Friday, November 07, 2008

Real Housewives of Atlanta: Kim Sings, I Die More Inside

Sure I'm a little late on my thoughts on this weeks episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, but I've been busy sitting down and stuff. Anyway, I almost want to get rid of everyone else on Real Housewives, except Kim and Nene. Ok, maybe Sheree can stay, but only because she's the Claire Huxtable of the show.

This week we got to watch the multi-talented Kim perform for us. And by "multi-talented" I am, of course, referring to her magical ability to both smoke, drink, sing, and keep her wig from falling off her head while performing these difficult tasks. Listening to Kim sing in front of her voice coach is like listening to a political conversation between 2 homeless people. You can stand there and try to listen, but all you can really hear is their teeth literally falling out of their mouths. Anyone?

Does anyone want to join me in the intervention I'm currently planning for Kim? Sign up now, please. Kim is barely in a scene without her glass of white-trash white zinfandel. She might as well just pour that shit in a clear plastic cup. At one point I'm pretty sure I saw Kim sitting in her car and drinking and then later just leaving the lingerie store with her infamous glass.

Meanwhile, speaking of drunks, Nene gets three sheets to the wind and sings a beautiful song about Kim whilst in the limo with her and her friends. They're all laughing, but later condemn Nene for the song and pretend they didn't know it was about Kim. When Nene sang that "she says she's 29, but she looks 89...." that didn't give it away?

Later, Kim hits the recording studio with Dallas Austin (which I just realized are two places in Texas....thanks 5th grade Social Studies class!!), but not before she puts on an actual white top hot because, you know, that helps the voice. Kim starts belting out a song that was originally written for Cher and when she hears the playback of her song, her eyes start to fill up. My eyes were filling up to, but mainly because when I was pouring bleach into my ears some of it spilled into my eyes.

Before the episode ends, Sheree and Kim head out to lunch and, to no surprise, are also drinking. Kim lets Sherre know that she's beautiful about 15 times because somehow being attractive equates to being a good Kim's eyes. Dallas Austin shows up to discuss Kim's vocal coach and at one point I'm pretty sure that Kim said she asked her how to spell "cat" to which Kim literally responded, "K-A-T." Wow. Good luck to the children of Kim.

All the girls decide to turn their fat backs on Nene, but Kim was the worst and text messaged her "bon voyage" message to Nene calling her a "low budget bitch." Wow. Well. Isn't that the white trash pot calling the animated kettle black!

What did you crackheads think of the most recent episode? Discuss.


Anonymous said...

NeNe singing that song literally had my laughing out loud because her husband was so mortified he actually tried to hide his face behind a piece of paper. i must admit, she was right on in what she was saying!

did anyone catch that when they asked him how long she had been smoking for she said 15 years? so she started smoking when she was 14? no chance she is 29.

Anonymous said...

Thank GOD you're covering this show. It's an absolute trainwreck, that makes this GA girl look bad, but I can't.turn.away.

Kim CANNOT sing and her KAT was killing me. Who the hell has never had guacamole, or even heard of it?
Her wig on too tight!

Nene is a straight up idiot. She keeps it real, and although you can take a girl from da streets doesn't mean you can take the streets outta the girl.

Their ignorance pisses me off. I want to scream that not all of us from Atl are idiots!

But I'll be watching again next week!! :)


JDizzle said...

Oh holy hell is that wig's voice whorrific. How can anyone actually say otherwise. I was embarrassed for her. Ugh.
OMG on another note I was super excited that you are blogging about it!!!! I a wicked nerd, I know but every episode I sit there and watch in entralled horror at these hobags talk about how awesome they are and about how fab their lives are. *gag*
Thanks IBBB.

IBBB said...

Well I had a friend who did start smoking when she was about 10 and taught her younger friend who was about 8 to it is possible. Although Kim is about 42.


Anonymous said...

Please cover this show more, I love it! I heard her spell cat with a k too and had to rewind the show to make sure I had it right. Kim's wig looks like she took the hair straight from her kid's doll. Considering Kim smokes about a pack a day - arguably - she should watch where she swings that wig, it looks extremely flammable.

Anonymous said...

I'm shocked that Kim knew what 2+2 was! I could NOTTTT believe the Kat comment--it stopped me dead in my tracks! And that hair! Does she think that people are blind to the fact that she only wears it one way!?!? NeNe needs to put on a bra desperately! SoOoOo excited that you're recapping this horrific show =)

Anonymous said...

I almost died when she spaelled cat KAT. And Sheree's face was pricless! Please keep bloggin about this show, it's hilarious and sooooo bad all at the same time. Love it!

Anonymous said...

NeNe rocks and needs her own show, period. Since Kim called NeNe a low budget bitch, I think NeNe should call Kim out for dating a married man(aka Big Poppa).

I love how Lisa seems all sweet and like a peacemaker when we all KNOW she was the one who ratted NeNe out to Sheree about the song.

DeShawn? Not much to say except she desperately needs a speech coach!

Anonymous said...

