Monday, March 31, 2008
Why do girls who excessively tan always ask if you want to see their tan lines? And why don't more guys do it?
I work too much to tan
p.s. I love Harriet Carter Wednesdays!
You are funny as sh!@#*, but your spelling SUX.
Your mother's a whore and your father holds the money.
***Need advice from IBBB? Email me: ImBringingBloggingBack at Yahoo.com. Maybe I'll add your question to this site. Maybe I won't. At the end of the day, who really cares.***
Friday, March 28, 2008
Lauren continued by saying, "I think if they were going to do a film of the Hills they would basically film it like we do the show and they would just edit it into a movie. It would be like a really long episode."
Wow, thanks Lauren. "Yes" that would be like a really long episode as typical movies are not 22 minutes long. Regardless, I want in on this shit if it really goes down. I'm not joking, I'll be that guy that holds that microphone thing over their heads while they talk that kinda looks like a dusty fur hat. Huh? Anyway, I better be involved somehow. Maybe I can be the guy who paints their teeth with white-out or something. Oh! Maybe I can make sure that Heidi's chin doesn't appear threatening on the big screen. Even better, maybe they'll give me an actual role. I can either be the love child of Lisa Loveless and Heidi's step dad (or horse) or perhaps I can impress them enough to be the lover of Lisa Loveless. Hmmm a Lisa Loveless Lover. Sounds good to me. Where do I sign?
Source This Crap Up!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
~ A Celebrity Scale of Sell Out ~ AgendBedHead
~ Disney Likes Smut Sites? ~ DSF
~ Sadly Dress Like Kimberly Locke ~ CS
~ Guess the Celebrity Bum Bum ~ NinjaDude
~ Mary J Blige is Wicked Rich and Stuff ~ POTP
~ Britney Gets Some Rights Back ~ Yeeeah
~ Mariah Doesn't Want Money...Why? ~ Ayyyy
~ More News Now! ~ WeSmirch
~ Peace Out Idol Dude Whose Name I Can't Spell ~ PopBytes
~ Nice! Celebrity Nose Jobs! ~ CityRag
~ Fergie Ferg Turns 272 Today! ~ DListed
- The show starts with Dominique and Claire arguing over Dominique's alarm clock going off too early. It's now 10 minutes into the show, literally...and they are STILL arguing over the alarm clock. And what's up with Dominique's accent? What exactly is it?
- Nice. The divider to the cab-hummer-limo rolls down and reveals that TYRA is the driver. What a treat for all. She tells the girls she has 5 words for them. (Tyra loves numbers) "go upstairs and get dressed" For some reason this makes the models squeal like piglets.
- They arrive at the dance studio and don red spandex shirts, red spandex pants and black shoes. Go Chelsea.
- Tyra gives the girls a lesson in walking. Seriously, how many times are these girls going to get walking lessons? Evidently there is a 3 second rule. Get to the end of the runway, show your outfit for 3 seconds. Is this kind of like the 2 second rule? I say if your twinkey falls on the ground, you can still eat it as long as you pick it up within 2 seconds.
- OH HERE WE GO. Tyra suddenly acts like she has gas pains. But it's her ankle. I say she's trying to fake us out. OH! yes...she's just kidding! She's so GOOD at this! All of Tyra's parables have point. She tells us she did this because the next segment is posing with pain. "Think pain but beauty."
- No lie I have no idea what's going on right now. First she tells them to think headache. Then menstrual pain. She's yelling for pain pills and acetaminophen. Ow I sprained my ankle! Ouch! As it turns out, when you sprain your ankle, you roll around on the floor in break-dancing/stripper moves and throw your legs over your head like a 2 dollar hooker. This is priceless. How does Tyra not have her own show? Oh wait, she has two. Good thing.
- I wonder why they don't do pain associated with watching this show? It's easy, just lay down on the ground with needles sticking out of your eyes.
- Ok, it's another pose off. AGAIN. When all else fails, go to pose off. Each girl gets a "pain" to act out. This consists of "windburned lips", "fingers closed in the door", "my weave tracks are killing me", "my neck hurts because I just got strangled", and "my palms hurt because I was playing patty cake all day" I wonder why she didn't have anyone do "my shins hurt because I mowed the lawn while wearing shorts and the stupid rocks kept pelting me after they got caught up in the blade?"
