Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The City Recap: The Editing Machine is Already Broken. Plus, I Still Want to Play Dirty Games with Olivia.

Yes, my photoshopping skill level has officially hit "tilt." Well the moment we've all been waiting for is finally upon us. Nope, not world peace. I'm talking about the season premiere of The City. Within the first few minutes we really get to learn a lot about how this season will go.

First off, The Hills editing machine must have pieces of Spencer Pratt's Santa Pubes beard still stuck in it because the editing train has fallen off the tracks. We learn this when Whitney is basically dumped off at her desk on her first day of work and her new co-worker, Olivia Palermo, walks in. I know I'll get a lot of crap for this, but for now I'm sticking with my original thoughts on Olivia. She's hot. Sure she probably drips douche when she sweats, but I'm fine with that. Anyway, Whitney and Olivia have this cockamamie conversation like they're life long friends and not at all like they're awkward new co-workers. Olivia informs us of a party she's having on her roof, but at this point she hasn't invited Whitney. Perhaps she's never seen Whitney throw "air punches" in the Hollywood Hills? Watch out Palermo! The looks that Whitney and Olivia were giving each other looked like they were drawn in with comic-strip animation...or worse yet, Japanimation. Is that a real thing, by the way?

Whitey and her faux-boyfriend who I will only refer to as "Ozzy Bobby" grab a quick dinner in the Meat Packing District, which is right near my favorite NYC hotel, The Gannsevoort. Now that I know Whit and crew film near there I will be sure to raise my stalking alert system to "red."

As the episode progresses I start to miss Lauren Conrad and those lines under her eyes. I even miss her holiday mustache. It's not as fun watching Whitney say things like "thinkinK" and "keepinK" to other people. I feel like the child of divorced parents. I will try everything I can to get Whitney and Lauren back together on The Hills. I'll be thinkinK of a plan over the cominK season.

So does everyone know Olivia? And does everyone hate her? It seems like everyone knows her and is like "ugh" when they hear her name. I mean, I requested her as a friend on Myspace about 3 months ago and asked her if she wanted to answer some questions for IBBB. I mean, she never responded to me at all, but I'm sure she's nice, you know, like deep down inside. Like real deep. I'm talking deep.....like down near her vaginastein.

Is Whitney's roommate/friend, Erin, really that chick Kimberly who works for Heidi at Bolthouse? I think it is. Either that or she stole her bangs from the set of The Hills and is wearing them on the set of The City. I have to admit, I kinda like her. She seems real and I bet she drinks beer and swears a lot. She's my kind of girl.....even with Tyra Bank's bangs. By the way, the party at Olivia's roof looks like a living nightmare. Someone mentioned playing a game of "Fashion Trivia" and I swear to God I think I saw a white light and I tried to go into it. Alas, it was a glare from the TV and I bumped my head. Luckily I came to once the "dinner party from hell" was coming to a close. Although, I did think I heard Olivia ask Whitney 15 times why Ozzy Bobby wasn't there. Perhaps they filmed that scene over the course of 10 weeks.

Ugh. So they decided to air two episodes back to back. I'm already tired. Basically here's what went down in the second episode....

That dude, Alex, from The Hills episode had lunch with Whitney and spilled the scripted beans that Ozzy Bobby may have gone home with some d-bag named Danielle. Fast forward. Whitney confronts Ozzy Bobby and he denies they technically went home together, but only shared a cab. Have you ever been in a NYC cab? You can pretty much have sex, sit in the cab for nine months, and then give birth in the backseat of the cab and the cab driver won't say anything to you. Therefore, he technically doesn't have to "go home with her."

Later "the new friends gang" heads out to Tenjune and Alex is "randomly" there and by "randomly" I actually mean "planted." This is the same crap they used to pull with Lauren and Heidi in The Hills Season 3. Remember that awkward encounter at "Ketchup?"

Anyway, Ozzy Bobby and Alex get into an "F you" fight about rumors and blah and blah and everyone is trashed and blah and I kinda wish I was drunk too, but I'm giving my liver a break until New Years and blah. Meanwhile, Alex's roommate is almost on all fours whispering in Whitney's air about Ozzy Bobby, etc.

