Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Janet from Intervention: The Lady of Leisure

My name is Patrick. P-A-T-R-I-C-K.

[Patrick is the writer/owner of ImBringingBloggingBack and while he agreed to create IBBB, he does not know he's about to face an intervention].

Seriously, I heart Intervention big time. One would say I am addicted to it. That "one" is actually me. Look, I don't think that the people who take part in this show are anything to laugh at. Addiction is a big deal and should not be taken lightly, under any circumstances. However, every once in a while one slips through the cracks and I catch myself sitting and watching all with a big old grin on my face. The last time this happened to me was when I saw the episode with that lady Janet, who we immediately learn references herself as "I've always been a lady of leisure." Seriously, next to "It's like I'm walking on sunshine" (from the Alison from Intervention episode), this is my next favorite Intervention quote....ever.

Janet loves her boxes of wine. She also loves her "sexy times" with dudes who live in trailers. On warm summer days, Janet enjoys sitting down in front of a broken down yellow childrens school bus that has a "Beware of Dog" sign posted on the windshield. Janet is a dream come true.

Her poor family is trying to help her, especially her little 8-year daughter who is cute enough to give any Michelle Tanner wannabe a run for their money. Had she busted out into a verse of "I'm the Cute One" I may have shat myself.

Janet's clothing style is very fashion-foward and typically consists of a bikini top with her boobs hanging out the sides, a lot of "Mardi Gras" beads and her sunglasses on top of her curled hair.

The part where I laughed out loud was when Janet was on the phone in a broken-down car trying to get a little sex from some dude and she actually says, "I gotta get something good. I gotta get it now. You better get your Viagra and stuff it in your pocket." I may have squealed with delight when I heard that. Nothing is more sexy than that. I tell ya, if I had a dime for every time I had some chick say to me....

Oh, by the way, Janet's mother thinks that Janet is a, and I quote, "sex maniac." I'm crying. Literally, tears are rolling down my face. As her mother is saying this, they cut to Janet "booty dancing" in her bikini to a couple of fat guys sitting on wicker chairs in front of a rusty garage. Did I mention Janet is in her 50's?

I'd like to reiterate that I don't think it's funny that Janet drinks a million boxes of wine per day. I also don't think it's funny that Janet was molested (of course) when she was 6. Like I always say, as soon as they show the first baby picture on this show you know they're going to say the person was molested. None of this is funny. It's not about that. It's about the people.

Janet got very rich during her first marriage. She was married to some drug lord or something. Anyway, she took that money and bought machine guns and fur coats for her mom and sisters. It was very 80's chic. Janet's husband got arrested and they lost all their money...and fur coats. Janet met someone else.

Shortly after this we also learn that Janet has a 75-years old boyfriend who lives in a trailer. They've been dating for 4-weeks. His name is Bud. I'm actually not making any of this up. Even more random, at the end of this show, Bud is at the Intervention too.....with Janet's actual husband and kids. Brilliant.

I always get really nervous during the actual intervention part because, you know, you really want the people to get the help they clearly need, but are afraid on how they're going to react. Well, for me, Janet really broke the ice by sitting all "sexy" on top of her boyfriend Bud, who was just seats away from Janet's husband. Um, did no one who was planning this think it was a bad idea for her boyfriend to be there...you know....with her husband?

Ok, so the other thing is that the poor kids are trying to read their mom their "letters from the heart" and Janet literally keeps rolling her eyes and yelling "Oh God almighty! This is bull sh*t." At one point Bud just answers her and goes, "This isn't bull sh*t." Honestly, it's pure comedy.

Janet throws a wrench in the future "Bud/Janet" wedding (yeah, they got engaged the night before the intervention) when Janet says she wants her actual husband to tell her that he still loves her. Janet is apparently very busy juggling multiple relationships. She's very busy.

In the end, Janet goes to rehab! Score one for the interventionist.

2-months later Janet is doing great and, like almost all the other people on Intervention who go to rehab, she's dyed her hair blond. Oh, and Janet no longer dates Bud. Poor Bud.

Continued success, Janet!

P.S --> Other great quotes from this episode include:

"Im not going to rehab and I'm not going to freakin' nothin'"

"I've always been a lady of leisure for 30 freakin years, man!"

"I should've known it was entrapment!"

Like Janet from Intervention? See what some of your other friends are doing like...

Cristy from Intervention
Allison from Intervention
(the computer can huffer )
Linda from Intervention


Anonymous said...

one of the best episodes of intervention period. so comical and sad all at the same time.... like bipolar disorder.

K-Tizzle said...

God, I am so happy you love Intervention as much as I do. I wish we were best friends and could watch it together every Monday, PLUS the old episodes that always flank the new ones. And then we'd go to On Demand and watch all the episodes on there. Walking on sunshine, indeed!

Taylor said...

I just tried to find this 'OnDemand' its not there yet, but I'll be watching for it, it sounds AWESOME !

Debbie said...

I love this show. Helps me to deal with my own problems! hehehehe....hiccup....hehehehe

Mandi said...

I agree with K-Tizzle. I think if we knew each other in the real world we would be instant best friends. Between Intervention, The City, Real Housewives, and Confessions of a Teen Idol, we would be speaking in terrible TV quotes all day long. I often use "It's like I'm walking on sunshine" in my office but it's sad b/c no one knows what the hell I'm talking about.

Anonymous said...

I saw Lana last night and made my boyfriend watch it with me just so I could have someone to laugh with...Intervention almost made a liar out of me when I said wait she peobably was molested...I wasn't disappointed when it turns out she was raped and didn't know it until the cops brought her the tape of it! okay that's horrible but still...and my favorite interventions are the ones where the person is too strung out to realize it's an intervention and acts like it's a surprise party for them and they hug and greet their friends and family...

Nicki said...

This episode has to be the best yet. I'm surprised you didn't comment on the part where she was yelling at the camera people during one of the interviews to "unzip their pants." And yea, its sad, but wouldnt you maybe kick them out when they were passed out drunk, naked, and had shit all over the place with an infant running around? Hmmmm

Anonymous said...

Or how bout the part where she says "I love you too, Baby Girl" to her son who looks tramatized. I also like that the oldest son seems to think it's as easy as telling her to "have a glass of ice water when she's thinking about having a drink".

Misshell said...

My favorite part was when she cried in ultrasonic squeaks that probably had all the dogs in 4 counties pricking up their ears. And trying to talk at the same time? Hah!