Thursday, July 31, 2008

Boom Kack, Boom Boom Kack is Back!

Alright alright! Santa has been answering my prayers in overdrive lately. The latest was my prayer to Santa Christ asking that he bring back my favorite reality character Laurieann Gibson, or more commonly known as, "boom kack" from Making the Band. Well thanks Santa because boom kack is coming back to Making the Band 4 in the new season that premieres on August 13th. Ch-ch-check out the 2 second clip of her. Hopefully they're not teasing me and she really is back for good. Me gusta boom boom kack.
P.S Sorry for all those times I called it "boom cat." I just assumed.

Wait, There Really are 2 Olsen's?

Stop the f'n press. There really are 2 Olsen's? I always assumed it was like the Michael/Janet Jackson thing. I guess I just assumed there was 1 Olsen who played the role of 2. Hmm. Interesting. Anyway, the above photo is from the Olsen Sluts new book called, Influence, which will be available to buy on October 28th. Clearly, this makes a great Halloween gift. This book will take a look at private Olsen moments from their collection, as well as people who have influenced them, and what has shaped them into what they are today. I'd say what shaped them into what they are today would be 2 things. 1. Money 2. Kimmy Gibbler. Someone, for the love of God bring back Kimmy Gibbler. Let's think about it for a second. DJ Tanner has been making her rounds lately. Stephanie Tanner just had her baby and will be in a new movie. Aunt Becky is going to be on the new 90210. Uncle Jesse has had about 15 failing TV shows. Danny Tanner did that penguin movie. Uncle Joey was on Surreal Life. Everyone has been doing something. Why not Kimmy? I'm going to start a movement to bring back Kimmy. I mean, if it requires me to get off my couch I'm not going to do it, but if I can do it from my couch I'm all in.

Oh yeah go buy the Olsen Sluts book on October 28th....and then record yourself reading it and then send me that tape because I can't read, but I can listen.

Some Lady Tries to Block Jennifer Aniston's Upper Waist?

Wow. Who's this chick with the bag? Is she Jennifer Aniston's assistant? Friend? On call Debbie Downer? Either way someone needs to tell her that if she's trying to prevent photographers from getting pictures of Jennifer Aniston's face she's gonna need to move her bag about 3 feet north of where it currently is. Perhaps Jennifer Aniston told her to make sure no one take any pictures of her space about 1 foot south of her rack. I mean, the possibilities are endless....or there's only two possibilities. It's hard to even follow what I'm talking about at this point.

Jennifer Aniston was sporting her black wifebeater pokies while heading out to Barney's for a little shopping. I wonder if any of the paparazzi ask her if the Friends are really friends? I would totally still ask that. I don't care that the show has been off the air for years. It's still a solid question.

A Skank Blooms at Macy's

Happy Birthday, Macy's, your flowers may have some sort of STD now. Possibly. I would get them tested. In October Macy's turns 150 years old and felt that Christina Aguilera would be the perfect person to help celebrate the great accomplishment. I'm sure Mr and Mrs. Macy's are rolling around in their gold plated caskets.

The idea, according to Access Hollywood, to place Christina and her blond troll hair in front of a wall of flowers was to help honor the flower shows that Macy's used to have in California back in 1946. But the star power doesn't stop just there. Oh no, my friends oh no. There will also be photo shoots with Donald Trump, Martha Stewart, Jessica Simpson, and Tommy Hilfiger. What a treat. What a real pointless treat.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

...In Other News...

Finally, Something Between Britney's Legs That Won't Take Her Money, Y'all!

Praise Jesus, y'all! Finally something between Britney's legs that won't try to take her money! I mean that dude on the other horse is totally going to mug her as soon as she dismounts, but that's a given. It's Mexico. If they're not trying to tell you a wooden duck that they carved on the beach, they're robbing you. There, I said it. Oh I'm just kidding. They sell Chiclet's to you too.

Britney was riding that horse whilst on vacation in Mexico, or "Mexico" as they say in Spanish, like nobodies business. I think someone needs to tell Brit that just because you're following the same motion doesn't mean you're making a new bundle of babies.

Is it just me or are these photos reminiscent of that Brady Bunch episode when the gang were riding donkeys down the Grand Canyon? I think that was one of the only times where we got to see Alice in tight jeans and a flannel shirt. Two words: Hot!

Harriet Carter and the Soapy Musical Terrorist Party! Ole!

