Someone, Take a Note

There has been a ton of talk about Heath Ledger's masseuse calling Mary-Kate Olsen several times before actually calling 911. Now there are rumors that if she had called 911 first he may have been saved. I'm not going to lie, I couldn't care less about that particular rumor. However, this really wanted me to make some plans for myself. Someone, take a note.

God forbid I am ripped from this earth early, but if I am I want a few things to be done. First off, please someone alert (via the phone or email) Kimmy Gibbler FIRST. I want her contacted before anyone else, including my family. Second, please contact TIVO and immediately cancel my monthly membership. Third, please set up multiple Mr Potato Heads in various poses around my lifeless body. I feel that Mr Potato Head will definitely bring on a bit of mystery surrounding my death and I would love him named in my obituary and/or police report. Next up, please put "Whoomp There It Is" on repeat on my CD player, as I would like many to speculate that the song may have lead to my untimely death. I'd also like someone to make sure that my death is somehow incorporated into a scene in an upcoming Sesame Street episode and, please, make sure that Guy Smiley plays the role of me. I'd like to live out that dream from beyond the grave. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, please make sure to place a pig hat (the one where you pull the string and the pig hands clap and/or the wings on the pig move) onto my head and snap multiple photos. Please then send these photos to the Harriet Carter Catalog (c/o Harriet Carter) in hopes that I will finally make it into the catalog itself.

Thanks, in advance, for your cooperation. Oh, and please make sure that I'm not in skid-marked underwear. Please chisel off the skid-marks and/or place clean underwear on me. Don't peek though, you pervert.