Monday, November 24, 2008

I Now Pronounce You "Mr and Mrs. Santa Pubes." You May Kiss Us Weekly.

Let me just say that I've probably taken 4 days off from the blog in the past 2 years. Of course, of course, I would take the day off when Heidi, her new chin, her new boobs, her new nose, her fake hair, would marry Spencer/Steve Sanders and his Santa pubes. Of course I would not find out about this until the end of the day.
I just have 2 words for Heidi and Steve Sanders. "Thanks for inviting me to the secret wedding. I'm sure Us Weekly was there, on their knees, filming the whole thing and holding the cue cards."
Anychin, the two natural blonds eloped in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on November 20th. I wonder if Frankie Delgado let them get married in his backyard?
By the way, here is what Steve Sanders vows were: "Heidi, from the moment you came into my life, I knew my life would never be the same without you. You are the light in my life like the sun to the earth! Your loving warmth makes me want to be a better person. Being with you, I feel complete. I'm honored to even be able to call you my wife. You are the most amazing, loving and caring woman on this planet. I will love you forever and always."
Mmmm sweet. I'm pretty sure "you are the light in my life" is the name of a song. I'm pretty sure "...makes me want to be a better person" was from that Jack Nicholson/Helen Hunt movie. And I'm pretty sure that "I feel complete" was also from a late 90's movie.
No word yet on what Heidi's vows were, but rumor has it Heidi said something along the lines of "Ow Spencer! Get your hand out of my ass....it hurts when I talk." I'm trying to get that verified.
Darlene Montag was not at the wedding and was not supportive of it. When Heidi called to give her a heads up, Darlene thought she was calling to tell her they had broken up. Oh snap! Hopefully Darlene will get revenge by shooting Heidi's horse on Main Street of Crested Butte.

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13 comments:

becca said...

Oh man...I thought about you as soon as I read about the "wedding." Word on the street/Butte is that LC is gonna bring Justin Boby to the faux reception we are sure to see on the next season of...The Hills. Kidding, but wouldn't that be chintastic?!?!

becca said...

Oops, meant Juston Bobby, but Justin Boby or even Justin Booby are just as good...

Anonymous said...

I bet Ashlee's pissed. Look, she got booted to the sidebar of the Us Weekly cover all b/c these two losers eloped!

Anonymous said...

Heidi is so brain washed. She had said she wanted a wedding with all her family.....Spencer robbed her of that and again, she is OK with it. What an idiot......oh well....milk it while it can.

Ashley said...

not only did Spedi elope, but Jodi Sweeten is getting a divorce and Kim from Housewives is going to pose in playboy. they must all have known that you were taking the day off.

Mrs. IBBB said...

Please Jesus Clause don't ever let them reproduce.

Anonymous said...

After reading a comment about them reproducing I immediately chuckled and thought about a scenario where these two bleach blonde bimbos had a red head baby. Wouldn't that serve them right.

What I want to know is if this was filmed by MTV and if the marriage is really legal. Anyhow, expect a wedding reception at Don Antonio's soon I'm sure. You know they eloped to avoid the embarrassment of having no friends to invite as guests and the family member situation seems questionable as well.

Taylor said...

holyfuckingshit.

Its the apocolypse.

Thanks for the heads up. I subscribe to US weekly and have been DEEPLY disappointed with their love affair of Santa Pubes. Whilst I wanted to barf over the last several Obama covers, I would take that over Speidi anydamnday.

Anonymous said...

Geez, US weekly sucks.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah obama 08'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. No better yet obama 12'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

kasey said...

What happened to "What happens in Cabo stays i Cabo"?

Anonymous said...

BOYCOTT US WEEKLY.. seriously. get over these 2 tools US, i can't believe how pathetic and worthless they are. i no longer buy that magazine and hopefully more people will do the same. i want to read about real celebrities, not these losers

amichelle said...

Whitney is a much more interesting girl to read about. I also blog about her here http://pop.ology.com/2008/12/24/lets-just-give-her-her-own-country/. Let me know what you guys think. I just think she is not as much drama and a more bright individual. I don't dislike heide though