...In Other News...

Poor Mandy Moore. Her new album debuted and didn't do so well. I mean it didn't do horrible. Ok, it did. Her album came 30th this week and only sold 25,000 copies. Ouch, I've had more people come to my site this week then Mandy had people buy her CD? Mandy should start a blog OR go with my other solution to a struggling career. Go to skank. It's that simple. Just go to skank and watch the CD sales pour in. At least Mandy has her movie career to fall back on. In other news...

~ Jessica Simpson Gets Hot Again ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Lilly Allen Punches, Kicks, and Stretches. She's Lilly! ~ CelebritySmack
~ Kelly Clarkson Sober? Why. ~ PopBytes
~ Tom Cruise Clogs ~ AgentBedHead
~ Ashley Banks is Still Alive ~ EvilBeet
~ Stephanie Tanner is a Woman. Hey DJ! ~ DListed
~ Jessica Biel is Cat-Woman ~ NinjaDude
~ God Bless Megan Fox ~ FatBack
~ Amy Winehouse After and Before? ~ POTP
~ Joss Stone Looks Like Candy ~ Glunp

Paris Goes to Maui

Paris Hilton, inspired by an artistic scarecrow on a farm in Iowa, has traveled to Maui for a little rest and relaxation after serving her 23 days in the slammer. She may try to disguise herself with that black, but her man-hands will always give her away. Anyway, Paris went to Hawaii all alone, which is odd since she was all alone for 23 days. I guess after seeing your family for 24 hours, you're good to go and ready to get away. Me personally, I would be ok with resting and relaxing in a mansion. Although, I guess I'm just spoiled.

Thanks to Paris giving an "interview" to Larry King, Larry King's numbers for the night had more than tripled. Well don't get used to those numbers, Larry. You're back to interviewing Angela Lansbury. I have no clue.

Who Shot That Scarecrow!?!

When White Trash Reunites

When white-trash reunites, magic happens. Real magic. I have no idea what that means. According to my friends over at X17 Online, Britney drove her ass up to Valencia, CA to bring some "legal documents" to her mom. Lynne was just hanging out in her trailer and doesn't look too thrilled. However, let's keep in mind that these are just pictures and we have no idea what they said to each other, which is why I gave them words to say...special words. So was it a restraining order that Britney gave her mom? Was it a take-out menu that she's returning? Perhaps a receipt from lunch? One may never know and by "one" I mean "me." One may also not care.

However, according to TMZ, Britney served her mom with legal documents asking her to stay away from her children if she is on medication. It's not technically a restraining order and, if it was, Britney couldn't be the one to give these to her mom. So basically this is just a letter from her lawyer. It's kinda like she's in homeroom, passing a note. Dumb.

Getting to Know You and You

Well, it's back again folks. A little segment you've been enjoying called Getting to Know YOU in which I shed a little light onto how many of you have come to find my site. Here are some of the words that your typing into "the Google" and somehow landing on good old ImBringingBloggingBack. Let's see what this week brings us (with my additional commentary, of course). Please keep in mind these are not jokes (sadly) and I'm definitely starting with my favorite:

• "Maybe if I Google this in "getting to know you" in I'm Bringing Blogging Back and then I will be famous and I could finally go to rehab with Lindsay Lohan" (Your written thoughts have paid off and you have made it onto my site. Enjoy rehab. P.S, tell Lindsay that the freckles symbolize the journey of a whore)


• Prison bitches (Thanks Paris!)


• I'm Bringing the Blog Back (Nice name, retard)


• Z snaps (Sassin' while typing?)


• Ashley Olsen whit a brown hair (I don't even know what that means)


• Celebrity watches the one that beep (Is this the same retard typing in all of these?)


• How to dress like an elderly (Caution: Diddler Alert, Diddler Alert)


• Bee sting boobs (Ouch! Bzzzzz)


• Laurie Ann and boom cats (boom cat, boom boom cat!)


• You can take all these tricks up my sleeve, I don't need them anymore (Sweet! Free tricks!)


• Fat bitch fights (What can I say? People love bitches)


• Who wants to stay sober these days anyway (Lindsay, clearly Googling from Promises Rehab)


• My wife in the barbers chair white nylon cutting cape on (Huh? Oh wait. I get ya)


• Please write a funny letter about the life of a salesman in the oil patch (Of course I will. What does that mean?)


• Why are Friday's crazy (Because your mother is a whore. Just sayin...)


• Sabado Gigante nipple slips (ay! ay! ay! ay!)


• I'm going to be homeless (at least you'll have a kick ass tan)


• Perming the hair with beer cans (Must be Prom season at the trailer park!)


• The Yankees still suck (Agreed)


• How to get Jessica Alba ass (When you find out, please share)

Another fruitful week of searches. Clearly, people still love porn and typing in mindless questions to Google, hoping that someone will answer. Well, I've answered. Until next time....

What's Living in Kim Kardashian's Pants?

No really, what's living in Kim Kardashian's pants? Personally, I think she's trying to smuggle Lindsay Lohan out of rehab, but that's just me. I mean, there's also just as good of a chance that one of the Olsen Sluts is camping out in her back pocket as well. It actually doesn't even look real. I bet she has one of those plastic asses that people wear on Halloween crammed into those Kermit the Frog jogging pants, yes jogging pants.

This brings me to my next question. What is it that Kim Kardashian actually does? I know she's pictured here with her dumper hanging out while she shops at Herve Legerand LaPerlain in Hollywood, but what does she do? Perhaps she smuggles Mexicans over the border. One may never know. All I do know is that she is being totally disrespectful to Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx. Rude.

...In Other News...

The Spice Girls reunited for a photoshoot just shortly before they will be having a press conference to make a "special announcement." Rumor (Willis) has it that their "special announcement" is that they will reunite for real and make more horrific and ear-bleeding music. Not only may this include music, but catchy sayings like "girl power" and even an extra helping of "peace-finger signs." What a real treat this will be. It's like 1997 all over again. In other news...

~ Janet Jackson Gets Younger by the Day ~ DListed
~ Nicole Richie, and the World, Doesn't Know Why She's Famous ~ CelebritySmack
~ The Best and Worst Hollywood Beach Bodies ~ PopBytes
~ That's When I Knew Amy Winehouse Was a Cutter ~ AgentBedHead
~ Anne Hathaway Is Hep Free! ~ FatBack
~ Hilary Duff is a Woman ~ Yeeeah
~ Rosie's Daughter Tries Out for Rambo ~ POTP
~ Daisy Fuentes is Still Alive ~ DSF
~ Poshtoria to be on Ugly Betty? ~ AllieIsWired
~ Hayden Panettiere Continues to Lick Things ~ Gone Hollywood

Because This is How You Buy Groceries?

I hear it's almost impossible to go grocery shopping when you're not dressed like a street walker. I mean, just ask a street walker. Britney did a little grocery shopping the other day with her Siamese twin, Alli, and made sure that she had on her shiny high heels and daisy-dukes that allowed her gut to hang over the waste-band. Alli was kind enough to pick up the Windex, probably in hopes of trying to clean up Britney's career. Ohhhhh! Stop me if you heard this one before. Try the veal. Tip your waitress!

Is Britney taking my advice about "going to skank?" When your career is in the crapper and there is nothing left to do to safe it, just go to skank. I'm sure Britney reads this.

Who Shot That Street Walking Grocery Shopper!?!

Paris Hilton Does Larry King: Snicker

Did you know that Paris Hilton went to prison? Did you know she was released? Do you know she then went back? Do you know she was just released yesterday? Do you know that she was on Larry King? Me either! I really tossed and turned about writing a recap of the Paris Hilton/Larry King interview but then I thought to myself, "You know what makes boring things more fun? Drinking!" So I've cracked open a few Corona's (minus the lime...no need to be healthy) and figured I would experience this the same way I experienced the last season of American Idol or any of the seasons of The Hills....with absolute humiliation and embarrassment. Here's my thoughts on how the interview, and Paris, went down:

• I'm proven wrong in the first 4 seconds. Larry King is actually alive.
• What happened to Paris' voice? Why isn't it high-pitched and skanky?
• Where did Larry find a metallic purple shirt?
• Why is Paris' head only titled to the left...is she tired?
• Paris hated the food. For lunch she had bologna (she should be used to that). Dinner was "mystery meat." Again, she should be used to it.
• Corona is good. I wish I had a lime.
• Paris sat in bed and read her fan mail and cried. I'm crying watching this interview, but for different reasons.
• Paris had nightmares at night that someone would come into her cell at night and hurt her. Uh, who's all up on themselves?
• What was Paris' illness while in jail? Panic/Anxiety attacks, claustrophobia, and not eating or sleeping. Hmmm, sounds crazy to me.
• Paris also cured herself of the claustrophobia by doing meditation and thinking she was in a "special place." Screw modern medicine, just think of a "special place."
• Paris was a tricky little minx. She went to the MTV movie awards so that she could sneak out and turn herself in without the paparazzi knowing. Did she punk MTV AND the paparazzi?
• Paris is also cut out a bunch of friends since she's been out of prison. Wow, the rats are the first to jump ship. Wait are they? What's the saying again? Hold on, Paris is reading some letters right now and I need to get another beer.
• Since prison, Paris is trying to change her voice because when she gets nervous her voice goes really high. That explains it.
• By the way, I was officially over this interview after the first 3 minutes. Now it just feels like I'm doing homework.
• Paris has ADD, she admitted. Although Larry called it ADT. I think he's in the process of having a stoke.
• She says Britney is sweet and Nicole Richie is like her sister. Boring. She wishes Lindsay the best and says a lot of girls have problems. You know what a real problem is, Paris? Not having a lime for my Corona. That's a problem.
• I'll never get this hour of my life back. Ever. Well, I'm almost done with my time machine, so we'll see.

Presenting: Mariah Careytoe

With Mariah Carey you can always count on two things; A lot of forehead and a lot of cameltoe - not necessarily in that order. When I first came across these photos of Mariah arriving at the Crillon Hotel in Paris I first thought, "Who cares." However, I then immediately knew that by simply clicking on one of these photos we would absolute be able to expose the cameltoe or "Mariah Careytoe" as we can now call it. Well, Mariah didn't disappoint and we even get to play a game that we haven't been able to play in awhile: "The ImBringingBloggingBack Celebrity Cameltoe Rating System...to the Stars!" As you know from past games you can only achieve no more than 5 camels, almost unheard of. This time around we're awarding Mariah with 3 camels, yes 3 camels. Congratulations Mariah! Adding just a few more pounds could definitely sky-rocket you to 5 camels. Have the goal. Stick to the goal. Achieve the goal. Get awarded more camels.

Michael Lohan Spells Like Lindsay Drinks

Michael Lohan is a wicked good speller. Now look, I definitely have more words spelled incorrectly on this blog than spelled correctly, but at least I know how to spell the names of the people in my family. By now you've seen Michael Lohan's press release where he spells his own daughters name incorrectly:

"I look forward to order being restored to the chaos that our family life has become. Lyndsay, Michael, Ali and Cody need stability and both of their parents in their lives. I am anxious to spend time with them and end this cruel, needless separation."

Old news, right? Sure. However, IBBB has got another letter written by Michael Lohan to Lindsay. Let's see how he did...

Ohhh not bad. He got some of them right. Insert applause here ________

Lindsay "With Child" in Rehab?

