Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The City Recap: Bangs, Hats, and the Kiss Heard Around the World


















Today, my dear Americans, there is change in the air. No, I'm not talking about the inauguration of Obama as President. I am, of course, talking about a the addition of "Allie" into the cast of The City. Hopefully she's only making a cameo because, after watching this crapisode, I may have to stop watching if she becomes a regular. Trust me, she ain't no Heather Locklear arriving to save an ailing Melrose Place.


Here's what slowly went down last night on The City:
  • We get to meet Adam's girlfriend, Allie, whilst the troop is out at another restaurant/bar in NYC that is, yet again, candlelit. Stop trying to pull the wool over my loser eyes. Not every bar is lit up like that. The camera crew and producers totally have a dufflebag filled with Glade candles that they set up for each scene. I bet the whole place smells like nasty cinnamon apple pies. Anycrap, Allie is a model. I think. She looks like the low budget version of Mila Kunis. Oh, and she looks sleepy...like her eyes are about to shut at any moment. Kinda like mine are about to shut from watching this.

  • Olivia and her d-bag cousin, Nevan, are visiting an art gallery and talking about him being a tool-bag-low-life-booze-hound-rent-paid-by-his-parents-fast-talking-loser. At least I think they're talking about that. I'm basically just watching Olivia and tuning out of the conversation. From what I can gather, Nevan's family has stopped paying his rent because he's not working and Olivia seems to think he'll get his rent paid for again if he gets a job. I tell ya, if this dude suddenly sprouted Santa pubes on his face I'd be convinced he was Spencer.

  • It's boy's night out and Ozzy Bobby, Adam, and other randoms head out to a club in Chelsea to drink their faces off and talk to Whitney's "friends" that happen to be there. I'm confused. There are too many people in this show. Whatever happened to the good old days on The Hills when it was just like 5 people on the show and they only talked to each other?

  • Whitney's "friends" go over to talk to Ozzy Bobby and d-bag Adam. That one chick, Catarina, looks like she's in heat and yells out to Adam, "Let's have fun!" That's code word for.....actually that's not code word. She's ready to ride. P.S that "club" looks like an epileptic nightmare.

  • Holy hell! Are Whitney and Erin wearing a costume to breakfast the next morning? Maybe they think they're in a play. Erin has on Audrina's old blue beret hat from last season and white sunglasses that went out of style about 2 years ago. However, my favorite is the thing around Whitney's head. It looks like a gray knitted garter belt that Carnie Wilson used to wear around her leg. Perhaps Whitney bought it at a Carnie Wilson yardsale? We learn that Catarina, the pig in heat, made out with d-bag Adam. Boring. Plus, who cares.

  • Like a game of horrific "telephone" that you used to play in the 2nd grade....Sam tells Whitney that Catarina made-out with Adam. Whitney tells Ozzy Bobby this information whilst sitting on a bench in the park. Ozzy Bobby tells Adam this as he sips on red wine (manly). I'm surprised by the time Ozzy Bobby told Adam he didn't end up with, "Whitney told me that you f'd a cat in the club last night. Meow."

  • What does Adam do for work? He picks up Sleepy-Time-Allie from JFK in a Range Rover. And, someone emailed me telling me that he owns a bar? And he also models? Wait. Am I jealous of Adam? Wait a second. I think I am. Maybe that's why I call him a d-bag? Nah, he does seem douchey, but I totally want his car. Perhaps he'll give me free drinks at the bar he owns? Doubtful.

  • Anyway, Adam tells Sleepy-Time-Allie about the "rumor" of him making out with some chick whilst she was out of town "modeling." She wonders what type of girl would make up something like that. I wonder how Sleepy-Time-Allie is a paid model. Also, I don't know what to think about the rumor. On one hand that chick, Catarina, did look like she was in heat. On the other hand....I actually don't care.

  • Back to my love, my life, Olvia. Apparently Nevan will be crashing with her. Who cares. Olivia sets some ground rules for Nevan which includes, "No chicks ever wearing Olivia's clothes" and "No chicks in the apartment." Seriously, what girl is going over to Olivia's apartment and putting on her clothes? Maybe they should install a webcam so we can see that?

