Thursday, May 31, 2007
~ Britney Eats Herself ~ CelebritySmack
~ Saint Jennifer Lopez Doesn't Look Psyched ~ EvilBeet
~ Nicole Richie With Child? ~ PopBytes
~ The Dude from Frasier is Wicked Gay ~ DListed
~ KFed Gets Work ~ AgentBedHead
~ Did Britney Piss Her Dress? ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Beyonce Shows a Little Something ~ NinjaDude
~ Celine Dion's Son? ~ Yeeeah
~ Retro Dina Lohan ~ MollyGood
~ Elisabeth Shue is Alive ~ GossipOrTruth
~ Kobe Bryant Wants to be Traded. Trader. ~ HollyScoop
~ Happy Birthday Shiloh. You Suck. ~ POTP
Read the Rest of the 50 page Article Here
- Why the hell are there so many people on the street? And why is everyone holding a blackberry? They're not that small. You kinda look like your holding a laptop. Keep it in your bag. I don't think you're important. Am I wrong?
- Why do most restaurants automatically add a 20% tip to your bill when there are 6 of you at the table? Really? Is the 6th person really that much more work than the 5th person? Do you think that all of a sudden when there are 6 people at the table we would NEVER be able to figure out the tip? I always tip 20%, but don't force me to. It kinda makes me think that you think that I'm dumb. Am I wrong?
- How many charities are there in NYC and why are they all begging for money on the street? Look, I know that they're trying to raise money, but why are you yelling to me that all you need is a penny? Really? A penny? Aren't pennies almost out of circulation? How will a penny help? I actually don't believe it. Sure, maybe like 76 million pennies might help, but just one? I doubt it. If you're going to be standing on the street yelling for money, at least think big. Go for a nickle or something. Am I wrong?
- Am I good luck for the Red Sox in New York? The Yankees are down 13 games to the Red Sox. What? I had to throw it in there. Am I wrong?
- How come homeless people are obsessed with shopping carriages? You know what? Just stay in one place. Why do you need so much stuff? I mean, you're living on the street. Are you just showing off to your other homeless friends? You're all like, "Hey Bert, sorry I gotta go. I'm moving up the street. Let me just take alllll my stuff and toss it in my shopping carriage and push it up the street." You know what? Nobody like a bragger. Just stick to being homeless. What? Am I wrong?
- Hot enough for ya? Why do people always ask me this? It's either "hot enough for ya" or "cold enough for ya?" You know what? Yeah. It is hot enough for me. It's like 100 degrees and with the humidity it's like 150 degrees. Stop asking me that. And what the hell is "hot enough?" Enough for what? Enough for who? I don't even know how to respond to you. I feel awkward. Does anyone answer "no" to this question? Does someone say, "hot enough for ya" and you're like "no it isn't. I need it about 10 degrees hotter." Kill yourself. Oh, and stop asking me that on the elevator. What? Am I wrong?
- Any big plans for the weekend? That's another question I get all the time. What do you mean "big plans?" Yeah, I'm curing cancer this weekend, why? I can never live up to your "big plans" question. My "big plans" consist of drinking beers and by you calling it "big plans" makes me feel like I'm not doing something good enough. Thanks for making me feel like a loser. Am I wrong?
Who Shot Claire Huckstables Lingerie?!?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
"I'm at 1,750 calories a day and I'm starving...you just have to get used to the portions and changing your lifestyle. I lost 23 or 24 pounds to begin with, but it's kind of a strain when you get to 23 or 24 pounds. That's why I got off of it. It's a strain because you're eating the Jenny Craig type meals, which are very good. But you can only eat them for so long before you want some barbecue ribs or some pigs feet. Once you get off that Jenny Craig thing you start eating what you've been eating, it's all over."
Yeah, uh Aretha? Yeah, I don't ever want pigs feet. I don't want to think about eating pigs feet. I don't want to think about you binging on pigs feet. See? Great. Now I'm picturing Aretha Franklin wearing cut-off jean shorts, sitting on the floor in front of her refrigerator, and eating pigs feet and crying. Gross. I gotta go now.
Who Said That!?!
