Monday, June 30, 2008
~ What Tennis Douche Hates Anna Kournikova? ~ AgentBedHead
~ Gossip Girl Sideboob Friends ~ DSF
~ Check Out An Olsen on Letterman ~ Websters
~ Celebrities in 1993! ~ CS
~ American Idol Ghosts of the Past ~ DListed
~ The Real Housewives of Atlanta ~ POTP
~ Holy Shoulderpads Batman! ~ Ayyyy
~ Angelina Jolie Has Been Spotted ~ Yeeeah
~ A Kardashian Birthday ~ IDWYL
~ Where is Amy Winehouse Today? ~ PopBytes
~ Samantha Rotten is a Blogger Now Too ~ Bricks
~ So is Jennifer Garner On or Off the Market? ~ Fatback
~ Kanye is Pissy Again ~ NinjaDude
~ What's the Deal with Rob Lowe's Nanny? ~ Celebitchy
In other Britney news, it's also that time of year when the "Britney Spears may perform at the MTV VMA's" rumors go into first gear. The President of MTV states that they're not ruling anything out and that everyone deserves a second and third chance. I think it would be more fun watching Jamie Lynn Spears and Britney Spears taking care of their kids for 3 minutes 50 seconds live on stage. I'd like to see that instead. I'll write a letter.
Britney is pictured above over the weekend crying.....again. Maybe it's because her hair still looks like there's a family of chipmunks living in it or perhaps it's because her shorts look like the backdrop of the opening credits of the TV show "In Living Color." Or maybe, just maybe, the bra that she actually remembered to put on this time is cutting into her rack attack. The possibilities are endless.
I love attention whores. I also love whores. What a delightful combination those two make. Christina Aguioejrelslklajfoewjwla likes to lead a low-key life so she figured her best bet to get a quiet bite to eat was to head out to his hidden gem of a restaurant called The Ivy. The Ivy. Have you heard of it? Probably not. Most people haven't. Somehow the paparazzi just happened to be there and were ready to attack her for a photo and possibly even her lobster risotto in a doggie bag.
I know you guys are rolling your eyes and dotting your t's, but I still love me some Kristin Cavallari. Sure her voice is annoying, but have you ever heard my Boston accent? It's a match made in heaven and by "heaven" I really mean "jail." Kristin Cavallari was taking her best put at a random celebrity gold tournament in Miami, Florida just the other day. Finally, golf is watchable. I like the fact that she's wearing high heeled skank shoes whilst on the course and a dress short enough that she could have easy access to one of those little mini-golf pencils, should she choose to store one up there. I think it's efficient.
Friday, June 27, 2008
- brody breaks bathroom stall promise (he totally did, liar.)
- freckles and tanning (too late dina/lindsay)
- what sluts wear (slutty clothes)
- woman who dug up her dead boyfriend to drink the beer that was burried with him (she sounds like my kind of gal!)
- does a green porch light mean drug use (no it means the lady has been dead since christmas)
- don't you want to see these clothes on me (no, heidi, we don't)
- dump in her pants (doris?)
- "how to send hate mail" and not get caught (let me know what you find)
- "i look a bit like sarah jessica parker" (ouch! man hands and all?)
- "looking right at the camera" cock mouth (pervs)
- african american girl nurses rinse poop in dirty underwear in hospital public patients toilets (wait, what??)
- audrina's beaver teeth (that's like two birds with one stone)
- bette midler diet plan (non-existent)
- check out the hook while my (dj revolves it)
- comeback sayings about whores and skanks (you've arrived at the right place)
- dakota fanning wet the bed (chris hanson is here to see you)
- did the celts perform circumsisions (only on the Lakers)
- don't live in a house with bird droppings all over the walls (yeah, don't)
Michael Lohan is a wicked good speller. Now look, I definitely have more words spelled incorrectly on this blog than spelled correctly, but at least I know how to spell the names of the people in my family. By now you've seen Michael Lohan's press release where he spells his own daughters name incorrectly:
"I look forward to order being restored to the chaos that our family life has become. Lyndsay, Michael, Ali and Cody need stability and both of their parents in their lives. I am anxious to spend time with them and end this cruel, needless separation."
Old news, right? Sure. However, IBBB has got another letter written by Michael Lohan to Lindsay. Let's see how he did...
Ohhh not bad. He got some of them right. Insert applause here ________
Thursday, June 26, 2008
~ The Paparazzi Surfer War of Words ~ AgentBedHead
~ Mini Driver is Bikini Ready ~ DSF
~ Matt Damon is Bikini Ready ~ Websters
~ Kurkova is Not Fat and, Yes, CelebritySmack, I Would ~ CelebritySmack
~ NYC Celebrities Help You With Stuff ~ PopBytes
~ Miss Universe is a Christmas Peacock ~ Ayyyy
~ Who Didn't Kathy Griffin Bang? ~ POTP
~ Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx Seems Breezy ~ IDWYL
~ Is Zoe Kravitz in a Play? ~ NinjaDude
Audrina, her teeth, and her rack were all out shopping yesterday at DDCLAB in LA. There's not really much to talk about with Audrina, but I'm wondering if Tori Spelling is wondering who stole her 90's boobs?