- Anya wins the pose off. She wins a one on one photo shoot with Nigel.
- For this week's photo shoot, the girls have to act out different music genres.
- At judging, Tyra pulls the "you did this, and you should have done thissssssss" I can never tell the difference. To me, smiling with your eyes, think beauty but pain, and acting hoochie but making it fashion all look the same.
- Amy is eliminated from the competition. See Tyra, now THAT would have been a good "pain pose" at your class. Til next week.
- Well looky-loo, Rachel is showing a little peek-a-boo cleavage in this episode. Way to distract Chef Will from his strategic cooking, Rach! Peek-a-boob!
- Yeah, so I'm pretty convinced that Rachel is drunk. She seems a little to excited about Will making a rockin' risotto. I especially like the part where she introduces him like Ed McMahon and then does the "white guy at a wedding dance and point." All she need to complete that was bite her lower lip. Next time perhaps.
- Rachel, of course, is stumped right off the bat when Chef Will says "rockin' risotto" and demands to know why it's called "rockin'" Um, because that's the name of. It's like saying, "Happy Easter!" You don't ask the person, "Wait a minute, why is it happy?"
- Anyway, Will explains that he's adding a little Wasabi to the recipe and Rachel holds the bottle and yelps "Whoa!" like the bottle itself is hot. Someones been doing a little extra credit at acting school!
- Oh crap. Will simply says that he's making a garlic lemon grass chicken and Rachel reacts like he just said to her, "Rachel, you're heading off to war today. Best wishes in Iraq!"
- What the hell is already cooked on the stove in the back? Is this part of the recipe. I thought they usually just cook on that hot plate....you know, kinda like how you'd make soup and grilled cheese on your hot plate in college.
- Oh please, Rachel makes it look like she's never seen a grater before. Yeah right. I'm sure that grater was claimed on her last restraining order. She puts it to the side as if she's going to use it later to taunt animals in the zoo. You know she's going to.
- She's one sick bitch. She thinks the garlic and raw chicken in a glass bowl smells good. Mmmmmm, dead animal flesh. Yum!
- Hahaha I f'n love this crap. Rachel wants to know when the chicken is cooked because she always "scared of the samanella thing." Samanella? I don't think I know Sam. Does she mean "Salmonella?" Sal and Sam are 2 different people. Doesn't anyone yell "cut" so they can shoot this shit again?
- Um yeah, I'm not EVER eating at Chef Wills restaurant. He uses his right hand and touches the raw chicken and then about 30 seconds later he takes that same hand to place the cooked chicken on a plate. Gross. Wash your hand you sick son-of-a-bitch. I'd be more concerned with getting something from that than uncooked chicken, Rachel.
- Rachel tastes it and puts all of her acting skills to use. Notice she doesn't swallow it. I just assumed she'd swallow. Anyway, even Chef Will is chugging some wine know. He knows this is a bust and I'm not just talking about Rachel's.
- Rachel is a booze hound. Listen in the last few seconds you can hear her says she needs more wine. Uh, yeah you do. I say don't film another segment until you've had at least 5 glasses. Seriously, that would be great.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
~ What Celebrity is the "Publicity Addicted Psycho?" ~ AgentBedHead
~ Get Diddled Inside the Neverland Ranch! ~ CelebritySmack
~ Obama Pitt? ~ POTP
~ Time for Another Celebrity Puzzle! ~ Ayyyy
~ Demi Moore Gets Sucked ~ Yeeeah
~ How Does Kate Moss Still Model? ~ CityRag
~ Case of the Crisco Face ~ DListed
~ An Ode to Paula Abdul's Gloves ~ PopBytes
~ More News More News! ~ WeSmirch
~ Another Reason Why Jessica Simpson is Crazy ~ NinjaDude
~ Get Caught Up on The Hills ~ JustinBobby
Well that concludes another useless segment of Harriet Carter Wednesday. See you in hell!
Click Here to Become MYSPACE Friends With IBBB. You'll Hate It! It'll Be Great!
Who lost out to CariDee? I'd be pissed.