Seriously, the folks over at Splash News Online must have photographers living in the trees around Promise of a New Day Rehab because they snapped Lindsay on her first day of rehab. Awww that's cute. I hope Dina packed her lunch and by "lunch" I mean thermos filled with coke. Oh and by "coke" I mean cocaine. Wait a minute, maybe this is all a set up. Maybe there's some secret reality show being filmed right now staring Britney, Lindsay, and Paris. If not, there totally should be.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
~ Madonna Directs Her Face Off...Literally ~ CelebritySmack
~ Jessica Simpson Pulls a Debbie Downer in Cabo ~ DListed
~ Courtney Love Wants Pete Doherty ~ AgentBedHead
~ Jessica Alba is Chilly ~ NinjaDude
~ An Olsen Has a Boyfriend. Papooli Still Dead. ~ DrukenStepFather
~ Eva Longoria Suffers Because She's Hot ~ GabSmash
~ Enter to Win Some Rescue Me Crap! ~ PopBytes
~ Retro Jessica Simpson ~ Glunp
~ Britney Tans it Up ~ ImNotObsessed
~ Shanna Moakler Does Maxim ~ POTP
Who Shot Lindsay No Pants!?!
Friday, May 25, 2007
When Artie and Howard were talking about depression and past bouts with depression, Howard stated that he had a gun in his mouth twice before. The others in the studio were a bit shocked, clearly, and Howard just stated that he has some dark days in the past and then he quickly moved on. Since even I can't make a funny joke about that, let's move on to some other Howard Stern Show news...
Artie Lange, Howard's sidekick, informed listeners that he is quitting the show and will be leaving this coming January. Uh, wouldn't a two-week notice suffice? Artie has been working a bit on the TV show "Rescue Me" and "Entourage" and has just felt a little burnt out. Have you called Jenny yet?
See, you too can play the "Sharon Osbourne: Insert Your Swear Words Here" game. It's fun to play with the whole family. Ages 2-12 need not apply.
Who Said That!?!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
~ I Can't Eat When I See Amy Winehouse ~ DListed
~ Britney is Chilly ~ NinjaDude
~ Jessica Simpson's...er...Lips ~ GabSmash
~ Billy Zane is Still Alive ~ AgentBedHead
~ Jessica Alba is "the Goofy" ~ FatBack
~ Sharon Stone: Nana in a Bikini ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Britney Doesn't Look Like Crap ~ EvilBeet
~ Madonna Has a Brother? ~ Yeeeah
- Hmmm, Blake and Jordin kick off the night singing together. I already hate myself for watching this. Clearly, I'm a 13 year old girl.
- As a side note, Jordin is about 5 feet taller than Blake. She's kinda like Barney.
- Uh, ok now Gwen Stefani is live from her concert. What does this have to do with Jordin or Blake winning American Idol?
- Great, now Kelly Clarkson is here to sing. I'm actually glad she's there. It's good for her to show the other contestants that no matter how famous you get, you can still be a fat-ass and the money will still pour in. What does this have to do with Jordin or Blake winning American Idol?
- Why is Kelly Clarkson always so angry? That's not healthy...or entertaining.
- Somehow American Idol decided to slow things down by giving away awards for random people during the season. In other words, if you're retarded you may get an award. My site should be up for many many awards.
- So the chick that dressed like Big Bird won an award. She makes out with Ryan on stage. Clearly that's the only action he's ever received from a woman. Seriously, how is this lady on TV and not me. If I wasn't alone and sitting on my couch I would be convinced I was on an acid trip. Also, what does this have to do with Jordin or Blake winning American Idol?
- Hey! Sanjaya is back on stage with the other 6 dudes who were on the show. Oh, and their singing. Again, in typical American Idol fashion they're all wearing white suits. How's your subliminal racism?
- What a surprise! Smokey Robinson comes out to sing. The crowd screams like they have any clue who this is. I'm puzzled that Smokey Robinson is still alive.
- Oh Christ. Blake now is having a "beat-box-rap-off." Is this a joke? Sadly no. I'm already in the process of shredding my passport and moving to Canada. Yes. Canada. Dear Blake, kill yourself. Signed, IBBB.
- Now the top 6 girls are out singing on stage. Wow, what a surprise, they're all in white. Racists. They're singing "I Heard it Through the Grapevine." Gladys Knight appears and the crowd, again, screams like they know who she is. You know she's going to start singing "Midnight Train to Georgia."
- Yup, she's singing "Midnight Train to Georgia." Again, what does this have to do with Blake or Jordin winning American Idol?
- Sweet! They're showing people in the crowd! These people consist of Justin Guarini and David Hasselhoff....or as I like to call it, "Justin Guarini looking into a crystal ball."
