Tuesday, January 06, 2009

The City Recap: Whitney Goes Apartment HuntinK!

Check Out IBBB's Update The City Recap Here!
Before we even get into the "lack of episode" that took place last night on The City, let's discus the opening credits. First, is it normal that as soon as I hear that cow bell during the opening my stomach starts to turn? Sometimes there's more excitement during the opening credits than there's in the entire show. But I digress. Second, I still admit that I love Olivia Palermo. However, how come it looks like she's ready to fight me during her opening credits scene? She kinda squints her eyes and shakes her head "no." Perhaps she's trying to push one out. One can't be sure.


  • In this crapisode we get to see Erin "The Bangs Monster" and her new long distance boyfriend. He's from a country called "Canada." Very international. The conversation between The Bangs Monster, Whitney, and the long distance boyfriend is so painful that I actually considered changing the channel to watch a "Where are They Now" episode of Intervention on A&E. I decided to TIVO that instead. At one point they're talking about watching the Titanic or the Sound of Music and Whitney just cuts them off to tell them she's peacing out. I wish I was on the Titanic right now.

  • Does Erin kinda also look like HOlly Montag, but with brown hair and bangs? She's a perfect mix between Holly Montag and that chick, Kimberly, that works with Heidi at Bolthouse. Maybe they're the same person? They probably are. Times are tough and they can't afford to pay all these different people. It's the whole "Michelle Tanner/Mary-Kate/Ashley Olsen" strategy.

  • Why does Olivia always look pissed off no matter what Whitney says. I'm sure it's a glitch in the editing machine. I mean, Whitney's phone rings and Olivia looks down. Whitney starts to answer a question that Olivia asks and Olivia just looks away. She has what I like to call "4 second eye contact" in which she can only look at you for a maximum of 4 seconds and then needs to look away.

  • Ozzy Bobby finds Whitney an apartment. Ok, let me just set the record straight for all of you out there watching The City and thinking that the apartments that Olivia, Whitney, and Erin have are what the apartments in NYC are like. They're not. First off, you wouldn't be able to even film in my apartment because it couldn't hold me, my friends, and the entire camera crew. Plus there would be no where to sit because I can only have an oversized love-seat....not a full couch....OR...two full couches like Whitney has. If I had to guess at what the rent is for Whitney, in a one-bedroom in Gramercy, on the 30th floor with unobstructed views, and a balcony....I would guess around $3,500-5,000 per month. Who's with me? I couldn't even guess how much Olivia's apartment in Tribeca costs. Perhaps she'll invite me over and I'll ask her. Stay tuned.

  • As this episode of nothingness continues we get to see The Bangs Monster and her long distance boyfriend head out for drinks and basically talk about how much they love each other after dating for 2 weeks. Kill me. Although, it does look like he's about to jump her and do sex to her right there at the bar. Of course, they cut that part short. I wonder what Audrina is up to? I mean, I'm sure she's brushing her teeth in a bikini on the set of a photoshoot for Maxim, but I wonder what else she's doing?

  • Ozzy Bobby and Erin help Whitney move in to her new apartment and by "help" I really mean "stand around and talk about saying 'I love you' to each other after only dating for 2 weeks." This freaks Whitney out and, well, that's about all.

  • We learn, from Olivia's cousin, that if you spit in the subway you get a $100 ticket from the cops. What about the homeless dude that I saw peeing and then puking on the platform? How much does a ticket like that run?

  • Finally this crap is over and I can go on with my life...which consists of watching that Intervention episode that I just TIVO'd. Whitney and Ozzy Bobby are out for faux-dinner and talk about the labels of being boyfriend and girlfriend. Jesus. Between Ozzy Bobby's accent and Whitney's speech impediment, you'd think they would have sub-titles during this conversation.

  • Ozzy Bobby gives Whitney the old "I'm prioritizing my career" speech and Whitney wants to be a priority in Ozzy Bobby's life. Really? Why?

  • I'm not really sure if anything was solved during this conversation, but then they played "If I Were a Boy" by Beyonce, so I'm guessing that Whitney doesn't want to be treated like that from Ozzy Bobby. Seriously, if they didn't have music in each episode I honestly don't think I'd know what was going on during the show.

Ok, so what did you guys think of this crap? I don't know if I have it in me to recap each episode this season. This show is kind of "bathroom break" material....meaning that during The Hills when they would show this stuff, I would go to the bathroom. Was that not clear?


