Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Paranormal State's Exorcism Makes Me Want to Be a Better Person

So I just finished chiseling the skid marks out of my underwear. Who's watching Paranormal State and, more importantly, who's seen this weeks episode of the chick from Illinois who was possessed and needed an exorcism? Holy hell! I literally was awake for hours after watching Monday nights episode.

So here's the deal. This random 26 year old chick was being literally terrorized basically by Satan himself. She was almost drowned and raped (by a ghost) in her bathtub. She has things written on her. And finally she has convulsions when someone pours holy water on her. Half of these things are filmed.

They say that people can do things that open up evil directly into their lives. Some say it can actually start by getting certain tattoos. This made me think. I don't have any tattoos, but this blog is basically the portal to hell. And now I'm scared to death.

While I'm a dude, I still don't want to get raped in my bathtub by the ghost of Patsy Cline or something. I don't know why I thought of her, but I did. I mean, maybe I'd go to second base with the ghost of Patsy Cline, but I'm not going all the way with her. I joke because I'm terrified.

My favorite Psychic Kids psychic, Chip, was called to the house to see if he could feel or hear anything. Holy crap. Basically every room he went into all he heard was someone yelling obscenities at him. I assume in my case I'll also be haunted by the ghost of Sam Kinison. Being yelled at by Sam Kinison and raped by Patsy Cline is not my idea of a good night.

They then have to call in an actual priest to perform an exorcism on this chick that literally takes hours and hours and hours. The girls voice keeps changing and "the devil" tries to trick them all by pretending she's really just a little girl. The whole time Chip keeps clutching his pearls and is like, "Girrrrrrrl" every two seconds. When Chip loses his cool, so do I.

Can I remind you that all of this is filmed. It was the craziest thing to see. I'm pretty sure I peed twice. I'm kidding. 4 times. Finally the exorcism is over and the next day all is right with the world. You know how at the end they give you a quick update and it's usually like "The family no longer is being visited by ghosts and can rest easy." Yeah, not this time. This time they're literally like, "The girl had a horrible reaction when holy water was poured on her and she has been taken to the hospital." That's it. WHAT!?! No happy ending?!

Well let me tell you I was awake until about 2:30 in the morning thinking I was as good as dead. I didn't want to be awake at 3:00 AM because that's what Chip calls "Dead Time" in which the spirit world is most likely to show themselves to you. No thanks!

Please did anyone else see this episode? I'm scarred for life. I've been saying prayers all day. At one point my cell phone just started beeping (no lie) and I was like, "Chip? Girrrrrrrl!"
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9 comments:

not bindi's bitch said...

seriously one of the best shows ever - how can you not love A&E - especially when they replayed allison "huffing on sunshine" again this week

Anonymous said...

holy Christ, baby! I watched the same episode and think I may have left a doodoo stain or 2 in my bright pink hanes her ways!" I am six"!? I'm the f outta that bitch! AND, I stupidly recorded the entire nights marathon so you know I was stuck! I grabbed my bottle of wine and my rosary, hid under my bed, and prayed for daylight. When Chip starts swearing I get nervous. Long live the Chip!

IBBB said...

Seriously, how insane was that episode. I did laugh a little when the "demon" said its name was "Six." I was like, "Six from Blossom?" It's good she's getting work again even if it is just on Paranormal State.

-IBBB

Morgan Ash said...

First of all, I get so scraed of this show I am not allowed to watch it after dark or alone. Secondly, CHIP is the BEST psychic. EVER. In my opinion, Chip is the only real pyschic. He freakin' terrifies me.

Anonymous said...

This epsiode made me want to move out of IL, f that shit! So scary, and her dad was kinda creepy too!!

K-Tizzle said...

OMG, this one *was* kind of freaky...When I saw that Allison was on the rerun of Intervention and after that was the NEW HOUR LONG VERY SPECIAL EXORCISM EPISODE I knew my Monday night A&E lineup was going to be the best one I've had in a while.

Chip was totally in "Giiiiirrrrllll..." mode through that whole thing. You knew shit was going down.

Debbie said...

I went back and watched this and it gave me goose bumps several times. I crossed myself and I'm not even Catholic! Has anyone ever mentioned that you look a lot like Ryan? Just sayin'....

reinna said...

Holy Jebus!! Crazy spooky. I got the chills when Chip asked if someone was raped in the bathtub!! Chip is the MAN.

Scaaaaaaaared! said...

this was THE most terrifing episode I have ever seen. I deleted it off my tivo and damn near threw the thing out the window just to make sure i wasn't letting anything into my house. I slept with the lights on monday night and thinking of that episode sends chills up and down my spine.