Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Allison: The Chick from Intervention With the Computer Cleaner Cans.


Ok. So I need to start out by saying that I know that I'm going to burn in hell for making fun of the girl from Intervention. I know I am. I'm at peace with it. I know it's wrong. I know it's horrible. I know it's low morals. I know it's extremely bad karma. But, have you guys seem the latest episode of A&E's Intervention? Seriously. Best. One. Yet. You totally knew it was going to be good when they're showing you the preview of the episode and the chick screams into the camera, "It's Like I'm Walking On Sunshine!" Honestly, watching Intervention makes me feel like I'm walking on sunshine.

So this chick Allison is a premed student, insanely smart, (has odd eyebrows) and is crazy addicted to inhaling those cans that you use to clean your computer. You know, you buy them at Office Max? Yeah, those. Here's the thing. In order to be addicted to inhaling these cans you have to be all sorts of committed. The buzz only lasts 3-5 minutes so you have to constantly inhale these cans all day long. Let me repeat that. All day long. Allison literally buys 10 cans of this shit a day and inhales it every 3 to 5 minutes. I don't have the dedication to get addicted to this shit.

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Ok so here's the other thing about Intervention. And I know this is horrible, but when they get to the part where they show the first baby picture of the addict you know, you know, they were molested. No joke. It's like cue the baby pictures and.....BAM molested! Every time. Clearly this chick was molested and, not only has an eating disorder, but also cuts herself to try to cope. When she's not inhaling computer cleaner and screaming on the floor she's cutting. It's a full time job.

Oh, and she's been married like 3 times already. She meets a guy, they go out for 2 months and then get married. Then the guy divorces her because she can't put down the can. For some reason while talking about her marriages they kept on showing her playing the flute while in college. I'm not sure what the flute has to do with it. Wait, maybe because the flute was in her mouth then years later it was the computer cans? Can playing the flute cause addiction? Oh and it gets better. She has this "sugar daddy" who takes care of her financially, but he's married and has two kids. While I thought that was bad enough I cringed and giggled like a school girl every time her family would refer to him as the "sugar daddy." I was like, stop saying sugar daddy!

Ok, so then they cut to the intervention itself. But here's the deal. Intervention is on from 9-10pm. The intervention part of the show usually airs around 9:40-9:45 leaving like 15 minutes for the intervention itself and the follow up. Not this time. Not. This. Time. BAM! The intervention starts at 9:30, so you totally know this is not going to go well if there's like 30 minutes left. Yeah, it doesn't go well. Allison bails from the intervention, which I believe is a first, so then the following happens. They randomly all Animal Control to come and take her cats away. And then the mother calls the "sugar daddy" to tell him that if he keeps talking to Allison she's going to tell his wife. Seriously, what!?

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Allison goes back to the red barn she lives in and when Animal Control comes to take her cats she pitches a fit and then the police take her into custody. Ok so it's not that funny, but it kind of is. The cops tackle her and one grabs her arm and the other grab her legs and they're swinging her like a jump rope. No joke I was waiting for someone to start doing double-dutch over her.

So she goes to jail, is released after 7 hours, and then finally decides to go to rehab after her family cut her off. The good news is that she's been sober since May 2008. The bad news is that she dyed her hair this crack-head blond color while in rehab and looks worse. Oh, and she still talks to the "sugar daddy." Yeah, that's going nowhere fast.

Honestly, this was one of the best Interventions ever. I love watching the reality shows on A&E. It makes me feel smart. Like I'm watching smart television.

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Did anyone else out there see it? crickets crickets crickets.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh my gosh I totally watched it. I'm a huge fan of the show and you're right, people don't just abuse substances because it's fun. There's always a reason. They were molested, daddy left them, parents got divorced, they were poor growing up...it's amazing the excuses people use to turn to drugs and/or alcohol. But I agree, this one was the craziest one I've ever seen. My husband called while I was watching it and I think I said, "this girl is batshit crazy!"...good to know someone else out there watches it!

Lisa D said...

Have you ever seen the one with Kristy? The blonde who was crazy (that doesnt really narrow it down, does it?). Her dad was a singer. She was on meth and alcohol. She would constantly walk around naked. THAT one was the best ever. She never went to rehab... i'm dying to see an update on her.

IBBB said...

That one was awesome too....especially the part where she was naked throwing Ramen Noodles at the camera man.