Really? That's it? I bet it was just some guy who bumped into her and was like, "Hi Tyra" and she was like, "He wants me, he won't leave me alone." If only she spent time with him things could have been different. Perhaps teach him to smile with his eyes and how to "be hoochie but making it fashion." Tyra can cure if only she made the time. Selfish.
Well at least this guy isn't competition for me anymore. Now I should have a clear path into finding Tyra and putting her in a headlock and taking a picture with her as I've always wanted. I'll see you soon. Sleep well my Tyra baby.
Source It Up Ty Ty!
A drunken Spears family insider has told People Magazine, "She's got an engagement ring. She's been showing it off and talking about it." I highly doubt that's what was said. It was probably something more like this: "Yeeeee haw (gun shots, gun shots)! Jamie Lynn gots up and was doing braggin' 'bout that shiny metal round her fanger with some of them there sparkly glass on tops of its. I's even dipped it in my daddy's moonshine and it didn't go on and disappear or nothings. She's awfully happy, ya'll.!"
Who Said That!?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
- Audrina, Whitney, and Lauren come out to premiere the new episode live. I, of course, immediately yell out to my TV, "I've seen your boobs, Audrina!!"
- Lauren and Whitney land in stinky Paris! Hooray! Whitney, of course, is wearing a beret and what I assume is the same socks that the Wicked Witch of the West wore when the house fell on her. Good luck Whitney, watch out for falling houses.
- Uh, usually the people that pick you up from the airport don't talk to you so much. Perhaps this dude is the producer?
- Sweet! Heidi and her mom are skiing in my favorite place, Crested Butte. I just like to say Crested Butte. Uh, I think Heidi may have fell whilst skiing as her lips look swollen.
- Oh great, here we go. They're going to play a million French songs, aren't they?
- Whitney First Quote of the Episode: Lauren and Whitney are picking up their dresses and Lauren says, "I love that there's feathers" to which Whitney does what she does best (recap what Lauren typically says) and says, "You love feathers." Thanks Whitney, I think I pieced that puzzle together myself. But, thanks for recapping!
- The First Scripted Moment of the New Season: Uh-oh! The store that Lauren and Whitney need to get to in order to pick up shoes for the ball is CLOSED. I didn't see that coming. They do all the things they are supposed to at a time like this such as continue to try to pull the door open even though it's locked, peek into the store, scratch their heads, look around, and stand their with their mouths wide open (Whitney, of course). Brilliant acting girls...much better from last year.
- Yeah, now we're getting good! Lauren thinks they should have gone naked to the Korean/Crayon Ball! I agree! Ever since seeing Audrina with boobs to the wind last week I am on a mission to see the rest of the cast naked...including Lisa Loveless. That's right, I said it!
- The Second Scripted Moment of the New Season: Stephanie Pratt, or Sandy Sanders, goes to Steve Sanders apartment and he is all down in the dumps and even his apartment is a mess. Sad. Hopefully the face full of thick makeup that Sandy Sanders has on and her Indian braids will help cheer up Steve Sanders.
- This just in....I am never buying a Dove product again. What the hell was that? The first commercial break had me confused. I thought I accidentally changed the channel. Why is Alicia Keys acting? How long is this? Is this a TV show? A Dove commercial? Yeah, add that to the list of things that just pissed me off.
- Meanwhile, back at "The Butte" Steve Sanders shows up and Heidi's dads acting skills are really tested. Now I'm not sure how things work at "The Butte" but it looks like there's about 7 feet of snow on the ground and Heidi's dad has about 3,000 acres to take care of. Why, for the love of God, is he only using a shovel?!?! He's probably trying to up his chances of a heart-attack so he can peace out of Heidi's pathetic life.
- Yowza this conversation is awkward. I'd rather see Tim talk to the horse then Spencer.
- Nasty, more French music. We get it. They're in Paris.
- Even worse. Kimball. I feel like he's really an intern with a little bit of power.
- STOP THE PRESS. Are those debutant's transvestites? I'm pretty sure they are? They look like men in dresses. One, looks like the the illegitimate daughter of Lisa Loveless and Sylvester Stallone. Pretty.