Source It Up!
I've been hitting the Olsen lottery lately! An indistinguishable Olsen was at The Cinema Society and Sony Cierge Host a Screening of "The Wackness" the other night. Who cares, right? Exactly. Except this is one of the best Mary-Michelle-Ashely-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen sightings of ALL time, for me, because this Olsen is dressed all Japanese and stuff AND it reminds me of that one Full House episode when Michelle calls Japan and just says "Moshi Moshi dude!" That was a defining moment in your life too...like it was in mine, right? Right??
Oh wait, there's one stipulation I guess. I must be a child living in Iraq. Ugh. I knew I should have moved once they took Laguna Beach off the air. The Jolie-Pitt Foundation will give $500K to Iraqi kids and $500K to American kids who lost a parent while fighting in Iraq or just have a parent who is currently in Iraq. If I ship my dad off for a "vacation" to Iraq does that count? I'm just kidding, dad, there is no vacation planned for you.
Source It Up!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
~ Axl Rose and the FBI Will Hunt You Down! ~ AgentBedHead
~ Robert Downey's Kid Mimics Him ~ Websters
~ Yay! A Britney Stalker That Isn't Me! ~ DSF
~ Motley Crue Alive and Well ~ CS
~ Amy Winehouse Hearts Drugs ~ FatBack
~ Gwen Stefani is HUGE ~ PopBytes
~ Brooke Hogan Uses Her Words ~ POTP
~ Meet Elvis' Granddaughter ~ IDWYL
~ Name That Celebrity Thong! ~ NinjaDude
~ Anne Hathaway's Ex-Boyfriend is a Stand Up Guy ~ Yeeeah
Britney, Dressed Like Camp Counselor, Gets Granted Overnights With Kids "What's His Face" and 'The Other One."
Beverly Hills what a thrill, Beverly Hills! It's cookie time, it's cookie time! Britney Spears, dressed like a camp counselor, was allegedly granted overnight visits with her two kids, "What's His Face" and "The Other One" while in court with K Fed yesterday. Is Britney allowed overnights with herself yet? I thought she was being watched like an old Italian lady with a big purse in a deli? Anyway, after the good news came from the court Britney went for a little celebratory shopping at Fred Segal and was, to no surprise, hounded by the paparazzi.
"Day 21...yes I want some wine. Bordeaux 82. Just one glass at sunset, almost broke down and had a glass. I didn't, mostly because of my commitment to fellow VCTers. Tomorrow Scarlet...tomorrow is another day. That's my mantra for now. This has been exactly what we intended: enlightening. I will forever be a more cautious and conscious eater. That's my commitment for now. To stay awakened. "
Yowza. That's almost word for word what the drunken homeless dude I walk by on my way to work said to me this morning. What in the holy hell is Oprah talking about? Why do I feel that all of a sudden at the Oprah compound she is reenacting that Bugs Bunny episode when those two guys are shipwrecked and keep looking at each other like they're a pork chop and hot dog? And you know Gayle is the hot dog. You just know it.
Oh well, hopefully Oprah sticks to her detox plan and goes completely insane. At least her show will be watchable then.
Source: Oprah's Blooooooooog!
Product # 1 - Trying to get a snapshot of your ugly family, but are afraid to ask someone to take your picture in fear that they'll steal that $19.99 camera you bought for your trip to the beach in, apparently, the winter? What a beautiful setting for a family photo. Now is that technically swamplands behind them? And why the hell is the dad in short sleeves, the mom about 10 buttons undone, and the kid in a full white wool sweater and matching hat? I'm calling DSS. Oh, and real nice job protecting your daughter's (??) eyes from the sun. The poor kid is practically blind in one eye and you both have your '80's shades on. Good parenting. Why not just light matches in her eyes? So, the picture is finally taken and it doesn't match up with how they're posing at all. In fact, I don't even think that's the same kid. Looks like they're trying to pull the old "Olsen Switcheroo" on us. The kids face looks more in pain in the "after" than the "before." Hopefully he/she is taking the cutest little dump on mommy's arm.
Product # 2 - Oh please it's hardly emergency when you can't open the pickle jar. What an inconvenience this lady is. From the looks of her I'm sure she pushed all her family and friends away from her which is why she's alone. Now she's forced to bother the poor people who answer the "phone" at Life Alert. Hopefully this bitch is getting a busy signal when she presses the button. Ugh. She doesn't even look hurt. She looks like she's ready to complain that her morning paper was delivered at 9:02 instead of 9:00 like it has been for the past 214 yrs. Here are some "issues" I'm sure she's bothering these people with:
- I've been sitting with shit in my pants since Monday. Can you send someone?
- I'm sorry, what? What? Come again?
- No, you called me. No, you just called me. Pretty bird, pretty bird.
- ..and then I said to Christopher, "No, I'm driving the Nina, you go in either the Pinta or the Santa Maria."