And that song he sang to her was awesome. It rhymed and everything. Between that song and "sugar daddy" I think those two families should form a band!

Anonymous said...

Ahhh I so watch that show every week, and you know it was starting to get boring with all the alcoholics and crackheads, so this was definitely one of the best. When the police went to grab her and she started climbing up the other policeman with her legs I couldn't stop laughing, so yea I'm probably going to hell

the complainer said...

BEST INTERVENTION EVER.

I could not believe her horrific blonde hair at the end.

Have you ever listened to the song at the end of the show?? It totally says "Bisexual Mother". Listen to it. you'll hear it.

Kristin said...

I will probably go to hell for laughing so much at her...my favorite part was when she went to the cemetary

K-Tizzle said...

I, too, agree that this was one of the finest Interventions I've ever watched, and I've tried to watch them all. I can't get enough! (Is it bad that I drink beer while I'm watching it, though?!?) It was totally up there with the Kristy one. I think the thing that made this one shine differently than Kristy is just the weirdness of her addiction. I mean, Allison was just so so lost--the voice, the eyes...those eyes sucked you in.

I did note that the intervention started early as well, and I was like "Buckle the f*ck up, people, this shit's gonna get GOOD."

@ibbb..."She's so witty, and so pretty...often misty, that's my Kristy! She's my world, my little girl, somethin' somethin' somethin'"...man, I can't believe I remembered that much!

Oyster Girl said...

OMG! I kept watching this particular Intervention wondering why Anne Hathaway had decided to act in a mockumentary of Intervention!

It was absolutely insane. This was the best one ever!

My friend refers to it as the Swwwwooooooooootttt episode now. That can of Duster never left her lips!

My favorite quote from this epi was "BUST THE CATS!" LOL!!!!

Lisa D said...

Hahahaha with a song like that, i hope the dad makes millions!

Also, in regards to the Intervention theme song at the end... i swear, its as bad as the Top Model theme (played at the end when they have the eliminated model disappear from the group)

Anonymous said...

I have only seen maybe 3 of these shows and I randomly ended up watching this one but came into it about 9:20 and was like WTF is she addicted to?!! I was hoping that it really wasn't the office air crap but when I realized it was I could not help but laugh! Isn't that called "huffing"? I think people used to huff air freshner back in high school but I can't say I know anyone that got addicted and went to rehab for it! I think that it is great that you posted something about it since I thought I was the only one that saw that!

Anonymous said...

I love this show! One of my all time favorite episodes was with Marie (I think that is her name)- her husband had recently died and she was an alcoholic. She couldn't figure out how to change a light bulb so she ends up smacking it. Also, did you notice the grill in her living room? Right next to the couch is a flippin grill. The best part of the whole episode was when the intervention guy said something about she has a great family that loves her. She responds "No, I don't think I have a great family." I've never laughed so hard at an intervention!

Mollie87 said...

LMAO!! OHH MYY GODD, I'm obsessed w/ intervention..I've seen almost every episode, although I haven't caught this one yet..Have you seen the one w/ Tim? The druggie music producer who layed in a storm drain and cried like a little bitch? Thaaaaaaaaaat was a good one, or the one with Tom, from Southie?? That one wasn't particuarly eventful, but he's from southie

Anonymous said...

By far, this was the most profound and interesting Intervention. Hands down. I was simply glued to the telly on this one. It was almost like, is this real or what?! I like smart tv too. Keep blogging, you said it all so well!

IBBB said...

Wow and I thought I was alone in my love for Intervention. I should have been recapping this crap all season!

-IBBB
(Swwoooooooooooot!)

Anonymous said...

Well keep recapping it if you have the time! I love to hear your comments on it!

The Daily FIona said...

I don't think...

SWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.

...it's very nice of you to...

SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.

....MAKE FUN OF ADDICTS...

SWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.

Where are my cats?

Anonymous said...

I am so mad I missed this one! I would have to say, i think it was Sylvia?? the vodka chick who was drunk on the job and falling into bushes who was my favorite. What a hot mess she was!

Lisa D said...

Swwwwoooooooooooooooooottt
"It's like walking on f***in sunshine!"

Chris said...

OH GOD. I saw this. Probably the FUNNIEST episode ever. My coworkers and I have been imitating her all day long!

It was almost a parody in that she was a huffer, cutter AND an anorexic all roled into one hot mess.

