Friday, August 31, 2007
~ Jessica Alba Walking: Good Enough for Me! ~ AgentBedHead
~ All Your "The Hills" Recaps in One Place. Brilliant. ~ JustinBobby
~ If Celebrities Endorsed Candy ~ CelebritySmack
~ Princess Diana Still Dead ~ PopBytes
~ Edie Falco Looking Like a Hot(less) Mess ~ EvilBeet
~ Hayden Panettiere Shows a Little ~ NinjaDude
~ Paris, a Wonderful Dancer ~ DSF
The Hills Recap
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Britney Spears: Cold As Fire: New Song
- Lindsay Lohan can't eat my diaper (of course she can't when she's in rehab. duh.)
- Alex Trebek gossip (really? I mean, "what is really?")
- Are you sassing your grandmother? (no, I would NEVER sass my grandmother).
- Cultural butt size j lo (I don't even know what that means, but glad I could help!)
- Everybody gets schools (Oprah must be up to something again)
- Girl shooting beer out of her ass (happy hour?)
- Toothless crackwhore (is she single?)
- Bedazzled prom theme (sounds like a hot prom)
- Blogging for boobs (wow, this whole time I was just doing it for money)
- I'm pregnant, cat stopped using litter box (the cat is totally the father)
- Harriet Carter lead paint (God forbid!)
- Doing coke from same bag hepatitis (wow, you sound very busy with things right now)
- What happened to Heidi's puppy (Heidi got 2 new puppies and 1 new nose)
- Too old to wear Abercrombie (if you're even asking, the answer is "yes")
- Teri Snatcher (always makes me laugh)
- Picture of Mickey Mouse sticking middle finger up (if you find this, send it to me)
- Nell Furtado having sex with Elmo (who's "Nell Furtado?" Nell Carter maybe. R.I.P)
- Steve Sanders or Spencer Pratt (looks like my nickname is catching on!)
Thursday, August 30, 2007
~ How 'Bout Some Britney Ass? ~ AgentBedHead
~ Owen Wilson Likes the Smack? ~ Yeeeah
~ What's Michael Lohan Up to Now? ~ CelebritySmack
~ Bobby Brown Lives Out of His Car ~ POTP
~ To the Beat of the Rhythm of My Fist ~ Dlisted
~ Jodie Foster in W Magazine ~ PopBytes
~ Keira Knightly Got Wicked Fat ~ DSF
~ Is Lindsay Lohan Partying in Rehab? ~ NinjaDude
~ Dancing With the Stars Cast ~ EvilBeet
~ Alyssa Milano...Still Hairy ~ FatBack
~ Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx Has a New Video ~ MollyGood
- The episode kicks off with Chase and Taylor breaking up. I think it had something to do with the police because they kept saying, "No you're a cop" to each other. Weird.
- Enter "the bikes." What the F is up with the bikes that Chrissy and Sasha are on? First off I think they got these bikes off the set of The Brady Bunch. Second, do they even know how to ride these things? No joke they're swerving the whole time while riding them. Third, why do they have squeaky toys on them? And 4th, how are they filming this scene? Is the camera crew on a truck or are they just walking and filming it because Chrissy and Sasha are peddling at 1 mile per hour? I have a feeling we'll see these bikes again.
- Clay and his random ass friend "Austin" go for a slice of pizza. Austin kind of has the "Gotti Boys" hairdo but without the gel. Basically his hair is feathered all over, especially in the back. The sides of his hair looks like he was going for the Charlies Angel look. Maybe he was. To each his own.
- Is everyone on this show called either Clay or Chase? I'm confused.
- Steve Sanders Jr (Grant) is out on a scripted date with Taylor in which I believe he is wearing a black valour shirt. It could be a valour track suit. It's hard to tell. During the dinner date, Steve Sanders Jr suggests going to the hot tub and Chase tries to call Taylor but she won't answer. Wait, I've seen this whole thing before during Laguna Beach. No joke, do they think we're stupid? This show is exactly the same as Laguna Beach, even the storylines. It's like when "The Office" came to America. Each episode of the first season was the same as the British version of "The Office." At least the was technically overseas. Newport Harbor is down the street from Laguna Beach. Get original!
- Oh, and by the way, we get it. Verizon and Motorola must sponsor this show. I think they showed the Verizon and Motorola phones 15 times in this episode.
