almost potty trained and can tie one of my shoes. There isn't much she'll have to do for me. I mean, I would require that she never sings or plays her music in front of me, but other than that I'm up for whatever.

Who Said Adoption!?!

Dear Beyonce, You're Not Spanish

Dear Beyonce,

You're not Spanish. I know, crazy right? You may have re-recorded your CD from last year (B-Day) and added some "Spanish tracks" as the kids say, but did you know you're not actually Spanish? You've said you can only sing Spanish and not speak it. I think that's rude. There are talented singers out there (insert sarcastic overtone here ___) who are Spanish, like Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx, who can barely even sing, but can speak Spanish. Let J. Glow ruin music. You just stick to singing songs about "booties" and keep on providing directions like "to the left, to the left."

Thank you for your time.

-IBBB

...In Other News...

~ Keith Richards Snorts His Dad ~ EvilBeet
~ VH1's I Love New York Interview with New York Post. New York. ~ CelebritySmack
~ Jessica Simpson Yells...In a Good Way ~ FatBack
~ Carmen Electra Does Stuff ~ AgentBedHead
~ Danity Kane Chick Voices Via Myspace ~ NinjaDude
~ Britney Sprouts a Wiffle. Yes Wiffle. ~ Yeeeah!
~ Kelly Osbourne's Milkshake Doesn't Bring Anyone To the Yard ~ DListed
~ Wanna Buy Kitt? ~ MeeVee
~ Oh That Mr. Belding! ~ MollyGood

MTV The Hills Finale: The Script Ends

Similar to the Berlin Wall coming down or John F. Kennedy being assassinated, you will always remember where you were when you watched the season finale of "The Hills." Sad times. Sad times. So many questions will hopefully be answered, such as: how many teeth does Audrina really have? Will Heidi remember to chew her food before swallowing? Will Steve Sanders make it to season three? Will Whitney fall out of her chair and into the arms of a loving Lisa Loveless? Let's see what happens...

• How come when Heidi wakes up she has "newscaster hair?" Actually, she always has it. If Heidi's horrific music career doesn't pan out, she should be a newscaster.
• Oh Christ! Hang on to your skyscrapers, Whitney just landed in NYC!
• Is it normal for Whitney to dress kinda like a pirate for her big interview?
• Again, nobody works where Heidi works. Heidi and her two co-workers ("Wonky Eye" and "Droopy Eye") are literally sitting around and reading magazines. Work's tough.
• Uh, oh. Steve Sanders has a surprise for Heidi. Oh, and by "surprise" I think he means a "Hills Scripted Moment."
• What? Did Steve Sanders blow out his perm? Does he wear a wig? I'm confused.
• Steve Sanders shows Heidi his new place. Steve's a real hard worker so he deserves a great apartment.
• Heidi decides to move in with Steve Sanders. No doubt they will spend their nights doing eachothers' hair. It is at this moment of ridiculousness that I think Whitney is smart for going to NYC. Scratch that. Whitney is brilliant. Yup, I said it.
• Ok, so it's 15 minutes into the episode and no Lisa Loveless. I'm saddened. If she's not in the episode I won't be watching next season. Fine, I'll watch, but I'll be pissed.
• When Heidi tells Lauren that she's moving out I think Lauren wishes that The Hills was on HBO and not MTV so she could not only swear at Heidi, but potentially stab her too just like in the Sopranos.
• Hahaha Whitney is literally getting blown all over the streets of NYC. Brilliant.
• Why is Whitney yelling into the phone? She's like an old woman who's never used a cell phone.
• Steve Sanders hair is permed again.
• I'd like to take this moment to applaud the MTV camera crew for a perfect shot of Heidi in the side mirror of the UHaul driving away. Perfect angle, perfect. How many times did you make them back up in the truck so you could get that shot? I say 5.
• Sweet, Lauren brings home a pizza and some champagne for herself. She's lonely. She might as well get fat and drunk! Wait, Audrina moved in for Lauren. She's psyched that she'll get more TV time next season. Sly move Audrina, sly move.
• Wait, what happened to Heidi's newscaster hair? She legit looks like Donna Martin. No joke. Watch for it the next time.

Ok, well that was a let down. There is no cliffhanger. There will be a season 3, so that means that Heidi will move back in with Lauren and Whitney will come back to LA from NYC. Cliffhanger over. No more The Hills write ups for a while now kids. Thanks for all the emails about my ridiculous The Hills recaps and thoughts all season. Here's to Laguna Beach Season 17!