The fight was pretty fun to watch because I was sure that Alex's winter hat would go flying off his head once Ozzy Bobby cold-cocked him. Cold-cocked. That's a funny word. However, it took the most embarrassing turn when Alex ended the bitch-fight by saying, "I only have one thing to say. The truth will reveal itself." Really? That's like the "words of wisdom" that Whitney used to bestow upon Lauren. Did I mention I miss Lauren's mustache? Actually come to think of it didn't the actual Justin Bobby once say something about "truth and time" to Audrina and her teeth? Are they sharing from the same script?

Finally, Kelly CUNTrone stops on by to talk with Whitney and I officially take back every mean thing I've ever said about her. That crazy son-of-a-bitch is real and she keeps it real. Even Kelly seem shocked that Olivia had a job. Finally, someone said it! And I don't mean that against my future wife, Olivia, but for the majority of the cast that are making more money filming The City than actually working regular jobs. Also, I think Kelly brushed her hair, so that was a nice change of pace from The Hills.

In the end, I actually will say this show wasn't so bad. It's pretty much like The Hills from Season 2, when it seemed like it wasn't overly scripted but just slightly coached. And, Whitney actually seems like a good person (yes I just said that). I'm going to give this new show a shot and I suggest you do the same.

I would personally like to thank Adam DiVello for producing this show, as The Hills has changed my life, as well as Sean Travis and, of course, Liz Gately. I have seen these names flash by in the credits for the past 3 years of The Hills and now The City....so I feel that we should all be thanking/blaming Adam, Sean, and Liz. Thanks guys.

So what did you guys think??????

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25 comments:

kasey said...

I guess Whitney has a little more personality then I thought was possible... she just needed to get rid of lauren. But I felt like they were cheapening my city or something. If they film in my neighborhood I'll be pissed. (I'll be stalking out my fire escape but I'll be pissed).

Shannon said...

This wasn't as bad as I thought either. They are trying to make Olivia like the devil or something. She's like Heidi, but with acting lessons, and less nose.

I loved this recap. Please keep recapping it, please!!!!!

JVee said...

You couldn't have said it better. I missed a lot of it, but it seems like I didn't miss anything at all!

I'm still hoping that by season 3 Kelly CUNTrone will have a new face, nose, lips, hair, and less chin. So like a Heidi make-over sans chin.

Lizzie said...

"is Whitney's roommate/friend, Erin, really that chick Kimberly who works for Heidi at Bolthouse? "

--->haha I thought the SAME thing and I was so confused as to how they even knew one another...did I miss something...

I also love how Whitney says she doesn't really have a place to stay yet, oh ok right MTV didn't buy u a sick UES apartment sure.

Anonymous said...

There was so much of this episode I didn't understand. Did I miss an episode or something?

Anonymous said...

Sorry but whitney is still a big bore didn't watch.

cait said...

Google Olivia Palermo's name - she is an aspiring actress, nothing to do with fashion OR public relations. So I guess these jobs are just as made up as Heidi's job at Bolthouse and Audrina's job at Epic. Is Diane von Furstenburg suffering in these economic times or something?! I thought they had more credibility than that.

Anonymous said...

ozzy bobby...ugh! he's like the new justin bobby, except not even attractive in a grungy sort of way like jbob is. who is this erin chick? I don't really like her....she talks too much and doesnt even let whitney finish her sentences. Isn't olivia's relationship with her cousin a little creepy?? i think they're a little too close...hahaha

Elizabeth said...

Ok City - I feel like we need a real estate reality check for just a moment. Erin or What's her bangs lives in giant modern condo, wtf? What does she do exactly? Is she a call girl working in the same firm as Spitzers girl?

Love your commentary. Love you.

Carrie said...

Oh IBBB. I can't believe you like that horrible Olivia. I'd love to hold her down and beat her to death with the blunt end of my cordless phone. I believe Whitney said that Erin was her only friend in NYC and she knew her from college or something. Unless MTV hired her like that did with Oddrina(and her teeth). Ozzy Bobby is gross and Alex is dead behind the eyes. I recently saw some underwear shots of him and he's dead down there too. I like the show so far and hope you keep recapping the hell out of this mess.