- Now enters Tony Bennett. He's sing-talking "For Once in My Life." Oh crap. Now he's yelling. He's yelling it like a grandfather yells at his imaginary friends.
- Wow! Jordin and Blake just won a Ford Mustang. Blake does a horrible "Borat" impression. I officially hope he loses. I also hope his car somehow backs over him.
- Hey, it's Carrie Underpants! I'm surprised she isn't wearing short-shorts. Oh, and by "surprised" I really mean "disappointed." I feel like she isn't as good of a singer without her short-shorts. She's also less interesting.
- And..enter Clive Davis who, clearly, is still alive. Wait, is that Rudy Guiliani?
- Sanjaya is back on stage. He continues to sing-talk. Again, what does this have to do with weather Blake or Jordin win American Idol.
- Great! They cue that little girl who cries. I am about 3 minutes away from jumping out my 30th floor window.
- Wow it's Taylor Hicks. How did they ever get him to appear? Do you guys still think it's funny that you voted for him because he had grey hair? Yeah, not so cool anymore, right?
- Rubin Studdard is here too. I thought he died from gastric bypass. Wait, unless they're doing the same thing they did with Elvis a few weeks ago. Hmm, tricky.
- Bette Miler is now singing "Wind Beneath My Wings." No really, she is. Why? No clue. I'm surprised that even after 15 years of this song coming out it still makes me want to kill myself. You know what, Bette, you fly higher than an eagle. Screw you.
- Ok it's officially been 1 hour and 45 minutes. There is still no winner.
- And the winner is....Jordin. Good night.
- Wait, seriously Paula is crying like she just won. Good night.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
~ Shameless Plug: Brilliant Interview with Jesse Brune, Reality Star ~ GuessWho
~ Poshtoria Heads to the DMV, Yet Ready For GlamourShots~ DListed
~ Katie Holmes the Porn Star? ~ CelebritySmack
~ Dancing With the Stars is Still On. Who Won? ~ EvilBeet
~ Mischa Barton Smokes Marijuana Cigarettes ~ NinjaDude
~ Avril is a Loser ~ FatBack
~ Celebrities Without Airbrushing ~ PopBytes
~ Eva Longoria Goes Dirty Dancing with Slater ~ POTP
~ Jessica Alba is Looking For a Partner. Yes Please! ~ AgentBedHead
~ Napoleon Dynamite Is a Dad ~ ImNotObsessed
~ What the Hell is Julia Roberts Up To? ~ GabSmash
~ Angelina Jolie's Man Hands ~ Glunp
~ Doc Martin Ad Campaign See's Dead People ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Paris Hilton's Boobs Like the Bible ~ CityRag
Oprah told the New York Daily News that she laughed when her assistant told her the newspaper was calling to ask about the book that Oprah's dad was writing. Later, Oprah called her dad and found out it was true, but he said he had meant to tell her about it. Ooops. That's the second rule of never sassing Oprah's ass. Don't lie to Oprah. Ever. Vernon's book is supposed to be called, "Things Unspoken."
I wonder if Oprah will add it to her book club? I hope she does, but only because I have made myself a deal that I would never read anything that was on Oprah's book club list, ever. Well, unless, of course, it was a book about me. Ohhhh, someone should totally start writing a book about me. I'll start getting in touch with Oprah. Thanks for the help IBBB readers!
Who Sassed Oprah's Ass!?!
- Hmmm, does Paula have a new nose? Where are her bruises? She should have worn one of those big nose and mustache with sunglasses disguise.
- Ryan makes some bad joke about Paula's dog being a bitch. Seriously, I could write better jokes than that. Ok, well maybe not better, but certainly meaner.
- They have an actual "coin toss" to see who chooses if they go first or second. Yeah, this isn't the Superbowl. This is the worst competition in television history. If I won the coin toss I would have walked off the stage.
- Blake wins the coin toss (by the way the coin looked like a casino chip from the MGM Grand in Vegas) and he decides to go first.
- Blake sings Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name (or whatever it's called). Of course he beat boxes the bitch out of the song. It was horrific. Right now my friend Janine must be punching her TV. Is this song supposed to sound like an opera with strobe lights? Maybe.
- By the way, Randy Jackson is wearing a Michael Jackson jacket, equipped with gold chains on the sleeves and shoulders.