Lindsay Dances With Randoms

Lindsay No Pants was partying it up at DJ AM's birthday fiesta at LAX in LA the other day. I still have no clue how DJ AM gets girls. It's like the 8th wonder of the world, next to the talent of Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx. While some may think these pictures are uneventful because Lindsay is not seen drinking in any of them, I disagree. Click on each of these pictures and really check out the cast of characters that are surrounding Lindsay. First off, she's basically dancing by herself while some people watch, but most seem uninterested. Next, one dude literally has on red sweatpants and a t-shirt that says, "Kate Moss Blows." Yup, it actually says that. In the last photo, I'm almost positive that that's the top of Rumor Willis' head. Lastly, perhaps my favorite is just simply of Lindsay doing the classic white woman dance, which consists of smiling and snapping her fingers (first photo).

I highly suggest clicking on each of these photos and finding an interesting situation of your own! Share with friends...and enemies!

Victoria Beckham Tans on Skis

Poshtoria Beckham is the most tanned skiing snowman I have ever seen. Good for her. I'm not sure that you wear a belt with ski-pants, but clearly I don't ski enough to know proper ski attire etiquette. I think I do know, though, that you don't wear Santa Claus's belt. Poshtoria was in the French Alps (Alps is French for "Alps") skiing up a smileless storm with her brother, father, and son (the holy trinity).

I think it's really hard work to manage to not smile, ever, under any circumstances. Even at the one moment where Poshtoria's teeth were chattering in the cold, she still managed to block any form of smile from the camera. Between the tan and the snowsuit I bet she could totally glow in the dark.

Who Shot The Snow-Monster?!?

Florida Gators Win Title. Who Won Money?

Who cashed in on this win? The Florida Gators beat out the Ohio State Buckeyes 84-75 to take the crown at the NCAA tournament. Yes, this is the second time in a row that the Gators have won. Here's what coach Billy Donovan of the Gators had to say:

"I think this team should go down as one of the best teams in college basketball history, not as the most talented, and not on style points -- but because they encompassed what the word 'team' means."

Yeah, that's nice "Billy." Can you still be called "Billy" when you're truly an adult? They can be called one of the best teams in college basketball history because they beat out the other teams. Period. They don't give those titles away to teams who are "just nice." Get your head out of the clouds.

Who Said That!?!

Carrie Underwood: Mean, Dumb, Yet Hot

I always thought that Carrie Underwood was dumb and hot, but now I can add "mean" to the list as well. According to some random that works for a country radio station Carrie Underwood could care less about dying children. So the story goes Carrie was supposed to be at the St Jude's charity at the radio station trying to raise money for kids, but was in such a hurry that she just quickly read her line and moved on to the next radio station without taking any time while she was there. Feel free to read the rest of the email at the bottom of this post.

In the meantime, I'm not a big country music fan and was horrified when Carrie Underwood's song "Before He Cheats" made on to mainstream radio. I gave it a chance and listened to the words and here's what I heard:

"I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4-wheel drive,
Carved my name into his leather seat...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
Slashed a hole is all 4 tires...
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats."

Um, yeah you sound both crazy and dumb. Maybe he cheated on you because you're a bit of a psycho. You're not too smart either. Why would you carve your name into his leather seat? Now he totally knows it was you who did it and your name is tied to the scene of the crime. Dumb move, crazy. You also had a Louisville slugger, a key, and a knife. How the hell were you carrying all that crap? Didn't anyone see you walking up the street with all these "weapons" in your hand? I don't know if "he'll think before he cheats" as much as "he'll do a criminal background check before he dates." I hate to say this, Carrie, but I'm going to have to make a citizens arrest. Just put down the knife and the bat. Luckily you're still hot, so I can look past you being dumb, crazy, and mean. Carry on.

Read The Rest of What Carrie Did

"Boy's Mother" Gives "Boy's Father" a Run For His Money

There is nothing that made me crazier than having to read stories about "Boy's Father." If you recall, "Boy's Father" was the father of the boy (go figure) that Madonna adopted. It seems like every other week "Boy's Father" was coming out of the woodwork to give an interview. Well, move over "Boy's Father" because now there is "Boy's Mother."

The mother of Angelina Jolie's (bless yourself) adopted son, Pax, is now coming forward to get her 15 minutes of fame. "Boy's Mother" was a tragic heroin addict who left her newborn at a Vietnamese hospital when he was just two days old. Some say "tragedy," I say "jackpot." I'm sure this little kid is psyched he's no longer living in poverty and wearing tissue boxes for shoes and now has Angelina Jolie has a mom and is crazy rich.

"Boy's Mother" (Pham Thu Dung - exactly) has told reporters that she never signed the adoption papers, but will not try to get her son back. "Boy's Mother" will also not try to get money from Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt even though she is poor. "Boy's Mother" would like to tell her son "sorry" that she had to give him away.

Yeah, nice try "lady." You may say you don't want money now, but just wait when you see the house that you kid lives in. You'll pull a "Boy's Father" before you know it and will be hitchhiking to LA to visit your new friends "Angelina" and "Brad." Oh, and as a side note "Boy's Mother" is a heroin addict. That's sweet. She should try selling drugs to kids in order to get out of poverty. I heard that works.

Who Said That!?!

...In Other News...