- Chase goes over to Chrissy's house and kisses her. Luckily they didn't show it.
- In another "same exact scene from Laguna Beach," Chrissy and Taylor "bump" into each other at a clothing store and give awkward looks at each other while they look for clothes.
- In another "same exact moment from Laguna Beach," the guys are having a poker night and the girls crash it. Oh wait, this is completely different than the Laguna Beach episode because in the Laguna Beach episode of poker night they were drinking out of RED keg cups and in the Newport Harbor poker night episode they are drinking out of BLUE keg cups. Completely different.
- At poker night, Clay doesn't talk to Chrissy so the next day she rides her Brady Bunch bike over to Clay's house to have an awkward and scripted conversation. Clay is pissed at Chrissy and she sadly rides her bike away, swerving the whole time. Awesome. Wear a helmet ya freak!
I feel like I should watch Newport Harbor on life support.
Angelina Looks Like She's Over It
No joke they could have made a better movie if they used the actual dead bodies of Anna Nicole and Daniel and made their arms and hands move by pulling strings. Think "Weekend at Bernie Part 5." So in case you couldn't get enough of the "story of Anna Nicole" you can now watch it all over again with a whole new cast of characters thanks to FOX! So who plays who, you ask?
- Willa Ford plays Anna Nicole Smith
- Patrick Ryan Anderson plays Daniel
- Richard Herd plays Howard Marshall II
- Chris Delvin plays Howard K Stern
- Bobby Trendy plays Bobby Trendy
I think I knew only one of those people. Boring. Here's who I would have cast:
- The mother from "Family Matters" plays Anna Nicole
- Either Nicki or Alex from Full House plays Daniel
- Judge Wapner plays Howard Marshall II
- Quagmire from Family Guy plays Howard K Stern
- Margaret Cho plays Bobby Trendy
And I'm pissed that "Kimmy" was never cast. Therefore I would cast:
- Janet Reno plays Kimmy
Who Claims This!?!
Tom Brady: Boston Fan When in Boston
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
~ Which Simpson May Be Getting Their Own Talkshow? ~ AgentBedHead
~ Jenna Jameson Kisses Like a Porn Star ~ Yeeeah
~ Cameron Diaz in "What Happens in Vegas" ~ CelebritySmack
~ Wait, Sharon Stone is a Mother? ~ DirtyDisher
~ Paris Gives a Teddy Bear a STD ~ POTP
~ Backstreets Back in Hanes Sweatshirts! ~ DListed
~ Best and Worst Beach Bodies of 07 ~ PopBytes
~ Hilary Swank in a Bikini with Horse Teeth ~ DSF
~ Sheryl Crow with Ghost Boobs ~ NinjaDude
~ Wait, Is Sophia Bush a Teenager? ~ FatBack
~ J Wahl is Getting Hitched (Jessica on Suicide Watch) ~ MollyGood
Harriet Carter Creepy Wednesday
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
- Heidi and Steve Sanders go to get her engagement ring sized. Does Heidi ever take a brush to her rats nest of a hairdo? Just checking.
- Sweet! Justin Bobby is back in action with Audrina (and her teeth) at the beach. Is Justin Bobby in a play? I feel like he always looks like he's in a play.
- Audrina, Lauren, and Lo are at a diner and drinking (as always). Why is Lo dressed like Carmen Sandiego? Where in the world is Carmen SandiegLO? Ok, I can't take full credit for that. My sister actually text-messaged me that as the show was airing. Brilliant.
- Heidi and Steve Sanders are in Colorado to meet her parents. As much as I make fun of Heidi on a daily and hourly basis, I must say that where her parents live looks awesome. I mean the population is probably about 11 people, but it looks like a postcard. Hopefully, Heidi will go back. Oh, and Heidi's mother? We'll get to that in a few minutes.
- I LOVE seeing Audrina in a helmet. It just feels right. Audrina and Justin Bobby take Justin Bobby's motorcycle to Brody's Malibu Beach BBQ. Seriously, it's like one of those beach movies from the 60's with Annette Funiello.
- Did Lo get a nose job? I must investigate.
- The crew is playing in the water and Audrina's ass and teeth are all over the place. Awesome. Uh-oh Brody think he broke is finger playing football with Lauren.
- Back to Heidi and fam. Heidi insults her dad in the worst way possible. She basically tells him that Steve Sanders is just like her dad. Really? What an interesting way to send someone into cardiac arrest.