- Paula gave Blake a "10 + 10+ 10+ 10." No really, she did. Paula's dog is officially smarter than her.
- Jordin sings "Fighter" by Christina Aguigrtklerkla. She sounds out of breath. She's kinda talk-singing. Uh-oh, is she the female version of the male version of the female version of Sanjaya. Where the hell is he/she by the way?
- Back to Randy. Could he clear security with that jacket?
- Paula grabs the mic again like she's on The Price is Right. I missed that over the past few weeks. $1.00 Bob, $1.00!
- Why is Ryan dressed like he's the banker in Monopoly?
- Blake is back singing a Maroon 5 song. I'm switching over the Red Sox/Yankees game. Sweet, the Sox are up 3 - 0. Suck on that, Yankees.
- Does Blake dye his hair in between commercial breaks?
- When Paula gives her "thoughts" she says something about getting the first song out of his back and then told him to relax. Uh, only Frankie says relax.
- Jordin is back up singing some country song...A Broken Wing? Broken Wings? Break and Wink? I'm not sure what it is.
- What do you think Justin Guarini is doing right now?
- So, some random dudes wrote a song for the finale, called "This is My Now." Without even hearing it I already know it's going to be about chasing a dream and a goal and then achieving that goal.
- Yup, that's what the song is about. I'd prefer to call this song "A Moment Like This 2.0"
- I'm surprised how much blood can actually pour out of ones ears.
- Jordin takes a shot at singing the same song. Wait, is this the same song? Clearly created for a girl to sing. Oh those tricky little American Idol producers!
- Poor Jordin can't finish the last note because she starts to cry. Yeah, nice touch. Take the onions out of your bra.
- So who will win? My vote is for Nicki McKibbin, season 1. No?
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
~ The Spice Girls Are Set to Ruin Music Again! ~ DListed
~ Janice Dickinson is the Walking Dead ~ CelebritySmack
~ Pete Doherty Takes a Break from Drugs to Play Soccer...Then Back to Drugs ~ AgentBedHead
~ Mischa Barton Misplaced Her Bra ~ FatBack
~ How Did Britney's Orlando "Show" Go? ~ EvilBeet
~ Paris Prepping for Prison ~ HollyScoop
~ Paris Goes to Church, Doesn't Implode ~ MollyGood
~ Diana Ross Pushes Little Girls? ~ NinjaDude
~ Poshtoria's Boobs Go Shopping ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Jessica nd John Call it Quits, Stop Looking Like Eachother ~ Yeeeah
~ Desperate Housewives is Still On? ~ PopBytes
~ Joe Francis Writes a Love Letter Back to Candy Spelling ~ POTP
~ Jessica Simpson Gets Trashed. Awesome! ~ GossipOrTruth
~ Jennifer Aniston Always Looks Sad ~ ImNotObsessed
~ The Jolie-Pitt's Without Their Bratty Kids ~ JustJared
~ Farrah Fawcett to Attack The National Enquirer ~ CelebrityMound
IBBB: I've had many of my readers email me to find out more about you. To be honest I had no clue who you were, so one hungover weekend I tuned in to your show and then did a little Google searching, found your Myspace, and here we are. I'm clearly a professional.
IBBB: I think Myspace is the devil, what have you been up to since the show ended?
Jesse: I have been workin' my arse off! Training is very busy right now, and I am cooking up a storm. I have been lucky enough to cater some dinners in San Francisco , LA , and am actually going to do my first super fancy event in the Hamptons in a couple weeks. I'm trying to put a cook book together and getting ready for a third season of WORKOUT... that is, if there is a third season!
IBBB: Speaking of Myspace, tell me a great story about a crazy stalker that you have on Myspace.
Jesse: I haven't had any crazy stalkers to date... there have been a few people who got really pissed that I didn't respond to their messages, but I don't have tons of time to play on the computer... so I hope they can be forgiving.
IBBB: It seems like all of your SkyLab clients are trying to lose a ton of weight (some, literally). I'd like to gain about 5-7 pounds. I also like "the beer." What advice would you have for me?
Jesse: If you want to gain weight, then keep up with the beer! If you are looking to gain muscle mass then focus on weight training and eat a lot of protein after your workout.
IBBB: In on episode one of your co-workers, Doug, passed away. How strange was it to deal with that with the cameras rolling?
