Monday, April 14, 2008

Spencer's Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message: 5

Back by popular demand is my own advice column: "Spencer's Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message" In case you need to be caught up on what this is click here to read last weeks. Anyway, thank to all of you sick bastards who wrote in a question and sorry to those of you who I didn't choose. Keep sending them and I'll keep printing them out and shredding them! Here we go....

Dear IBBB,
I am a legitimate massage therapist and lately business has been slow at the day spa I work at. Any tips to bringing more customers in without having to break the law?
Thanks,
Yvette


Dear Yvette,
With a name like Yvette and your profession being a massage therapist, I'm pretty sure you're a hooker anyway. Admit it. It's fine. Oh, and thanks for the email. If you're not hooking, I'm sure you're stripping. Either way, I suggest taking these skills and mixing them into your massage career. A little $2 dollar sucky sucky never hurt anyone and I don't think it's against the law. Oh, and if that doesn't drum up any additional business you could sell drugs out of your massage room. I think the kids still like "the meth" so that may be your best bet. In conclusion, don't worry about "the law." If you ever even get caught you'll only spend like 25-30 yrs in the slammer anyway. Consider it a vacation. You're welcome.

Signed,
IBBB


Dear IBBB,
I was thinking of starting my own blog and considering you don't have any talent I figured anyone could start one. Any advice for me?
Thanks!
Melonie

Hi Melonie! I didn't realized people were actually named that. I assumed you had to be a stuffed animal to be named Melonie. Anyhooters, you bring up a valid point. Anyone can start up a blog. It's free and easy to do and clearly doesn't require any talent. Oh, thanks for pointing that out by the way...as if all the readers didn't already know that. I have a question for you, if I may. What's it like being a filthy whore who, more than likely, has genital herpes? Good luck with the blog! Let's exchange links when you get it up and running!

With Love,
IBBB

***Need advice from IBBB? Email me: ImBringingBloggingBack at Yahoo.com. Maybe I'll add your question to this site. Maybe I won't. At the end of the day, who really cares.***


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