- Enter my favorite "Scripted Moment of The Hills Episode." During lunch Heidi's dad has "a talk" in private with Steve Sanders. Props to the way that Steve is petting the horse with the back of his hand. Very natural.
- Oh, by the way if you're wondering where Heidi got her nose from.....her mom. For sure.
- Brody is back and he ended up breaking his finger. So, just to be safe they basically put him in a body cast....or a "Brody Cast."
- Why does Heidi's mom keep asking what happened between between her and Lauren? Did she not watch the last 2 seasons of the show that her daughter was in...it's called "The Hills." She should check it out. That's why there are camera's around you right now as you're having this conversation with your daughter. Strange.
- Apparently Heidi's parents own a restaurant in Colorado. It must cater to the 11 people who live in the town.
- When Steve Sanders says to Heidi's parents, "I want Heidi to myself, you don't share her..." I turn red with embarrassment. I think they should lock Steve Sanders in a room and make him watch that clip over and over and over again.
- Sweeeeet! Lauren and Audrina are drunk...AGAIN! Insert the "beer tears." Lauren cries because she's such a douche that she no longer has any friends except the people who are paid to be on her show. I'd cry too...but then I'd remember how rich I was and I would stop crying. Then I'd grab another drink. Then I'd ask Audrina how many teeth she had.
- Justin Bobby left Audrina's helmet on the couch and apparently that's enough to make Audrina lose her shit and start crying. However the good news is that Audrina continues to smile even while crying. Audrina is always camera-ready.
Time for "The Hills Question of the Night": Are they setting up this season to have Heidi dump Steve Sanders and become friends with Lauren again? I'm seeing hints of this all over the place. I haven't gotten my hands on the script yet, but I bet it's in there.
The Hills: Little Heidi on the Prairie
When Did Kathy Ireland Morph?
Anyway, here's the rest of what Vick had to say (it clearly isn't as entertaining as my interpretation):
"I was ashamed and totally disappointed in myself, to say the least. I want to apologize to all the young kids out there for my immature acts. What I did was very immature so that means I need to grow up. "
I think it was kind of rude that he didn't apologize to Snoopy. Rude.
Who Said That!?!
Heidi and Steve Sanders Go Golfing
Monday, August 27, 2007
~ Mr. Bean's Holiday Review is Only 2 Clicks Away! ~ AgentBedHead
~ Miss Teen South Carolina is Wicked Smaaaahhht ~ EvilBeet
~ Mia Farrow is PISSED! ~ PopBytes
~ ANTM Contestants of the Future! ~ POTP
~ Are Dogs Supposed to be Set on Fire? ~ Yeeeah
~ Zellweger is Down to Olsen Weight ~ MollyGood
~ Why Would DSS Want to Talk With Britney!?! ~ AllieIsWired
~ Who Doesn't Love a Celebrity Clown? ~ CityRag
~ NFL not BFF with Vick ~ NinjaDude
~ Owen Wilson Wants Dirt Nap? ~ FatBack
Who Shot That Cotton Cameltoe!?!
Paula Abdul White Cotton Cameltoe
Who Shot Dora!?!
Natalie Imbruglia the Explorer
Friday, August 24, 2007
P.S Why do the Lohan's blow VH1?
Who Said That!?!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
- I bet Chrissy's dad has child pornography on his computer. Someone call Chris Hanson from Dateline and have him look into this. Thanks.
- When Steve Sanders Jr. and his buddy (whose name I don't need to know) are at the beach and the beach ball lands on them, why is it that a Puerto Rican guy in a plaid button down shirt with black jeans on and sneakers shows up to retrieve it? Anyone else find this to be odd attire to wear ON the beach?
- Sweet 16! Samantha and Allie are planning a "Pretty in Pink" party. That's awesome. Wait, what does that even mean. It should have been called, "Wicked in White" in honor of their white "fright-wig" hair. By the way, who still has markers at this age? Tools.
- Is Samantha the ghetto version of Cami from Laguna Beach? I mean the "ghettoer" version of Cami from Laguna Beach.
- Chrissy and the girl go for ice cream and I can honestly say I have no idea what their conversation was about. At one point they mention a pigeon. That was the most interesting part, I think.