- Remember on "Three's Company" when Suzanne Somers was battling the producers for more money and would stop coming to the set because she was demanding more money and then that caused a ton of tension between the cast so they reduced her lines and would have her film on a different set and her character would have to "call in" to Jack and Janet saying that her aunt was sick so she'd be "out of town" for a little while? Yeah, well The Hills just pulled that with Audrina. Audrina "calls" Lauren to tell her some info about Brody and some chick. What a douche-bag. Not Brody, Audrina. Who calls their friend while they're away just to ruin their trip? I mean, I would, but that's because I have Satin-like qualities.
- Third Scripted Moment of the New Season: Heidi and her mom are back home and, uh-oh, Steve Sanders is waiting in her living room. Luckily Heidi is camera ready with her hair slicked down to her head and a face full of makeup on. Darlene asks Tim (yeah I know their names) to help her with something out in the kitchen. How very "Cosby Show" of them. Heidi gives her dad a look that says, "I love this seasons script!"
- Whitney and Lauren meet up with "a band" in Paris for the night. Seriously, I can't even take it anymore. This is GREAT! These dudes are smoking in the club and I'm pretty sure one dude has a perm. He actually looks like those old women who go to the salon to get their hair set in rollers once a week and then hairspray the piss out of it. Wait, it gets better. One dude, who apparently is the drummer, not only has Jim Carey's hair from Ace Ventura Pet Detective, but is also rocking a kick ass uni-brow! I hope all the cigarettes don't accidentally singe that uni-brow off!
- Why do I feel like these guys look familiar? Why do I feel like these guys are just Brody, Frankie, and Justin Bobby all dressed up in costumes?
- Ugh. These French accents are killing me. Lau-ren have you ev-er bin to ze Eiffel Tower? Kill yourself. Actually, kill me. I'll blog next week via a Ouija Board.
- Uh-oh Lucy and Ethel are at it again! Lauren decides to take her mad expensive designer dress and sow it up to her knees so he can go out and booze. Brilliant idea. Take that designer dress, hike it up, and go to a place where there are drunk people...and smoking. You're going to smell great the next day for the Korean/Crayon Ball!
- How much f'n snow is there at Crested Butte? It's covering the windows. Seriously, where is Heidi's parents horse? I hope they have a barn for it or it's going to freeze and, well, damn it I love that horse. I love The Butte. I love The Butte and that horse. I'm going to The Butte. That's final.
- Heidi looks like a newscaster at dinner. No joke, she looks like a completely different person. She used to look more like her mom and now she looks more like a mix of Tori Spelling and Melissa Rivers. Quite a nice mix.
- Sweet, the French dudes are back. This time they also bump into some guy that I'm calling "The French Justin Bobby." TFJB is an escort for the Korean/Crayon Ball.
- Honestly, Lauren seems like such a bitch. These guys are trying to talk to her and she seems like such a douche. She has nothing to say. Hopefully she'll get trashed and get interesting.
- What the F is TFJB doing? Is he on drugs? What was that dance move he just did and more importantly when will MTV stop using lighting that highlights the lines under Lauren's eyes?!
- French people smoke a lot and run their hands through their hairsprayed hair a lot. Honestly, they do look like they stink. Maybe it's not just a stereotype. Maybe it's actually based on fact...as most stereotypes are.
- Hilarious. I'm pretty sure that Lauren had her period on her dress. She thinks it's coffee, but I'm think it's that time of the month. Hahah oh wait, she burnt it with her curling iron. She's wicked smaaaaht. Apparently she left her curling iron on ALL night and her dress burnt. Didn't they smell fabric roasting?
- Hhahaha I am seriously cracking up. Whitney, of course, says, "Oh my God, the curling iron does something like that!?" She says it like it's a person who should know better. Wow, a flaming hot stick could burn something? Go figure.
- Lauren starts to cry, as she finally realizes what douche she is...oh and because her dress is roasting on an open fire. So they call to get another dress because Lauren is a spoiled careless bitch. I mean, she's still hot, but a spoiled careless bitch. Of course they give her a new dress.
- Heidi wants Steve Sanders to move out of the apartment when she gets back. Is it even her apartment? I thought it was his and she moved into it. Uh, "Can you please move out of your apartment and let me live in it?" Good deal.
- More French music.
- Is Kimball wearing a swim cap or did he really slick his hair that much to his head? He should have a "slick-off" with Heidi!
- TFJB brings out the manly debutant. No joke, I'm never going to Paris. It's official.