Is Lindsay No Pants "with child" while vacationing at Promise of a New Day Rehab in Malibu? Not really, but every other blog tends to circle the stomach of a celebrity and question if they're pregnant, so I figured why not jump on the bumpwagon. More importantly, Lindsay went for a hike while in rehab with some other rehab goers. Do you think they're psyched that they're pictures are going to be plastered all over the place? Oh well, that's what they get for having a "problem." You want to have a drug and/or drinking problem? You get your picture taken. Next time you want to do "the drugs" you remember that. Actually, I say if you're in California you should start doing drugs because chances are that when you check yourself into rehab you'll get to make friends with a major celebrity. Hmmm, I should head out to CA.

Harriet Carter Wednesday: The Stalker

First off, Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday. Second, this weeks Harriet Carter post will be a bit different. Why you ask? Because I've officially found out exactly who "failure model chick" is. Now if you are new here today, don't even bother reading this. If you are one of the many die-hard Harriet Carter Wednesday readers you are probably rejoicing over the uncovering of "failure model chick." Don't ask me how I found her. I just did. To my surprise her name isn't technically "failure model chick." It's actually Rachael Platt. Boring. Regardless I'm going to continue calling her "failure model chick." Also, she's technically isn't a failure as a model because "failure model chick" has the following accomplishments under her belt:

• A finalist for the prestigious Ms. Trump Taj Mahal (The Apprentice on NBC)
• Jersey Style Magazine covergirl (breezy, yet easy)
• Longhorn Tobacco Calendar Girl (Mmm smokey and cancerous)
• Sweetheart Gowns Bridal Magazine
• And, of course, the Harriet Carter Catalog

At least this finally explains why I haven't been able to break into the Harriet Carter modeling industry. I'm just a simple dude from a blog. I've never been on a New Jersey magazine cover and have never been a finalist for anything.

I love how "failure model chick" is all kind and sweet modeling a hat or leopard caftan in the Harriet Carter Crapalog, but get her in another photoshoot and she goes straight to skank. Honestly, I think that's her best bet anyway. Going straight to skank is always your best bet when your career is tanking. I actually just spoke of this concept the other day in my Brooke Hogan blog post. I wonder what Harriet is going to think when she discovers that her cute little hat model is also being photographed with her boobs hanging out. I mean what will the customers think? You think they're still going to buy a car seat neck pillow or a flying pig hat that claps when you pull the string from "failure model chick" now that they know her troubled past? Sales will likely plummet. Could this be the end of the Harriet Carter catalog? Da-da-duuuuuun!

Beyonce Later Wrapped Vegetables in Her Dress and Grilled It

Beyonce won some big ass awards last night at the BET Awards. Beyonce took home "Video of the Year" for "Irreplaceable" and was also named best R&B Artist. However, just to rub it in Beyonce's face, Jennifer Hudson also won two awards; "Best New Artist" and "Female Actress." Looks like Beyonce got the shaft again in the actress category. I mean she got looked over for her role in Austin Powers a few years ago and then she got looked over again for her role in Dream Girls. What's a bugaboo to do? Speaking of which, Destiny's Child reunited last night, although I'm thinking it was only done so that Beyonce could show how much better she was doing than the other two. I say bring back Destiny's Child. Hell, even add a 4th member again and re-release "Say My Name." Bring back the year 2000. That was a good year for me. Wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Beyonce has on enough tin foil to grill 250 pounds of vegetables. I bet it was hot to the touch.

...In Other News...

~ Blind Item Time ~ CelebritySmack
~ Uncle Jesse Was Drunk Tank? ~ EvilBeet
~ Sinead is Still Alive ~ DListed
~ Poshtoria is Nice. Very Very Very Nice. Neat. ~ AgentBedHead
~ Britney Spears Still Hooking ~ NinjaDude
~ Will Emma Watson Be the Next Lindsay No Pants? ~ FatBack
~ Nancy Grace Full of Child ~ POTP
~ Kelly Clarkson is a Bad Famous Person ~ Glunp

Breaking News: Britney Shows Sideboob

Sure Paris Hilton may be out of the slammer, but by now that's old news. While the paparazzi were flashing their bulbs at Paris, somewhere across town Britney was flashing her "bulbs" at the paparazzi. It's been a while since we've seen any celebrity sideboob so I'm glad that Britney has really stepped up to the plate.

Britney was in Beverly Hills at Jill Roberts store where apparently she didn't see the paparazzi standing there watching her try on clothes or the large crowd that gathered around to watch Britney try on a bikini and jeans. Maybe she didn't care. Maybe she's one of those sick son-of-a-bitch perverts that gets off on having strangers watch her get undressed. You're sick Britney, sick! That's it, back to Promises for you. Do they take sex-perverts?

Who Shot That Sideboob!?!

Paris Hilton is a Free "Woman"

Here-ye! Here-ye! Parents, keep an eye on your kids because Paris Hilton is free to walk the streets again as she has just been released from the most popular prison stay ever. Never has there been more attention of someone leaving a place since Jesus left his tomb three days after his Crucifixion and, let's face it, Paris is as close to Jesus as you can get.

Some prison workers claim that Paris has lost 10 pounds since she started her prison sentence, which I think is brilliant since she was only there for 23 days. Someone tell Valerie Bertonelli to hang up on "Jenny" and just start a short prison term. People are also saying that Paris is in "good spirits." The photo above is one of the first of Paris exiting prison. No joke, I think she's looking more and more like Martha Stewart.

You can check out Paris Hilton on Larry King tomorrow night and I'm sure you can check her out taking advantage of every photo opportunity in the next 24 hours as well. This will consist of Paris driving, stopping to get something to eat, waking up Robertson Blvd, walking into Hyde, walking out of Hyde, having lunch at the Ivy, and at all other "low-key" places.

Who Said That!?!

Beyonce and JayZ in St. Tropez: Please Insert Sexual Innuendos Here:

T-o-o m-a-n-y s-e-x-u-a-l i-n-n-u-e-n-o-s, w-i-l-l c-o-m-b-u-s-t. Beyonce and JayZ were living the vida loca in St. Tropez recently when it appears that they were at a Sea World type atmosphere. Now is it a bit ironic that JayZ is sucking on something and Beyonce is putting nuts in her mouth? What? I'm just saying, it's subliminal. Finally, it appears that Beyonce is sitting on JayZ's lap while she really ponders some of life's biggest philosophical challenges. Either that or she's "becoming a woman."

In legitimate Beyonce news, she and Shakira Shakira are up for "Video of the Year" at the BET Awards and Beyonce and JayZ are up for "Best Collaboration" for "Deja Vu" and also for "Upgrade U" (which is not short for University). Butt, it doesn't stop there for Beyonce. She's also up for BET "Choice Award" for 'Irreplaceable." Unfortunately Beyonce was not nominated for her role in "Dream Girls." I mean it's only a music award show, but I'm sure Beyonce is pissed....especially because the rest of the Dream Girls cast was nominated. Insert applause here ______.

Check out the BET Awards tonight, June 26th on BET. Check your mother's local listings for channel and time.

Dear Myspace Advertisers, Huh?

Dear Myspace Advertisers,

I'm puzzled so I thought I would write to you. Who are you advertising to? And, is this really your best attempt at having me click on one of your ads? Honestly, I really don't want to win. I don't want to win a prize. I don't want to punch the white guy. I don't want to be the white dog and race the black dog. I really don't want to know the date of my death. I don't want to try to make the fat guy not wet himself. I don't want to know if I'm a good flirt. Ok, fine I did try to break the cartoon bikini girl out of the glass box just to see what happened to her. I was forced to take a quiz. The point is, why are you trying to humiliate me with these ads? I don't care if my dog wins or the guy pisses himself. I don't want to win your stupid ringtones. More importantly, however, I want to know who is playing these games. No really, I want your names. I'll also need your mother's maiden name and the last four digits of your social security number. What? Just go with me on this one. Anyway, come up with some more interesting ads. Why would I ever feel the need to vote on whether or not I think "New York" from Vh1's "I Love New York" is hot or not. You even left me with an option to choose, "I don't care." I don't want to arm wrestle George Bush. I don't want to play "put a wig on cartoon Britney Spears." I don't want to guess if Joan Rivers is dead or alive (I know she's dead). Stop with the quizzes, stop with the games, and stop with the lamo ads.

Luke-Warm Regards,
IBBB

Brooke Hogan Split Her Pants

Financial times must be tight for singer (??) Brooke Hogan as she could only afford certain portions of her pants. Luckily for us, the "ass" and "crotchal" regions we too expensive for Brooke to buy, so she is flashing both sides for her fan(s). Either that or her fat ass busted the seams. It's a tough call, a real tough call. You know, I feel like Brooke is really on the right track though because my motto is when your career isn't going where you want it go, simply go straight to skank. Not enough album sales? Go to skank. Didn't get that promotion you went for? Go to skank. Just lost the Oscar? Go to skank. Drinking a bit too much? Definitely go to skank. You're the daughter of an overly orange Hulk Hogan? Go to skank.

Oh by the way, Brooke was "singing" at a Kiss 95.1 FM radio show in Charlotte, North Carolina...where I believe this may be the uniform of the locals? What? I jest.

Who Shot That Tear?!?

...In Other News...

Lindsay is doing so well at rehab that she barely even needs to be there anymore! Lindsay took some time off from rehab to go rollerblading with her friends in Venice this past weekend. Apparently rehab makes it difficult for you to rollerblade as her friends are literally holding her up. Hmmm, very reminiscent of a typical Friday night, Lindsay? In other news...

~ More Lindsay In/Out of Rehab ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Shar Jackson and Her 51 Kids ~ DListed
~ Cameron Diaz Pisses Off Peru ~ CelebritySmack
~ A Mighty Heart Review ~ AgentBedHead
~ The Hollywood Wax Museum - Not So Life-Like ~ PopBytes
~ Emily Scott. You're Welcome. ~ FatBack
~ David Lee Roth: Still Alive ~ Yeeeah
~ The Prince Is Important For Some Reason ~ EvilBeet
~ Jessica Simpson: Because Thinner is Better ~ POTP

Hayden Panettiere is Not Just Like Us

Hayden Panettiere was busy this past weekend pumping gas while in LA. I feel compelled to post pictures like this because (1) it's absolutely pointless and (2) it reminds me of those magazine titles. So what magazine titles you ask? You know the ones that show pictures of celebrities doing random things like pumping gas, carrying groceries, and holding coffee? The caption to those pictures is always, "They're Just Like Us!" Look at Halle Berry tripping on the sidewalk...JUST LIKE US! Seriously? Who cares. Also, they're NOT just like us. They are way better than us because they're rich and they're famous and that makes them way better than us. If you had a picture of me walking down the street with an iced coffee and Brad Pitt walking down the street with an iced coffee I would not say he is "just like me." He is better than me because he's rich. It's simple math, my friends. The more money you have than someone the better you are as a person. Now take these lessons that you've learned here today and teach your children. It's better that they learn at a young age.

Britney to Play Restraining Order Game?

When Britney goes from ratty blond wig to ratty brown wig the rumors about her tend to heat up. If we were to plot this out in a chart you would see the correlation. I mean, at this point it's all about stats. The good folks over at X17 Online are claiming that Britney Spears is about to file a restraining order against her mother, Lynne Spears. Allegedly this is Britney's way of keeping her mother away from her two kids ("what's his face" and "the other one"). It appears that Lynne may have a little dependency on some pain killers and Britney isn't cool with that.