- Allie and Chase go mini-golfing and this is when the light bulb goes off that this whole love triangle is the first major scripted moment of the season. I get it now. Nice try MTV. Tricky tricky. I thought it looked familiar. Steven-LC-Kristen. Yeah, thought so. Tricky tricky.
- Samantha and Allie have a legitimate conversation in the car about "bootylicious" being a word that was added to the dictionary. There's a war going on in Iraq.
- So how old is Chrissy's mom? 20? 22?
- So is Chase's mom actually in porn?
- Yup, the "Pretty in Pink" party is really pink. Not only is everything there pink, everyone there is pink. The lighting is pink, people are pink, and their teeth have a tint of pink. Also is this party at the VFW? Isn't Newport Beach supposed to be nice?
- Woooo! Awesome dancing everyone! It's very reminiscent of the 90210 junior prom when Brenda really got down to that Cathy Dennis song. Google it.
- So are they going to play the entire Hillary Duff song during this scene? "The Duff" gets the opening credits and the main song during the episode? Good for her.
- Samantha and Chase kissed. Allie calls him a pig. I think the real pig is Samantha...only because she has pig-like qualities.
I officially miss the old Laguna Beach. The jokers suck. Who found these people? Are there not any better people in Newport Harbor/Beach? I miss Cami.
Tom has said, "Bill [Patriots coach] has a lot to say so we'll deal with it when it happens. Certainly there are a lot of people making sacrifices for their family and I'm dealing with a certain situation, a very joyous, happy situation."
Uh, ok Tom. Whatever you say. Know what a very joyous and happy situation really is? Getting to have sex with your supermodel girlfriend, Gisele, not taking time off this upcoming season to spend time with your kid. Get some priorities. There's a war going on in Iraq! Ok, so that doesn't have to do with anything, but people seem to say that a lot and I felt it was fitting. Thanks for nothing Bridget.
Who Said That!?!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
~ Dannilynn is 1. Insert Anna Nicole Joke Here ~ Yeeeah
~ Another Fake Reality Show. Score! ~ PopBytes
~ Jenna Jameson Forgot Her Boobs ~ POTP
~ Christina Aguielrkerjksfna Found Her Boobs ~ NinjaDude
~ Hayden Turns 18, Nowhere Near Olsen Money ~ FatBack
~ Famous Cat on Coke ~ CelebritySmack
~ Tom Cruise Lives Like a Monk ~ AgentBedHead
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
~ Guess What Sexy Beast is Joining 24? ~ AgentBedHead
~ Joan Rivers Does Porn? ~ CelebritySmack
~ Gwen Stefani Puts on Clothes and Sings ~ EvilBeet
~ Kimberly Stewart's Ass Turns 47 ~ FatBack
~ Tyra is Not in the Running Towards Becoming America's Next Top Model ~ NinjaDude
~ Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx Does Fashion Rocks ~ PopBytes
~ Keira Knightly Tries to Say Something Nice ~ POTP
~ Sienna Miller Forgot Her Top ~ Yeeeah
- First, this new picture of Heidi really reminds me of Donna Martin. I don't know if I'm ready to rename Heidi though. I mean, Steve Sanders and Donna Martin? Too strange.
- Why does Audrina smile no matter what she says? She could be telling Lauren that her parents were killed and she would do it with a huge smile and tight top lip.
- What the hell is a "Elodie" and what adult says "OMG" when they are talking to someone. It's bad enough to type it, let alone say it. Also, didn't Elodie have a bleach-blond bowl-cut last season? Just checking.
- Why does Heidi need to explain the details of the engagement to her "co-worker?" Why can't she just hand the script? Or she could just be like, "hey remember when we were shooting the engagement scene last week and all you guys were standing around take after take cuz we kept on messing up our lines? Yeah, well that was how the engagement went down." Just sayin....
- Aww how cute, the girls go shopping together. Oh wait, that's not the girls, that's Brody and Steve Sanders. Brody hands Steve Sanders some shorts as they chat it up like chatty Kathy's and giggle. I bet $20 they went to the mall for some fro' yo after that. Kill yourself.
- Lauren goes on a double date (minus her date) with Audrina and her new boyfriend Justin/Bobby.
- Sweet, after about 2 minutes Lauren is trashed again. She's so hot when she's drunk. She's slurring her words, brilliant.
- Ok, so now they're all asking each other if they like each other....in front of each other. Seriously, who does that? Just put on a smile and talk crap about them when they leave like everyone else. Amateurs.