  • Finally, this crap is almost over. Whitney, Sam, The Bangs Monster, and Sleepy-Time-Allie head out to a 14 second brunch to confront Sleepy-Time about "the party" the night before when Adam allegedly kissed Catarina-in-Heat. This is the worst. All of it. Who cares?

  • Sleepy-Time calls up Adam, who walks over to the restaurant with a golf-umbrella, to "talk" about the 8 in the morning party. Sleepy-Time starts to cry and I'm wondering if she can drowned from this. What is the tears back up into her sleepy eyes? Adam wants to give Sleepy-Time the world so she doesn't cry. What does that even mean? Is the world for sale? Is it? How much? If the world is for sale, where are the receipts?

  • The end.

Yowza folks, this was a rough one. I think I learned, however, that this series is basically about bangs and strange hats. They could technically change the name of the show from The City to "Bangs and Hats." Next week on Bangs and Hats....

If you like this recap, maybe you'll like my The Hills Recap or all things Kelly Cutrone like her new show Kell on Earth. Or for ever more brain rot check out all things Snooki from Jersey Shore and the rest of the d-bag gang with my Jersey Shore Recap. From Snooki punched to Harriet Carter product reviews and all other things celebrity gossip related, IBBB is your one stop shop to rot your brain. You're welcome!

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

it definitely needs more cowbell....

Shannon said...

I agree there are too many people on this show and some of the cast needs to go!

Did you see the clip for next week with Kelly Cutrone? Awesome!

The Waspy Redhead said...

I don't understand your dislike for the city. It is clearly superior to the hills. Please find it in your heart to love the city... your recaps are suffering and so are we because you deny us your brilliance.

Anonymous said...

WHOOOOOOOOOO THE F**************************************K ARE THESE PEOPLE ON THE SHOW?
No, seriously???? WHO CARES ABOUT ALLIE AND....WHATEVER THEIR NAMES ARE?????
Please, more Olivia and Withney.

Anonymous said...

this is the most boring show ever, but i do enjoy your recaps. i read somewhere that olivia's cousin nevin got in trouble in florida last year for picking up a prostitute that was actually an undercover cop. It's on that one website, I can't think of the name that has all the legal stuff and tour riders of celebrities (not that he is a celebrity per se)

Anonymous said...

Here's the story on Nevan (loser): http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0108091thecity1.html

Anonymous said...

that episode was so boring.
We laughed at that horrific thing on Whitney's head. It such a waste of time episode. Who cares about Adam and Allie. None of these people have real jobs and all they do is eat out and party.
I cannot believe Allie is a real model - she does not look tall enough. Anyway, I will still watch it and next weeks episode looks a little more interesting.

Anonymous said...

Allie looks like a rip-off of supermodel Lisa Cant... Seriously, look: http://images.google.ca/images?um=1&hl=en&q=lisa+cant&btnG=Search+Images

Anonymous said...

allie looks scary to me. i how adam finds her attractive :/

Jessica said...

Ohhh WOW look at this:

http://adam-senn.com/

Anonymous said...

I love the City!! Drama Drama! I like all the characters so far! All of them! And I like your recap toooo...Adam is HOT! This show is so much better than the Hills! (And I think your secretly like it!!)

Anonymous said...

Wow! For the people that actually enjoy The City it must not take much to entertain you. This show is so boring and lame The Hills is much better. Whitney and this cast is the most uninteresting people ever. Please MTV no season 2 of this crap. I'm begging you.

Anonymous said...

Please tell me you watch Tool Academy on VH1....PLEASE PLEASE RECAP IT! YOU ARE MISSING OUT!!!

Anonymous said...

Please tell me you watch Tool Academy on VH1....PLEASE PLEASE RECAP IT! YOU ARE MISSING OUT!!!

Anonymous said...

This show is so Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I can't even enjoy your recaps. I can't wait for the hills to return.

Anonymous said...

Tool academy, rock of love, real chance at love even momma's boys is more interesting than THE CITY.

Anonymous said...

maybe u should stop blogging this show. the recaps are just not as funny as they used to be... almost as boring as the show.

remember the real housewives of atl recaps? those were priceless.

melissa said...