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! 21 months of Harriet Carter product reviews and still lawsuit free! Let's celebrate and by "celebrate" I really mean "read this crap." This week Harriet helps to wash your dirty bits with money, makes your terrorist attack easier and sportier, and helps a little boy determine what he'll be doing in about 15 more years. Let's go!

Product # 1 - You know what's missing in my shower every morning? Money. You guessed it! I shower every day (almost) and wonder why I'm not getting paid for this. What am I a caveman? Well now thanks to the scientists at Harriet Carter they've discovered a way to add money to....wait for it.....wait for it.....soap! I know! All you need to do is wash your skanky body every day. Rub it really good over places such as your ass, boobs, penisitis, vaginastein, and that special area in between your bum and "front privates" where only Santa, the tooth fairy, and baby Jesus can see. You'll be rich in no time. Just hope that the money doesn't fall out when you're taking that one last swipe up your bum crack or your new dollar bill could totally have skid mark surprise! Be sure to let the clerk at the local drug store know when you're paying for your items that some of the money you're giving her has been all over your body. If she gets crabs she can now bet on where it came from! Please be sure to be extra cautious when cleaning your diggleberry or your "hoo hoo hee heee ting tang walla walla bing bang" that you don't accidentally get a paper cut. A paper cut on your donkey kong jr or your gentlemen greeter is a mistake you only make once, right folks? Thanks Harriet for literally paying me to clean my junk. I give this product 2 penises up (and a little to the left)!

Product # 2 - Having a tough time on deciding what to bring to your friends next summer BBQ? Well wonder no longer because now you have the perfect gift to bring a lot to absolutely any event you're invited to. A propane tank! Alright! Now you no longer have to awkwardly carry your propane tank like a retarded squirrel trying to carry some rotten nuts back to his tree. Simply place your propane tank into what I like to call its "Terrorist Jacket" and carry it off to the party. While everyone else is boasting about their boring spinach dip and colorful, yet moldy, fruit salad, you'll be able to show them your propane tank and blow up the whole god damn party all at the same time! Are you new to terrorism? Are you a little leery of dying along with the crowd? Not really buying that "promise" that you'll be greeted in heaven by 17 virgins? Well don't feel excluded from you other terrorist buddies any longer because thanks to this handy dandy carrying strap you can swing that propane tank around like you're performing the hammer toss at the Olympics right from the comfort of your very own backyard! And, wherever it lands guess what? Jihad! Ole! That's part of the real fun, especially if you don't have anyone specific you want to target. Even feel free to chant this little terrorist diddy whilst throwing your tank: "Round and round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows, I declare jihad!" Thanks, Harriet, for making terrorism fun again!

Product # 3 - Hey there Willy Whistle! Like blowing things made of stiff wood? Yeah sure, we knew you would. From the looks of ya, you should start practicing early because you're gonna have a lot of wood in your mouth when you get older. Sure ma and dad are trying to make it into a fun game for you by telling you it's a "musical instrument" but it starts with that wooden flute and next thing you know they're sending you to Grandpa's apartment for a little "whistle blowing" in his old rusty flute. And you know that dust is coming out of that thing. Hmm, I think I may have just crossed a line I never knew I had. Who knew I had boundaries? Apparently not. Anyway, this kid will be the live of the party with his wooden instrument that, somehow, makes magical cartoon notes appear right before his very own green screen! Who needs video games and sports when you there is plenty of wood around the house that needs playing! I would suggest inserting yourself into your own locker. It'll save time and the bullies will really appreciate you being proactive.

I'm Voting For Whoever Halle Berry's Rack Tells Me to Vote For

Halle Berry clearly dropped all of her baby weight, stuffed her rack-attack into an Obama t-shirt and hauled her ass out for a little shopping in Century City yesterday. Whatever Halle's boobs tells me to do I'm totally doing. Get caught robbing a store? Simply answer "Halle's boobs made me do it" and the police will quickly let you go with a soft pat on the back. Clearly Halle is voting for Obama. No word yet on who her cameltoe will be voting for. Perhaps a write-in.

In bitchy Halle Berry news, Halle has filed a complaint against the paparazzo who took pictures of Halle and her baby in the privacy of her own home. And investigation is now underway. Can't this paparzzo just say that Halle's boobs made him do it? I'd go with that defense.