I don't really like Lisa anymore, she tries to act like she doesn't care about drama but we all know she was the one starting trouble by telling Sheree about the song. If she doesn't like drama why did she talk about it in the first place and why did she tell Sheree instead of Kim. That girl is way too fake for me and tries too hard to come off as something she isn't. I read that before her quickie wedding to that football player she was married to Keith Sweat. Apparently she likes her men rich and famous.

NeNe is a trip but at least she is the realest one on the show and by real I don't just mean her sagging, braless tits.

Anonymous said...

Nene is my favorite- she's ghetto, but what she says is usually true. I always catch the show by accident and somehow I'm drawn into it, even though they are all such shallow, stupid people. THere is NO WAY Kim is 29. That is bullshit. I'd venture to say she's pushing 40 - if not, she needs new doctors. That hair is HORRID! Your re-cap is dead on. Keep posting! hilarious.

Debbie said...

Once again...NeNe rocked the show and kept it real. Everyone except NeNe is as fake as Kim's hair. And it wasn't very hard to figure out who told Sheree about the song...Lisa! And, of course, Sheree ran right to Kim with a grin on her "black don't crack" face as she threw NeNe under the limo. She is one manipulative biotch. It's shit like that that keeps me coming back week after week. Thanks IBBB for your hilarious take on what it's like to be rich and stupid!

Anonymous said...

I can't believe this! It gets better and better every week. Kim is a DAMN fool. Why isn't anyone telling this bitch she can't sing?? And who can believe how FAKE Sherree is?..with her "who would have thunk it" comment. What talent?? They're all talking about real friends..real friends wouldn't let Kim come out the house with that synthetic ass hair, have let Deshawn SET HER SELF UP for failure, and again, would tell Kim to put her singing to rest.

And hell no that bitch isn't 29.
p.s. And Lisa is fake as hell as well. OF course her and Ed ran back and told.

Taylor said...

I LOVE that you are doing a 'recap' of this show. I love this show.

Kim's wig/hair or whatever is so so bad. I swear its the worst I've ever seen. And leaving her shirt unbottoned at Tom Jones levels just realllly kills me.

And her ' tiiightrope between you and meeeeeee' song was hilarious and I love Dallas' face, he couldn't even HIDE his disgust. And I like his comment about ' well now we know, so we aren't wasting anyone's time' or something like that.

I heard a rumor that Kim's 'big poppa' is Quincy Jones and it makes sense that he would send Dallas in to work with that stupid skank.

And can I just say, I love me some NeNe. She is hilarious.

OH, and remember when DeShawn was interviewing people to 'run' her house so she doesn't have to talk to 'those people' ? and she was mad people didn't google her, and didn't KNOW who she was ?? LOL. She better be careful what she says, I googled her, and lets just say,, it not good. Her foundation is a fraud, she is on some 'Rip Off Report'. Not suprisingly.

Oh I have to say, I love how they add an extra syllable to the word athlete. Its ' ath-uh-leet' didn't you know that ? and its 'speck - tack - oooo - laaar' and ' fab -oooo - lus'.

And again, shout out to NeNe. She's the best.

francine said...

I want to see the episode where Kim went shopping for her wig and she had to decide between Pom-Pom Hair and Muppet Hair and just said, "Screw it! Weave 'em both together and then superglue it to my head!"

Anonymous said...

this blog is classic! hilarious. i was a 'the hills' junkie until this show. love it!

Anonymous said...

I live in Atlanta, and these "ladies" do not. These are the Real Housewives of Alpharetta" Check a map!!!

Anonymous said...

i think our first hint that kim couldn't sing was when she asked Nene to sing for her on her album. and sheree is such a fake friend to not tell kim she can't sing and constantly "act" whenever they hang out together. i mean really. why can't she just act and look natural around people instead of constantly looking like she's about to give an interview or pose for a picture?

Anonymous said...

Being from Atlanta myself, I have to say the reason these women are so "out there" is because they are so NOT part of the Atlanta high society. Not one of them even lives IN Atlanta!! They are all suburbanites! True high society in Atlanta live IN Atlanta - in Buckhead, Brookhaven or one of the other old historic neighborhoods within the city. They are old money, old family - not new money from pro sports! True Atlanta high society lives in beautiful historic mansions - not these new McMansion stucco piles in the suburbs. The entitlement these women have - it's shocking. I have to admit it is hilarious to watch, but not at all an example of true Atlanta high society by any stretch of the imagination!

Anonymous said...

Kim is the Florence Foster Jenkins of country music: completely untalented and tone deaf. It's appalling that no one's telling her to stop wasting her time and energy, and it's a sign of her idiocy that she thinks she's remotely talented!

I loved watching the coach trying to tell her all that and be kind at the same time.

Anonymous said...

Kim - fake hair, crappy voice, lies about her age, extremely materialistic, CANNOT SING. Yuck.
Sheree - fake, wannabee designer (what a joke that is), badmouths her soon to be ex, yet he's the one who supports her
NeNe - she's the most real, but she's a bit too loud and yes, she needs a bra.
I prefer the Real Housewives of Orange County.

Anonymous said...

way to funny..
i listen to it over!!!
its so funny