Come on, give Lynne a break. With all the crap that Britney has done, Lynne should be allowed to take enough tranquilizers to stop a charging gorilla dead in it's tracks. Like I said before, Lynne should stop focusing on Britney and start focusing on Britney's sister, Jamie-Lynn. Let's face it, she's the better of the Spears at this point anyway and could potentially be drug free. Lynne can do all the things that she should have done for Britney to Jamie-Lynn and see how she turns out. If eventually Jamie-Lynn starts flashing her "gentleman greeter" to the paparazzi then Lynne can just give up all together. Seriously, where was I going with this? To recap: Britney in brown wig and possibly filing restraining order against mother.

Foxy Brown, Can U Hear Me Now?

I almost don't even where to begin with this one. Apparently Foxy Brown, who after multiple DNA tests has proven to not be the same person as Lil' Kim, got the bag beat out of her the other day. Oh, and by "bag" I really mean got her weave torn off her head, her hearing aid ripped out (what), and had her hand bag stolen. Oh and it gets better. The girls that allegedly beat the bag out of Foxy were three girls of her ex-boyfriend. Foxy dumped her boyfriend after she found out that he was a pimp. Ok, so let's regroup for a minute:

• hearing-aid
• torn weave
• stolen bag
• pimp

Just making sure we were all on the same page. And how does Foxy Brown NOT have her own reality show? I mean this beating alone could be 3 episodes, plus the whole pimp storyline could absolutely be the Christmas special.

Who Said That!?!

Hey Paris, See U Next Tuesday!

It's official, Paris Hilton will be let out of the slammer on Tuesday and will be giving her first interview with Larry King, who apparently is still alive. Supposedly Larry did not pay Paris a dime for this interview that will air on Wednesday night on CNN. I think it would be great if Larry pretended that he had no clue that she was in prison and if he brought up her sex tape from a few years ago. Bonus point if he calls Paris "Nicole" during the interview several times.

Who Said That!?!

Antonella Barba Alive and With Clothes

Antonella Barba is alive and kicking! It took me a second to realize who this was, as I'm used to seeing her in "different pictures." So, when Entertainment Weekly has their annual "Must List" party, you know that on that "must list" is Antonella Barba because.....uh....er....no clue. I'm almost as stumped as why Antonella is there as Oxana Baiul. Oxana is definitely on the "must list" because.....uh....er....no clue. No offense, Entertainment Weekly, but if these people are on the "must list" I don't want what's on the list. Anyway, in other Antonella Barba news....there isn't any.

Who Shot That!?!

Paris Hilton: A Brand New Skank

Don't think that once Paris Hilton exits prison she'll be going back to her old partying ways. Sadly, we won't be able to play the favorite IBBB game, "Is That Paris Hilton Ass, Boob, or Stanky Putanky?" anymore. Sad. Very Sad. Paris had a brief prison interview with Ryan Seacrest and claims, "I'm so much more grateful for everything that I have, even just to have a pillow at night or food. You know my gratitude has gone up so much and I just realize that the media used me to make fun of and be mean about it. Frankly [I'm] sick of it and I want to use my fame in a good way."

Now, will Paris give up her skank-ways? I hope not. If I can't write about Paris whoring around town, I'm not sure what the point of me having this site is. Maybe it turns into a 7-day a week Harriet Carter blog? Let's hope Lindsay doesn't get on the straight and narrow or I'm in trouble!

Who Said That!?!

...In Other News...

Did you ever feel you were getting old? You know what makes me feel old? Paula Abdul turning 45. Yes, 45. Paula is seen here in West Hollywood's "Ketchup" restaurant the other night, while it is reported that MC Scat Cat slipped in the back door...of the restaurant. Get your mind out of the gutter people. Even though I feel like I'm getting older, a random person in the elevator of my work asked me if I was the new intern. I wanted to hi-five her. In other news...

~ Pauly Shore is Still Alive ~ CelebritySmack
~ Fergie Cleans Up at the PhotoShop Awards! ~ DListed
~ Spice Girls to Not Get Knocked Up ~ EvilBeet
~ Pete Doherty Does Disney ~ AgentBedHead
~ Paris Passes a Note During HomeRoom ~ NinjaDude
~ Apparently Scott Baio is Still Alive ~ Yeeeah!
~ Jessica Biel Does GQ ~ POTP
~ Tara Reid Chillin ~ Glunp
~ Pam Does Magic ~ DSF
~ The Affleck's and Damon's Go on Holiday. Pip Pip! ~ ASL
~ Gisele Likes to Kick and Stretch. She's 50! ~ GabSmash
~ Fancy Yogurt Ads from Brazil ~ PopBytes

Kelly Clarkson Played the "Eat & Puke" Game

Kelly Clarkson, famed actress of award winning movie "From Justin to Kelly" and winner of American Idol Season 1, is the latest celebrity to admit to having an eating disorder back in the day. It appears that Kelly was bulimic for a short period of time, although I think the official medical term is "EatAndPukeitis." Apparently when Kelly was in high-school she didn't get the big role in her high-school musical and told CosmoGirl Magazine, "I thought...If I came back and I'm cuter and thinner...then I'll get the role. One of my guy friends caught on to it, and I just felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I literally went cold turkey and snapped out of it."

Really? Cold turkey? Are you sure you just didn't have the stomach flu that day and now you're using that story to help sell your failing album? I'm just assuming. Since Kelly's album isn't doing as well as everyone would like, expect to see Kelly thinner than ever in the coming months, perhaps due to her "cold turkey" diet.

Who Said That!?!

Lindsay Lohan Drives With Star Jones?

I don't care what they say, rehab sounds like a blast. First off, you get all your meals cooked for you. Second, you get to not work. Third, you can work out all you want since there isn't much else to do. Fourth, you clearly get to leave as much as you want. Tenth, you can your own personal driver. That's what's going on here where Lindsay had one of her Promises Rehab counselors drive her to her apartment. I'm not convinced that's a Promises workers though. I'm almost positive that it's Star Jones. Well, it's either Star Jones or "BeetleJuice" from The Howard Stern Show.

In other "Lindsay Lohan Pity Party News," Shannon Doherty is the latest celebrity to toss her name into the Lindsay Lohan publicity ring. Shannon tells People Magazine, "My heart goes out to all of them and I certainly hope that they keep their heads up and most importantly they keep their self-respect. When I went and got drunk at a bar when I was 12 years old, it was like the biggest deal in the world. And now these girls, that's like a night at home for them. I don't know why it's acceptable, and now at my age I look at it and I'm like, 'Oh, honey, don't do that.' It's growing pains, right? Everybody's got to grow up and make their own decisions. All those girls will learn something from the experience, and that's all that matters."

Thanks Shannon! It's great to get your opinion on this matter. Also, bonus points for using the 80's sitcom "Growing Pains" in your statement. Kirk Cameron would be proud.

Source and Source

Jewel Still Playing the Homeless Card

So Jewel is still playing that "homeless card." Jewel was, get this, on Capitol Hill testifying at a Congress hearing on America's Youth Homeless Crisis. Oh, and "Cousin It" on top of her head also testified. Seriously, we get it. You were homeless once. You should be thanking God you were homeless. That was half your charm and 90% of your success. Jewel beats the homeless thing to death even more than I beat the "Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx" joke to death. Jewel looks all serious too, kinda like she's a "no nonsense business woman circa 1994." I especially like her Glamour Shots pose in the last photo. I am saddened, however, that her snaggle tooth was not allowed to testify on Capitol Hill. Anytoof, why is she testifying anyway? Wait, can she go to prison for this? Can you go to jail for being homeless? That's a great idea actually. That way you can get off the streets and eat three times a day. Who cares about the "not having sex thing" because it's not like you getting lucky while you were curled up in a ball with your cans surrounding you in the alley. What? I'm just saying. I could totally fix the homeless problems in this world. So it's either jail or we give every homeless person a guitar to see if they can one day record an album and win a Grammy.

Richie Sambora Was Not in Rehab

Let me start out by saying that if you make a sign of some sort with IBBB on it, I'll add you to the site. Avid IBBB readers and Bon Jovi worshipers, Janine and Kelly, went on down to see Bon Jovi perform at The Today Show the other morning and sent me these pictures. Please note that these girls camped out the night before since they are such huge Bon Jovi fans. Please also note that their sign has a huge "ImBringingBloggingBack" on it, while "Bon Jovi" is tiny in the corner. I'm bigger than a rockstar. Yeah, I said it. Anyway, so these pictures are a little hard to see, but that's what makes it fun. It's almost like "Where's Waldo," but Bon Jovi style. So let's play, "Where's Jovi?" Let me walk you through these, John Bon Jovi is in red and Richie Sambora is in black. You can even see Meredith and Matt too. It was a real win-win for Janine and Kelly.

So, apparently Matt Lauer asked Richie Sambora about his crappy year and how rehab was. Richie stated that he wasn't in rehab, but "detox" instead. Really? I kinda feel like rehab seems a little easier then detox. Maybe that's just me. I'll be testing them both out, so I'll let you know.

Thanks again to Janine and Kelly for representing IBBB and sending the photos. You two get nothing in return. Good day.

...In Other News...

Christina Aguierjeljasdjasla was showing off her "snow-white" cameltoe while performing in Tokyo during her world tour. Clearly, she doesn't need backup singers has her "gentleman greeter" can sing as well. I think "singing cameltoe" is really a first for all of cameltoe-kind.

As a side note, sorry for my lack of posts today. I had friends staying with me in NYC for 2 days and, what can I say, they like to drink which makes me drink, which makes me sleep late, which makes me hungover. In other news...

~ Katie Holmes In a Bathing Suit ~ DSF
~ Kenny Rogers "Through the Years" ~ CelebritySmack
~ Is Christina With Child or Not? ~ AgentBedHead
~ Jack Osbourne Made Paris Hilton a Woman...Again ~ NinjaDude
~ Katie Couric Wants Out? ~ PopBytes
~ Suri Everywhere ~ POTP
~ Lindsay Hearts More Rehab ~ ASL

Harriet Carter T-Shirts Palooza!!

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! The weather is getting warmer so it's time to start wearing some t-shirts, some stylish t-shirts and Harriet Carter certainly has you covered with hysterical (not funny) t-shirts. It's always a challenge to try to choose funnier products each week so I thought about it and figured, let's go back to basics. The Harriet Carter empire was built on t-shirts so let's check some out....

Product # 1 - Are you a hair stylist? Are you also white-trash? Do you want to let the world know just how ridiculous you really are? Well now you can with this t-shirt that says, "I'm a hairstylist. I could tell you stories that would curl your hair!" Really? Why? Are you part of the mafia? What stories are you hearing while you're cutting hair? Are people admitting to major crimes that they've committed? Do you think anyone will trust you once they see your t-shirt? Do people still curl their hair? A more important question, do people really buy this t-shirt? Oh, and are those pills on the t-shirt too? Are you a hairstylist or a pharmacist? Make up your mind. Are you cutting hair or prescribing medicine? You're confusing me.