Hey J-Wahl, Slowly Remove Audrina's Blue Hat and Give it Back to Her and No One Gets Hurt

Seriously, someone needs to take stock of the props department over at the set of "The Hills." Jason Wahler, every ones favorite douche-bag from Lagina Beach, was walking the red carpet with his fiance, Katia, (or as I like to call her, Never As Good as Lauren and a Trade Down) at the premiere of "The American Mall" at the Cinerama Drome in Hollywood the other day.

J Wahl was dressed up enough to go to Dairy Queen with a black shirt that was opened just enough to expose his Neil Diamond hairy chest. All that was missing was about 10 pounds of gold chains. What wasn't missing was Audrina's blue hat, which he sported like the lady that he is at the event. Katia, on the other hand, made sure to look like the best Kristen Bell impersonator she could.

I tried to reach Audrina for comment about her alleged missing blue hat, but my calls were not returned as I do not have and/or know her phone number. I did, however, place "Missing Hat" signs on the telephone poles around my neighborhood. I did my part.

Bus Driver! Move That Bus! And Now Bring It Back Because I Think We Need to Live In It!

So a home that those do-gooders at Extreme Makeover Home Edition built in 2005 is now facing foreclosure. Thanks Ty. Here's what the article had to say:

"The house was built in January 2005, after Atlanta-based Beazer Homes USA and ABC's "Extreme Makeover" demolished their old home and its faulty septic system. Within six days, construction crews and hoards of volunteers had completed work on the largest home that the television program had yet built.

The finished product was a four-bedroom house with decorative rock walls and a three-car garage that towered over ranch and split-level homes in their Clayton County neighborhood. The home's door opened into a lobby that featured four fireplaces, a solarium, a music room and a plush new office.

Materials and labor were donated for the home, which would have cost about $450,000 to build. Beazer Homes' employees and company partners also raised $250,000 in contributions for the family, including scholarships for the couple's three children and a home maintenance fund."

I'd totally take the kids scholarship money. If that didn't work I'd call Oprah and demand she give me money. If that didn't work I'd turn my wife into the porn industry and use my kids as drug mules. There would be no way I'd give up that house. Screw you, Ty. Screw you and that damn megaphone.

Source It Up!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

...In Other News...

When She Gets All Steamed Up Then She'll Shout. Tip Her Over and Pour Her Out!

Lindsay is a little teapot. She's a little freckled teapot. She's a pale little teapot with freckles. And you know, you know, Sam Rotten is totally going to tip her over and pour her out when Linds gets all steamy. Yeah she will. Yeah she will. She'll pour Lindsay's tea in her Freddie Kruger hat. Yeah she will. Yeah she will. Ok, I don't know what that last one meant.

Lindsay Lohan, her paste white legs, her freckles, and Samantha Rotten enjoyed a nice and sunny lunch in NYC at Bar Pitti. After the meal Lindsay and Sam enjoyed coffee and a cigarette. And totally know that Lindsay must have taken a huge freckly dump minutes after the cigarette. The poor patrons at Bar Pitti. Speaking of which, have you have been to Bar Pitti? I've been 4 times. Technically I only ate their once, the other 3 times I couldn't be seated for over 2 hours. Oh, and they don't accept credit cards...or checks...or seashells. Good luck trying to pay the bill without money. They tend to not like that.

I wish I was at the table next to Lindsay, who was taking a break from filming Ugly Betty, and Sam. I would have just looked at them the whole time and tried to get into their conversation. I would have been like, "Hey, what are you guys talking about? Lesbian stuff?" Or maybe as they were talking I would have just interrupted and been like, "Dina what?" If none of that worked I would have picked up my cell phone and would have been like, "Hey Ali. Yeah, I'm good, how are you? I like the new song. Oh, hold on I have a beep. Hello? Hey Dina, what up!" That totally would have messed with Linds. Then when Linds asked who I was talking to I would just say, "Ugh. Can I just have some privacy please. I'm a person too, you know!" Wow I'm a tool.

Operation Sellout: IBBB is Part of The Hills Q&A Over at MTV

Ah kids. As I promised in last weeks post of finding new ways to sellout in year 3 of IBBB I have not disappointed. Well, maybe a little. Yours truly (that would be me) has left my footprint on The Hills. IBBB was contacted by the MTV blog to answer some questions in my typical jackass fashion on past Hills crapisodes. And as quickly as Lisa Loveless can comb her stringy hair, I jumped on the opportunity.

