Tuesday, September 09, 2008

IBBB Interviews Chelsea Handler: Both Agree Spencer Pratt is an Overall Douche Bag

Sweet! It's Chelsea Handler interview day! First off let me say that out of 3 pictures that were taken, this is the one that came out the best. It was either blurry face me or blurry face Chelsea and, let's face it, who in the hell wants to see me.

Let me just say that Chelsea was insanely nice and extremely gracious to even do this interview with me. Let's face it, IBBB is certainly not People or Us Weekly. We chatted about such things as the most douche-baggy celebrity, how to break into the entertainment industry, why I was not ready for the Chelsea Lately panel, whether or not it's ok to miss seeing Britney's "gentlemen greeter," and a variety of other craptastic topics. I got 5 minutes with her....and this is the best I could come up with. Here's how it went down:

IBBB: Tell me about a time when you thought of just completely throwing in the towel. What convinced you to not give up?

Chelsea: You know what, I was never really good at anything else and I was a waitress and I knew that if I threw in the towel I would end up just being a waitress and I hated waiting tables so much that I had to just constantly get the fuck out of that job and so I just worked and worked and knew that eventually just come together. And, luckily for me it did. For now, anyway.

IBBB: Who's the most douche-baggy celebrity you ever met?

Chelsea: Spencer. Oh wait, that I met? I don't know. Actually Andy Dick is pretty much a douche bag. I mean, David Hasselhoff too, but I haven't met him yet. But I'm sure when I meet him he will be.

IBBB: Wait! What were you going to say about Spencer Pratt??

Chelsea: Well Spencer's the biggest douche bag. Period. Not celebrity douche bag, just douche bag.

IBBB: More of a fauxlebirty douche bag.

Chelsea: Yeah!
IBBB: Some people are saying you're the most feared woman in Hollywood since Joan Rivers. Personally, I fear the Olsen twins. Which celebrities refuse to do your show?

Chelsea: I try to keep positive things in my life and that never really gets back to me. Anyone who has a good sense of humor will do my show. So it hasn't really been a huge issue.

IBBB: Seriously, Perez Hilton is the worst. Do you think people should be able to make a successful career out of drawing "coke dots" on the nose of every celebrity?

Chelsea: It depends. If someone really likes cocaine and they want to show that everyone is doing it then that's their prerogative. I mean, it could be worse, I don't know, if he drew like a big white penis or cocaine dots. What's worse?

IBBB: Right, it's like Sophie's Choice.

Chelsea: If it's a holiday, I'll take the penis.

IBBB: So, the whole cast of Full House seems to be getting work lately, yet Kimmy Gibbler seems to be unemployable. How come?

Chelsea: Well, yeah, I'm working on that. I'm trying to get Kimmy her own show.

IBBB: Really. Sweet. You can pull some strings?

Chelsea: Yeah definitely. There's got to be something I can do.

IBBB: Scale of 1-10, how much do you miss seeing recent pictures of Britney's "gentleman greeter?"

Chelsea: Her vagina? Oh, not at all. I'm actually really happy that's taken a vacation from public viewing. There's really only so much you can take of that.

IBBB: What's your advice to those of us trying to break into the industry? How do you differentiate yourself?

Chelsea: I don't know. I just work really hard. It's like working out. If you go to the gym every day you're going to have a good body.

IBBB: Your talent exec, Michael Cox, told me I wasn't right for the Chelsea Lately panel because I'm not an "actual comedian" or legitimate "entertainment journalist".......

Chelsea: Oh. Sorry about that.

IBBB: ....why do you think your staff is racists towards funny and devilishly handsome bloggers with big penises?

Chelsea: Are you saying you have a big penis?

IBBB: Why yes I am.

Chelsea: We only choose people for the round table that have extremely small penises. We really like to help out people who are having trouble in the personal lives.

IBBB: Ugh. Alright fine. Anyway, my website, ImBringingBloggingBack, has readers who love to hear about the inside of the real celebrity world. How often are you hitting the club scene and what really goes on inside there?

Chelsea: I don't do any of that stuff. I'm so tired by the time I get home. First of all, no. The last thing I need to do is get my picture taken drunk dancing at a club after I sit around making fun of girl doing that. So I take my party straight back to my house and that's where me and my boyfriend get down and dirty.

IBBB: Awesome. Anything else you have going on?

Chelsea: No. Just this and the book and I have a new book coming out, but that's not for a couple of years. I just signed a deal for that...and that's about it.

IBBB: Well thanks for taking the time, I really appreciate it.

Chelsea: Yeah, thank you. Really nice to meet you BOB.

This could, perhaps, be the best part of the interview for me. I played that part back about 10 times and she totally called me "Bob" which isn't my name. Seriously, if that doesn't sum up my entire blog and existence, I don't know what does.

Again, Chelsea was extremely nice to even do this and was a riot the whole time.
Special thanks to my friend Paul for getting this set up, Chelsea's kick ass assistant Helene (Sissy and Turkey), and of course Chelsea. Oh and my buddies DouK and Lauren who are also in the photo. I'd also like to thank God and......ok done.



shannon said...

YAY! So happy for you! Was she really as funny as she seems on tv? She seemed pretty funny in the interview, but how was she really?

Great job!

Mandi said...

I agree...great job! However, I think you are totally qualified for the panel. I was watching last night (don't know if it was a re-run or not) but Danielle Fishel (aka TOPENGA) was a panelist. What on earth qualifies her to be a panelist? She looked like hell too...

Anonymous said...

LOL. This was great. Anytime you can work your penis into an interview all the better. And I agree, you should be on the panel. You can be the ghetto blogger, as you say.

Anonymous said...

I'm calling you Bob from now on. Done and done.

Taylor said...

I wonder what IBBB's name is ?

And Topanga actually does fit the panelist criteria, small weiner... 'member ???? hahahaha

Anonymous said...

thanks BOB. i've been waiting for this interview and it didn't disappoint. :) you'll be on her panel someday...hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Kudos, well done! I am EXTREMELY jealous of you! My #1 dream is to hang out with Chelsea Handler and #2 is to hang out with you, IBBB...so to find out that BOTH of you were together..well...its magical (I wish there was a video)

Anyways, this reminded me, did anyone else catch the episode when Audrina is on? It was actually really funny especially when Chelsea asks her when the last time she and J Bob banged and Audrina gets all giddy and flustered saying "CHEEELLLSSSEAAAA" and Chelsea goes "So in the last month then? ok."

haha she also basically says the they are purposely put in preset scenarios on the hills and are told to like "go with it"

P.S. Did you meet the little nugget aka Chewy?

Debbie said...

I think you actually make a great looking couple. Forget what Halle and Gabriel's baby looks like...you and Chelsea could make beautiful babies together...and what perfect teeth they'd have! Congrats on the interview and I know you are MORE than qualified to be on that panel...geez...didn't they read your blog?