Product # 2 - Here's one for the guys. This t-shirt says, "Rule No. 1: You Can Never Have Too Many Tools." Ok. Thanks. Thanks for that. Do you really need to number the rule? There can't be more rules for the tools than that one, right? What's rule #2? Rule 2: Use Tools. Rule 3: Please Like Tools. Rule 4: Tools are Cool, Always. Rule 5: Kill Yourself. No really, if you're wearing this one, just end it. I mean, what are you really living for anyway? You have a t-shirt on that shouts to the world that you love tools. It doesn't get any better than that. At the same time, it doesn't get that much worse than that either. Hopefully, if you take care of that t-shirt you could probably be buried in it. Actually, you should be buried in it.

Product # 3 - Are the dirt marks on your face and jogging pants that you're wearing not really getting the message across that you're poor? Well you don't have to make people guess anymore, just have them read this t-shirt. It says, "So Broke I Can't Even Pay Attention!" Now do you see what they did there? That's called a "play on words." You see, this person doesn't have any money so what they're trying to say is that they can't even "pay attention." What's funny about that is that there's no way to "pay attention" or "pay for attention." That's the joke. Get it? Hysterical right? I have a feeling that in some 3rd world country there are millions of kids wearing these t-shirts. Well, either wearing these t-shirts or making them. Regardless, these t-shirts are HUGE over in Tajikistan and you know it!

Product # 4 - Finally, now there's an easy way to let your future mate know what a complete douche bag you really are. This t-shirt says, "My Ex Called Me for Directions. I Told Him Where to Go." Oh you're tricky! However, why would your "ex" be calling you for directions? Who calls their "ex" for directions? Is there nobody else you would call for directions before you call your "ex?" Do people even call for directions? I think most people use Google Maps or Mapquest. Maybe the t-shirt should say, "My Ex Used Google Maps for Directions. I Told Him Nothing Because He Didn't Call Me For Those Directions Because He Used Google Maps." Oh wait, that's not funny either. Hmm, tough one. As a sidenote, I bet this person is your "ex" because you wear t-shirts like that.

Well that concludes another week of Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday. This week, t-shirts. Next week, pillows? You never know.

Fergie Wears My Nana's Pants to TRL

I think my Nana has been through a lot. People always seem to steal her stuff and she doesn't deserve to get robbed, unless it's her grandkids that are robbing her. Well, Fergie ain't none no grandkid of my Nana! Fergie was in NYC yesterday to appear on TRL or "Total Request Live" as no one calls it and sing a little song. Now don't think that I wasn't trying to hunt down Fergie when I heard she was in the city. I looked everywhere; my desk, the street, at an ATM. She wasn't in any of those places so I gave up. If I saw her I planned on slapping her ass and running. What? That's not weird. Don't judge. That would be my 15 minutes of fame. Anyway, back to Fergie robbing my Nana. She totally stole my Nana's pants and she may have had a stoke too because her pants are up past he waist and creeping towards her boobs or "Fergies" as I like to call them. Bonus points for "jean suspenders." Extra bonus points for her facial expression in the last picture. That definitely is Fergilicious.

Am I Wrong? Well, Am I?

It's time for another installment of Am I Wrong?. You know you love it.

• I don't like the song "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole. So when I'm walking down the street on my way to work and you're playing it on your flute and then give me a dirty look when I won't tip you for it, don't be surprised. If you're unlucky enough to be homeless, yet lucky enough to own a flute, learn a new song. Perhaps something by "The Shakira?" Am I wrong?


• If you're walking around the streets of New York with your camera around your neck, plastic map in your hand, and socks crammed into your sandals, please save the muggers the time and just hand them your money. Don't make them try to trick you, just hand it over. Actually, while you're at it, be nice enough to provide them with your mother's maiden name and the last 3 digits of your social security number. Am I wrong?


• Enough about Global Warming. I'm fine with it, really. So it gets a little warmer. As long as there's a nice breeze I think it actually sounds kinda nice. Ok, so the lakes and rivers dry up. You know what, this won't effect my life though right? It could effect my kids lives or their kids lives. That's not my problem. My parents and grandparents didn't do anything to slow down the hole in the ozone layer and that seems to have fixed itself. I'm sure Global Warming will go away once El Nino comes back. I have no clue. Am I wrong?


• Who's on CraigsList? Let me tell ya, trying to sell your car on CraigsList really brings out the crazies. No I won't "trade" you my 1998 Acura for your 1997 Honda Civic. Are you kidding? Oh, and "no" I won't let you have the car for only $3,000 because that's all you have saved. Did you not notice I was asking $7,000 for it? No deal. And this isn't The Price is Right. Just because you "name the price" doesn't mean you get to have it for that price. Buy a bike instead. It's cheaper and with your left over money, buy crack. Am I wrong?


• Stop tipping yourself. When I buy my coffee for $2.75 and hand you $3.00, don't take that change and toss it in your tip cup as opposed to giving my my change. Sure, I would have probably given you that anyway, but now that you seem to assume I would have given you that change I want you to dig your grubby little hands into your "tip cup" and give me back my 25 cents. You get nothing for being cocky. Am I wrong?


• Why does every convenience store or drug store seem to have some type of "discount card" that they always ask me if I have it when I'm about to pay for my stuff. "Do you have a discount card?" I answer "no." They reply, "Oh, would you like to open one?" I say "no thanks" and then the conversation ends. Why do I need a special card for this? Just give me the 4 cents I would save on my toilet paper and send me on my merry way. You know what? Next time I'm about to pay I'm going to ask them, "Do you have a 'more money' card because if you do I'll give you more than the total." I think these register workers are just on a power trip. Am I wrong?

Olsen Ass! Get Your Olsen Ass!

Olsen Ass! Get Your Free Olsen Ass! Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen was out and about with her "I Dream of Jeanie" pants on when someone from the paparazzi snapped a photo of her Olsen ass. Now, you must look closely and jump to your own conclusions. Some say Olsen ass, while others are debating it's actually just another Olsen living in her pants. Personally, I think it's the 4th Olsen, "Shecky Olsen." Clearly, "21" means "see-through pants" for some people. Anyway, I tossed in the other picture too since you can tell that she isn't wearing a bra. Skank. She's basically showing off her little-boy breasts. Nobody likes a bragger Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen. Nobody. No wonder why Papooli died. He did it to get away from you!

Britain's Got Talent and Teeth!

So everyone is talking about the winner of Britain's Got Talent. While most are talking about his talent, let's take a minute to talk about his teeth. What is it about televised talent competitions that makes people want to get new teeth once the competition is over? I'd like to call it the "Yamin Effect." If you recall (bonus points for using the word 'recall') Elliot Yamin got himself a new set of teef after American Idol was over and now Paul Potts, winner of Britain's Got Talent, is using some of his prize money to order him some new teef too! I say brilliant. Forget about investing the money or donating. Just go teeth, all the way. It does make me sad, though, that Jewel was never on a reality talent show. She could have gotten herself at least a few teef. Or even one toof just to replace the snaggle toof. It's sad really, sad.

Anyway, Pauly Pottsy isn't letting this fame go to his head. Paul states, "But whatever happens, I'm still an ordinary bloke. I am no better than other people - I just happen to have a different talent."

Yeah, that's nice. However, Paul, let me clear a little something up for you. You ARE better than other people. And "why" you ask? Because you are now famous and have money. That immediately makes you better than other people. Just look at Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx. She's only better than us because she has money and is famous. Hell, if I ever bust out of this blog and become rich and famous I'm definitely going to be better than other people, for sure. Now don't worry, I'll still stop by this site to poke fun and make sure people know I'm better. What? Did I cross the line? Ok fine. Anyway...until then, I'll follow my new motto, "Just go teeth, all the way!"

Who Said That!?!

...In Other News...

While at the Heart Bar at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Pam gives it her best shot to pass her hepatitis back to Tommy Lee. In other news...

~ Amanda Beard Signs Playboy ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ How Many Kids Does Angelina Want?! ~ CelebritySmack
~ Kritsy Swanson Arrested for Beat-Down ~ DListed
~ Halle Berry Hates Her Tattooed Ass ~ AgentBedHead
~ Tony Soprano is Dead? ~ NinjaDude
~ Who Wants a Dirty Paris Hilton Cake! ~ PopBytes
~ Jessica Simpson: Professional Stalker ~ FatBack
~ Kathy Griffin Almost Victim of a Drive-By ~ Yeeeah
~ Beyonce on a Yacht ~ POTP
~ Rod Stewart Married, 99 ~ SocialLiteLife

Tom, Katie, and Crew Still Dress Like A-Holes at Every Sporting Event They Go To

The Cruise-Beckham's were out in full force to show a little support (and a 'man-crush' for Tom) for David Beckham and Real Madrid vs. Mallorca. Are the three characters seen above for f'n real? I don't care how much money you have, why are you wearing that to any type of sporting event. Ever been to the bleachers in Fenway, Poshtoria? Yeah, you'd be thrown into the field with your kid still stuck to you. Sadly, Katie looks the most normal, but it's doubtful she has any clue where she is or what she is doing. She almost seemed puzzled with the "clapping motion." Next up is Poshtoria. I'm sure every little kid wants there mommy to be showing up to daddy's soccer game with her boobs hanging out. And finally, we have saved the best for last. Yes, Tom is wearing what looks like a possible 3 to 4 piece suit to a soccer game. Suit to a soccer game. Suit. Soccer game. Suit. Soccer. I mean he does have a point. How in the hell are you supposed to down some beers and hot dogs if you don't have your cuff links securely fastened to your bright purple-pressed shirt. And there's absolutely no way in hell you fully enjoy yourself if you're not wearing your 5 button suit vest buttoned all the way up. Clearly, they all blend in.
Who Shot This Crew!?!

Jessica Simpson Shows Her Cans

Jessica Simpson seems to be back to her old self again, and by "old self" I mean showing off her boobs. It seems like not long ago I was philosophising whether or not Ashlee was hotter than Jessica. At the time, Ashlee was clearly in the lead, but now I don't know. I mean, Jessica isn't singing or acting right now, but she seems to be looking better. Actually, she looks the best she has looked in months. Hmm maybe she should sing or act and just wear tight t-shirts. That seems to be working for her. Anyway, Jessica was all smiles (and boobs) this weekend while she got a little Italian food in Hollywood at Angolo Divino (??). Hopefully not too much though, we still need her skinny in order to be successful. What? I'm just saying...that's what I hear.

Who Shot That Rack!?!

Getting to Know YOU, Again

Back by popular demand is Getting to Know YOU, a new little segment that takes some of the best phrases and/or questions that people type into Google and somehow arrive at ImBringingBloggingBack. Here's some of my favorites from the past week:

• Rihanna's forehead (see what I've started!?)
• Harriet Carter model (poor "failure model chick")
• Jessica Simpson on a horse (huh?)
• Nursing home slut (Nana?)
• Paris gave Cher's son herpes (ouch)
• Hot bitches and beer (clearly I have a classy audience)
• What culture is Cami on Laguna Beach (huh? what culture? what does that even mean?)
• Nosy is a disease, get well soon bitch tshirt (Harriet must sell this)
• How do I find Jessica from Laguna Beach (uh, should I report this to the police?)
• Sluts of Mexico (why the hell not)
• Eat your honey thongs (sure)
• Is Ali Lohan Jojo? (yes, it's like that episode of The Brady Bunch when Peter played two roles)
• Steve Sanders and Heidi (brilliant!)

An interesting "learning of the week" is that over 500 people got to ImBringingBloggingBack by typing in their favorite celebrity with the word "cameltoe" after it. Brilliant, yet scary.