Please note, that there were 3 people who contributed to this. 1. A writer from Spin Magazine. 2. A writer from NY Magazine. 3. IBBB. That's right Mo' Fo's I was good enough. You know those other two writers are pissed I was included. Traded down for them! I will now sit back patiently and wait for the offers to pour in. I will push Best Week Ever to the top of the list. Followed by Chelsea Handler/Chelsea Lately. Followed by probably being knighted by the Queen. Crickets. Crickets. Crickets.

So, be sure to check out The MTV Blog by clicking here and show your love for their site and for my brilliant comments. There will be 3 more crapisodes in the next 3 weeks which I've provided my insight to. Stay tuned.

Thanks MTV. You're Greeeeeeeat!*

*Your're Greeeeeeeat has no affiliation with Tony the Tiger.

The Jonas Brothers: What Exactly Are They. Someone Please Explain. And....Go!

I never really feel that old. I usually pride myself on being pretty knowledgeable on all current events and by "current events" I really mean "stupid pop culture crap." However I can honestly say I know nothing about The Jonas Brothers. Nothing. When researching things to post about on good old IBBB I always come across Jonas Brothers stuff, but never read it. From what I can gather, they are singers? Are they from England? I think they are. And how is Miley Cyrus involved with them? And, more importantly, who is Selma Gomez? And who is Demi Lovato? And why are these three names always associated with The Jonas Brothers? Are they all virgins? Is that the deal? Are they all the same person? Is it like the Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montanna thing? Am I old?

I'm totally and utterly confused. Therefore I am reaching out to you, the IBBB readers, to explain to me exactly what The Jonas Brothers are. I feel that knowing this will "help me get in good with the 'the kids.'" While you're at it, tell me everything you know about Demi and Selma. I think I'm pretty up-to-speed on Miley. Her southern cackalacky twang and deep hick voice tells me all I need to know.


DJ Tanner: No Longer a Geek Burger

Candace Cameron, of DJ as I still lovingly call her, is no longer a geek burger or a geek burger with cheese while she was at the Swing Vote movie premiere at the El Capitan theater in Hollywood just the other day.

I'm thanking my Full House gods and/or Santa for bringing back DJ into mainstream America. DJ ain't looking half bad. She still has those chipmunk cheeks, but if 3 minutes of high-powered stairmaster and not eating for 3 days didn't work for Kathy Santone's pool party, I guess nothing will. Did you also know that Stephanie Tanner was at the premiere as well? Oh snap, she was. No word on whether Jodie and Candace spoke while there, but some can dream.

If only Michelle Tanner was there so that DJ could put her in a shopping carriage and sing "Lollipops and Gummy Bears are My Favorite Treat" just like she did during Danny's 24-hour telethon. Then, and only then, would Kimmy make it onto the scene riding a unicycle. Oh how I miss my youth.

Who are the People Who Answered "No?"

So who are the 1,337 people who voted "no?" No really, who said no? I want names. I'll need your name, last 4 digits of your social security number, and your mother's maiden name. Oh, and I'll need your mother as well. Just ship her to me. That'll do.

I'm not sure who really even answers these brilliant quizzes that US Weekly loves to post every day, but I think they are important and makes us, as Americans, better people. They are hard hitting and important questions. I'm sure Rebecca and Jerry are going to be thrilled that 1,337 think they will suck as parents. Eh, make it 1,338. I think they'll suck too.

I Love Spam

I love spam emails. I get them all the time, but ever since I've added my email address to IBBB I get them way more. They always consist of helping someone with transferring money to their Nigerian bank account. Well that's a trick I only fall for 3 times. 6 times at the most. Here's an email I received that is as grammatically correct as the crap that I usually write:

"hello My name is Silas James the only son of James Kranya my father has a company in my country, sudden he fall sick and my mother wasn’t around then, she went for medical check up in London, she is not yet back, when I heard sad news about the death of my father. from his so called business partner when I could reach her he have already inform her, according to the doctor she collapse when they manage to revive her she have already develop (Hi blood pressure) I become totally confuse, when the doctor see that the condition is incredible they fly her back, after the burial of my father his so called business partner took position of the company, my mother was trying to re-cover the company before death took her away but before she died she handed over to me the document that my late father made with bank here in Bamako Mali where am contacting you from, the sum of $7.2 million us Dollars was deposited by my father which I have confirmed, the management told me how the money was deposited on behalf of the partner, his name was not mention by the bank, the pressure is much for me that why am consulting you ,please can you surface as my father's business partner to the bank to enable me stand in my position , ask there to transfer the money through your account, I will visit your country for investment in way of appreciation 20% of the amount will be given to your ask compaction

Thanks Silas James"

Wow! So now did the mother collapse before or after the doctor put her on the plane due to high blood pressure? Did the so-called business partner attend the father's funeral and, more importantly, why am I the best option to help? I mean, I'm totally going to help them, but just wondering how I made it to the top of their list. I am so going to be rich you guys!