~ Bet on Sanjaya's Next Hair Style ~ CelebritySmack
~ Tara Reid is Boobtastic ~ EvilBeet
~ Explain This, Clarissa ~ NinjaDude
~ Beyonce Has 3,000 New Videos. Watch Them All. ~ PopBytes
~ Britney Wins Biggest Fool ~ AgentBedHead
~ Beyonce Is My Nana ~ DListed
~ Design a T-Shirt, Win a Prize ~ GMMR

Skinny Courtney Love Makes Me Want Fat Women

Ok Courtney Love, we get it. You lost some weight. Bad idea. Now look at what you've done! Sure your arms and face look good, but once we scan a little further south it gets a bit dicey. And by "dicey" I actually mean horrific and monster like. This time around, Courtney Love is vacationing on a Hawaiian Beach...with a parrot...and scaring small children. I'm not sure if she lost the weight via a crash diet or perhaps maybe just some increased coke intake. I'm hoping for the later. At least if she's going to be skinny she can be crazy too. Nobody needs a sober, skinny, sane person. Nobody.

Who Shot That Alien!?!

Britney Looks Normal, World Implodes

When I heard that Britney Spears went to a Lakers game, I just assumed that was code word for either "back to rehab" or that she went to a "crystal-meth factory to shop." However, I was wrong with my assumptions and realized that she actually went to a Lakers game. Even more shocking is that she looks good. I mean, sure she stole her hat right off of a scarecrow, but that doesn't mean she's a bad person. It just means that she like scarecrows and that's ok in my book. It looks like Britney lost some weight too. Oh, and her teeth are much whiter. And she looks happy. This is one giant combination that leads to "boring" for me. Look, I don't need her shaving her head again, but being sober doesn't really do much for me. Look at Whitney Houston. You think you hear anything about her since she's been on the wagon? Hell to the no! A sober Whitney = a boring Whitney. A sober Britney = a boring Britney, but a hot Britney nonetheless. Bonus points for me using "nonetheless" in a sentence.

A Non-White-Trash "Spears"

And now it's time for a "What If" moment at ImBringingBloggingBack. "What If" we just waited for Jaime Lynn Spears to get a little bit older and replace Britney Spears? "What If" Jaime Lynn could sing? It wouldn't really matter, I guess, because Britney can't really sing. "What If" the world got to experience a non-white trash Spears that is prettier and skinnier than the original? "What If" this new Spears could drink because she wasn't too far over the line like the original Spears? "What If" this Spears remained "childless" and "single" unlike the original Spears? "What If" this Spears didn't say "Y'all" all the time and smoke Newport Lights and let her gut hang out of her bathing suit? "What If" this was the better Britney Spears? A Britney Spears 2.0? "What If?" I mean this really is what the great philosophers having been pondering for centuries. One may never know.

Oh, and this is of Jaime Lynn Spears at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards in LA. Apparently she's famous.

Andy From "Family Ties" Arrested

You may know him as Brian Bonsall, although you probably don't, who played Andy Keaton on the 80's sitcom "Family Ties"... anyway he was recently arrested on charges of assaulting his girlfriend. So how did he allegedly assault her you ask? Well, according to his girlfriend, she had told the police that he poured an alcoholic drink on her face while she tried to sleep and then put her in a choke hold and threw her onto the bed when she tried to leave.

Wait a minute? Why would she try to leave that? Clearly she was getting free drinks, which is better than having to pay for them. Sure these drinks were being thrown at her, but what is she too good to try to catch some of the flying drink in her mouth? What is she so spoiled by going out with an ex-child celebrity that she thinks she's too good to have drinks thrown at her? What a brat.

What shocks me the most is that this kid, Brian Bonsall, is 25. Yes, 25. I left like I was 50 when he was like 5 years old, which if my math serves me right would make me 210 years old. Yup, that's it.

I tried to reach Meredith Baxter for comment, but was unable to get a hold of her....as I don't have her phone number.

Who Said That!?!

Marie Osmond to Get Divorced, Burn in Hell Because of It

Ultra-smiley Marie Osmond is reported to be getting divorced to her husband of 20-years. Wow, way to be a big quitter Marie! Marie has issued this well written statement:

"Though our marriage is ending, we continue to have a very amicable relationship. Our marriage has always been a faithful one, and neither of us is assigning fault for the divorce."

Yeah, I'm going to say it's probably a little bit more your fault, Marie, than your husbands (Brian Blosil). I mean, after you got that horrific face lift that literally gave you "cat-like facial features" was there really anywhere to go, but down? I think not. Aren't you supposed to be super religious? Does this mean that you will be burning in the fiery pits of hell? If so, at least I'll have a friend there. I'll bring the sun block and you bring those marvelous teeth of yours! Good day. Oh, and bonus points for me finding this picture of Marie Osmond doing her best "Squiggy" impression from Laverne and Shirley.

Who Said That!?!