Celebrity Father's Day

Sure Father's Day was yesterday, but that doesn't mean that you can't continue the celebration throughout today as well...or ever all year round. A mysterious person sent me this YouTube clip and, while I usually get sent crap all the time, this once was actually pretty funny. Ever want to find out what will happen to little Sean Preston Spears in about 20 years? How about Suri Cruise? Shiloh Jolie-Pitt? Well you're in luck because thanks to some secret "look into the future" technology now you can! As a side note, if at some point this clip stops working don't blame me. In fact, don't even tell me. Good day.

...In Other News...

Poshtoria was blending into Central Park and talking with Matt Lauer from The Today Show. I wonder what it is that they were talking about? This got me to thinking, what is it that Poshtoria actually does? I know she's always at the airport and I know that she has made a career out of not smiling, but other than that I'm stumped. In other news...

~ Lindsay Lohan Hearts the Gym at Rehab ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Apparently Sean Stewart Exists ~ CelebritySmack
~ Heidi from The Hills Clearly Wasted Her Money ~ EvilBeet
~ God Bless Jessica Alba ~ AgentBedHead
~ Brooke Hogan is a Street Walker ~ NinjaDude
~ Barbara Walters Gets Her Star (Not Jones) ~ PopBytes
~ Making The Band is Back. Boom Boom Cat. ~ POTP

Katie Gets Tom's Haircut

Now did Katie get Tom's haircut or did Tom get Katie's haircut? It's a tough one. It's like what came first, the chicken or the egg? Tom and Katie left their bratty kid at home and had a nice dinner quiet dinner at Cut restaurant in Beverly Hills the other night. As a side note, when did Katie turn 42? Isn't she like 26 or something? What a waste. She could be out every night of the week having the paparazzi take pictures of her "lady business" or she could be taking part in the latest trend, "prison sentence." Oh wait, she kinda is serving a sentence right now. Eh, she'll learn.

Britney Spears Has My Sisters Old Dolls Hair

My friends over at SplashNews caught up with Britney Spears yesterday and snapped some really good pictures of the animal that seems to always be sitting on top of her head. I'd assume if you were rich you could afford to have a nice wig or "weave" as the kids say these days. No joke it looks like what used to happen to my sisters dolls when she was little. She would take her dolls hair, wet it, comb it, and then add a good can and a half of hairspray all over it. The end result? Yeah, it looks like Britney's hair. Teased and AquaNet'd up!

In other Britney Spears news, Britney's website, http://www.britneyspears.com/, is asking you to help name her upcoming album. Some examples that they give are:

• OMG Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like
• What if the Joke is On You
• Down Boy
• Integrity
• Dignity

No really, that's what it says. I would name it "Airborne Gonorrhea." Catchy, right?

Who Shot That Dolls Hair!?!

Nicole Richie With Child?

Everyone seems to be a buzz about Nicole Richie possibly being pregnant. The best part is reading some of the forums where they show a picture of Nicole Richie, like the one above, and then people comment and say, "Yeah she does look like she's gained some weight." Really, you think? Yeah she looks like a total fat-ass. So, two things. (1) If she is pregnant, is it possible that her fetus already weighs more than her? (2) I may not be a doctor, even though I am, but I heard a rumor that girls have to be over a certain weight before they can even get their period. No?
Who Shot That!?!

The Olsen Sluts Are Now 21

The Olsen Sluts (formal name) have officially turned 21 today! It seems like just yesterday they were playing the award winning (no award won) role of Michelle Tanner in the award winning (no award won) television sitcom (not funny) Full House. Watching Michelle Tanner being to tear up when she asked Uncle Jesse if it was ok to cry after her beloved Papooli dies in the sad (funny) episode really made me think, "You know what, these chicks deserve to be billionaires." And look what happened...they became billionaires. You're welcome.

So on this momentous occasion of the Olsen Sluts turning 21 they can now legally drink and gamble. They no longer have to show a fake ID when walking into the corner store to buy scratch tickets in hopes that they will win millions. Oh wait, never mind.

Happy 21st birthday Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Tanner-Gibbler, whoever you are. I'd like to buy you your first legal shot of "shut the hell up." Cheers! I mean, Full house!

Harriet Carter and Failure Model Chick

You know what makes me feel better about global warming? Harriet Carter. Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! This week we take a look at some more useless products, begin to understand why other countries think Americans are lazy, and discover the return of "failure model chick." Let's face it, it's really a win-win this week. Let's go...

Product # 1 - Are you still looking for a swivel TV stand to hold your 1982 14 inch television and your VCR? Well after more than 2 decades the search is over thanks to Harriet Carter! The best part is that this is still being sold from the Harriet Carter crapalog. Who's buying this? I also love how there are extremely helpful arrows that allow us, the buyer, to understand exactly how this TV stand works. Oh I get it, it goes left and right. I would have had no clue. God bless the arrows! As a side note, who's watching TV that close to the floor? I mean, I could understand that it's more than convenient for the elderly who are probably buying this since they do spend countless hours passed out on the floor. I guess it just makes sense to watch a little TV while you're trapped on the floor for hours waiting for someone to help you out or eventually smell the odor coming from your rotting corpse. Let's hope the mailman, who will end up scraping you up off the floor, still likes watching The Honeymooners. Thanks Harriet for bringing the 80's back.

Product # 2 - It's time to play, "Guess The Product!" Harriet is at it again with her tricky "arrow" skills so I assume she's simply selling arrows. However I was wrong. But, if you guessed that this product is a bug zapper....you too would be wrong. This product is actually a plastic solar curtain. No really, it is. Supposedly this plastic solar curtain will keep you warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Somehow, that's what the yellow arrows are supposed to represent. Either that or it's letting you know that lightning bolts can easily enter through the curtain at either side. The description actually says that with this plastic curtain you can easily see out, but others can not see in. Really? Because with this lifelike cartoon drawing of the curtain I can't really see anything. Why the cartoon drawing? And why the "XXL?" And where the hell are some of those arrows pointing to? Why are they pointing an arrow at the lamp? Does the lamp come with it? If they throw in the lamp I may consider buying the plastic solar curtain. Oh, and are those the actual same sliding doors that were in The Brady Bunch? Wait, was cousin Oliver behind this? Thanks Harriet for helping to decorate my house in plastic. Yes plastic. I'll save some cash and just use my shower curtain. Thanks though. Whore.

Product # 3 - Do you ever wonder why 99% of the other countries think that Americans are the laziest people on earth? Well wonder no longer thanks to this extremely useful and "work-productive" product. Are you ever typing away at work and clicking the mouse and thinking, "Damn I could go for a mini game of golf right now!" I know! Me too! I'm a little different though because as I'm formatting up some spreadsheets I always feel the need to stop and kick a mini field goal or two. Seriously, what are they thinking? Are you supposed to keep your mouse pad set up with all this crap and just try to "click" around the golf club, golf balls, and flag? Really? You know what I think? I think just do your job. That's all. You're not 12 yrs old. You should be able to focus on your job and then kick field goals after work. Do you wonder why you're stuck in a dead end job with no career growth? Yeah, look down at your mouse pad.

Product # 4 - I heart "Failure Model Chick." She means well. We're all struggling at something so I always feel bad for "failure model chick." What does her portfolio look like? Do you think she was psyched or pissed when she had to model the neck car cushion? I wonder if she was all, "Sweet! I don't have to model leopard-print moo-moo's anymore!" She actually looks kinda happy to be photographed in the car. She's probably smiling because there is the possibility that her car could crash during the photo shoot and she could be done with all of it. I'm jealous too. Why does "failure model chick" get to be in the Harriet Carter Crapalog and I don't? I could model the neck car cushion almost as good as she does. Life just isn't fair. Oh, and why does one need this product? What ever happened to the good old days of just sitting in the car. Yup, that's it. Just sit there. Why are you such a princess that you need neck support? It's a car ride, not a space mission to the moon. I mean, I know it's a real struggle to sit upright while in the car, but at least you don't have to sit there like a wild animal with your neck flailing all over the place thanks to this handy neck pillow. Thanks Harriet Carter for making my car trip to the corner store much more enjoyable!

...In Other News...

Britney Spears went on a little shopping trip and either forgot to take off the price tag after she bought her shirt or perhaps she pulled a Winona Rider and tried the shirt on and just ran the hell out of the store like a bat out of hell. Regardless, Britney is wearing a Do-Rag. Yeah, it definitely give her more street cred. In other news...

~ Candy Spelling: And the Rich Get Richer ~ CelebritySmack
~ Thalia is With Child ~ DListed
~ Poshtoria Throws Like Her Husband Kicks ~ AgentBedHead
~ Uma Thurman Wears a Uni-Diaper ~ NinjaDude
~ Why Jessica Alba Will Be My Wife ~ EvilBeet
~ Brad Talks to Jen Via Star Magazine? ~ PopBytes
~ Nicole Richie with Child? ~ FatBack
~ Britney's Bum ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Paris' Agent Breaks Up With Her ~ POTP
~ Serena Williams' Ass Scares Me ~ Glunp
~ Larry Birkhead Still Around ~ SocialiteLife
~ DNA Day for Eddie Murphy! ~ GabSmash

Paris is "Hanging In There," Hopefully Not Literally.

Hollywood parents must be beaming with pride this week. First, my personal favorite, Dina Lohan visits her daughter Lindsay in rehab and now Rick and Kathy Hilton visit their daughter Paris in prison. With Father's Day just around the corner, Rick must feel like he's already received his gift. According to US Weekly Rick has said that it was "hard" visiting Paris in the slammer and that Paris is "weepy...but doing the best she can...and it hanging in there." Uh, yeah "hanging in there?" I wouldn't give Paris any ideas. Wait, or was Rick trying to tell us something? Later as the Hilton's were leaving their visit with Paris, Kathy Hilton (who kinda seems like a douche bag) was quoted as saying "It is what it is." Really Kathy? Is it? I thought it "is what it isn't" or "it was what it wasn't." That's your quote, really? I hope you used those touching words when you finally saw Paris behind the bulletproof glass. She must have felt warm all over.

Debbie Downer Moment: Who's Dead?

Two major/minor dirt naps in 1 day? Sadly, yes. First off, the world mourns the loss (I've always wanted to say that) of televisions favorite scientist, Mr. Wizard. Don Herbert, who played Mr. Wizard since the 1950's has died at the ripe old age of 89. I remember watching Mr. Wizard every Sunday morning before church. I remember being so hungry because we couldn't eat 30 minutes prior to going to church because of communion. Yeah, it used to be come crazy Catholic rule that you weren't allowed to eat 30 minutes before going to church. Random, I know. So as much as Mr. Wizard used to rule my Sunday mornings, I have bittersweet memories of him, mainly because I was starving.

Next up on the dirt nap list is Frankie from MTV's Real World: San Diego. You may remember Frankie as being the girl from the reality show who suffered from cystic fibrosis. However, most will remember Frankie not so much from the cystic fibrosis, but as the the first cast member on The Real World who was a "cutter" and from the famous quote by one of her cast members, "And that's when I realized Frankie was a cutter." While most assume that Frankie died, at 25, from her cystic fibrosis it has not yet been confirmed and her mother has said that Frankie died unexpectedly. For some crazy reason, similar to Mr. Wizard, I equate the memory of Frankie with me being hungry, but mainly because I couldn't eat when watching that season of The Real World because I always felt that it looked like Frankie needed a bath and it turned my stomach. What, I'm just saying. Don't make it seem like you didn't think the same thing. Look, I wasn't going to treat her any different just because she had a disease. She looked dirty...disease or no disease.