If you like this recap, maybe you'll like my The Hills Recap or all things Kelly Cutrone like her new show Kell on Earth. Or for ever more brain rot check out all things Snooki from Jersey Shore and the rest of the d-bag gang with my Jersey Shore Recap. From Snooki punched to Harriet Carter product reviews and all other things celebrity gossip related, IBBB is your one stop shop to rot your brain. You're welcome!

36 comments:

fish face said...

This show is terrible and Olivia is an awful human being. You can tell she sucks at life and surrounds herself with douchbags that hang on her every word.

shannon said...

I think Whitney is much prettier in this show. The rest of the cast sucks.

JDizzle said...

Awe come on, if you didn't recap it than how would we all know what is going on in Whitney's life?! You don't expect us to watch the show ourselves right? :)

Jessica said...

"I'd rather be on the Titanic" Love it!

Ashley said...

Just be thankful you're not recapping Bromance also

Maligirl said...

You have to recap it!!!! I look forward to your comments way more then these actual shows. You writing is just hysterical!

Anonymous said...

Please keep recapping it. Tuesday mornings would not be the same without your recaps.

Also, for some reason I find it annoying that Jay and his roomate are considered the cast on the opening credits. That means that Jay is forever attached to this damn show and he will never go away on it...he annoys me.

Does anyone find Whitney painfully awkward and lacking in the social skills department?

Anonymous said...

You recap the SHITTT out of this show a little better than other shows. I think it's b/c you live in NY and aren't fooled by the way that they make it seem.

Olivia (your future wife) is delusionallllll! She tells her spitting cousin how Whitney came to her for advice on what neighborhood to live in, and how Whit ducked out of work early and bla bla bla. Ummmmmmm the editing machine made things lQQk a whole lot diff; like she offered to help Whit her figure out her living situation & she told her to go, right then & there to look at the apt w/ Jay etc...All whilst Olivia wore her hair THE SAMMMMME EXACCCCTTTT WAYYYYY w/ the $1.99 CVS hair clips! What I'd give to see that hair styled a diff way! blaaaaa

Lastly, "Daddy's Girls?!" a.k.a. "The African American Version of The Hills." Donde esta that recap?!??!????? At least think about it pleasssse <3

Anonymous said...

This show sucks ass.

Anonymous said...

I really think it is time for Olivia and Whitney to find a new hairstlyle! The twisted up peieces of hair clipped back in toy clips is getting OLD!

Marita said...

I LOVE OLIVIA....sorry but i do...and i also love megan from charm school/rock of love...so that can tell you what kinda sadistic person i am...hehe...i really want to believe this show is real...there is no way whitney could have acted that look of disappointment on her face when ozzy bobby basiclly told her "i dont want to be only with you but im going to say whatever you want me to so i can keep putting my sausage in your whooohaaa"

Anonymous said...

Does anyone else also think that Olivia looks like a younger prettier Julia Roberts?

Lauren said...

I never realized how annoying and boring Whintey was until this show. I think I might stop watching and just reading your recaps!
And yes, Whitney and Olivia really need to stop wearing those ridiculous hairstyles. Kelly Cuntrone would never put up with it, why does Alixe?!?!?

Anonymous said...

I love megan from charm school wish they would kick boring ass whitney off the city and replace her with megan! Now that be a interesting show.

Kasey said...

IBBB you are definitely right about the cost range of whitney's apartment... apparently mtv's not feeling the horrific economy right now. And what the hell, Olivia lives in Tribeca? I thought the show was trying to start all this whole uptown downtown rivalry and Olivia lived on the UES or something.

Anonymous said...

Seriously--I noticed that Olivia's story to spit boy was way different than the take they showed on TV. She totally offered to help Whitney and Whitney DENIED her.
I love you after two weeks? Are they in high school??

Anonymous said...

quick!!! if you go to mtv.com, on thr main page there is a screen shot from bromance that is blog priceless........

miss p

Kristin said...

This is hilarious... I'm so glad I googled "Whitney's apartment on the city" and found your blog. I was curious about the rent and you confirmed my suspicions. Please continue watching The City and blogging about it so that I have something to look forward to after work on Tuesdays.

Anonymous said...

I agree with everyone else. The highlight of watching the show is to read your recaps! I don't think I could stomach it if you didn't recap it anymore.

Anonymous said...

First of all, let me just say:

YOU ARE AMAZING!