- By the way, Audrina in a helmet...priceless. I guarantee she borrowed it from Whitney. I am, however, concerned that Whitney is now walking around freely without a helmet on. That's danger.
- Where the hell do Lauren and Audrina live? How come no one is ever at the pool except just them?
- Seriously, between the "Hollywood" sign spray-painted in their living room and the arcade games in the background, it's like Heidi is living in a crack house. I mean, in due time Heidi will be living in a crack house so I guess she should get used to it.
- How many songs do you think they playing during "The Hills?" Someone keep track for me.
- So what does Lo do? I know she's the sidekick of Lauren now, but I'd like to learn more about Lo. Ok well not really, but I have a soft spot in my heart for sidekicks....kind of like Ernie and Bert.
- So people always tell me I pay attention to the stupidest details during The Hills. When Audrina and Justin/Bobby are at the bar is Amy Winehouse the bartender in the background? Check it out when MTV replays this episode 253 times this week and then 453 times this weekend.
- Justin/Bobby is officially retarded. And I quote, "truth and time tells all." Yeah, that is on every coffee mug that was sold in the 1980's. Brilliant, yet not so.
- Oh snap. Heidi is painting over the "Hollywood" mural. Seriously, Steve Sanders walks in and I think I see his eyes fill up. Also, does Steve Sanders have Fred Savage hair? Just wondering. Anyway, hopefully Heidi gets the beating of her life when the cameras stop rolling. Oh! Add that to the script!
This episode blew. Episode 2 and still no Lisa Loveless. Fine, I'll be back next week.
Monday, August 20, 2007
~ Portia de Rossi Still a Lesbian ~ Yeeeah
~ Kanye West is Afraid of 50 Cent ~ POTP
~ Amy Winehouse's Mom is Pretty Too! ~ Popbytes
~ Pete Doherty Arrested Again. Next Time It's Free! ~ NinjaDude
~ Michael Vick to Get it Doggy Style in Prison ~ FatBack
~ Cameron Diaz and John Mayer Will Have Kids with Horrible Skin ~ EvilBeet
~ Paris Still Retarded in Gold ~ DSF
~ What is it That Lily Allen Does Again? ~ CelebritySmack
~ Star Jones Did Something ~ AgentBedHead
Well they had a nice run, but the Jolie-Pitt kids are being shipped back to their homeland. Ok fine, so Shiloh is from here, but Pax and/or Maddox (is that the same person?) is definitely heading back home. More than likely they're picking up Madonna's kid on their "ride home" since the celebrity trend of adopting a kid from a random country is officially over. Of course I jest, Angelina and crew are on the "S.S We're Rich" and are having a great old time wearing pants on a boat while in Chicago. Angelina should smarten up an put on her own life vest too. It's the same thing as being on an airplane and securing YOUR oxygen mask first before assisting others. Jeeeze. It's all fun and games with that one.
It's basically the end of summer so it's a perfect time for Britney Spears to let her combover really breathe! Everyone is making such a big deal out of Britney not wearing her wig and showing her natural hair. I say put the wig back on. At this point I would say buy a Halloween 'fright' wig. It would definitely be a step up. Look, I never thought Julie Andrews was hot and I don't think this look it working for Britney either. Such a mess. No joke, Britney looks like she's pushing her 40's, not her mid 20's. She's about a few hairs away from saying things like, "I'm so glad my friend told me about once-a-month Boniva..." Good luck with your osteoporosis Britney! Do whatever it takes to knock Sally Field off of her soapbox!
Who Shot That Stick!?!
Friday, August 17, 2007
~ Kimberly Stewart Tries to be Relavent ~ CelebritySmack
~ Britney White-Trashes up Allure Magazine ~ AgentBedHead
~ CelebrityBaby Pictures ~ CityRag
~ Lilly Allen Buys Underpants ~ DSF
~ How 'Bout Some Anna Faris Ass? ~ FatBack
~ Rihanna Has a Dead Animal On Her Heah ~ PopBytes
~ America's Next Top Model Follow Up ~ POTP
~ Is Pink's Marriage Taking a Dirt Nap? ~ Yeeeah
I think the real magic would be if Britney actually sang live and/or didn't look like drunken white trash on the stage. I mean, David Copperfield could make the entire Great Wall of China disappear, but no one can make Britney appear to sing live?