- The Korean/Crayon Ball is boring. Next.
- Lauren continues to make good decisions and goes with that random French dude with a beard on a scenic tour of Paris on a Vespa...in her dress...in the rain. She is such a selfish whore. She already ruined one dress. Good idea wearing this dress on a motorcycle in the rain. It must be nice to not care about anyone but yourself. That's not a judgement. I actually think it must be nice.
So what will happen next? Lo is back. Stephen Colleti is back. Justin Bobby is back. Sandy Sanders is back. Audrina's boobs are back. Why no Kristin Cavallari? Booo to that. Stay tuned for the next 9 weeks of episodes and I'll be back to recap the absolute piss out of them!
Broke Because I Had To Buy A Laptop And Internet Just To Read Your Website
Monday, March 24, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Tori was talking with People Magazine and not only stated that she wanted to be in the new 90210 spinoff, which I'm calling "90210 2: The Golden Hills," but she's even starting to develop her own character and come up with other ideas. I mean, no one has called her yet to even be a part of the show but she's clearing her schedule in her mind just in case. Here's the sTori on what Tori would like. If she doesn't get it I think 90210 will be hisTORI. Get what I did there? I simply replaced certain words with funny tori-isms the way that Tori did. Tori.
- There are hardly any episodes left of The Hills this season and, clearly, they are saving the best for last. Oh, and by "best" I mean "the one where Whitney falls down the stairs." I couldn't care less what happens in the rest of the episode, as long as I get to see Whitney go "sledding" down a flight of stairs I'm content. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless. I even laugh when I fall. I just wish it was filmed. Sadly, it isn't. Luckily, Whitney's fall is filmed. Anyway, here are my brilliant, yet puzzling, thoughts on the latest episode of The Hills:
- Woo-hoo! Emily the "super intern" is back baby! I am convinced that Emily is the daughter of Lisa Loveless. They definitely look like "mother/daughter." Not like Lindsay Lohan/Dina Lohan mother/daughter, but like legit mother/daughter.
- After two seasons, I just noticed that the opening credits mainly consist of the girls each doing the same "face" with their mouth open and head tilted to the side. Good for them!
- Why does Whitney say "fashion contributor" and put it in "air quotes?" I mean, is that the title or not?
- Steve Sanders and Heidi eat Fajitas. Does Steve perm his hair?
- "The girls" have to work the Good Morning America Fashion Show.
- I wonder why the music they chose for this scene with Emily walking in is "La Cucaracha" which is Spanish for "the cockroaches." No joke. That's actually the song they are playing. If I were Spanish I would write a letter. I'm not, so I won't.
- Lauren Howell is back too. If you remember her from the last time, all the direction she gave the girls the last time was to make sure the area wasn't "chaotic." Yup, she literally gives the same advice this time. Helpful. Somehow, though, Whitney still seems confused.
- The editor from Vogue is talking so high I can't even hear him. Only dogs can hear him at this point.
- In my favorite "scripted moment" of the episode, Whitney surprisingly gets picked to be a model at the fashion show! Who would have guessed that!?! Certainly not me. Kids, let me give some advice to you out there. You're not going to go from intern to "model." It's not going to happen. Study hard.
- Yes! Here it is! Cue Whitney! Live on Good Morning America, Whitney slides right down the last 10 steps. Oh, they make this look like it's "Live" and I believe that it is, but it looks like they just taped up a "live" sign and stuck it to the top corner of the screen. Ghetto. Clearly, I loved it.
- Emily really helps by saying, "at least you didn't really fall, like really fall." Yeah, no she literally fell. Legit.
- Something is wrong with me. I actually feel bad for her. What is happening to my heart? What is this feeling? This must stop. STAT! Quick, Heidi say something stupid! Steve Sanders, quick cram more teeth in your mouth. Ahhh that's better. I'm back.
- Lisa Loveless even has a heart and says some nice words to Whitney about "the fall." I'm not paying attention to what she is saying, because I wonder if she sweats Whitney.
- As a surprise twist, Whitney may become the manager of all the interns. Kids, anything is possible. If Whitney can do it so can you!
