Friday, December 05, 2008

Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?

A spinoff of "Spencer's Busy...Let IBBB Take a Message," IBBB is proud to present you with another installment of "Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?" Here's how this works. You have a question or need advice, you send me an email. I read it. I advise. Sometime, depending on my mood, I advice as well. Here are some recent questions/comments I've received. The names have been changed to protect the trashy.

Dear IBBB,
I'm thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend, but want to let him down easy. Any idea how I should do this?
Claire Huxtable

Dear Claire,
Well you've certainly come to the right place. True story: IBBB was dumped via email. That's right. Email. Nothing quite says "grown up love" like that. Although this has changed the way I date. I only date via email so that when my sorry ass gets dumped via the email, it seems a little more justified. So that's always a fun and entertaining option for you. Other ideas include, dumping him immediately after you've completed doing sex to each other. Preferably you will let him down before you get out of bed. If you're really creative and can wait a few weeks, simply leave him a letter from "Santa" letting him know that the deal is. He'll be pissed at Santa and not you. Happy holidays!

Santa's Helper,

Dear IBBB,
My office loves you. Will you come and visit us?


Dearest Officina,
I love the business world so the answer is, of course, "yes." While I'm there I might as well pass along my resume to you because the economy has officially hit "shitter" status and I'm sure I'm on my way out of where I currently am. If you wouldn't mind checking with your boss to see if he's ok with me taking extra long lunches, coming in late, saying inappropriate jokes to my co-workers, taking additional vacation time, and possibly playing "Office Diddler" on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Let me know! Thanks.

Diddle You on Monday,

Dear IBBB,
You really are a terrible person.

I Hate You

Dear I Hate You,
I know, right? It's insane how terrible I am. Just when you think I can't get worse I do.

I Hope Your Mother Ripped Her Stinky When She Gave Birth To You,

Gotta question for IBBB? Email it. Or don't. Either way, I'm not losing sleep over this.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hahahaha. Brilliant, love it