Wednesday, December 10, 2008

12 Days of a Harriet Carter Christmas: On the 5th Day of Christmas...

On the 5th Day of Christmas, my white-trash love gave to me, 5 Instant Christmas Tree Wall Stickers, 4 "Diva Las Vegas" Whorebears, 3 Magnetic Eyeglass Holders, 2 Pussy Ticklers, and a Failure Model Chick in a pear tree!

On the 5th Day of Christmas: Hey kids! Come downstairs and sniff the Christmas Tree wall! Mmmm doesn't it smell like the real thing and nothing at all like an 1980's plastic Halloween costume that they used to sell on a plastic hanger in the Halloween aisle of Walgreens? Doesn't it!? Do you kids wanna lick the candy canes on the wall? It's safe because Daddy sprayed peppermint breath freshener all over the wall. Be careful not to knock off any of the Christmas ornaments so they crash onto the ground and break! Oh they're not real? Ok, well be careful not to accidentally peel off the ornaments and throw the plastic on the ground. Little Bobby and little Suzie will love opening up all their gifts that are stacked up nicely up against the wall! And wanna know the best part? When Christmas is over you can just paint right over the "tree" and be done with it for good. Go green!

My favorite part of the description is when they say, "build tree on wall to leave plenty of space for presents underneath." Yeah, something tells me that if you're not buying a real tree and just putting a giant Christmas tree sticker on the wall instead....there probably isn't any money left for presents to put under the fake tree in question either. Seriously, if this is what your life has come to, just don't celebrate Christmas at all. Turn to a different religion. What's the religion with all the candles? Maybe go with that one. It seems more cost effective.

....and a Failure Model Chick in a pear treeeeeeeeeeee!

Be sure to check back tomorrow for the 6th Day of Christmas! What a treat! Is it over yet?


Jeannette said...


Sandy said...

It finally happened. I laughed so hard I peed a little.

Anonymous said...

Why can I not find this on the Harriet Carter website? I NEED it for a gift exchange! :)