Taylor said...

holy cow, 19 comments. I saw the commercials. I was afraid to watch. Just like TMI. I know things like this happen, I just don't want to SEE them happen ( like Lions eating baby Zebra and what not ). I get this show 'on demand' my cable company lets you watch the reruns whenever. I have to watch it now. I saw 3 episodes of Intervention last night - and truly its a sad show, but you're right - the ' its like walking on sunshine' while she is so wigged out, is compelling TV. Bravo on all the comments.

murray said...

intervention is like watching that clip where the lady gets hit and dismembered by the train...you don't want to watch it but you just cant turn away...Kristy was the best ever, i only caught the last 20 min of this one...im going to A&E to see if i can watch it, another show on A&E that is a must see is the first 48

Anonymous said...

I want to make her "Its like im walkin on sunshine" comment my new ringtone. I love the show and i know its bad to say but i laughed so hard when i hear her say it.

Anonymous said...

This was the best episode ever! I was watching the episode and all of a sudden things started looking very familar ad thats when I realized she lives in the same town as me in Newport, RI. I saw her buying the duster from Walmart and thought that looks alot like our Walmart!

Anonymous said...

The Newport Police really handled themselves well, I'm not big on cops but those two guys really handled that situation the best they could have, kudos. In the end they probably ended up saving her life.

Anonymous said...

Why do we somehow enjoy watching others suffer and ruin their own lives? Is it so we can feel better about ourselves? To say..."wow, I'm glad I'm not like that..."
Pain and suffering of families should not be viewed as entertainment. These are good people that had horrible problems and blunt the pain with substances. Don't think your better than these people, anyone could end up like that.

Morgan said...

This was awesome. YOU HAVE TO KEEP blogging about the Second Greatest Show on TV - Intervention. (The first, of course, being The Hills). This was one of the best episodes.

Patrick G. said...

I caught this episode just last night (10/21/2008) and thought it was quite interesting. Part of what was neat about it was her choice of drugs - totally legal and easy to obtain, even if the buzz only lasts 3-5 minutes. So what does that say? She's desperate, but not so desperate that she'll turn to illegal substances. On the outside she keeps telling everyone that she wants to die and that she doesn't care, but if she truly didn't care, she'd be on something heavier and illegal like crack or heroin, so deep down, she understands that at some point she wants to stop and get her life back on track (even though she doesn't really know how) and that when she finally does, she doesn't want her life to be a total wreck, she wants it to be something she can recover from, hence the use of legal, easily obtained substances where she can get a grip after the buzz wears off in 5 minutes - hell, even alcohol isn't that kind! By the way, is there a physical addition to inhalants, or is it only mental/emotional? Anyway, once she starts to clean up, she won't have completely damaged her health, and she won't have an arrest record for possession and usage of illegal stuff - all things that can't easily be left behind, even if you do become sober.

So far my favorite episode of intervention TV is Chad, but this one was good too.

Whakka said...

Seriously, huffing isn't a drug addiction... it's a ploy to get attention. All the self-inflicted cutting is just a stupid emo kid doing stupid emo stuff.
And, had it not been on TV those cops would have charged her with assaulting an officer and/or resisting arrest.

SeangSTM said...

I'm not sure if someone mentioned it already, but the real f*cked up thing about Allison is that she WASN'T molested - she witnessed her little sister being molested (you know, the NORMAL sister...!).

Deanna said...

The day after I watched this episode I was rifling through our departmental office supply drawers looking for some Post-its. I literally cringed when I saw the canned air! :)

thirteenthree said...

Whew.. I'm glad I'm not the only one who made a ringtone from that episode.

Anonymous said...

I'm from the same town as Alison, and went to school with her for about 10 years. She didn't end up going thru public high school (I don't think?), so she dropped off the radar and I hadn't really given her any thought for the last 12 year really at all.

Then... this.

It's really strange, as she was an incredibly intelligent, talented individual - that's the memories I would have looking back, and if you asked me what I thought she was doing before I had any knowledge of this show... let's just say it wouldn't have been anything like this.

Given that I actually knew her at one point in my life, it's pretty amazing to read some of the comments that people feel compelled to write. Makes you wonder if that was someone who knew... what you still leave the same comment?

Regardless, I can see both sides of the argument (huffing is really not addictive in comparison to other substances, and it's an attention thing primarily for her) - but this will definitely make me think twice when considering the circumstances of other peoples lives... it certainly adds a different perspective when you knew the individual and the last thing you remember about is seeing them as a child in school on a playground.