Loll, now that I got that out of my system, I love your recaps on this joke of a show, and is it me or does Whitney have really...weird legs? She seems like a nice girl, but looks awkward most of the time...

I miss Lauren and Heidi...

Leslie said...

Lastly, "Daddy's Girls?!" a.k.a. "The African American Version of The Hills." Donde esta that recap?!??!????? At least think about it pleasssse <3

^Ok seriously are the Vanessa and Angela living in the same apartment/set that Lauren and Oddrina lived? I swear they just painted it red...hahaha


Love the recaps! Please keep them up...

Carrie said...

IBBB

First of all...you are cute and have the cutest legs I've ever seen.

Second...don't ever stop recapping 'The City'. Please. Please. Please. Don't stop. You are the only one that can make it make sense to me. I look forward to Tuesday because of you. And did I mention your sexy legs?

It is a horrible show,but you must embrace your fans with recaps. If you don't...then you are no better than Failure Model Chick. That's right I said it.I went there. Now,stop the no recapping nonsense.

carrie johnson fireboo said...

I hope lil'kim will find a new boyfriend soon, a black one.
well let us no if you wont recap this shit, so we wont waste our time on watching.
great job as always. ciao!

btw how about a "What are they doing now- Laguna Beach-cast"

JVee said...

I'm still pushing for the idea of the segment "Fun with IBBB's Blog Comments", take it or I might run with it.

Oh and yes, please keep re-capping this piece of crap, since you're the only reason I watch in the first place. Oh and I meant it like that...

Would you shit if you caught a glimpse of Ramona running around in the background during an episode of the The City....I think that would really make it. But now I'm just rambling..so peace.

K.Vo said...

you HAVE to keep recapping this. if you don't, then the terrorists have won.

Leslie said...

I think a "Where are they Now?" Laguna style would be awesome. I can already tell you that Kendra, from Season 3(the shittiest one), models for Lynne's (from RHofOC)website. She makes these fugly cuffs which are supposed to look like bracelets, but they really look like no snap-cuffs from the 80's!!!

Linda said...

okay so this episode accomplished absolutely nothing except Whitney buys furniture to put into the set of her apartment MTV wants us to believe she lives in HA HA i mean seriously, but for some reason i just cant gget enough of this show and your recaps to snap me back into reality tuesday mornings lol
still cant stand Olivia and i think she needs to take the stick out of her ass.
i love erin and her new boy toy. Who knows maybe love can happen after two weeks and thousands of miles of seperation lol.....Whitney just needs to leave that character she's with and find herself someone warm and cuddly like her.

Anonymous said...

I hate how Olivia acts all annoyed Whitney doesn't do what she says - I tooold her to blahblhablah....shut up Olivia you're better off just strutting around and looking pretty.

Anonymous said...

us canadians will give toronto to you, that is if you are willing to take our trash

Taylor said...

I don't get why Ozzy Bobby's roomate gets a spot on the opening credits. He's been on the show for a mere 2 minutes this season. They give him a spot but they don't give Alex H from Laguna a spot on those opening credits? Bullshit.

Bernardo said...

Am I the only one that thinks oliva's cousin is a queer for sure? he's so gay.

Anonymous said...

The Bang's Monster? You are freakin' hilarious with these nicknames you keep coming up with, lol! But seriously don't EVER stop recapping this show. It really makes my day...

Katie said...

Thanks for clearing up the cost of the apartment thing . . . I'm from Michigan and I thought living in Manhattan was sooo expensive. How much does DVF pay her to sit around and put models clothes on and off and say her Valley Girl Yah, Oh Yah, Oh and Yah. (MTV is probably paying her rent). These people cannot converse worth nothing. Jay is a jerk. You can tell by her body language that Whitney is not so happy but Jay seems pleased (what a dork) smiling as he reads the menu. Duh! Jerk!

Brook said...

What's the deal, is Erin (Bangs Monster) some kind of 70's celebrity kid? That photo of her as a little kid with her dad...he looks like Lief Garrett or maybe David Coverdale. Thoughts?

Anonymous said...

Ozzy Bobby's accent is really getting on my nerves now and he hardly opens his mouth when he talks so it is really hard to understand him. Whitney is a very boring person but I would love to know how much she is paid to tie models shoes!
As for Dadddy's Girls - i really do like Vanessa and Angela. That apartment complex they live in looks very familiar and I am sure it was used in The Hills.

Anonymous said...

Whitney lives here: http://elektrany.com/

The rent for a 1br is $4600.