I Love the City!! More More More!! The Hills is ZZZZZZZZZZZZ just look and smile at each other...

robyn said...

the city is boring and annoying but reading your recaps make it worthwhile! haha. i thought maybe whitney got into a car accident or something becuz at first glance her hat thing looked like a huge piece of gauze wrapped around her head! lol. i do agree olivia is gorgeous, but wtf was she talking about when she said "no girls over" to nevan, and "no girls trying on her clothes" i think she meant to say no BOYS, cuz that nevan loser seems very gay to me! i want adam's car hot range rover sport too. ugh that douche. allie looks like an alien, cant wait for next episode when kelly CUNTrone makes an appearance and tells alien girl she is too skinny haha. the city is a bore, but IBBB thank u for your witty humor:)

Anonymous said...

Melissa is nuts The city sucks sorry but it does. I can't watch it not even for your recaps the next day. I will be here every tuesday when "THE HILLS" returns in march or whenever.

IBBB said...

Oh well. Peace out Hollywood. See you in March!

-IBBB

DK said...

A semi intesrting fact that no one else seems to have commented on - Ozzy Bobby is Miranda Kerr's ex... Step up or step down?

Anonymous said...

How about doing some Bad Girls Club recaps now that's a show!.

Carrie said...

Well it sucks that IBBB is out,but I could tell his heart wasn't in it. And for all you whackos that were expecting some kind of drama miracle on The City,let me remind you that the first season of The Hills sucked major ass until it found its rhythm. I like the show and find it a nice distraction until The Hills starts again.

Laura Lee said...

I dont think IBBB is out...I think he was saying peace out to the poster. Heres a video of Allie I found of that diesel thing they were talking about. Shes gorgeous. I love The City. Cant wait for more. I want drama for Olivia.
www.diesel.com

IBBB said...

Oh kids I'm not going ANYWHERE! You think a couple of people who hate my City recaps is going to hold me back? I actually liked my recap. I'm standing by it.

-IBBB

carrie johnson fireboo said...

what if wthiney freaks out when she realizes that her show isn't going so well.. maybe she'll do a heidi and try to buy her self some status.
looking forward to see kelly again, she is way cooler than dvf.
good luck with the facelift!!

Amy said...

Your recap is fantastic.

Farah said...

Love your recaps; fuck what anybody heard...Why the fuck does Allie scare the living juice out of me? How does Adam sleep next to her? He better watch his behind, because she looks like she can eat human flesh.

Lizzie said...

Lets take a vote: is Allie a coke head or anorexic...or both?

I vote that she swims in snow daily hence her glazed over look and creepy eye lids...

yea and i have NO CLUE what adam sees in her

Carrie said...

Okay...good! I didn't understand (because I'm half a retard) that IBBB is not quitting! I'm glad because I really need his 'City' recaps to keep me awake on Tuesdays when I am sitting at my desk pretending to work. See ya next week IBBB...

Mindy said...

I hate the City and the only reason i watch it is t make fun of them and more importantly read your recaps. Your recaps are great!! I was hoping that you spoke about how much a retard sleepy face Allie is for believing Adam in the first place. He was obviously lying. Watch the scene in the Range Rover again, it's so awkward! But keep bringing the hilarious recaps!

Anonymous said...

i watch the city only to read your recaps afterwards. makes it worthwhile. the difference between the level of fakeness on the city and the hills is that on the hills the characters friendship seems somewhat real.
on the city i get the feeling that noone of them acutally spend time wif eachother after the filming is over. the interacting is so fake smelling. one can totally imagine the mtv directors desperatly yelling out instructions...the only slightly interesting conversations is between olivia and her cousin. give them more time on the show

Anonymous said...

IBBB,

I don't get the infatuation with Olivia. She's a revolting combination of pretentious and boring all at once. Yeah, she's got nice features, but good lord, could you actually handle being around her for more than an hour?

Well, maybe if she just kept her mouth shut while you did your hideous chud thing to her... once, and then promptly did the walk of shame.

Victor said...

I guess you never saw the deleted scenes from The Hills season 2, but DUDE you should have, like 15 times already. Heidi asks the question we've been waiting for 5 seasons, she doesn't know how to put gaz and she's like "I am retarted".

Corey said...

Good news IBBB...'Bangs and Hats' has been renewed. http://www.thrfeed.com/2009/01/mtv-renews-city-girls-orders-teen-cribs.html

That's right,bitches...'The City' ain't going nowhere...