- I smell burnt toast and just fell off my chair. Is this problematic?
- What's that noise is?
- If you won't bring back The Honeymooners let me talk to your supervisor.
- No, you called me.
- How short is too short for a ladies haircut?
- What time are my stories on?
- Would you like a hard candy?
- My boobs are caught in my belt, can you send someone?
- No, you called me.
Product # 3 - Oh this bitch again? Didn't we just see her baking brownies with that same smug look on her face a few weeks ago? How old is too old to give your kid up for adoption? Because the first time I see my kid make that little bitch face I'm packing up all her shit immediately which probably will only consist of that lollipop, a barbie doll, and birth control pills (I want to make sure she never reproduces). I'll also be sending Grandma for a little "dirt nap." Grandma is totally to blame for this little bitch probably taking the morning after pill like it's tic-tacs. Sidenote, I'm craving those orange tic-tacs now. Anyway, back to this skank. Do all little bitches suck lollipops? Well I guess we should just be glad she's only sucking on a lollipop. It starts with this and next thing you know she's signing up for "Amature Night Monday's" and doing $2 dollar sucky sucky on Tuesday's and Thursday's for a little pocket money to support her weekend meth addiction. Just a guess. Anyway, if this bitch was my kid she'd be punished until she was at least 18, assuming the adoption agency gave her back since she'll be such a terror there no one will want her. I can't wait to have kids!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Oh wait, I'm sorry, what? I think, I think this was sent to me as Heidi Montard's new song, but I pressed play and listened to it and I'm pretty certain that Mother Mary and all the angels and saints are singing this song. Just when I thought Heidi couldn't technically get any worse she fell through the shit floor, fell into a bunch of shit, busted through that shit, and then picked up that shit, ate some of that shit, flossed her teeth with that shit, garggled with that shit, and then sang this song. Clearly, this is the highlight of my week.
Heidi's new song, "Fashion" sounds similar to that beautiful and talented singer "Shauna" who sang "Never Gonna Be, the Same Again" from the movie Teen Witch. Still with me? Anyway, just when I'm like what in the holy hell is Heidi singing I think she started going all Chinese or some shit. Is that French? Yuck.
Now keep in mind that according to Us Weekly, Heidi said about the song "It's the greatest song of my life." It really is. I'm thinking they should start up the Olympic games with this song....or at least the Special Olympics with it. Yeah, I went there.
I'm really looking forward to the music video. My money is on it being Heidi singing in the petite department at Sears while Specer tapes it with his cell phone. Yes/No?
Oh well. It's never gonna be, the same again. It's never gonna be (never gonna be) the same again.
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Monday, June 23, 2008
~ A Tom Cruise/Will Smith Sword Fight? ~ AgentBedHead
~A Kardashian Makeunder? ~ Websters
~ Why Does Dax Sheppard Keep Getting Girls? ~ DSF
~ Pam Anderson Not Looking So Easy or Breezy. Well, Sorta Easy ~ CS
~ What Disease Does Winehouse Have Now? ~ PopBytes
~ Tyra. More Pics of Tyra. Tyra. ~ Ayyyy
~ Jessica Alba Post Knocked Up ~ IDWYL
~ 50 Cent Baby Mama Drama ~ POTP
~ Marisa Miller Just Because ~ FatBack
~ Rod Stewart Gets a Little ~ Yeeeah
~ Old School Hayden Pics ~ NinjaDude
Heidi Montard, who apparently is taking hairstyling tips from Dina Lohan, was not only showing her support (and horselike features) at the Boost Mobile Rock Corps concert at the Gibson Amphitheatre in CA the other night, but she also really showed her talent while on stage with 30 Rock's Tracy Morgan. What a match made in heaven and by "heaven" I mean "hell." It's Opposites Day here at IBBB!
I don't know why Lindsay No Pants will never listen to me. She's always about 2 inches from Freddie Krueger and just doesn't seem to care that she's about to get slashed at a moments notice. Anyway, Samantha Rotten and Lindsay No Pants were reunited over the weekend after Lindsay was busy filming more scenes from her upcoming film "Labor Pains" which I hope they change to "Growing Pains" and just hire the actors from the show Growing Pains and call it a day Moving on.
What a great way to start my Monday! I'm not sure how old these are, but here are some killer photos of an indistinguishable Olsen from someones party that Nicole Richie and Joel Madden also attended. Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen had on a traditional Winehouse headpiece that I believe is native to the land called "England." The Olsen in question took a crack at the pinata, sipped on some Amstel Light, kept a cigarette in her mouth, and borderline dry-humped a little defenseless dog. With ripped nylons and an oversized flannel shirt to boot, this was an Olsen party that would rival Michelle Tanner's 5th birthday when DJ, Stephanie, Uncle Joey and crew dressed up like the Flintstones. I am a little disappointed I wasn't invited. I mean, I like Amstel Light and Olsen's. And, I'd even love that dog for the night and by "love that dog" I really mean "would make intercourse with it until the collar popped off" if that would get me any closer to an Olsen fiesta.