- Sweet, Heidi won't move in with Steve Sanders so he kicks her out of his car. What is Heidi's comeback? She legit slams the door and says "stupid car." Awesome. P.S Why are Heidi's shoulders always so high? Does she have asthma?
- What will become of these two? Will Steve Sanders and Heidi break up for good? Will there be a season three? Will my mind completely rot? No, yes, and yes.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
~ Scarlett Johansson Will Sing Like Nobodies Business ~ AgentBedHead
~ Cartoon Britney: Almost As Crazy as the Real Thing ~ CelebritySmack
~ Celebrity Scare-Off ~ CityRag
~ A Side Order of Cavallari Rack ~ DSF
~ Alba's Ass is Ready for the Baby ~ NinjaDude
~ Oprah's Big Give Goes to Her Thighs ~ PopBytes
~ Buy Britney's Car, Now With Fresh Taco Scent! ~ POTP
~ Lohan Does a "Loving Making" Video Cassette Tape? ~ Yeeeah
~ Solid Gold Courtney Love ~ Ayyyy
~ Pete Wentz Needs a Hug ~ FatBack
~ More Celebutard News ~ WeSmirch
- What does Claire's tank top say? Does it say I love Labor Labor? Or does it say I love Gabor Gabor? I can't make out the first letter.
- And here is Benny Ninja, all lit up in his ridiculous glory. Honestly, this show is getting a little de ja vu. Honestly, this show is getting a little de ja vu. Can't they dig up some new nuts in the fashion world?
- Cue the obligatory fight over the phone. Blah blah blah, I need to talk to my kid. Blah blah blah, you're disrespectful. Blah Blah blah, you're a racist. Down by the shores of the hanky panky...where the bullfrogs jump from bank to banky....because that has as much significance as anything else here.
- The girls head to Brooklyn and meet up with super model Vendela. It's a pose off. Is that a thing? Oh even better. It's like a dance battle. Head to head....How Electric Boogaloo.
- Claire is the individual pose winner. She wins a trip to Bora Bora. Her team wins overall. They win swag. Oh but it's good swag, like sunglasses, purses, jewelry. Not typical office swag, like you won a sales contest so here's some leftover mugs with the company name and a lame ass mini rubber chair to put your cell phone in. Oh and don't forget these pens that say President's Club 2001.
- When the girls get back to the house, Fatima continues to practice posing. Other girls are drinking 40's. Do people still drink 40's? I think the last time I drank a 40 was in 1993 before a local carnival. There's nothing like drinking a 40 and riding the thunderbolt while "Stroke Me" blares.
- It's photo shoot time! This week's shoot is close ups. But it wouldn't be a Tyra shoot without some nonsense. So, they squeeze and dump paint on the girls' heads. I say kick it up a notch. Throw these girls on a pottery wheel and turn them into spin art.
- After a painful deliberation (painful for me, not the judges) Marvita is asked to go home. Are we surprised, really? Do you think she's pissed that she let Tyra give her a mullet, only to be sent home? Some things to think about...
Hopefully Saint J Glow sings soft lullabies to them such as, "Waiting for Tonight" and "My Love Don't Cost a Thing." Those were always sweet songs that were sung to perfection. Sure only dogs could hear some of the notes, but that only adds to the serene nature of the voice of Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx.
Pick up this weeks People Magazine at your local drugstore this Friday right next to the multiple packages of Peeps and to the left of US Magazine that more than likely will have a picture of either Lauren Conrad or Heidi Montag on it.
Source It Up!
Source It Up!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
~ Courtney Love Goes on the Attack ~ AgentBedHead
~ Dancing With the Stars Sex Scandal. Finally a Reason to Watch ~ CelebritySmack
~ Job Closed: Britney Already Hired a Panty Inspector ~ NinjaDude
~ Is Tori Spelling Having a Boy, Girl, or Money Monster? ~ POTP
~ Is Aubrey Hot? Sometimes Yes, Sometimes No ~ Ayyyy
~ Get Your Sex Tape Update! ~ Yeeeah
~ Rapping Hooker Gone Wild? ~ FatBack
~ Even More News! ~ WeSmirch
~ Get Caught Up on American Idol ~ AmericanIdol411
~ Me Gusta Adriana Lima! ~ DSF
Well that concludes another segment of Harriet Carter Wednesday. Go F youself!