Monday, July 28, 2008

...In Other News...

You're a mean one, Mr Grinch. In other news...

~ Brendan Fraser's Hair is Messing With Us ~ ABH
~ Like We Didn't Know the Kardashian's Feed Their Ass McDonald's ~ Websters
~White Britney in White Bikini ~ DSF
~ Red Headed Celeb Puzzle ~ Ayyyy
~ Big Brother Wrap Up ~ CS
~ Hayden's Clean Hands ~ IDWYL
~ Spencer Loves Heidi ~ PB
~ Matty Mc Tans His Kid ~ POTP
~ Miley Sweet as Candy ~ NinjaDude
~ Mindy McCready Te Gustas el Drugs ~ FB
~ Winehouse is Cured! ~ Yeeeah

If This is Whitney Houston's New Song, Where are the Receipts?

2 things leaked this weekend. Me. And Whitney Houston's alleged new song with Akon that is likely to be released on her new album this fall. I say if this is Whitney's new song, where are the receipts, Diane? I wish. I wish Whitney leaked her new song. Show me the receipts. That joke never gets old with me.

In her new song, Like I Never Left, Whitney shouts out the lyrics, "I want you to love me like I never left. Akon raps a little. Whitney sings talks a little. Now I know that it's a leaked song so it's probably not done yet, but doesn't it kinda sound like one of those songs that you and your friends could record at an amusement park? And then you can buy the tape. And then you take your tape and listen to it in your 1985 Oldsmobile on the drive home. And you and your friends all think it sounds really good. And then you discuss starting a band. And then you realize it will take too much work. And then years later you find that tape. And then you listen to it. And then you are embarrassed over your song choice. And then you wonder what would happen if you one day became famous and that song was leaked. Just me?
Anyway, listen to Whitney's alleged new song below. I'm sure this will stay online for 14 minutes. This song is cheap. This song is whack.
Source It Up!

Britney Goes to Mexico! Woo-Hoo! Spring Break 2008! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Britney Spears headed to Cabo San Lucas over the weekend for a little rest, relaxation, and cigarette breaks with George Maloof, owner of the Palms Hotel in Vegas and one of the producers to blame for the Living Lohan show. Seriously was the paparazzo that took these pictures parasailing over Britney's hotel? Creepy.

Britney probably needed the relaxation after realizing that part of her custody deal was to increase her child support payments to KFed by $5,000/month and having to pay his $250,000 legal bills. Oh and by the way, KFed is getting a total of $20,000/month in child support. Do you know how many buckets of chicken KFed can get for $20K/month?
Poor Britney. Well hopefully while in Mexico she got to spend some time on the banana boat, going jet skiing, getting her hair braided, buying a carved wooden duck by a local on the beach, buying packs of gum by little kids who beg you to buy it from them while they're out alone at like 3:00 in the morning.
Oh, and as a sidenote, why is Britney sitting behind the dude in front of her like she's in a classroom or on a plane? Just wondering. I'll never understand the rituals of the rich and famous.

Source It Up!

Lauren Conrad Tries the Cowgirl Look. Yee-Ho!

Yeah! Lauren Cockring is 2 for 2 in the past week for me. Last week she appeared all sloppy drunk and hot. Now, we have pictures of Lauren doing a little shopping yesterday dressed like a cowgirl. I like it. She's totally that girl who puts on her cowgirl themed outfit, heads on out to The Saddle Ranch in LA, and is double-fisting Bud Lights while slurring the words to "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy." See, now I'm getting sidetracked thinking of LC riding a bull. Ok, I'm back.

Lauren and LOser were all over LA shopping up a shitstorm and popping in and out of such stores as Intermix and Agent Provocateur. I decided to not post any of the pictures of LOser as she is worthless white-trash in my mind.

Lauren has received some heat lately in regards to supposedly not designing her craptasic clothing line, but Lauren is fighting back against those pointless allegations by stating: "I'm involved in the entire process of my designs." Yeah, kinda like she's involved in the entire script on The Hills. Just sayin'.