R.I.P You two. R.I.P. Oh, also FYI OPP PYT ASAP.

JoJo Keeps Busy Making Snow Cones

Singer JoJo or as I like to call her, J Jo, is really keeping busy making snow cones. No really, she is. J Jo was at the Nice and Icy Party at Knotts Berry Farm just the other day and was randomly making snow cones and awkwardly looking kinda like Snoopy. Look again. She could be a Snoopy impersonator, not that there's anything wrong with that. I mean, I'm a dead ringer for Captain Caveman.

Anyway, not too long ago JoJo said that she didn't think she would end up having a nervous breakdown like other child stars such as Britney Spears because, "...very close to my family and they keep me grounded and I don't think they would ever let me do that." Yeah, well if by "never let you do that" you really mean "force me to make snow cones and take pictures with Snoopy" then yes you'll be fine. I mean you're career could tank, but you totally will sidestep Promises Rehab.....unless you get addicted to snow cones, which could happen. Just ask Linus.

Who Said That!?!

A Non-White-Trash Spears

I heard this rumor that there was a possibility that someone connected directly to the Spears family was not white-trash. So, since I am an investigative reporter (and surgeon) I would do a little digging to see if this was true. After I finished practicing my flash cards, I found out that Britney's little sister, Jamie-Lynn, was at the premiere of the Nancy Drew movie in LA. This really got me to thinking, couldn't Jamie-Lynn just take over for Britney? I think that's a brilliant idea. She could 100% mimic Britney's entire career, record her same albums, do her same movie, but just make every opposite choice that Britney made and see how it turns out. This way at least we'll know if Britney ever had a fighting chance. Oh, and Jaime-Lynn should try to do every to the left...you know, just because.

Moynahan Almost Due, Brady Still Banging

Bridget Moynahan is about to bust out a kid any day now and was showing of her bowling ball Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, "A Time for Heroes" party. Nobody likes a bragger Bridget. Also, stop making Tom Brady feels so bad. I mean the guy is trying to focusing on banging his supermodel unpregnant girlfriend. You hear that? Supermodel. Unpregnant. How is he supposed to enjoy himself and focus on his kick-ass life if you're always parading around with your stomach hanging out? I think it's really selfish of you Bridget, really selfish. You better not try to ruin our Patriots season like you did last year with your pregnancy. How the hell long have you been pregnant for anyway? Oh, I meant best wishes. In other Bridget Moynahan news, there isn't any.

Who Shot That!?!

Fantasia Doesn't Do the Bobo No 'Mo!

I guess Fantasia sang at the Tony Awards the other night. I thought she was still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top American Idol on Fox's Hells Kitchen, no? Hmm, maybe I just confused my shows. Anyway, I love an adult who wears braces so I found this necessary to post. Mean? Maybe. I just feel like if you're over 21 either punch your teeth out and get dentures or use the Invisalign braces that you can't really see. If her teeth are too jacked up to use Invisalign then I say just keep doing Crystal Meth until your teeth fall out and then just jam white Chicklets into your gums. Problem solved! IBBB helps out celebrities in need each and every day.

...In Other News...

I told you it was easy to replace Jennifer Aniston! I wonder how many people asked Minnie Mouse if there was going to be a Friends reunion? Courtney Cox and Lisa Kudrow spent a little time at DisneyLand for the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage ride. Oh, and it was Coco's birthday too.

I'd also like to take this time to give a big DisneyLand shout out to "G-Luv" who's an avid IBBB reader and representing Chelmsford, MA or "Chelm-Town" as the kids call it. Thanks for all your support G-Luv, now get back to work and be a productive member of society. In other news...

~ Lindsay was a Crack Whore ~ CelebritySmack
~ MC Hammer is Still Alive ~ AgentBedHead
~ Paris Hilton Has ADD? ~ NinjaDude
~ Meryl Streep's Daughter is Meryl Streep ~ EvilBeet
~ Will Whoopie Do the View? ~ DListed
~ Reunited and it Feels So White Trash ~ FatBack
~ An Olsen Does it Alone ~ PopBytes
~ Kelly Clarkson Brutally Attacked by PhotoShop ~ POTP
~ Carmen Electra Wins a Major Award! ~ Glunp
~ Where Isn't Rihanna? ~ ASL

Saint Jennifer Lopez Loses at the Parade

Yesterday was the famous "Puerto Rican Day Parade" here in NYC yesterday and you know what that means....Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx would certainly be on a float plugging something that she was doing. J. Glow didn't disappoint and plugged her movie, "El Cantante" which just happens to be Spanish for, "I Don't Believe in Acting Classes." Although, J. Glow got trumped at the parade because Ricky Martin was named "King of the Parade" and took duties as the grand marshal very seriously which consisted of holding two flags at once and smiling. However, don't feel too bad for Saint Jennifer because she was the grand marshal last year. Lucky her.

So for those of you who don't know about the Puerto Rican Day Parade, it takes place every year and has been doing so for 50 years. The parade parades (??) up 5th Ave and is greeted by thousands and thousands of Puerto Rican onlookers and tourists. Just think the "Disney Parade," but if everyone there was Mickey Mouse.

Who Shot That Parade!?!

Paris is Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs

Did you guys know that Paris was back in the slammer? I wasn't sure if you had seen the 24 hour news coverage, magazine covers, front pages of every newspaper and the United States, radio discussions, the CNN scroll bar, and the fly-overs. Anyway, there is no doubt in my mind that once Paris gets out she'll make even more money from this. And the rich get richer. According TMZ, Paris may have dried her tears and stopped freaking out now that she's back on her meds. Apparently Paris is eating cereal and bread. Oh, and she's in the psych ward. They even allow visitors, but only two visitors are allowed on Sundays so she chose her sister Nicky and her ex-boyfriend Starvros Niarchos. See, now I would have chosen two entirely different people if I were her. Just to rub it in Lindsay Lohan's face, I would have chosen Dina Lohan. For my second choice I would have really thrown the American public for a loop and would have chosen the girl who played the original Becky on "Roseanne." What? Is that not normal?

Breaking News: Mariah Doesn't Look Like a Whore. Whores Everywhere Hang Their Head in Shame.

Wait, is Mariah trying to put me out of business? If I can't post a picture of Mariah Carey weighing too much and showing off some Carey Cameltoe, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to write? How can I be funny? I can't. It's sad. It apparently makes me write short sentences too. Really really short. Really short. Short. Anyway, Mariah was looking like Hotty McNoSkank while she attended the Fresh Air Fund Salute to American Heroes in NYC. She definitely looks good and in shape too. Hold up, maybe she's on crystal meth! Here's to hoping! I'll check her teeth 3 months from now to see if anything seems fishy. P.S, who says "fishy" anymore. Good day.

Eva Mendes Kisses Her Man-Hands

Sometimes when I'm not hunting Olsen's or stalking Jessica's (Alba, Simpson, Rabbit) I set my sites on Eva Mendes. This time, Eva was at the Cariter Charity Love Bracelet and would have been perfect to me, until she flashed the one thing that always freaks me out about Eva...her man-hands. She's actually kissing her man-hands and I think it's just to mess with me. I'm not one for politics, but I really hope they allow stem-cell research and testing to continue on because I bet they could grow new hands on mice or something using stem cells and then I could buy Eva some new hands. I know, I'm a giver.

In other Eva Mendes news, Eva is fishing for compliments by recently saying that she believes she was terrible in her debut Hollywood movie, "Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror." Eva also tells fans, "If you want to experience some truly terrible acting on my part - basically a guide to what not to do on screen - I suggest you rush out and rent Children Of The Corn V right away." Yeah, I'll take her word for it. I mean I could also watch one of her newer movies and learn the same thing, no? Easy, easy. It's her man-hands that make me say things like that. They're evil man-hands.

Who Said That!?!

Rihanna Kinda Sings, Covers Forehead

While Paris was moments away from being brought back to the slammer, Rihanna was at The Today Show in NYC "performing" a few of her songs. Ok, so I use the term "performing" loosely. I was actually there when Rihanna was "singing" and professionally took the above pictures. Brilliant, I know. Anyway, Rihanna comes out and, for some reason, sings "SOS" twice. Maybe one was a warm up? Who cares. Regardless, I was a bit surprised how good she sounded and by "good" I actually mean "exactly like the radio version." I'm not saying she was lip-syncing, but I am saying that when she put her mic down a few times her voice kept on going. When Rihanna sang "Umbrella, ella ella eh eh" it sounded a little too "good" as well. Although, when she busted out "Murderer" she absolutely was singing without a little "help." I couldn't get any pictures of her singing "Umbrella" because people at The Today Show passed out umbrellas for people to twirl while Rihanna sang. No joke, they would make you promise to twirl before they gave you an umbrella. No thanks.

It is great to see Rihanna with her bowl-cut-mullet. It really covers her forehead...or "fivehead" as my friend Dave says (thanks!).

...In Other News...

Kelly Clarkson is a retard on the cover of the Elle Magazine. As a side note, I don't believe that those are really her legs. In other news...IBBB will be off today as we are finalizing the redesign of our site. Yes, I say "we" because it makes "me" feel more important. In the meantime check out some of my blogging friends....or else! In other news...

~ Paris Heading Back to Prison? I Hope So. Whore. ~ CelebritySmack
~ Half of Bon Jovi in Rehab ~ DListed
~ Rob Lowe Kills Animals ~ AgentBedHead
~ Britney Has a Kid ~ POTP
~ Paris Hilton Has Words to Say ~ ASL
~ Nicole Richie With Child? ~ DSF

And Paris is Out of Jail

According to my close friends at TMZ (they don't know me), Paris Hilton has been released from jail early this morning after serving what seems like 12 hours in the slammer. I'm sure in this short period of time Paris has learned a lot, such as:

• How to become someones bitch
• How not to become someones bitch
• Proper hair braiding etiquette (thanks to the girls from MTV's "Juvies")
• The difference between the words "shank" and "skank"
• And finally, multiple excuses to use on why you have a black eye such as: I tripped and hit the door knob, I accidentally answered the iron, and (my favorite) dinner was a little late.

Best wishes to you Paris on your freedom. If it is true that you are writing a book, I would just make it a brochure at this point. For the latest and most update information on Paris' freedom, be sure to come to the source that always has it waiting for you. Uh, yeah not me because I'm busy. I recommend doing a Google search.

Lindsay Gets Ready for Future Crotch-Shots

Lindsay must be getting ready to bust on out of Promises of a New Day rehab. Is she sober? Off drugs? No clue. I just think Lindsay is doing her stretches in order to get ready for some near future crotch shots. Have we seen a sober Lindsay No Pants get out of a limo or off a boat while flashing her "gentleman greeter" to the paparazzi? Doubtful. However, it is important that she does these exercises in order to put her best "foot" forward once it's time to swing by Hyde again. As a side note, somewhere in the world right now Dina Lohan is in the same position...but for an entirely different reason.

Who Shot That Stretch!?