Jesse: It was very hard... I didn't want to give the impression that I was grieving for the sake of good television... I think the producers did a pretty good job at giving us our space so we could make the passing of Doug more about him, and less about us. I don't know if there is a right way to deal with a situation like that... but I feel like it was done rather well.
IBBB: Seriously, every celebrity seems to be getting arrested for DUI lately. If you were Paris Hilton's cell-mate in prison for 45 days would you end up being her bitch? I think you could take her, but prison can be tough.
Jesse: I know this sounds bad, but I wouldn't mind hearing that Paris got into a couple brawls... I mean I can imagine there are some pretty mean dykes in there that would love a piece of Paris.
IBBB: What other areas of fitness and/or the entertainment industry would you like to get into?
Jesse: Honestly, I would love to do a cooking show... there is something romantic in that for me. To get paid to hang out in a kitchen and do my thing would be a dream come true. We will keep our fingers crossed.
IBBB: Do you think Kimmy Gibbler (Full House) got the shaft and deserves more work in Hollywood ?
Jesse: No, she was a hateful bitch and got everything she deserved. Just kidding, I have no idea... One of my dreams is to hang out with the Olsens... if that dream ever becomes a reality, I will get their opinion and share it with you.
IBBB: What do you regret the most while being on camera? Wicked good question, right?
Jesse: I don't really have any regrets. I have learned the importance of proper grooming in front of the camera... it is one unforgiving bitch.
IBBB: What reality shows are you into?
Jesse: Most Bravo shows... they have a great formula that sucks you in... Top Chef, Project Runway, Top Design... all addicting.
IBBB: My last question is a two-parter. (a) Can I have the chicks on Myspace that throw themselves at you that you don't want? (b) If you ever didn't like one of your clients, would you "accidentally" train them to have a J. Lo ass? What? I just feel like you could have that power.
Jesse: No, chicks do not throw themselves at me... there are a couple who try to set me up with their brothers though... and I think that is really cute.
Personally, I think the bigger the ass the better... J-Lo has the right idea... and believe it or not, most people have that as their long-term goal... a "J-Lo" of their own.
So that's how this award winning interview went down kids. All kidding aside, for someone to actually answer my ridiculous questions shows someone who can have fun with things without being an uptight asshole (yes, I'm talking to you Tina Yothers). Special thanks to Jesse Brune for taking the time to play along. If you're looking to have him train you or are interested in his catering business, be sure to check out his own personal site @ www.JesseBrune.com. Thanks also go to Jesse's publicist, Kellie Olisky @ JagPR for putting up with me and becoming a fan of my site (two birds with one stone, baby!).
- I accidentally answered the iron again
- I was cleaning the doorknobs and tripped into it
- I was teaching my cat how to box and got a paw to the eye
- I was practicing "snapping" and it got a little out of control
- It's not a black-eye, it's a pimple
- I got halfway through my nose job and then chickened out
- It's not a black-eye, don't be so racist.
You see, there are many options she could use. Or, she could think of a creative excuse on her own. Here at IBBB, we're always here to help in any way we can. Oh, and by "help" I really mean "not get involved."Who Said What!?!
Uh, if this took place during the filming, couldn't they just check the tape and see if it had, in fact, happened? Although, who hasn't had a chair thrown at them once or twice? Laurie Ann could have done totally taught the chair to boom cat, boom boom cat.
Who Said That!?!
Friday, May 18, 2007
Why is Shakira dressed like she works at the "It's a Small World" ride in Disney World? She actually is bringing gifts to the "Mazahua Native Community in Mexico City. Seriously, what kind of gifts are those? Is that a basket of clams? Why would this community in Mexico City want clams? As a side note, I think her dress is made out of cray paper? I think she can burst into flames at any minute. That's danger. In other news...
~ Lindsay the Thief ? ~ BreeBuzznet
~ Is R. Kelly Still Real? ~ AgentBedHead
~ Andrew Dice Clay Can Write ~ CelebritySmack
~ Dita Von Teese Shows It ~ NinjaDude
~ Jenna Fischer Out On Workers Comp? ~ FatBack
~ Pam Forgot Her Pants ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Angelina Goes for a Swim ~ Yeeeah
~ Heather Locklear and Who?? ~ PopBytes
~ Sarah Silverman Does Maxim ~ POTP
~ Toni Basil is Alive! ~ DListed
~ Jerry in a Bee Costume. Sure. ~ MollyGood