Bernardo said...

hey dude.

First, whitney does seem a good person.

second: olivia is really hot.

I was laughing when olivia turned to whitney and said: who are u? where are u from? did u ever worked in fashion? like she didn't knew who whitney from the hills is...the unusual camera on the room might give it away no girl?

bernardo said...

Wait a minute, whose "bernardo" im bernardo, and since your name is written in spanish ill be talking in spanish so my dearest american non interested in other languages can stop reading by now, que carajos? otro bernardo? y que ve the hills/city? y dsps viene a ibbbbbb y deja comments, q ademas tiene su propio blog? estoy conmovido x este pequeño mundo, quien eres y xq ves esta basura? y cn basura m refiero a regalo divino

Jenna said...

my life will be complete if you get in the background of a shot and do something completely random and un-scripted. i love your recaps, i love you, and i love the fact that whitney's roommate called some dude out on bronzer.

i will continue watching the show and reading your recaps. LOVE.

Linda said...

Okay so I def love the show so far and you!!

But in my opinion Olivia is a snob and was casted to be just that I see her causing major drama in the future and Whitney being in the center of it. Speaking of Whitney I love her i think she's pretty much the realest semi reality person yet she's so naive and extremely LA for NY I cant wait to see how she holds up. Erin pretty much popped out of no where but i think she is fun and i love that she has no problem with stating the blatant truth......
Cant wait to see more and read your hilariously honest recap

carrie johnson fireboo said...

yeah, I did not hate it.. at all. darn.

lil'kim is hot, and I love the dark spots underneath Olivia's eyes. and I'd love to see Kelly kick some ass, if anyone is giving whitney a hard time!!!

looking forward to your next recap. (btw, did you watch bromance? apparently, lauren will be in one of the upcoming episodes, so I'm pretty much bound to watch.. miss her too.)
/Carrie in Sweden

Bernardo said...

by the way, I m not spanish.

bernardo said...

i'm either but i do talk spanish and uve got a spanish name even if youre from protgal dude. By the way who thinks erin looks like shes got crabs?

Anonymous said...

Erin's dad is Cliff Williams from AC/DC. So I'm sure she's a spoiled girl living in a posh NYC apartment doing nothing.

kasey said...

I read in New York Magazine that Olivia was being considered for a role on another reality show about NY socialites but she picked The City. I hated how everyone "knew" her... even Kelly. People who are not from NY are really gonna think she is somebody.

Carrie said...

Whitney posts on her blog http://whitneyport.celebuzz.com/the-hills/ that she met Erin on an RV trip with their boyfriends. (the boyfriends were best friends).

JVee said...

Can you please start a segment called "Fun with IBBB's Blog Comments"?

There's material in here for weeks!

Oyster Girl said...

I love you IBBB.

Ozzy Bobby!

I think Oz Bob and Olivia have banged the gong.

Anonymous said...

It is just me, or does the NY apt. setting, looks exactly like the apt. that Lauren and Heidi shared..??

chrissy said...

BERNARDO'S!

lmao

Anonymous said...

Erin does not look like she has crabs. wtf. i think she's the prettiest girl on the show, then whitney. i can't believe guys like olivia so much. she's a stuck up bitch. and sorry but there are hotter stuck up bitches if that's what you're into. yes she gives good advice, but its the way she gives it-she's very condescending and mocking, a bitch for no reason. and what makes me dislike her the most (and her bum cousin) is how they talk about people. they've never encountered people like that, and it would never occur to invite "people like that" to their parties(the downtown crowd people)? um, they're just... people. and people come in all varieties. we don't all fit into your mold of whatever you conceive a worthwhile UESIder to be. olivia and her free loading cousin think they're above everyone else, and if you're not part of their little uptown crowd or anything they consider to be up to par,you're not as good. but hey you should be hanging out with them to be better, and be just like them! lame. just seeing about the bs they talk about i can imagine how boring and uptight their little hang outs are. i'd rather hang out with the "downtown crowd" any day. at least they're real. and that, fellow commenters, makes olivia ugly. her air of snob is so thick and unappealing it covers her completely.