Lourdes Reinforces Her Unibrow

Maybe she's born with it? Maybe it's Maybelline? The whole Madonna family apparently tried to scare the balls off everyone at the Kabbalah Center over the weekend? First off, what the hell goes on at the Kabbalah Center? And when is their Halloween? Lourdes wants to make sure you know, for sure, without a doubt that she still has her unibrow. She's so committed to this unibrow that she actually even added some goldish headband that outlines and points to her unibrow. I'm waiting for her to toss on some form of a chin strap that will really make her mustache pop. Then she's hand in man-hand with her mom, Madonna, who must think it's ok to go and worship in cutoff sweatpants and a t-shirt. Seriously, what in the name of red string is wrong with her arms? Those look like heroin arms. Gross.

Wait, do you work out at the Kabbalah Center? I mean either way I'm not going, but if you do work out there that's a complete deal breaker for me.

Marisa Miller Does Stuff in Atlantic City Because Who Cares

Finally, a reason to go to Atlantic City! Marisa Miller was paid to host her supermodel ass off at The Pool at Harrahs in Atlantic City over the weekend. Me gusta Maris Miller y me gusta la lapiz tambien. I'm not sure what the second half of that meant, but point being IBBB needs more of Marisa Miller. I don't care that she's my age has already been married and divorced and married again. My standards have been lowered to about grasshopper jumping level.

Besides Marisa just being hot, the people in the background are great as well. This is the typical Atlantic City crowd featuring: Red Bull Dude, Tight Black T-Shirt Douche-Bag, Confused Old Man with Baseball Cap and Camera, and then you have Music Mohawk Man and Regular Jersey Girl right next to Marisa. Ok, well I think I've hit every stereotype I can. That'll be all. Good day.

Shia's Truck is the Real Crime

By know you've heard of the Shia LaBeouf DUI accident from the other night. I say you heard about it before because it happened over the weekend while I was taking multiple naps and never blogged about it. Once I finally awoke from my sleep coma I saw pictures of Shia's truck which is all banged up. Isn't this the real crime? I mean, sure, driving drunk should never be done, unless you're really really really concentrating. Ok fine, it should never be done. But this truck really is the crime. What multi-million dollar movie star drives a sea-foam green F150? No really, who? Oh and did I mention Shia's a dude? Yeah, a dude driving the sea-foam express.

At 3:00 am Shia was allegedly driving three sheets to the wind when he cut off another car and the two collided. Both parties were taken to el hospital and Shia is supposedly having surgery performed on his left hand. Left hand? Just remember this, Shia. If the right side of the brain is controlled by the left side of the body then only left handed people are in their right mind. You're welcome.
Source It Up!

Friday, July 25, 2008

IBBB Turns 2, Acts 2

Ah it seems like just 730 days ago I started up this here blog now loving referred to as IBBB. While my math isn't so great, it really was 2 yrs ago this weekend that IBBB began. Can you believe I'm 2 already? I knew I was 12, but 2? Yowza.

This past year has brought may changes to the blog such as a new love for all things Dina Lohan, a new hatred for Bindi Irwin, a continued obsession over Harriet Carter, a love/hate relationship with The Hills, and an overall Operation Sellout strategy. This trusty, yet ghetto, little blog has opened up many doors for me in the past year. IBBB got to appear for 46 seconds on E! News, star in a Dentyne Ice commercial, appear as a guest on a Sirius Satellite Radio show as the "pop culture" expert, etc. While I am this close to completely selling out and forgetting this blog ever existed, I'm not quite there yet.

After two years and recently hitting 3 million readers I would like to thank each and every one of you, not personally of course. I would like to most thank the .00001% of you who leave a comment here at Chateau IBBB and also those who send me hate mail and nastygrams. All equally appreciated.

As IBBB goes into its 3rd year you can expect the following: A newly designed website, more celebrity and fauxlebrity interviews, more ways for me to sellout, and more exclusive celebrity stories. You can expect it, but it doesn't mean it's going to happen. Let's face it, my children, this shit is basically going to stay the same.

So thank you all (except for 1 of you) and continue to be the trashiest trash heaps you can be as my faithful readers. Oh, before I forget, I'd like to thank all of you for not getting me on Best Week Ever or Chelsea Lately. You all really pulled through in not making that happen.

As a way to celebrate the 2nd Birthday of IBBB I am taking the day off and will try my best not to take a dirt nap after realizing I've spent 2 years of my life writing complete nonsense. Ole!

