Thursday, December 18, 2008

12 Days of a Harriet Carter Christmas: On the 11th Day of Christmas....

On the 11th Day of Christmas my white-trash love gave to me, 11 Santa Toilets, 10 Colonial Drivers, 9 Dead Nana's, 8 Santa Blowers, 7 Ornament Hookers, 6 Crappy Church Jokes, 5 Instant Christmas Tree Wall Stickers, 4 "Diva Las Vegas" Whorebears, 3 Magnetic Eyeglass Holders, 2 Pussy Ticklers, and a Failure Model Chick in a pear tree!



On the 11th Day of Christmas: Hey kids! Know what Santa just LOVES?? That's right...when you piss and shit right on his head! I know! Don't ever bother lifting the toilet seat because now you can spray your urine all over his face...just like you did at the mall that time. Santa knows then you are sleeping and knows when you're awake. Oh, he also knows when you've had one too many bourbons, ate a little too much Mexican, are having your period, or even binging and purging. Yes, my friends, Santa does know it all. Santa will love it when he risks his life by jumping down your chimney, almost gets food poisoning by your day old milk that's been sitting out all night, chokes on your carrots, drops off all your gifts and THEN sees the wonderful tribute you've left him in the bathroom. He'll feel really special that you equate Santa Claus with urine, crap, and other bodily fluids. Good luck getting gifts next year, stupid. Happy whoridays, Harriet!

More:
2015 - 2016 Mens Fashion Trends, Style and Tips
Pappy Van Winkle Reviews and Where to Buy in 2015
Best Sunglasses for Spring/Summer 2015
Best Blazers and Sports Coats for Men
The Best People of Walmart


No comments: