Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Oprah Talks All Crazy While on Diet

So, uh, Oprah is all tweaking out and junk from her 21 day detox diet. Blessed Mother Oprah Winfrey completed her diet and then took to her blog to write down some thoughts that I kind of have no clue what she's talking about. Let's take a look into the detoxed brain of Oprah, shall we?

"Day 21...yes I want some wine. Bordeaux 82. Just one glass at sunset, almost broke down and had a glass. I didn't, mostly because of my commitment to fellow VCTers. Tomorrow Scarlet...tomorrow is another day. That's my mantra for now. This has been exactly what we intended: enlightening. I will forever be a more cautious and conscious eater. That's my commitment for now. To stay awakened. "

Yowza. That's almost word for word what the drunken homeless dude I walk by on my way to work said to me this morning. What in the holy hell is Oprah talking about? Why do I feel that all of a sudden at the Oprah compound she is reenacting that Bugs Bunny episode when those two guys are shipwrecked and keep looking at each other like they're a pork chop and hot dog? And you know Gayle is the hot dog. You just know it.

Oh well, hopefully Oprah sticks to her detox plan and goes completely insane. At least her show will be watchable then.

Source: Oprah's Blooooooooog!

1 comment:

Crabby Golightly said...

Stop The Presses! Lock Your Freezers! Oprah Ends Her 'Vegan' Experiment!

This is what passes for news? Let me correct you: this is example of the incestuous nepotism that America's corporate media passes for reporting. You are being fooled.

At last count, Oprah has business ties with CBS, ABC, Oxygen, Discovery, the Food channel, Hearst Publishing, the entire publishing industry save Random House (that tie was shattered into a 'Million Little Pieces'). And these are the ones that are are obvious. Not to mention the bumps she produces for the tabloids, the celebrity mags and the producers of her "favorite" products.

Now she's expanding her power to the White House and will soon lord over the Lincoln Bedroom. Oprah does little without personal gain. So I congratulate her on risking the wrath of her audience for backing Barack Obama. Let's remind the media to keep an eye out for the deals Mr. Obama will make for her when he grabs the throne.

Whether you think Oprah is "good or diabolically evil," she has every right to pursue any business or personal relationship she likes. It's the media that has the obligation to connect the dots between her relationships. How can they fulfill their duty when they count on her to sell for them? Even the mighty New York Times has fallen victim to her wiles when The Oprah Winfrey Show cunningly renovated a cultural reporter's home. The reporter, Jesse McKinley, was ordered to reimburse the show but was allegedly quoted a price by the show far below the market value of the work. This is the insidious way TOWS works. Curiously, you can't find any mention of this moral lapse in the Times free archives. Curiouser still is that Mr. McKinley continues to cover Oprah-related matters.

Here's a viewing suggestion for you: go rent Lions for Lambs for a crash course in media manipulation. Pay close attention to the movie's last scene when Iraqi war propaganda ticks by in type while some celebrity's hijinks commands the full screen. Then see if you can continue to read the news with your eyes wide shut after watching the movie. Here's hoping not.