Tyra Claus is Coming to Town

Next to the Olsen sluts, who I'm still searching for, Tyra Banks would make it onto my "Stalk You 'Til I Find You" list, but she is allll the way in LA and I'm waaaay over here in NYC. Well, my luck may be changing because Tyra Claus is coming to town and she's coming to town for good. Tyra Banks is moving her show (surprisingly called, "The Tyra Banks Show") to New York starting at the end of this summer. When asked about what this means for her shows (including America's Next Top Model) she said:

"I'm thrilled to be moving to New York. After spending some time in the city this past Spring, I knew the energy and rhythm of the city would be great for the show. I feel connected and completely at home. Moving the talk show to New York provides a great opportunity to meet all kinds of people and keep sharing the message of empowerment with everyone everywhere."

I think what Tyra really meant was, "Tyra Tyra Tyra, New York, Tyra Tyra, America's Next Top Model. Oh Girl. Tyra Tyra Tyra Tyra. The Tyra Banks Show. Tyra Tyra. P.S, Tyra."

Yeah, I think she means there are way more crazies here in NYC than in LA. Now don't get me wrong there are crazies in LA, but just a different type of crazy. LA has more of the "eccentric" crazy, while NYC has more of the "crazy" crazy.

Special thanks go to Lauren out in LA who gave me a heads up on this story. Thanks Lauren and congratulations...you're still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Stalker.

Who Said That!?!

Why are Lauren and Heidi Fighting?

What in the hell are these two ungrateful bitches fighting about now? Do they know they're real? Meaning..they're actually human and not cartoons. According to US Weekly, Lauren and Heidi are already back to fighting up a storm again while they are taping their carefully scripted and overly rehearsed reality show, "The Hills." Allegedly, Heidi is looking for more airtime in order to help promote her new album (which is already at the bottom of the sale bin even though it hasn't been released yet). How does Heidi get more airtime? Well, she keeps on crashing in on Lauren's scenes. When Heidi showed up Lauren yelled at her and said she was pathetic and that she doesn't want to deal with her.

Let me settle this. You're both pathetic. Do you know how good you have it right now? You are both famous for doing nothing. That's my dream. Now stop being complete douche bags and cash in while you can because it is all going to be so very very soon. Best wishes bitches.

...In Other News...

Jessica Alba, who I sweat, was all over NYC today plugging her new movie and I hunted for her EVERYWHERE. Jessica Alba ended her day at TRL and I was hot on her trail, but was unsuccessful in finding her. Wanna know who I did find? Kathy Griffin. True story. I ran into her on the quiet streets of NYC. How you go looking for Jessica Alba, but then see Kathy Griffin is what I like to call "karma" in my life. Seriously, MY life is the d-list. In other news...

~ Joe Francis Hearts Jail ~ SocialLiteLife
~ Joan Rivers Through the Years ~ CelebritySmack
~ Old School Lohan. Hardly High. ~ NinjaDude
~ Mike Tyson Gets Work...Somewhere ~ AgentBedHead
~ Paris Gets to Second Base in Jail ~ POTP
~ Christina Aguilerjewkrf Hearts Hawaii ~ GabSmash
~ More Hilton's in Waiting ~ EvilBeet

Justin Timberlake Signs YouTuber

Justin Timberlake, or "JT" as the kids call him has signed a random chick who sings on YouTube to his new record label. The 18 year old girl, Esmee Denters, has covered songs by Beyonce, Alanis, and Alicia Keys which got over 21 million views on her YouTube page. Timberlake has said, "In completely unpredicted news to all YouTubers and bloggers, we are proud to announce Esmee Denters has signed to Tennman Records and she will be joining me on tour this summer. Esmee is the real deal and I cannot wait for the world to hear her, but all of her fans on YouTube should not worry - we will keep you in the loop every step of the way."

Good for her. Ok, so that brings me to my next point or my first point, I've lost track. So people who sing and/or have videos on YouTube and/or blog can be "discovered?" Hmm, you hear that "The Soup," "Family Guy," and "Best Week Ever." I'm right here. Waiting. Writing and Waiting. And Writing. And Waiting. And Waiting. Waiting. Let me know. Talk to you soon.

Victoria Beckham Sprouts a Penis

At the Glamour Woman of the Year Awards (huh?), Poshtoria shows off her new little penis. Come on now Poshtoria, nobody likes a bragger. Seriously? You're a mother. Where are you pants, or at least an apron that covers your man-penis? Yes, man-penis. Sometimes I need to clarify because if I don't you could think I meant dog-penis and Poshtoria does not have one of those. Anyway, back to this random award show. Poshtoria was named "Woman of the Year" and "Entrepreneur of the Year." What an honor. So what was her speech you ask? Brilliance. Here it goes (please insert horrific British accent while reading):

"I don't feel the need to be famous anymore, but fame has given me the tools to do what I really love. Whether it's perfume, sunglasses, jeans - I enjoy all of them."

Wait, huh? What does that even mean? Oh, and by "tools" you mean "boobs and a penis" right?

Who Said That!?!

Harriet Carter, Oh, and Harriet Carter

Did you know it's Harriet Carter Wednesday? Well, it is. So Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday. It is officially month 8 of my "I'm trying to get into the Harriet Carter crapalog" and I still have no success to report. Maybe it's because I call it a "crapalog?" Regardless. I will keep trying. Let's take a look into the kick-arse products that Harriet is selling this week.

Product # 1 - Are you running out of ways to humiliate your elderly Nana? I know I am. There's only so much you can do with trip-wire at the top of the stairs and butter on the railing. Luckily, Harriet presents to you the "tray for your walker." Now make sure you load up Nana's walker with juice filled to the very top and a nice plate of burning hot food. As soon as Nana takes her very first step...SURPRISE!!! Spilled crap everywhere! Nana will be simply laughing for minutes before she realizes that she needs immediate medical attention from the 3rd degree burns. Seriously? How would this possibly work? I mean, most walkers have tennis balls on the legs of the walker so you know Nana is in high-danger with this contraption. Oh, and as a side note, in the picture it looks like lots of stereotypical "old people" food like peas, carrots, and a dry piece of chicken. However, the best part is that there's a glass of orange juice next to it. Really? Orange juice? That's a gross mix especially when the orange juice tips over into the peas and carrots. Thanks Harriet for keeping the elderly thin.

Product # 2 - Are you looking for a real classy gift for that special someone? Well how about this very sophisticated money tree. Yes, money tree. Here's the concept. Let me walk you through it. You take "money" and put it on the "tree." You still with me? Now here's where it gets tricky. What makes this already classy gift even classier is that you then take the money and transform the "boring rectangular shape" into a "bow-tie" shape. See how classy? Right. No joke, if anyone ever got me that I would throw it out, with the "bow-tie" money in it. I mean how much is there? $20.00? Wow, thanks. You might as well save your money on this "tree" and take it and place it into a brown paper bag...with crap...and then set it on fire. What, is that just me? Fine, I'll take the money, but you can keep the metal tree part.

Product # 3 - At first glance you're probably thinking, "so what's the big deal with a glass doll case?" Yeah, that was my thought at first too. Take a second look. What in the name of all holy hell is wrong with that doll? Why the hell are her eyes missing? Why is her face literally painted with whiteout? She looks like "The Cutter" from Nip/Tuck (bonus points if anyone remembers who that is). That doll doesn't need a glass case. She needs to be locked up behind bars. Oh, she also needs an exorcism. Why are her arms so long? Wow, every time I look at it, it frightens me in a new way. However, I do think this provides a good message to all little girls. It really says, "all little ugly albino girls belong in a cage-like contraption."

Product # 4 - Why? No really, why? Why would you ever need a lamp that mists? Wait, maybe this is marketed towards witches and wizards. Do they exist? I bet that mist stinks. You know how sometimes when you're in a haunted house (come on, you know you've been) and there's a lot of dry-ice it totally smells. Now the description says that is gives off a pleasant scent, but because it's said this it makes me think they're just trying to cover up how bad it really smells. What the hell does the rest of the house look like if you have misting lamps set up? I know Harriet has these in her basement where she locks up little kids and then diddles. What? I ran out of stuff to say. Good day.

...In Other News...

An Olsen, doesn't matter which one, was at the CFDA Fashion Awards in New York yesterday. Damn it I was so close, yet so far away. I will continue my hunt in NYC for an Olsen skank. Mary-Michelle-Kate-Ashley-Tanner-Gibbler-Olsen decided to give up her "I only wear black" mindset and switched over to white. All white. Hmmm, a little too white. Almost like she's just missing the pointy hood and her KKK uniform will be complete. Yeah, real nice "Olsen." You probably wish we lived in a world where everything was white. Racist. In other news...

~ More Britney Bum ~ CelebritySmack
~ Paris More Life Like Than Ever ~ DListed
~ Kim Kardashian's Bum ~ AgentBedHead
~ Brooke Burke Had a Kid? ~ NinjaDude
~ Megan Fox Saves the MTV Movie Awards ~ FatBack
~ Rose McGowan Loves the AirBrush ~ PopBytes
~ Eva Longoria's Bowl-Cut-Mullet? ~ POTP
~ Brooke Hogan is Still Relevant ~ DrunkenStepFather

Saint Jennifer Lopez Becomes Asian?

Wow, I think it's been a good week or two since I poked a little fun at Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx. So, it's time. I just came across these ads of J. Glow for Louis Vuitton. The could be old, they could be new, they could be fake. Regardless I think it's important to note that Saint Jennifer is more than just a triple threat. J. Glow has conquered the world of music. She's conquered the world of dance. She's conquered the world of acting. She's conquered the world of reality television. She's conquered the world of fashion design. She's conquered the world of modeling. And now, she's even conquered her own race and has moved on to another race to conquer...Asian. Seriously, she looks Asian in these photos...not that there's anything wrong with that, just an observation. Would it be crossing the line if I started calling her "J. Grow" instead of J. Glow? Say it out loud, you'll know what I mean. See you in hell!

Who Shot J. Grow!?!

One Half of Danity Kane is Too Much

What happens when Diddy hosts the Sean John CFDA after party at Marquee in NYC? He gets a piss-poor turn out of celebrity guests. Less than half of his all girl group, Danity Kane, (that was supposed to be an international powerhouse, what happened?) showed up. That would be Aubrey O'Day and "the other chick." I think I finally know what "Danity Kane" is supposed to mean. White-trash-street-walking-stripper-drag-queens. Bonus points for me using over 5 hyphens. Seriously? do these chicks think that looks good. I mean, at one point they both had to be in the mirror and thinking, "Ok, perfect. Ready to go." So who else showed up for this after party free-for-all? A-List guests included, "the miss universe chick from the United States who recently fell on stage," "the girl who won America's Next Top Model two seasons ago," and "the girl who actually won the Miss Universe contest." I don't find it necessary to actually find out any of their names.

Vanessa Minnillo Gets Interesting

So I decided to not post these pictures of the past few days because, let's face it, seeing Lindsay Lohan doing something crazy is kinda like seeing the Pope bless somebody. It just isn't a big deal anymore. However, then fast forward a day or two and it has been confirmed that the other chick in the knife photo is Vanessa Minnillo. Well, that gets a blog post because Vanessa Minnillo has finally done something interesting. No joke, clearly her talent is in her knifing skills. I just don't think that these two are motivated enough to follow through. That's it, there's just no follow through with kids today. I personally also like how she's almost getting burnt with a cigarette. You two are officially burning in hell for being drunk whores.

Who Knifed That!?!

...In Other News...