Luke-Warm Regards,
IBBB + Bindi Sue Irwin

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Lauren Conrad Gets Sloppy Drunk. Nice!

It's been a while since we've seen Lauren Conrad a bit on the tipsy side. Oh, and by "tipsy" side I really mean "3-sheets to the wind." LC and the gang were out enjoying themselves at Crown Bar last night. Lauren made sure to put on her best Target palm-tree themed anti-mold shower curtain because if she was going to puke on herself she certainly wanted to make sure it wasn't going to stain. At least Lauren did the right thing and didn't get behind the wheel herself. Nope, she slumped into the back seat as someone drove her ass home.

You know what that conversation in the back seat must have been like. "I love you guys for taking me home. No really Iloveyouguys. (insert tears). I've just been through so much in the past 2 years. 2 years. 2 years. 2 (hiccup) years. You guys wannago get pizza? Hey (slaps the back of the drivers head) get us some pizza. Seriously. Go! (Is now uncontrollably angry) Take us to get some f*ckin' pizza you f*ckin' piece of sh!t. You're my driver. I hired you (slaps back of head). F this. Pull over. I'll drive. No really, lemme drive. Lemme drive. Lemme drive. Lemme drive. Lemme drive. Lemme drive (hiccup). I hate all you guys. I'm not kidding. I hate you all. If you all died I wouldn't even care. (passes out). (wakes up). (pukes out window). I'm never drinking again. Never. I'm not kidding. Hey, who are you guys? Who's driving? Where's Lo? Are we rolling on this?"

Happy 10th Birthday Bindi Sue Irwin. I Love You.

Happy 10th birthday Bindi, you little bitch, happy birthday! The always lovable and never annoying Bindi celebrated the big day in Australia at the Australia Zoo on the Sunshine Coast. Bindi and her mom, who really got dressed up for occasion, had a cake made with a photo of Steve Irwin placed the cake. I'm sure Bindi felt happy, lucky, and so excited just to be blowing out the candles in front of hundreds of onlookers, most of whom where probably filthy pedophiles. Eh, I'm sure this is just the first in a long line of occasions when Bindi will be on her knees blowing something. I mean, this career as a jungle girl can't last forever and she's gonna need to make ends meet somehow! Bitch.

Jodie Sweetin Out and About (Minus Mr. Bear)

New first time mom, Jodie Sweetin and her husband, enjoyed a night out on the town while they had dinner at Hollywood hot spot, Koi. Damn! Looks like Jodie lost all of that baby weight. It also looks like Jodie lost a little something else and I can't put my finger on it. Does her nose look different? Does she have less chin? Has her old meth addiction somehow rearranged her face? Hmm, I can't seem to figure it out.

Anyway, while Jodie Sweetin is still campaigning to be on Dancing With the Stars she's keeping busy with a new film. I know, right? Jodie is filming "Port City" and will star along side other randoms like Matthew Laurance who was in 90210, Barbara Alyn Woods a regular in One Tree Hill, and John Wesley Shipp from Dawson's Creek. Ok, I won't lie..I have no clue who any of those people are. Regardless, this is Jodie's first comeback project and I'm psyched. Hopefully Kimmy Gibbler will be next!

I want to interview Jodie. Someone make that happen please? Thanks. We'll strictly talk about Full House episodes and whatever happened to Mr Bear. Thanks again.

Source It Up!

They're Country Too, Y'all!

Pull over ma'am. License and registration please. Ma'am, why are you sitting on that man's lap, ma'am? Brad Pitt is ready to pull a bitch fit after this photo had been taken of him letting his little daughter, Shiloh, drive like a bat out of hell on the grounds of their stinky French home.

I mean, I don't want to say anything but funny how none of the other kids got to drive the car....none of other "non-white" kids. Interesting. Now isn't that the real issue? Geesh. Maybe Shiloh is driving them to a Klan meeting.

Jessica Biel: Easy, Beezy, Beautiful

The always light and easy going Jessica Biel was all business when she was walking her dog, Tina, in LA the other day. Wasn't Jessica Biel hot before? She was right? What in the holy hell happened? Maybe it's the housecoat she's wearing? Maybe she scares me because she's sans makeup? Or maybe, just maybe, she intimidates me. She does. I admit it. I feel like after this photo was taken she took that dog home and just humped it for hours to mark her territory. Bitches. Ow!