IBBB presents to you: Old Lady Boobs! Sophia Loren was at the Italian-Australian Film Festival, which apparently exists. She's looking good for 72. If you were to combine Lindsay Lohan and Dina Lohan, and assumed they stayed alive long enough, they could look like Sophia. What? I'm just saying. In other news...

~ Paris Gets Dropped Before Prison ~ CelebritySmack
~ Lindsay Plays With Knives. Ok. ~ DListed
~ A Famous Spanish Cat Fight! ~ AgentBedHead
~ Maria Sharapova Shows a Little ~ NinjaDude
~ Eva Longoria Vogue's ~ Yeeeah
~ Blogging at the MTV Movie Awards via PopBytes ~ PopBytes
~ Jack Black Helps People ~ GabSmash
~ Almost a Baby Borat ~ POTP
~ Michelle Trachtenberg is Devil-Like ~ Glunp
~ Sarah Silverman at MTV Movie Awards ~ EvilBeet

Paris Goes to Jail

Well it's official. Paris Hilton is some officially fighting off bitches in prison. Paris, her mom, and her lifeless sister, Nicky, got together and took Paris to jail to turn herself in and start her 23 day sentence. This comes just hours after Paris was at the MTV Movie Awards, which by the way besides the opening with Sara Silverman was horrible. I think Paris sitting through that entire award show was punishment enough. Halfway through I was thinking, why do I care who wins these categories? What do these categories even mean? My God, I'm 65 years old. Anyway, back to Paris. Paris was interviewed during the pre-show by SuChin Pak, awkwardly, and Paris talked about being scared to go to the slammer, but was ready to do her time and wants others to look at her situation and make better decisions in their lives. That's hot.

Enjoy prison Paris. Become a woman or perhaps even a mother while you're there. We'll miss you these next 22 remaining days and look forward to seeing your wonky eye back on television and your bad acting back on the silver screen soon.

See the Video Here

Getting to Know YOU

I always seem to get questions emailed to me wanting to know more about me and my life, etc. I try to answer as many of your emails as I can, but spending your days hunting the streets of NYC for the Olsen skanks his basically a full-time job. So now I'm turning the tables with a new little segment called, "Getting to Know YOU." Notice how the "you" is in all caps? Yeah, that's how I roll. So what is "Getting to Know You" you ask? Good question. Through the magic of websites I can tell how every visitor has arrived to my site. While most visitors are just typing ImBringingBloggingBack into their browser, many arrive from other websites and then there is my most favorite visitor; the visitor who arrives to IBBB via a search engine (Google, Yahoo!, etc). So what words are they typing in to randomly arrive here? Well let's take a look. Oh, please note these are legit things that people have typed in over the past month to get here. No joke, yet it is funny:

• Natasha mail order bride, America's Next Top Model
• Have Elizabeth Hasselbeck's boobs gotten bigger?
• Celebrity Cameltoe
• Lindsay Lohan farts
• How to catch hepatitis
• I love Misty 120's
• Is Fergie white?
• Cathy Santone
• Carpet match the drapes
• Oprah wears a chain belt
• Cami's boobs
• What does Judge Judy think of Rosie O'Donnell
• The hell with it, get divorced
• Tractor suspenders
• Inflatable pelican
• Bozo hula hoop
• Excuses for a black eye
• Charo as a frog
• Wearing a hat at a AA meeting

....and finally, my personal favorite for the week:

• Is it good to vomit?

Wow there are some sick people out there, me being one of them. Don't believe me about any of the above? Search Google and see for yourself. Brilliant. Sick bastards.

The Prison Bitches Are WAITING for Paris. Best of Luck.

Paris, pictured above, is still doing her last minute workouts before she plays the jail game.

Some of Paris Hilton's new prison buddies are already pissed at her and they haven't even "met" her yet. A classy prisoner who was just released from where Paris will be camping for the next 23 days has told the press that the prisoners are already angry at Paris because they feel that the officials there are making room for her at the expense of the other prisoners that are already too crowded. This ex-prisoner, Susannah Johnson has given Paris some great advice such as, "The only advice I could give her when she comes is to shut her mouth and do the time." Clearly she doesn't know her at all. Paris NEVER keeps her mouth shut. Ohhhh! Stop me if you heard this one before!

Who Said That!?!

Meet Britney Spears' Ass!

Good morning and welcome to Britney's ass. Please be polite and introduce yourself. Britney and her Siamese twin/cousin, Allie, spent a little rest and relaxation at the beach this past weekend. And, let's face it, it really is well deserved rest and relaxation. I mean after having to constantly tan and lip-sync, sometime you really just need some down time.

In other Britney Spears related news, it is being reported in some random country, that I'm not even sure is on the map, that Britney will be writing a $10 million tell-all book about her life to date. According to this article, Britney will talk about how breaking up with Justin Timberlake caused her to turn to drinking and drugs (great, just more crap to feed his ego), how KFed almost drove her to suicide (really? Maybe she was still on "the drugs"), and will even call her mom, Lynn Spears, a "stage mom from hell." Sweet, this sounds like a great book. Now if only she would confess that she was molested by Mickey Mouse while on The Mickey Mouse Club, I would consider buying it. Oh and by "buying it" I really mean "not buying it."

Who Said That!?! and Who Shot That Ass!?!

Lauren Hastings Talks Lindsay Lohan

Click Here to Watch

Lindsay Lohan's "sorta" friend/model Lauren Hastings has decided to put the feud between her and Lindsay aside, for the time being, and wish her "the best of luck" about 15 different times. Awkwardly. 15 different times. My blogging buddy, Bree @ Buzznet, wanted to share this video with all since Lauren Hasting stopped by Buzznet to film it.
Find out what else Lauren had to say about the drug scene in LA and the pressures to be the "it" girl of the moment. Oh, and she wishes Lindsay the best of luck. Did I mention that?

Check Out the Rest at BuzzNet

Why A-Rod Sucks and Boston Rules

So you know it will take a lot for me to blog on the weekend. Typically, I never do it, unless there is just cause. Well, there is just cause. By this point you know of my love for the Red Sox and my "less than love" for the Yankees and A-Fraud. Sure last night the Yankees kicked our asses, but who cares? The Yankees are still 12.5 games behind us. It was everything BUT the game that was interesting. First off, I'd like to applaud the Boston fans for buying AND wearing masks that looked like blond chicks in honor of the recent A-Fraud scandal with the blond stripper. Seriously? Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I also loved when A-Fraud tried catch a pop up and, what seemed like the entire park, yelled "I got it, I got it, I got it" just like A-Fraud did against the Blue Jays the other night. I love his tee-ball antics. To top things off Joe Torre got the boot and is no longer in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model. It's times like this that make me even more homesick than ever. However, I will be braving the streets of NYC today to watch the Red Sox/Yankees game at, what I hear, is considered a Red Sox bar. If you don't hear from me on Monday it means I never made it out of the bar.

...In Other News...

Wanna see Heidi's boobs from "The Hills?" No you say? Well if Playboy has anything to do with it, you'll totally see her boobs. Heidi has been offered $1 million to show a little rack-attack. Well her boyfriend, Steve Sanders, is spreading this rumor to anyone and everyone who will listen. Really? $1 million? If Heidi could promise Playboy that she will show up with an entirely new head, I think it will be worth the $1 million. As a side note, Lauren Conrad's younger sister, Breanna, was offered $14.95 to be on the cover of "The Weekly Reader." In other news..

~ Lauren Conrad is a Lohan Replacement, Minus the Freckles ~ DListed
~ Jessica Biel's White Trash, No Really ~ DrunkenStepFather
~ Jodie Foster's Nylon Bum ~ NinjaDude
~ A-Fraud and Wife Spotted in Boston. Haha Good Luck There Buddy ~ CelebritySmack
~ Christina to Strip it Up? ~ AgentBedHead
~ What is a Nicky Hilton, Really? ~ Yeeeah
~ Enrique Can't Sleep. Ok. ~ POTP
~ Rhianna Thinks Crack is Wack ~ Glunp
~ Justin Guarini is Still Alive ~ EvilBeet

Jessica Simpson, a Millionaire, Wears a Jogging Suit

Jessica Simpson was stopping for a quick bite to eat the other day in LA when, surprisingly, the paparazzi were following her. Now don't get me wrong, I still think that Jessica Simpson is still hot even in her "jogging suit" but really? A jogging suit? I kinda feel that there should be a rule that if you have over $1 million, you are not legally allowed to wear a jogging suit. The only people that should be allowed to wear a jogging suit are those that either work in a supermarket or live in a cardboard box. I'm going to try to make that a law. Now how would I got about doing something like that. I know, I'll ask Santa. Anyway, it looks like Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are officially calling it quits again, for what I can only think is the 5th time. She should get back together with Nick Lachey and then do another reality show on MTV. That seemed to have worked for her before. Why not try it again? Either that or she could easily jump start her career again by partying too much, getting hooked on cocaine and/or heroin, hop in her car, drive real fast, crash into something, run from the scene, get arrested, go to Promises and/or Wonderland rehab, go to AA, head back to court, serve some jail time, finish that sentence, stop by Oprah to talk about it, record an album, film a movie, and collect the money. It's a real simple plan for success. I should be her manager and by "manager" I mean her...

Paris' Cellmate Will Be a Crazy Driver

Well we are down to about 5 days until Paris Hilton starts to party it up in the slammer! Even though she is still getting scripts sent to her (see above), Paris has already been assigned a cellmate. Awesome! It sounds just like going away to college for the first time when you get your new roommates phone number and address and you call them before you move in just to introduce yourself and see who's going to bring the refrigerator and who's going to bring the hot-plate. Paris' new roommate that has been assigned to her cell is spending time in the slammer because she is a "reckless driver." I think it's a perfect fit. Clearly, both of these girls like to party and drink it up, so I think they'll get along fine. Seriously, being in prison is one thing, but being confined to a 2x4 cell with Paris Hilton and hearing nothing but, "that's hot" is punishment enough. If anything is going to teach that other chick not to drink and drive, it's that. Prison guards are already being warned that they'll be fired if any pictures of Paris in jail leak out to the press. Uh, get ready for a lot of prison guards out of work.

Source and Source

A-Rod Cheats on Wife, Yankees Still Suck. Karma?

Nobody on the Red Sox would ever cheat on their wife. Ever. You can try to find someone who has and you won't be able to because the Red Sox are perfect. A-Rod, on the other hand, has allegedly cheated on his wife and was spotted with some random blond chick going in an out of a strip club. Da-da-duuuunnnn. Meanwhile A-Rod's wife, Cynthia, has packed up her crap and was seen leaving their upper east side apartment and wouldn't talk with reporters. With all of this "hoopla" going on A-Rod doesn't feel that any of this will hurt his team or his game. He said, "I certainly don't think this will be a distraction to our team." Really? Because I think you guys are still like 13 games behind the Red Sox. See? Cheaters never win the World Series. Wait, that's how that saying goes, right?

Other fun A-Fraud allegations include, but are not limited to, the following:

• A-Fraud was a regular at the VIP Club in NYC
• A-Fraud likes "muscular she-male" type strippers
• A-Fraud is known as the "king of the strip clubs"
• A-Fraud goes to a private Chelsea club that has "after-hours sex romps" Romps?
• He has "text-message-sex" with random strippers from around the US

Check out the rest of the article here for more A-Fraud fun! P.S, don't email me telling me that I suck or the Red Sox suck. I'm perfect and the Red Sox are perfect. God bless.